Two Liners, Part 1

I heard that by law you have to turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden.
How the heck am I supposed to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

If you cry when you cut an onion, here’s a tip:
Don’t get emotionally attached.

95% of people are completely STUPID!
Luckily, I’m in the other 10%.

My body is in a disgusting, embarrassing, totally repulsive state right now.
New Jersey, I’m in New Jersey.

What do you call a person who is happy on Mondays?
Unemployed.

It’s a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub and a 30 minute walk from the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering.

Received from Wayne Onaka.
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