Best Jokes: Best Funny Jokes for Adults: Funny Jokes, Stories & Riddles, Book 2 (Unabridged) – Joe King

Joe King - Best Jokes: Best Funny Jokes for Adults: Funny Jokes, Stories & Riddles, Book 2 (Unabridged)  artwork

Best Jokes: Best Funny Jokes for Adults: Funny Jokes, Stories & Riddles, Book 2 (Unabridged)

Joe King

Genre: Comedy

Price: $ 3.95

Publish Date: February 3, 2017

© ℗ © 2017 Joe King

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How to Throw a Halloween Party For, You Know, Adults

There comes a time in every man’s life when he gets too old to hit the pavement and go door-to-door for candy at Halloween—and it’s not long after that that he’s too long in the tooth to spend the evening in a half-assed costume downing multiple cases of light beer. If

This article originally appeared on www.mensjournal.com: How to Throw a Halloween Party For, You Know, Adults

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8 Cute Kids That’ll Make You Re-Think Your ‘Adults Only’ Wedding

Yes, they may have a mid-aisle tantrum, but the crowd loves a ring bearer and flower girl.

 

Click here for more from New York Weddings. 

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Coloring Book for Adults: 15 Anti-Stress Coloring Patterns – Fat Robin Books

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Coloring Book for Adults: 15 Anti-Stress Coloring Patterns

Fat Robin Books

Genre: Art & Architecture

Publish Date: October 7, 2015

Publisher: Fat Robin Books

Seller: Draft2Digital, LLC


At Fat Robin Books we love Coloring Books for Adults and are proud to introduce this 15 Pattern Book which can introduce you to the world of Adult Coloring Books before you purchase a larger paperback book! All you have to do to get these patterns is to use the special Download Link included in this book, then print-off whichever Adult Coloring Pattern you want to color next! All of the patterns have been carefully chosen to cater for the absolute begineer through to the 'coloring ninja', we simply want everyone to enjoy their coloring and de-stress at the same time! The patterns will also give you a feel for what our main books contain and currently their are 3 volumes of 50 patterns each. You'll find a direct link to all these volumes within this book as well. Thanks and Happy Coloring Fat Robin Books

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A darker Disneyland for adults? Welcome to Dismaland

Described as “the U.K.’s most disappointing new visitor attraction,” this dystopian theme park is the latest exhibition by street artist Banksy.


TODAY Pop Culture

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My Inappropriate Life: Some Material Not Suitable for Small Children, Nuns, or Mature Adults (Unabridged) – Heather McDonald

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My Inappropriate Life: Some Material Not Suitable for Small Children, Nuns, or Mature Adults (Unabridged)

Heather McDonald

Genre: Comedy

Price: $ 17.95

Publish Date: February 5, 2013

© ℗ © 2013 Brilliance Audio

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An Adult’s Preposterous, Laughable, No Good, Very Real Day

Have you read the amazing children’s book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst? If not, you should. Here’s my parody of the original, from an adult’s point of view:

I went to bed with my $ 750 night guard in my mouth and now it’s lost in my room, and when I woke up this morning my kids were cranky (“Out of my room!”) and starving (“Cereal, stat!”) and we were out of milk, and by mistake I got black mascara all over my hands and then wiped them on my white, silk shirt. I could tell it was going to be a preposterous, laughable, no good, very real day.

On the subway, one guy was twitching and another was talking to himself, two people were making out in a way that should be reserved for a private place, a woman put her hairy armpit in my face and I swear I saw another woman’s pubes poking through her pants. I looked around for someone, anyone, normal, and I found him! I tried to make eye contact in a way that said, “At least we have each other” but then he started twitching and doing weird things with his mouth and something wet dripped on my head. I think I’ll move to Canyon Ranch.

During a break at work, I checked in with Facebook and saw links to secondary drowning and how to recognize a stroke, stories about spouses dying, children getting electrocuted and mass shootings. I am paralyzed with fear. I can’t leave the building because I might get run over by a car on the sidewalk, but I can’t stay in the building because someone might come in and shoot all of us. My anxiety is making me anxious. I really need to go to Canyon Ranch. It was going to be a preposterous, laughable, no good, very real day.

At lunch, my colleague, Jim, got a turkey sandwich with American cheese, lettuce, tomatoes and coleslaw on a roll, with a chocolate milkshake to wash it down, and another colleague, Tom, got pizza, a large coke, and garlic knots. I had mixed greens with sprouts and a bottle of water. Can’t seem to shed the last 10 pounds of baby weight.

Just as I was settling back into work, my daughter’s school called to tell me that she had puked and that I had to pick her up immediately. It took an hour to get 40 blocks. The puke was all over her brand new shoes and jacket and when I hugged her, the smell was so bad that I threw up a little in my mouth, and then swallowed it. When I dropped my daughter off at home, I noticed that my sitter didn’t look so great. She probably has Ebola. It was a preposterous, laughable, no good, very real day.

Back at the office, my computer was down. Tech support advised me to try restarting it. Maybe I could work for tech support. While my computer was rebooting, I looked over my “to do” list (all 47 items and growing by the second). I have to fill out camp forms for the kids, go on a diet, refill prescriptions, grocery shop, find a group to join (I’m not vegan, gluten-free, dairy-free or raw foods only, so I don’t know where I fit in), get highlights, make photo albums of the kids before they leave for college, register the kids for Fall activities, order food for my son’s birthday party, call a friend, replace the light bulbs, learn to cook, start a blog, call the cable company, teach my son to read, send thank you notes and go to the gym. I took a break from the gym for 15 years. I advise against that. This is the kind of preposterous, laughable, no good, very real day that makes me want to scream, “Screw this, I’m moving to Canyon Ranch!” But who would care?

I knew it was going to be a preposterous, laughable, no good, very real day because I forgot my best friend’s birthday, even though I had reminders in my phone, in Microsoft Outlook and in my written calendar. Yeah, I still keep a written calendar, so what? My friend said she didn’t care that I forgot her birthday but now I bet she’s going to get back at me by “forgetting” my birthday, and then I won’t even have the right to be mad at her. I also pissed off this “cool” woman who I do charity work with, you know the type: she’s really loud because she has nothing intelligent or interesting to say, and you don’t really like or respect her but you have to pretend to and pretend really well or else you’ll have to stand by yourself at the all of the fundraisers. I hope she moves to Canyon Ranch.

I ran into my brother and his colleagues on the way home from work and he specifically reminded me not to ask his boss about his wife, since they’re going through a divorce. I’m usually good at remembering these kinds of things but all the guys looked exactly the same and I forgot which one was his boss and asked about his wife. After an awkward silence my brother told me not to call him anymore.

It was a preposterous, laughable, no good, very real day.

I made kale and quinoa for dinner even though I hate kale and quinoa. There was no hot water in the shower, my toothpaste was hard, my necklace fell down the drain and I’d already seen the episode of House Hunters that I was counting on to soothe me to sleep. I was out of Ambien, the AC still wasn’t turned on (it’s May!), and my sitter called in sick for tomorrow. You know, because she has Ebola.

It was a preposterous, laughable, no good, very real day.

My shrink says some days are like that. Even at Canyon Ranch.

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13 Celebrity Feuds Settled Like Adults

Grown folks shouldn’t be running around the streets slandering each other. Despite the press it generates, it’s something that makes all parties involved look silly.

50 Cent and Floyd Mayweather

photo: WENN

Were weren’t always privy to the behind the scenes meetings behind these 13 celebrity feuds settle like adults, but hats off to the stars involved for acting their age and coming to a resolution.


Photo: ABC screen capture

The post 13 Celebrity Feuds Settled Like Adults appeared first on Hip-Hop Wired.

Hip-Hop Wired

American Voices: Study: Breastfed Babies Earn More Money As Adults

According to a new study, babies who were breastfed end up having higher IQs and earning higher salaries as adults than those who weren’t.




The Onion

If You Give a Kid a Cookie, Will He Shut the F–k Up?: A Parody for Adults (Unabridged) – Marcy Roznick

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If You Give a Kid a Cookie, Will He Shut the F–k Up?: A Parody for Adults (Unabridged)

Marcy Roznick

Genre: Comedy

Price: $ 0.95

Publish Date: October 25, 2011

© ℗ © 2011 Macmillan Audio

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