The Most Stylish Belts for Every Occasion

Enviable spring style can start and end with smart accessories. If you’re gonna wear a belt every day, make it one that has presence, rather than settling with something forgettable. Sure, all belts preform the same, but they definitely don’t make the same impact.


5 Luxury Watches New for Spring 2019 That Are Totally Worth the Splurge

Why skate under the radar with inoffensive basics when you can rock standouts? These options, perfect for spring, all feature a new spin on the classics. Whether it’s color, material, or an unconventional buckle, these belts will perfect your outfit whether you’re at the office, out on a date, or dressed to the nines at a wedding.

Belts ordered clockwise from top left.

1. Tommy Hilfiger Suede Leather Belt

This suede-and-stainless-steel number is a sleek complement to a spring suit or casual getup. Match with similarly colored suede loafers or white sneakers, respectively.

Get it

[$ 39, usa.tommy.com]

2. The Frye Company Belt

This chestnut-colored belt from The Frye Company is all about the details. The buckle hardware is engraved with the brand’s logo and has enough detail to draw intrigue without being garish. You can pair it with almost anything.

Get it

[$ 98; thefryecompany.com]

3. Southern Tide Solid Stretch Belt

Casual spring and summer getups get a sporty vibe with this thin, fabric belt. Built in stretch allows for maximum comfort, while antique brass hardware and leather tabs ramp up the style.

Get it

[$ 65; southerntide.com]

4. FH Wadsworth Black Ribbon Belt

The classic D-ring design of this durable grosgrain ribbon belt makes it ideal for a jeans-and-tee ensemble.

Get it

[$ 59; fhwadsworth.com]

5. Filson Togiak Belt

If you’re searching for something more rugged, opt for Filson’s Togiak Belt. It’s crafted with hiking, fishing, and exploring in mind, making it light, fast to dry, and a breeze to put on and off, thanks to a hook buckle.

Get it

[$ 45; filson.com]

 

The post The Most Stylish Belts for Every Occasion appeared first on Men's Journal.

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Walker Endorses Chastity Belts

2015-08-07-1438972979-6177598-scottwalker.jpg

“Big pharma is going to squeal like a stuck pig, but I will wrestle those bloated lobbyists into submission just like I did with the unions,” Governor Scott Walker told This Reporter as we toured a factory in Milwaukee that formerly made tractor parts and now uses undocumented Mexican immigrants to manufacture chastity belts.

“I like to call them Promise Belts. If I’m elected President, this is how we’ll protect our daughters and wives from unwanted pregnancies, incest and rape,” said Walker, holding up what appeared to be a sanitary napkin and belt made out of steel. “Only the man of the house will hold the key.”

“Do you really think women will wear that contraption?” asked This Reporter. “It looks uncomfortable.”

“You ever hear a woman complain about wearing Jimmy Choos? Those suckers hurt like hell,” said Walker, “Besides, we’ve updated the classic chastity belt for today’s modern woman. Notice the soft flannel lining? We offer a variety of styles for all occasions and they come with inspirational quotes. This is our most popular model.”

Walker held up a steel thong engraved, Thou shalt not tonight. “Isn’t that a pisser?” said Walker. “Here’s the best part. Now that I chased the unions out of Wisconsin, we can knock these out for under seven bucks each, resulting in a savings of billions in healthcare costs.”

“Aren’t you concerned that by taking away birth control and a woman’s right to choose, you’ll be accused of turning back the clock to the 1950s?” asked This Reporter.

“Not at all. The 1950s were a Godless time. Communism was rampant. So was fornication. Where do you think all those Baby Boomers came from?” said Walker. “The GOP has no desire to bring back the 1950s. What were aiming for is a return to the chivalry of the 16th century. When a man’s home really was his castle, surrounded by a moat, and if anyone tried to destroy what he had worked so hard to build, they’d get a taste of boiling oil.”

Walker led This Reporter to the factory cafeteria where management dined on prime rib and strawberry cheesecake while workers ate cat food. “Hungry men work harder,” said Walker. “You ever see a union laborer with a flat stomach? They all look like they are about to pop out quadruplets. When I’m in the White House, the unions will be history and I’ll bring the minimum wage down to two bucks. “

“Aren’t you concerned that lowering minimum wage will hurt you in the polls?” asked This Reporter.

“It won’t hurt me with the deep pockets that decide the election,” said Walker. “There’s nothing they’d like more than a return to Free Market Principles and they’re women safe and secure in chastity, er, Promise Belts.”

“But they look like medieval torture.”

Walkers face turned the color of plasma. “You want to know what medieval torture is?” he shouted. “Just visit Planned Parenthood! They sell baby parts just like the Jews used Christian babies’ blood to make their Passover matzos.”

“Excuse me, Governor, Jews never did that,” said This Reporter.

“They didn’t, huh?” said Walker, scratching his chin. “Next thing, you’re going to tell me is that they didn’t poison the wells of Europe.”

Walker waited a beat, then socked me the arm. “Just joking,” he said. “I have a lot of Jewish friends. They love me because I love Israel. When the End of Times comes, they’re all going to convert to Christianity or go straight to Hell. They won’t have to wait long. If I’m elected, I’m going to beef up the defense budget and bring about Armageddon as soon as possible.”

Stacia Friedman is the founding editor of DailyLobotomy.com and the author of Tender is the Brisket.

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