Today’s Short Reading From The Bible

From Genesis: “And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth.”

Then He made the earth round, and He laughed and laughed and laughed.

Received from Myrtle Walker.
The Good, Clean Funnies List

Lost Bible

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.

Three weeks later a cow walked up carrying the Bible in it’s mouth.

The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes.

He took the book out of the cow’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!”

“Not really,” said the cow.

“Your name was written inside the cover.”

Received from You Make Me Laugh.
The Good, Clean Funnies List

Prince’s Old Bible, Suit and Copy of ‘Purple Rain’ Hitting Auction

What’s cooler than your copy of “Purple Rain” on vinyl? Try owning one of Prince’s personal copies on vinyl!!   Some 27 items previously owned by Prince are hitting the auction block — thanks to The Purple One’s old bodyguard — and the…

Permalink

TMZ Celebrity News for Music


Whitney Houston’s Bible Is For Sale For $95k

A bible Whitney Houston left behind when she moved out of her Newport Beach luxury rental is now being sold by her former landlord … for a whopping $ 95k. Whitney rented the home from 2009-2011. The owner says he found the bible in a box along with…

Permalink

TMZ Celebrity News for Music


The Swoly Bible: The Bro Science Way of Life (Unabridged) – Dom Mazzetti

Dom Mazzetti - The Swoly Bible: The Bro Science Way of Life (Unabridged)  artwork

The Swoly Bible: The Bro Science Way of Life (Unabridged)

Dom Mazzetti

Genre: Comedy

Price: $ 17.95

Publish Date: December 20, 2016

© ℗ © 2016 Penguin Audio

iTunes Store: Top Audiobooks in Comedy

Good Natured Bible Jokes

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married?
A. Ruth-less.

Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q. What was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh’s daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David’s Triumph was heard throughout the land. Honda, because the apostles were all in one
Accord.

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.

Q. Who is the greatest baby sitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.

Received from FranCMT2.
The Good, Clean Funnies List

Snoop Dogg Announces Release Date For Gospel Album “Bible Of Love”

The Doggfather has also unveiled a new visual for album closer "Words Are Few."


HipHopDX News

Children’s Bible Comic Book the Exodus – Toni Matas

Toni Matas - Children’s Bible Comic Book the Exodus  artwork

Children’s Bible Comic Book the Exodus

Toni Matas

Genre: Graphic Novels

Publish Date: June 7, 2010

Publisher: BCNmultimedia

Seller: BCNmultimedia


Children’s Bible is a collection of comic books on the Old and New Testament for children of all ages. For iPhone/iPod Touch users is recommended the free app Children’s Bible in App Store which is customized for its device’s screens. Get FREE Kings and prophets a 30 full colored pages comic book on iBookstore! Published Books Birth of Jesus Parables and miracles Passion of Jesus Christ New Testament It contains the 3 comic books above. The Genesis The Exodus Kings and Prophets Old Testament It contains the 3 comic books above. The Bible Contains all the 6 comic books. Francis of Assisi The Exodus album includes this list of episodes: Origins of Moses Vocation of Moses Mission of Moses The Plagues of Egypt  The Exodus from Egypt  The March through the Desert Testimonials: “Wonderful book! I recomend to all kids and kids At heart…” – Vanborn Neptune, USA “This is a really good app. It demonstrates originality and also helps younger ones understand the bible much better. Well Done!” – GameRating.co.uk, UNITED KINGDOM Blog: www.childrenbible.org E-mail: contact@childrenbible.org Twitter: ChildrensBible Facebook: Children’s Bible Let the children come to me and do not stop them, because the Kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these. Lk 18,16

iTunes Store: Top Free Books in Comics & Graphic Novels

Spanish Bible

My family was visiting a church and the minister announced they had both Spanish and English Bibles for use during the service.

My youngest son tugged at my sleeve and whispered, “Mommy, I want one of those Spanish Bibles.”

“Don’t be silly, you can’t read Spanish,” I quickly rejoined.

Holding out his own Bible to me, my kindergartner explained, “Mom, I can’t read English either.”

Received from Doc’s Daily Chuckle.
The Good, Clean Funnies List

Yo Mama Jokes Bible: Funny & Hilarious Yo Mama Jokes – Johnny B. Laughing

Johnny B. Laughing - Yo Mama Jokes Bible: Funny & Hilarious Yo Mama Jokes  artwork

Yo Mama Jokes Bible: Funny & Hilarious Yo Mama Jokes

Johnny B. Laughing

Genre: Fiction & Literature

Publish Date: August 4, 2015

Publisher: Hey Sup Bye Publishing

Seller: Smashwords


Yo Mama Jokes Bible! 350+ Funny & Hilarious Yo Mama Jokes Yo mama is so fat… Yo mama is so skinny… Yo mama is so old… Yo mama is so tall… Yo mama is so short… Yo mama is so stupid… Yo mama is so poor… Yo mama is so ugly… Yo mama is so bald… Yo mama is so hairy… Yo mama is so lazy… Other Yo mama jokes… ALL NEW YO MAMA JOKES! Yo mama is so stupid… she thought Christmas wrap was Snoop Dogg’s new song! Yo mama is so fat… she posted a picture on Instagram and it crashed! Yo mama is so tall… Shaq looks up to her! Yo mama is so ugly… she looks like she has been bobbing for apples in hot grease! Yo mama is so skinny… when she wears skinny jeans, they look like bell-bottoms! Yo mama is so old… she has an autographed Bible! Yo mama is so short … you can see her feet on her driver’s license! Yo mama is so hairy… that Bigfoot tried to take her picture! Yo mama is so fat… she sat on an iPhone and turned it into an iPad! Yo mama is so stupid… she went to a dentist to fix her Bluetooth! Yo mama is so old… her memory is in black and white! Yo mama is so poor… she put a Happy Meal on layaway! Yo mama is so ugly… she’s the reason blind dates were invented! Yo mama is so short… she can use a sock for a sleeping bag! Yo mama is so bald… you can see what’s on her mind! Best-Selling Author ~ Johnny B. Laughing The Joke King is back with another hilarious joke book full of funny, laugh-out-loud, crazy comedy and MASSIVE assortment of yo mama jokes!

iTunes Store: Top Free Books in Fiction & Literature

Hallelujah Amen – Community Bible Church

Community Bible Church - Hallelujah Amen  artwork

Hallelujah Amen

Community Bible Church

Genre: Music

Publish Date: October 3, 2017

Publisher: Prism Music

Seller: Prism Music, Inc.


"Hallelujah Amen," part of Prism Music Preview, is for use with PrismMusic.com in-person workshops.

iTunes Store: Top Free Books in Arts & Entertainment

Scarlett Johansson Does A Sexy Bible Reading Because That’s What The Lord Intended

Scarlett Johansson Does A Sexy Bible Reading Because That's What The Lord Intended

Scarlett Johansson Does A Sexy Bible …
The Bible is back and sexier than ever.
Submitted by: Best of the Web
Regular
Keywords: scarlett johansson sexy scarlett johansson mike o'brien mike o'brien wsex mike o'brien sexy bible scarlett johansson sexy bible sexy deuteronomy sex scarjo sex scarlett johansson bible sexy bible sex bible
Views: 1,411

Funny Or Die | Funny Videos, Funny Video Clips, Funny Pics

Oprah Winfrey, Stephen Colbert talk faith — and swap favorite Bible verses

Oprah Winfrey swaps Biblical verses with Stephen Colbert while appearing on “The Late Show” to promote her new mini-series, “Belief.”


TODAY Pop Culture

Live webcam sex! More than 20000 Hot Girls are waiting for you!

Trump Persuasion Alert: Bible Dodge

If you have been following my analysis of Trump’s persuasive brilliance you will see another example on display in this new story.

On the surface, Trump seems to be just another politician dodging just another question. Routine stuff, right?

But check out the wording. He had that reply in the chamber, locked and loaded. He said his relationship with the Bible was “personal.”

Compare that to any other wording he could have used. You can play at home. Try to come up with a better response than saying his relationship with the Bible is personal. 

Good luck with that.

Every Christian, Muslim, and Jew watching the exchange nodded agreement that a person’s relationship with the Lord is personal and really should not be the topic of public conversation. Check.

And every reason-loving person that heard Trump’s response thought he didn’t sound too anti-science, or particularly dogmatic. Nothing to worry about. Just move along.

And I can guarantee that some atheists heard his response and thought there is a good chance he is one of them. Obviously a person in that position has to hide it. 

Trump provides the canvas and everyone paints their own favorite picture.

If you look closely at Trump’s response, he did more than avoid the question and act vague. He redirected your thoughts to the issue of privacy (by saying it was personal) because that has more immediacy to your brain than thoughts of your afterlife. Clever move. 

And what about the folks who are concerned about government snooping on their privacy? They just heard Trump guard his own, while implying that privacy is important. Nice. He got that one for free without discussing government snooping at all.

The media will report that Trump did nothing but dodge a question. I say there is more method to it. I believe we are witnessing something that could fundamentally change the way we view human nature. That’s a longer post, but the two-word summary is moist robots. It gets harder to deny our nature when you see a linguistic wizard reprogramming people in real time.

I remind you that I do not know what kind of president Trump will be. I am not that smart and neither are most of you. But I do enjoy watching his linguistic precision, all covered in hay so he doesn’t scare the sheep. And I do not say that as a criticism. There doesn’t seem to be a second way to become president. 

 

Scott


Scott Adams Blog

Yo Mama Jokes Bible: Funny & Hilarious Yo Mama Jokes – Johnny B. Laughing

Johnny B. Laughing - Yo Mama Jokes Bible: Funny & Hilarious Yo Mama Jokes  artwork

Yo Mama Jokes Bible: Funny & Hilarious Yo Mama Jokes

Johnny B. Laughing

Genre: Fiction & Literature

Publish Date: August 4, 2015

Publisher: Hey Sup Bye Publishing

Seller: Smashwords


Yo Mama Jokes Bible! 350+ Funny & Hilarious Yo Mama Jokes Yo mama is so fat… Yo mama is so skinny… Yo mama is so old… Yo mama is so tall… Yo mama is so short… Yo mama is so stupid… Yo mama is so poor… Yo mama is so ugly… Yo mama is so bald… Yo mama is so hairy… Yo mama is so lazy… Other Yo mama jokes… ALL NEW YO MAMA JOKES! Yo mama is so stupid… she thought Christmas wrap was Snoop Dogg’s new song! Yo mama is so fat… she posted a picture on Instagram and it crashed! Yo mama is so tall… Shaq looks up to her! Yo mama is so ugly… she looks like she has been bobbing for apples in hot grease! Yo mama is so skinny… when she wears skinny jeans, they look like bell-bottoms! Yo mama is so old… she has an autographed Bible! Yo mama is so short … you can see her feet on her driver’s license! Yo mama is so hairy… that Bigfoot tried to take her picture! Yo mama is so fat… she sat on an iPhone and turned it into an iPad! Yo mama is so stupid… she went to a dentist to fix her Bluetooth! Yo mama is so old… her memory is in black and white! Yo mama is so poor… she put a Happy Meal on layaway! Yo mama is so ugly… she’s the reason blind dates were invented! Yo mama is so short… she can use a sock for a sleeping bag! Yo mama is so bald… you can see what’s on her mind! Best-Selling Author ~ Johnny B. Laughing The Joke King is back with another hilarious joke book full of funny, laugh-out-loud, crazy comedy and MASSIVE assortment of yo mama jokes!

iTunes Store: Top Free Books in Fiction & Literature

Aubrey Plaza, Paul Scheer and Rob Huebel – The Bible Rules – @midnight with Chris Hardwick

Aubrey Plaza, Paul Scheer and Rob Huebel - The Bible Rules - @midnight with Chris Hardwick

Aubrey Plaza, Paul Scheer and Rob Hue… 2:03
Inspired my Chris’s misreading of a Netflix series’s title, Aubrey Plaza, Paul Scheer and Rob Huebel preach the lessons of the Gospel According to Awesome.

Watch full episodes of @midnight now: http://on.cc.com/17MOT5T
Submitted by: @midnight
Regular
Keywords: Chris Hardwick @midnight at midnight After Midnight Nerdist @midnight full episodes Aubrey Plaza Paul Scheer Rob Huebel Netflix Bible marijuana drugs sexual advances comedy central stand up comedy comedians comedy central comedians comedy funny comedian funny video comedy videos stand up videos funny jokes funny clips hilarious videos hilarious clips
Views: 835

Funny or Die | Funny Videos, Funny Video Clips, Funny Pictures

The Bible – Anonymous

Anonymous - The Bible  artwork

The Bible

Anonymous

Genre: Fiction & Literature

Publish Date: March 1, 2012

Publisher: Public Domain

Seller: Public Domain

iTunes Store: Top Free Books in Fiction & Literature

Juan Pablo Di Pace & Chipo Chung On Playing Jesus, Mary In ‘A.D. The Bible Continues’

Juan Pablo Di Pace (Jesus) and Chipo Chung (Mary Magdelene) tell Access what it was like preparing for the roles of Jesus and Mary Magdelene in ”A.D.’


Access Hollywood Latest Videos

Mark Burnett & Roma Downey Talk Emotional Involvement In ‘A.D. The Bible Continues’

Mark Burnett and Roma Downey tell Access why they are so emotionally invested in NBC’s ‘A.D. The Bible Continues.’


Access Hollywood Latest Videos

The Social Climber’s Bible: How to Make the Most of a Cocktail Party

If life is one big popularity contest, then The Social Climber’s Bible is your secret weapon to win the grand prize. Written by novelist-screenwriter Dirk Wittenborn and his niece, Johnson & Johnson heiress Jazz Johnson, the LOL-worthy guide ($ 20, amazon.com) offers practical tips for stepping up your social game and landing the privileged elite friends […]
InStyle
MillionaireMatch.com - the best dating site for sexy, successful singles!
MillionaireMatch.com – the best dating site for sexy, successful singles!