Marriage Funnies

A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman: “Which book has helped you most in your life?”

The woman replied, “My husband’s check book!!”


A prospective husband in a book store: “Do you have a book called ‘Husband: the Master of the House?'”

Sales girl: “Sir, fiction and comics are on the 1st floor!”


Someone asked an old man: “Even after 70 years, you still call your wife ‘darling, honey, love.’ What’s the secret?”

Old man: “I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask her.”


Pharmacist to customer: “Sir, please understand, to buy an anti-depression pill you need a proper prescription … Simply showing marriage certificate
and wife’s picture is not enough!”


There are 3 kinds of men in this world. Some remain single and make wonders happen. Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen. The rest get married
and wonder what happened!


Wives are magicians. They can change anything into an argument.


When a married man says, “I will think about it,” what he really means is that he doesn’t know his wife’s opinion yet.


A lady says to her doctor: “My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What should I give him to cure it?”

The doctor replies: “Give him an opportunity to speak when he’s awake.”

Received from Kathy Derych.
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Family Funnies

Cindy: Mommy, Zach broke my baby doll!
Mommy: I’m sorry, sweetheart. How did in happen?
Cindy: I hit him over the head with it.

Mother: Tommy, why did you kick your little sister in the stomach?
Tommy: I couldn’t help it. She turned around too quickly.

Johnny: Why are you down?
Mike: My sister said she wouldn’t talk to me for two weeks.
Johnny: Why does that upset you? Mike: Today’s the last day.

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Eclipse Funnies

What’s the most famous painting of an eclipse?
The Moona Lisa.

What did the sun bring to the solar eclipse party?
A light snack!

How does the man in the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.

What did the sun say when it reappeared after an eclipse?
“Pleased to heat you again.”

What kind of underwear should you wear during an eclipse?
Fruit of the Moon!

How do you organize a solar eclipse party?
You planet.

Why didn’t the sun go to college?
Because it already had a million degrees!

Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, but no atmosphere.

Why did the teacher bring solar eclipse glasses to school?
She had bright students!

Received from
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