Marriage Funnies

A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman: “Which book has helped you most in your life?”

The woman replied, “My husband’s check book!!”

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A prospective husband in a book store: “Do you have a book called ‘Husband: the Master of the House?'”

Sales girl: “Sir, fiction and comics are on the 1st floor!”

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Someone asked an old man: “Even after 70 years, you still call your wife ‘darling, honey, love.’ What’s the secret?”

Old man: “I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask her.”

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Pharmacist to customer: “Sir, please understand, to buy an anti-depression pill you need a proper prescription … Simply showing marriage certificate
and wife’s picture is not enough!”

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There are 3 kinds of men in this world. Some remain single and make wonders happen. Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen. The rest get married
and wonder what happened!

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Wives are magicians. They can change anything into an argument.

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When a married man says, “I will think about it,” what he really means is that he doesn’t know his wife’s opinion yet.

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A lady says to her doctor: “My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What should I give him to cure it?”

The doctor replies: “Give him an opportunity to speak when he’s awake.”

Received from Kathy Derych.
The Good, Clean Funnies List

Family Funnies

Cindy: Mommy, Zach broke my baby doll!
Mommy: I’m sorry, sweetheart. How did in happen?
Cindy: I hit him over the head with it.

Mother: Tommy, why did you kick your little sister in the stomach?
Tommy: I couldn’t help it. She turned around too quickly.

Johnny: Why are you down?
Mike: My sister said she wouldn’t talk to me for two weeks.
Johnny: Why does that upset you? Mike: Today’s the last day.

The Good, Clean Funnies List

Eclipse Funnies

What’s the most famous painting of an eclipse?
The Moona Lisa.

What did the sun bring to the solar eclipse party?
A light snack!

How does the man in the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.

What did the sun say when it reappeared after an eclipse?
“Pleased to heat you again.”

What kind of underwear should you wear during an eclipse?
Fruit of the Moon!

How do you organize a solar eclipse party?
You planet.

Why didn’t the sun go to college?
Because it already had a million degrees!

Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, but no atmosphere.

Why did the teacher bring solar eclipse glasses to school?
She had bright students!

Received from boyslife.org.
The Good, Clean Funnies List

Saturday’s Morning Email: Funnies Edition

morning email

Saturday Edition: The Funnies

Unimpressed Cat Is Not At All Interested In Your Magic Trick
You really can’t teach an old dog new tricks, huh?

Why not try your magic on someone who cares, human?

26 Adorably Bizarre Things Kids Have Said
Where on earth do they get it from?
kids hiding
I’m a liar to a bottle, baby. Come, come, come and open up.

28 Quintessentially 80s Perms
It’s just really hard to understand how this ever got approved by the trend lords.
perms
Let’s take a curly jaunt down memory lane, shall we?

Watch Stephen Colbert’s Last Night At Second City Back In 1994
Colbert performs a song about love that is, sadly, still incredibly relatable.
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More importantly, he’s got something close to a fro atop his head.

7 Telltale Signs That You Are The Parent Of A Toddler
Ketchup is a food group.
toddler eating
Ranch is also a food group.

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Watch Rod Stewart sing karaoke to Rod Stewart songs.

And one more thing…

The vegetable cannot hear you.

Cartoon

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Illustration by Eva Hill

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Saturday’s Morning Email: Funnies Edition

 Saturday Edition: The Funnies

 

Italian Grandmothers Try Olive Garden For The First Time

…And the last time.

The nonnas are a little rough on the breadsticks, to be honest.  

Possibly The Most Genuine Letter From A First-Time Camper

“Did you know you can light farts on fire? I’ll show you on Satterday.”

“Tell my brothers to have lots of farts for Satterday.”

This Is Why You Should Never Hook Up With Your Friends

PSA: It’s not worth it.

Just. Do. Not. 

 

A Map Of The World, By Donald Trump

Feast your eyes upon ultimate map as perceived by the lone presidential candidate ever to utter the phrase, “Somebody’s doing the raping.”

It’s Donald’s world, you’re just living in it.

Meet Bob, A Dog With Some Unconventional Besties

So eight birds, one hamster and a golden retriever decide to have a playdate.

Extreme #squadgoals.

This 10-year-old dancing to Nicki Minaj’s “Truffle Butter” is a total boss.

And one more thing…
Dance because it’s summer and that means lobster rolls.

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Illustration by Eva Hill

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.



Comedy – The Huffington Post
ENTERTAINMENT NEWS-Visit Mobile Playboy today for the hottest adult entertainment online!

Saturday’s Morning Email: Funnies Edition

morning email

Saturday Edition: The Funnies

Take The Citizenship Test For ‘Merica
No. 9: Draw a picture of the ‘Merican food pyramid.
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Do you have what it takes to obtain legal citizenship?

33 Photos That Show Just How Awesomely Bad Little Kids Are At Hiding
So cute, so very naive.
kids hiding
Peekaboo!

21 Objects That Are Complete Smartasses
Oh, the joy of laughing at someone else’s expense.
smartass
Smartasses. They’re everywhere.

12 Fourth Of July Someecards For The Passive Aggressive Patriot In You
It’s what George Washington would have wanted.
someecards
Throw shade the American way.

Kids Explain Gay Marriage In A Way Everyone Can Understand
“Jimmy Kimmel Live!”: Why would anyone want to get married?
Kid: Because they love each other and they just feel a connection.
kids
Ding ding ding.

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We may finally have a Song of Summer with Demi Lovato’s brand spankin’ “Cool for the Summer.”

And one more thing…

Here’s to being in the moment.

Cartoon

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Illustration by Eva Hill

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.



Comedy – The Huffington Post
ENTERTAINMENT NEWS-Visit Mobile Playboy today for the hottest adult entertainment online!

Saturday’s Morning Email: Funnies Edition

morning email

Saturday Edition: The Funnies

The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week
PSA: Children do not know how to whisper. For example my 4yo just “whispered” “Why does that woman have a mustache?!” on the checkout line.
tweets
LMAO

This Is What The World Would Look Like If Guys Got Periods
#imonmyperiod would probably trend regularly on Twitter.
period
The parodies were actually designed with a good cause in mind.

9 Words That Don’t Exist, But Definitely Should
Checkward (adj.): That awkward moment when the check comes and you need to decide whether to split it evenly or if each person will pay their share.
words
Sh*t just got real.

12 Gloriously Honest Cards Your Ex Deserves
Eh, who needs Hallmark?
cards
Happy to help!

Badass Teen’s Perfect Yearbook Quote Serves Up Some Inspiration
Let’s just say it starts with, “I need feminism because” …
yasss
HERO.

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Here’s Ella Fitzgerald singing “Summertime,” for obvious reasons.

And one more thing…

Careful what you wish for.

Cartoon

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Illustration by Eva Hill

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

Comedy – The Huffington Post
ENTERTAINMENT NEWS-Visit Mobile Playboy today for the hottest adult entertainment online!