By Ian Fortey Published: June 08th, 2019
Right now at Perry Ellis, you can save 40 percent on any purchase over $ 200, and a full 50 percent on any purchase over $ 300. Don’t forget free shipping! This deal is good on all of Perry Ellis suits as well as most anything else at perryellis.com through June 16. There are exceptions, like fragrances, watches, and boots. So some purchases may not apply for the Buy More, Save More sale. But suits do.
Here’s where it gets good: Most suits are already marked down 15-20 percent at Perry. Still, the typical suit costs between two and three hundred dollars—which means the 40 percent discount kicks in automatically with most any suit purchase. So just toss a dress shirt or a tie, maybe a package of socks or underwear, into your cart as well, and you’ll be eligible for the full 50 percent off. It’s that easy.
And it gets better. Sign up for Perry Perks, the email newsletter and frequent shopper club, and you’ll save 30 percent on your first purchase at perryellis.com. You just can’t afford not to take advantage of this incredible suit sale, going on now.
If you’re in the market for complete suits, jackets, pants, and vests, Perry has you covered. With your choice of Slim, Very Slim, and Modern cuts, there’s a suit to suit every style and something for every guy of every size. There’s even an amazing selection of Big & Tall suits.
And you can buy them in sets, or a la carte. That means you can just get yourself a nice sport coat, some great dress pants, even a stylish vest. So at deals like this, reaching the $ 200 plateau should be a breeze. But why stop there? Throw in one or two more pieces, and you’ll save even more.
Check out these amazing suits at the Perry Ellis Buy More, Get More Sale. Save as much as 70 percent through June 16 only.
The post Get Suited! Perry Ellis Is Having a Buy More, Save More Suit Sale appeared first on Men's Journal.
If you want to look your best, look no further than Brooks Brothers. This is the legendary brand that invented the button-down collar, way back in 1986. The quality is undeniable, and the pristine styling is always spot-on. While the brand is known more for its impeccable dress clothes, there’s a remarkable amount of casual and sportswear to be found. And right now during the Memorial Day Sale, you can get four dress or sport shirts for just $ 199.
Brooks Brothers polo shirts are 40 percent off when you buy three or more. And here’s our favorite part: Clearance items are up to 70 percent off—and you get an additional 25 percent off at checkout. You can do the math on that one, but the sum is huge savings for all of us. We’re talking smart suit jackets, impeccable slacks, and fantastic fall items at ridiculous savings. Even ties and accessories are on sale right now. These sales run through May 28.
More than 60 polo shirts in both long- and short-sleeve styles are on sale, so finding three or more so you can score the 40 percent off deal won’t be a problem. Whether you’re looking for classic pique, supple Supima, or even performance knits, the selection is massive. Stripes, solids, colors—there’s just no end to the polo options.
And the dozens of dress shirts come in all cuts, sizes, colors, and styles to suit any occasion or personal taste. Most Brooks Brothers shirts come in your choice of three cuts: the Regent, a modern trim fit that’s slim through the chest and arms; the Madison, a classic cut with an easy fit through the torso; and the Milano, the slimmest cut with a high armhole to match today’s contemporary styles.
Just Shirts On Sale?
Heavens, no. When it comes to dress pants and trousers, Brooks Brothers pants come in six distinct cuts, from the super-slim and ultra-contemporary Soho cut to dozens of options in the Big & Tall range. And plenty in between. From cords to twills, knits to Merino wool, there is a pair for everybody.
But don’t forget to check out the Clearance section, where everything from full suits to sport coats, outerwear, ties, belts, and accessories are up to 70 percent off. When you take an additional 25 percent off at checkout, we’re talking huge savings on some of the nicest clothing a man can buy.
So head over to Brooks Brothers Memorial Day Sale by midnight on May 28. Four shirts—shirts that normally run around $ 100 each, mind you—will cost less than two hundred bucks. Three or more polos gets you 40 percent off. And don’t forget to check the Clearance section, for amazing deals on off-season items, accessories, ties and more.
Here are some of our favorites from the Brooks Brothers Memorial Day Sale.
The post Brooks Brothers Is Having a Massive Memorial Day Sale appeared first on Men's Journal.
The Raptors’ bench supported Kawhi Leonard by scoring 48 points in a Game 4 win.
www.espn.com – TOP
Columbia is one of our favorite outdoor gear companies, and right now this legendary brand is blowing out a massive portion of its men’s line. So get over to Columbia.com today and check out these sales and deals.
There’s a particularly great selection of winter apparel that’s marked down drastically. From waterproof boots to weather-resistant pants and jackets, right now you can score a sweet deal on hundreds of items at Columbia.
So if you’ve been trudging through this winter with leaky boots and a frayed coat, or even if you’ve just been eyeing a particularly fine outdoor garment at Columbia, the time to act is now. We found five awesome picks we’d love to get into by the time next winter rolls around. A couple of them, we’re ready to rock right now.
Get it: Check out the complete lineup of men’s outdoor and active apparel, accessories, and gear on sale at Columbia.
The post Columbia Is Having a Massive Sale on Apparel and Gear appeared first on Men's Journal.
“Get over it!”
The days may be slowly getting longer, but that doesn’t mean we’re going to ignore an amazing deal if it crosses our desk. This weekend only at Macy’s, men’s coats and jackets are 50 percent off. Sound good? It gets even better. Right now, that outerwear sale is part of Macy’s VIP event. That means you can take an additional 30 percent off using the code VIP.
It’s true. Killer coats and jackets from names like Ralph Lauren, Tommy Hilfiger, Calvin Klein, and more are drastically reduced at Macy’s.com this weekend. Through Sunday, March 24, enter the code VIP at checkout and stock up on this year’s hottest styles.
It’s certainly not too late. Even though spring is finally springing, there are dozens of great deals at Macy’s on quality outerwear for this season and beyond. Not just on heavy winter coats, either. We’re talking rain coats and jackets, car and top coats. We’re talking leather jackets, puffers, and stretch wool. And there’s so much more.
So don’t let the calendar trick you into thinking it’s okay to shave your head and bust out the shorts and flip-flops. March may be winding down, but April’s showers are on the way, and May is yet to come. It’s not going to be warm enough for short sleeves for a while. So even if you think you’re all set for the next couple of months, you can’t afford not to stock up for fall, or even next winter.
The post Macy’s Is Having a Huge Sale on Outerwear This Weekend Only appeared first on Men's Journal.
Mazel Andy Cohen!
Thursday night was a special night in the Bravo clubhouse. Sure, it was the final live broadcast of Watch What Happens Live for 2018. And yes, O.G. Real Housewives…
E! Online (US) – Top Stories
Entertainment News! –
Offset is upset.
Prince Harry is certainly staying entertained on his solo trip to Zambia!
If your workout gear of choice includes your old college sweatshirt and a pair of sweats you’ve had for longer than you’d like to admit, it might be time for an upgrade. Sure, there’s nothing inherently wrong with wearing either item for your next run or trip to your local Crossfit outpost, but putting on a great-fitting tee or a pair of brand new shorts won’t just make you feel good, but will help you get a better workout. The treadmill doesn’t have to be a runway if you don’t want it to be, but breaking a sweat in gear that fits well and is designed to handle your toughest workouts is a great way to ensure your next session at the gym is better than the one before.
A great workout starts with the clothes you put on to do it and no brand knows that better than Under Armour. The brand, founded in 1996 by former University of Maryland football star Kevin Plank, makes performance apparel that’s designed to keep you cool, dry and light. Many items are specifically designed for the weather: HeatGear for when it’s hot, ColdGear for when it’s breezy, and AllSeasonGear for when it’s just right.
The brand is currently having a major sale on everything within the UA Outlet: Namely, you can snag $ 30 off your purchase of $ 100 or more with code TAKE30. Deals like this don’t come by often, so be sure to pick up a fleece funnel neck, long-sleeve tee or running shoes while the deal is on (and while your size is still in stock).
Keep scrolling for our picks.
Deal: $ 30 off purchase of $ 100 or more on UA Outlet items.
The post Under Armour Is Having a Massive Sale on Athleticwear appeared first on Men's Journal.
Priyanka Chopra has baby fever?
The Quantico star spoke with E! News at God’s Love We Deliver Golden Heart Awards in New York about why the organization matters to her and growing her…
E! Online (US) – Top Stories
Entertainment News! –
In his struggling hometown of Flint, Michigan, Kyle Kuzma hopes he can drive the kind of lasting change that LeBron James has led in Akron, Ohio.
www.espn.com – NBA
Faherty Brand makes clothing that can be worn just about anywhere (not to mention comfortably be dressed up or down for any occasion). Started by surf buddies Alex and Mike Faherty, the label combines surf know-how and Mike’s previous experience designing for Ralph Lauren into an apparel line that’s a hit for both beach bums and city dwellers. Every item in the brothers’ capsule collection is a love letter to the beach and can only be found at Huckberry. Needless to say, when we learned the brand is marked down, we had to add a few finds to our cart—including this knit shirt.
The button-down is designed to look like a classic chambray, but has the ultra-soft feel you’d be hard-pressed to find anywhere else. The rich (and natural) indigo color dresses up the typically lightwash look, and has natural stretch to move right along with you. The painted metal buttons help dress up the style.
While we doubt you’ll have any problems finding things to pair with the versatile top, we think it’ll look particularly dapper with a pair of chinos.
Shop the Faherty Brand Indigo Jacquard Henley in Indigo Geo Arrow for $ 108.98 (down from $ 128).
Prices are accurate at the time this article was published, but may change over time.
Iggy Azalea is sticking by her best friend’s side through thick and thin.
It is in our genetic makeup to desire for a good relationship. There are certain things that humans can do to speed up the process of looking for intimacy and a commonality with another person Finding a meaningful purpose for your life and make it a first priority, be specific when envisioning a person to be with and learn to communicate with your partner are 3 Tips for Having a Successful Relationship.
Relationships:Dating Articles from EzineArticles.com
Quality skincare can put a dent in our wallets, but Kiehl’s is all about skincare that’s both wallet-friendly and effective—which is why its Friends & Family event is the other big thing we’re excited about this weekend. But just because the products are affordable doesn’t mean they don’t work: Kiehl’s is known to offer some of the best skincare products for men, and this sale will give shoppers 20% off (and a free travel pouch) with orders of $ 125 and more.
The post Kiehl’s Is Having a Massive Friends & Family Sale This Weekend appeared first on Men's Journal.
5 Reasons NOT To Watch Bears Having Sex
If you see two bears making sweet sweet love, run away. Run as far as you can. Here’s why.
Submitted by: Dan Abramson
Keywords: sex sex facts sexy animal sex sex myths sex positions bears bears having sex scary bears funny bears bears pictures having sex with a bear
Whether your dating relationship is relatively new, or whether you have been married for quite some time, it never hurts to establish what some might call “date nights.” These designated times to be alone with a potential (or established) significant other can be quite important to the participants. A dedicated date night movie can be particularly exciting and fun, and there are numerous reasons to make this happen. Take a look at some of the following:
Relationships:Dating Articles from EzineArticles.com
Marriage therapists offer their takes.
Justin Turner is having an MVP-caliber season
www.espn.com – TOP
When one goes on a date, they may find that they are able to be themselves, and this is going to show that they feel comfortable in their own skin. Therefore, even if they are at a point in their life where they want to be with someone, they are not going to come across as being needy.
Relationships:Dating Articles from EzineArticles.com
The “Harry Potter” author broke out her U.S. History Remembrall.
Entertainment News, Photos and Videos – HuffPost Entertainment
Entertainment News-Visit Adults Playland today for the hottest adult entertainment online!
Hot Tip Alert!
The Duchess of Cambridge has joked to Prince William about having more children as she received teddy bears as gifts for Prince George and Princess Charlotte in Poland.
🚨 POSSIBLE ROYAL BABY ALERT 🚨
Fashion News, Celebrity Style and Fashion Trends – HuffPost Style
FASHION NEWS UPDATE-Visit Shoe Deals Online today for the hottest deals online for shoes!
Maria Menounos is back home and thankful to be alive after undergoing risky surgery to remove a benign brain tumor. While Maria’s sharing both the fears and blessings of her own journey in an emotional cover story for People, she’s also continuing to rally support for her mother’s Stage IV brain cancer battle.
“This year has been about clearing my head, being healthy and getting my career on track,” the “Grandfathered” actor told People magazine.
Nicki Minaj posted a photo to Instagram of Kanye West hiding his face at the Alexander Wang show.
You may never look at the alphabet the same way again.
COLUMBUS, OH—Engaging in stilted chitchat about their spouses, exercise routines, and weekend plans at a Buffalo Wild Wings a quarter mile from their workplace, employees from local software company Cortel Systems referred to making awkward conversation outside the normal confines of their office as “going out to lunch,” sources confirmed Thursday. “So, uh, Henry, how long does it take you to drive into work in the morning?” asked account manager Elizabeth Harris, who called the brief snippets of forced conversation interspersed with long, uncomfortable pauses that took place over a chicken BLT with a side of potato wedges instead of at the table in their office kitchen a “nice change of pace.” “25 minutes? That’s not as bad as I thought. About the same as mine, you know, maybe a couple minutes longer…yeah.” At press time, Harris could be overheard referring to the individuals she solely knows …
Elaine Hendrix discusses preparing for her role as Ava on FX’s ‘Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll.’ Plus, what’s it like working with Denis Leary?
At the Hallmark summer TCA party, Candace Cameron-Bure tells Access how ‘Fuller House’ tapings are going as well as her Hallmark Channel projects.
“Inside Amy Schumer” examines the depressing reality of having three buttholes.
Here’s why Russell Wilson and Ciara aren’t having premarital sex.
Kim K is taking England by storm, as evidenced by Instagram.
The last time you heard from Three 6 Mafia’s Crunchy Black, it wasn’t for any sort of Hip-Hop nostalgic reasons. At 40-years-old, the veteran rapper born Darnell Carlton got himself in the crosshairs of the law when he was caught with meth in Las Vegas, eventually earning him a non-paid vacation in jail for seven months back in April.
Seeing that he has plenty of time to reflect these days, HipHopDX’s Ural Garrett managed to put CB’s phone time to use for an interview from within the belly of the beast. And as you could expect, he’s not having the time of his life, seeing that he can’t even listen to music in the “Room 1″ he’s currently incarcerated in. However, he’s still holding his head like an OG.
“Oh man, I’m holding up all good. Gone let ’em know. I’m a hood ni**a so this jail shit ain’t sh*t to me,” he says, “Right now man, I’m looking for a whole big change… Because I represent God all the way even though I was representing that Three Six Mafia. I represent God all the way. So, I’m looking for a change right now. When I get out of here, I ain’t going to talk to a lot of people. I ain’t going to answer the phone for you. A lot of people I ain’t messing with. Supposed to be getting their bills paid? I ain’t gone help them. I know God represent me and I represent God and he known what I’m talking bout. He understands why I’m making this change for and what I’m going to do.”
“I don’t feel like he gone be mad at me because I told him I’m going to be one of the key players for him to make people who don’t believe in him, believe in him. So, I’m a looking for a change.”
Crunchy Black also revealed that he still keeps in close contact with DJ Paul and has fans putting money on his books. He also gave updates on his upcoming musical releases, which include a feature with YG, who he learned had gotten shot during the course of the interview.
“I hope he feeling better because you know I got shot too. I got shot in my muthaf*cking head but God was on my side so I hope he got God on his side,” Black said of his Bompton homie.
He also expects to be released from prison just in time for Christmas, on December 23.
Photo: Black Fly Music
The post Shocker: Crunchy Black Isn’t Having Any Fun In Jail appeared first on Hip-Hop Wired.
Bears’ Allen ‘having fun’ with move to 3-4 OLB
ESPN.com – NFL
When these families have get togethers, everybody cums!
There’s levels to outfit architecture, and Hip-Hop has heavily contributed to the instruction manual. The upcoming documentary Fresh Dressed provides in-depth coverage of where fashion and Hip-Hop culture intersect.
The official trailer opens with Kanye West sharing his stance on being “getting fresh.” Pharrell Williams, Diddy, Nas, Pusha T, André Leon Talley, and more share their personal stories with fashion, and how Hip-Hop contributed to their respect senses of style.
Premiered at the Sundance Film Festival, the doc, directed by Sascha Jenkins (and presented by Samuel Goldwyn Films and StyleHaul), hits theaters and V.O.D. on June 26. See the trailer below.
[via Vanity Fair]
Photo: Vanity Fair
The post Kanye West On Fashion: “Being Fresh Is More Important Than Having Money” [VIDEO] appeared first on Hip-Hop Wired.
Turns out, “Finding Carter”‘s David had an affair with kidnapper Lori — will his wife Elizabeth ever be able to forgive him?
A Michigan man was hospitalized Wednesday (March 25) after he mistakenly gorged on weed brownies. His teenage daughter didn’t bother to put a disclaimer on her chocolate treats, because she didn’t think anyone would eat them.
Yeah, she was wrong about that.
Reprots My Fox Detroit:
The 58-year-old Independence Township man told first responders he thought he was having a stroke.
He thought maybe his daughter had drugged him.
The 17 year-old girl made the brownies with marijuana she says she got from a friend.
She told police she left them out on the kitchen counter — not thinking anyone would eat them.
The man was released from the hospital and is expected to be okay.
The girl is a Clarkston High School student and will likely face criminal charges.
In case you’re not aware, weed brownies could kill you. “Marijuana today is not your marijuana of the 1960s or 70s,” said Mike McCabe of the Oakland County Sherif’s Office. “The THC level is multiple times more potent. Depending how much marijuana was baked into those brownies, it could lead to someone being violently ill. It could also lead to death.”
Authorities seized the baked goods.
The post Man Hospitalized After Eating Daughter’s Weed Brownies, Thought He Was Having A Stroke appeared first on Hip-Hop Wired.
See all the celebrities that are wearing the latest hair trend: the half-up top knot.
It’s been over a year since I wrote my last letter to my bio-dad and even though I try very hard to act like it doesn’t bother me, it does. My parents called it quits when I was 2 years old and not long after, they had both moved on. My stepdad made up for it in every way; he told me I was beautiful in my prom dress and got teary when he walked me down the aisle.
II don’t know if it affects me more because I am a parent or perhaps it’s just a stage. The first time I really broke down, I was 11. My mom had managed to track down my dad, after not hearing from him since I was 6. I was angry. I wrote him a letter outlining the many things that he had missed out on during the last 10 years, how I didn’t understand how he could go on, get married, have kids and never even think to SMS, call or just pop by.
My mom is a decent ex and can’t be blamed. Still to this day, she scolds me if I put my dad down; she reassures me and tells me of the man she married and somewhere, somehow, that man must be lost. She encourages me to speak to him and make the effort. Still today, I know that she is the one who shares pictures of my child with him.
I have written many letters, some that I regret for being so harsh. I wish that he knew how those words reflected my hurt; I felt abandoned and alone. I look at my husband who can’t handle leaving us while he goes to work. How he takes the time to teach my son new things, cuddle him and reassure him throughout the day. My uncle once called us to say that my father was leaving the country the next day. Can you imagine meaning so little to your parent and not being told that he is leaving?
I’ve only ever seen my dad twice. Once, when I was 6. His wife was pregnant so my mom helped me pick out an outfit for the baby and came with us to lunch. My dad bought me a dress-up set which I loved. But that night, the emotions were overwhelming and I cried into my mom’s open arms. When I was 13, my parents agreed to send me overseas to see him. My mom and step-dad made sure that I wouldn’t need anything. They bought me an entire new wardrobe and enough toiletries to last six months. My grandparents handed me over to a stranger at the airport — a man who only had a supervised lunch under his belt of parenting experiences with his oldest daughter.
I don’t think that anyone considered the emotions that I had to go through or just how big the trip was. I wish that I could have enjoyed it and made the best of the opportunity, but the emotional turmoil was just too much and I flew back two weeks earlier than planned.
Recently, I asked my husband if he thought I would see my dad again and as the words escaped my lips, I regretted it — I already knew the answer. He replied with a firm “No.” Deep down, I expected it. But hearing it from someone else hit me hard. My dad won’t ever get to meet the two men who light up my life: my husband and son. He won’t know what makes me happy, my dreams and wishes. He won’t know anything more than my name and how many birthdays he has missed.
It’s not okay for you to turn your back on your children or to think that by not having any involvement in their life, you are doing them a favor. They don’t want you there? Fight harder. You’ve done wrong? Don’t let it define you, work at it and prove yourself. But don’t ever give up. There is nothing worse than feeling like your parent just gave up on you and forgot about you. Children need their parents — all of them. I thank my lucky stars for my step-dad and I am exceptionally grateful for my mom. But just because I have amazing parents, it still doesn’t fill the gap that my father left.
Your role as a parent doesn’t end with signing on the dotted line. You owe it to your children to be there, to fight for them, to not expect them to put in the effort to be your child, but for you to put in the time, patience and effort into being their parent.
Also on HuffPost:
Divorce – The Huffington Post
(Note: The above video contains language that may not be appropriate for work and other sensitive environments)
Having sex for the first time often comes with a range of emotions from “whoo hoo!” and “oh hell yeah!” to “uh, what just happened” and “that’s it?” to “that’s not what I expected” and “that’s not what I was hoping for.”
In a video from The Gay Bachelor Blog, which originally debuted in 2010 but is making the rounds on the Internet again this week, gay men open up about what their first times were like. From a tryst in the showers after hockey practice to finally not having to “worry about whether I was going to get hard or not,” these are real stories from real men talking about their own lives.
Check it out above and then why not share your own experience in the comments section below.
PARIS—In the wake of this week’s terrorist attacks on French newspaper Charlie Hebdo and two ensuing armed standoffs that together left over a dozen innocent civilians dead, humankind admitted Friday that it is sick and tired of having …
It’s a Saturday morning, and I think I’m pregnant. I go to the bathroom and unwrap a pregnancy test — pH paper inside a plastic stick. I sit on the toilet and awkwardly place the plastic stick under my urine stream.
I set the stick on the edge of the sink and watch my urine slowly move down the paper, saturating it, telling it things about my body that I don’t know. After two minutes, the stick shows my result. One solid pink line, the faintest inkling of a second line just to its left. But, is that a line? Or am I just imagining it? Do I want it to be a line?
I take a picture of the test with my phone and I text it to my sister: “What does this say?”
She calls me immediately. “It says you’re pregnant!” She’s happy and I’m skeptical. It doesn’t feel real. I mean, I just had my IUD removed a month ago. It’s too soon.
My husband is out getting the car’s oil changed. I text him. “Buy pregnancy tests. All different kinds.” He comes home with a new set of tests. I guzzle water and take them all, one at a time. Each test confirms the one before. There is a row of four pee-soaked sticks on the edge of my sink, all with faint second lines.
Five years ago, when I was 28 years old, I decided I would never have children, ever. I had been dating a guy for six years, we were living together, and I wanted to get married with the fervor of a woman who feels she has nothing else going for her. I worked at an industrial supply company, had a boyfriend, and getting married appeared to be the only exciting possibility open to me. But my boyfriend didn’t want to have kids. To marry him, I had to know I wasn’t going to have children.
I had always assumed that I would one day have kids, but I assumed this the way I assume that I’ll one day fit into a size six or have a Roth IRA or not find cigarettes delicious — those are future difficulties for future Dana to handle. But now I’m twenty-eight years old and I need to make a choice. I start to experiment with the idea of not having children. I visit child-free websites and purchase books: Life without Children, Baby Not on Board, Child-free and Loving It! And in picturing my life without children I find something. I had been going to work every day, coming home, watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer DVDs, going to bed, waking up, doing it again, pausing only to drink heavily on the weekends. I’ve literally been waiting to get married and have kids to finally give my life some purpose. But now, now, it’s possible that I will never be a mother. And since children aren’t going to give me purpose, I need to find my own. I start taking writing classes, improv classes, going to open mics. I get into grad school. I start a storytelling show. I give birth to myself.
A year after I agree to a child-free existence, my boyfriend still doesn’t want to get married, and I’m like: for fuck’s sake. So I break up with him. A lot of my friends ask, “Does this mean that you want kids now?” I think: who knows? I’m single for the first time in years and, sure, the idea of children being a possibility is nice, but less because I have a throbbing desire to have one and more because I like not having to make the decision. I like that I no longer have to know what I want.
Then I meet my husband. He’s warm and a hundred times more nurturing than me and he wants to have a baby and when I look at him I want that, too. But I also have moments of doubt. I spent such a long time focused on the negatives of having a child. I’ll be physically exhausted during pregnancy, it’ll wreck my body, ruin my boobs, swell up my ankles, tear my vagina, and then when we have the baby it’ll be tethered to me, demanding food every two hours. I won’t be able to sleep or shower and the exhaustion will go down to my bones. And then the baby will grow up and maybe start shoplifting or develop a meth habit or be a whiny person who I don’t like very much. The whole thing seems so dangerous, so likely to result in a bad outcome. And how will I write with a baby? How will I perform? How will I do any of the things that I want to do? What do I, by myself, without the opinion of my partner, want?
I still don’t know. But it’s a Saturday morning and I’m pregnant.
I find it hard to believe at first because I don’t feel any different. But then days go by and I begin to feel a buzz around my edges — every so often there’s a tiny tug on my perception, like I just took some Nyquil and it’s kicking in. I realize that this buzzing is probably a result of the pregnancy. It becomes more real. The women’s restroom at work has private nursing rooms for new mothers. I practice thinking about being a mom. I practice scheduling time in the mother’s nursing room on my Outlook calendar. I’m tired because my energy is being diverted, but I’m also improbably calm. I realize that I, through no conscious effort of my own, am slowly building another person. I feel like I have company everywhere I go. My husband and I compare bellies in the mirror every night. I didn’t think it was possible, but I enjoy being pregnant.
It’s a Thursday morning and I have a meeting at work, a typical gathering of people sitting in a room and discussing the intricacies of customer payment patterns, and the meeting turns a little rough. My logic is questioned and my boss publicly notices a spelling error in a memo I wrote. I retreat to the bathroom afterwards with my iPhone so I can sit in a stall, check Facebook, and soothe myself by remembering that nothing at my job really matters. And while in there I see blood. I see a lot of blood.
I put down my phone, retrieve a tampon, clean myself up, and force myself to move air in and out of my lungs because I want to stop breathing. I want to stop my breath so I can stop my mind from telling me what this means. But I do breathe, so my mind slowly registers this new information.
It’s a lot of blood.
Which means it’s a miscarriage.
I’m having a miscarriage.
I have 10 seconds before I start to cry and I need to find place to hide. I’m at work and no one even knows I’m pregnant but now I’m not pregnant, I’m having a miscarriage, but this is a place of business for business people and not a place for miscarriages and the women’s restroom has lots of my co-workers coming and going and they’ll recognize my shoes and they’ll hear me crying in the stall and they’ll ask each other, “Do you know what’s wrong with Dana? Oh — I bet she’s miscarrying.” And I can’t have that — I just can’t have it.
The mother’s nursing room is just around the corner, and it’s open. I stare at it and blink. I run inside and shut the door and sit in that small room with the clock and the fan and the table for the breast pump. I sit in a chair reserved for nursing mothers and I cry the way I bleed — without control, without seeming end. I use my cell phone and call my husband, who can barely understand me. I get it out, tell him we’re not pregnant anymore. He says it’s OK, it’ll be OK, and he loves me. I just cry. I hang up because I’m going to ruin my phone if I keep weeping directly into it. As I cry, part of me is surprised — we are really upset. Yes, we are.
Eventually I calm myself down. I need to go back to my cubicle. But, no, my face is a mess. Bright red, mascara everywhere. I call a trusted co-worker from my cell phone.
“Mary — it’s Dana. I’m in the mother’s nursing room. I need you to come in here and I need you to bring a box of tissues.” And Mary doesn’t even ask, “What?” She just says, “Yes,” hangs up, and runs to me with a box of tissues. She is a mother. I tell her that I’m miscarrying and she looks stricken. She hugs me.
I go home sick. I call the doctor. They say that I’m probably not pregnant anymore, but maybe I am, but probably I’m not, but I should use a maxi pad and not a tampon because my cervix is sensitive. I should come in for a blood test to make sure that I’m definitely not pregnant anymore, because I still could be. Even though I know. I no longer feel that tiny buzz.
I go to the doctor and they draw blood, twice, to compare the results. They tell me that yes, I did miscarry, that it was a chemical pregnancy, which means that I was pregnant, technically, but the embryo wasn’t viable and my body ended the pregnancy. They say that it’s a good thing, because it shows that I can get pregnant. They say that it’s a good thing, because when a pregnancy goes wrong early on, the body does the right thing in ending it. They say that I’ll be extra fertile next time. They notice that I’m crying. They close the office door and hand me a tissue and agree that it’s sad.
I keep crying, at random times, every day. My husband tells me it will all be OK and this is a setback, but it will be OK. And in my moments of logic I agree — the body knows best, and if the pregnancy isn’t going to go well, it’s best for the body to end it at the beginning, and we will get pregnant again one day, and I was so unsure that I was even ready for this.
But then there are moments after I’ve exhausted myself with tears, and these moments are so quiet and so visceral that they feel like a higher truth. I had someone, a life, and now I don’t. I feel the difference. It’s hollower. Emptier. Even though it was just cells, barely there. Cells that in past times, times when I was undecided, I would have done anything not to have. But this is different. Because I wanted it.
I didn’t know. I didn’t know how much I wanted children. How much I wanted that child. But now, at least, at the very least, I know.
I know what I want.
This post originally appeared on Empty Sink Publishing.
ALSO ON HUFFPOST:
Divorce – The Huffington Post
There’s definitely benefits to having friends, but can you have a friend with benefits with one of the parties isn’t actually human? Summer Glau opens up about her close relationship with a 10-foot tall robot.
WIRED Videos – The Scene
This post originally appeared on Reductress.com.
Movie nights are perfect for cuddling up together with some popcorn and a movie. And let’s face it: you’re tired, you’re comfy, and you haven’t really attended to your personal grooming this week. So here are a few ways to select a movie that’ll send the “We’re not having sex after this movie” message, loud and clear.
One word: Holocaust Film. Sex after genocide is like orange juice after brushing your teeth. Starving bodies and horrendous loss will have you both saying, “auf Wiedersehen” to any notion of lovemaking. IMPORTANT: Stay away from Sophie’s Choice – there are some incredibly steamy scenes that might change his mind in spite of the boner-killing story arc.
Choose something that revolves around a large egg hatching. Whether it’s a nature doc or a sci-fi horror, you’re guaranteed a hefty amount of goo and fearful procreation, two things that both feature heavily in sex, but rarely incite it.
Anything with Ernest Borgnine. The man has the face of a Chinese New Year’s dragon, except with tufts of century-old hair. His goofy grin, untended eyebrows, and ill yodel of a voice will ensure a platonic evening in which sex is the farthest thing from your minds.
Pick a movie that includes the line: “I just had sex with my own Dad?!” No examples come immediately to mind, but trust me: Mood-killer.
Just watch Red Asphalt. For a surefire sex-stopper, watch Red Asphalt, which is just footage of highway carnage used to scare young drivers into always buckling their seat belts. Sure, it may not exactly be the relaxing evening you had in mind, but you definitely won’t be having sex or text while driving after watching this classic.
The DaVinci Code. We still haven’t unraveled the mystery as to why, but for some reason it works. Every. Time.