Talking Horse

A jogger, running down a country road, is startled as a horse yells at him,

“Hey! Come over here, buddy!” The jogger is stunned, but runs over to the fence where the horse is standing and asks, “Are you talking to me???”

The horse replies, “Sure am! Listen, I’ve got a problem. I won the Kentucky Derby a few years ago, but then this farmer bought me, and now all I do is
pull a plow. I’m sick of it. Why don’t you run up to the house and offer him $ 5,000 to buy me? I’ll make you some real money, ’cause I can still
run.”

Dollar signs go off in the jogger’s head. So he runs up to the farmhouse, where he finds the old farmer sitting on the porch.

The jogger says, “Say, old man, I’ll give you $ 5,000 for that old, broken-down nag you’ve got out in the field.”

Says the farmer, “Son, I know what you are thinking, but you can’t believe everything you hear. He’s never even been to Kentucky.”

Received from Crosswalk.
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Give Me A Chance: I’d Love To Eat Horse

Give Me A Chance: I’d Love To Eat Horse

Give Me A Chance: I’d Love To Eat Horse
“Give Me A Chance, I’d Love To Eat Horse”
Submitted by: Ben Wietmarschen
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Keywords: Eating horse horse meat eating horse meat give me a chance I'd love to eat horse horse horses
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“Isle of Dogs” stars horse around doing animal impressions

Bill Murray, Bryan Cranston, Jeff Goldblum and Bob Balaban talk making animal sounds and the political undertones of “Isle of Dogs”. Rough cut (no reporter narration).


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Dark Horse – Devin Dawson

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Dark Horse

Devin Dawson

Genre: Country

Price: $ 7.99

Release Date: January 19, 2018

© ℗ 2018 Warner Music Nashville LLC

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Paris Jackson Hits Australian Horse Race with Mystery Man

Paris Jackson’s down under in Melbourne for the Australian Cup horse race, and she showed up for the event with a mystery guy … plenty of women would pick to win, place AND show.  Paris and the guy seemed pretty tight during the event — which is…

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Diary of a Horse Mad Girl: My First Pony – Book 1 – A Perfect Horse Book for Girls aged 9 to 12 – Katrina Kahler

Katrina Kahler - Diary of a Horse Mad Girl: My First Pony - Book 1 - A Perfect Horse Book for Girls aged 9 to 12  artwork

Diary of a Horse Mad Girl: My First Pony – Book 1 – A Perfect Horse Book for Girls aged 9 to 12

Katrina Kahler

Genre: Graphic Novels

Publish Date: April 18, 2014

Publisher: Katrina Kahler

Seller: Smashwords


Follow the true adventures of Abbie and her first pony, Sparkle (a beautiful Palomino) in her diary. Yes, she is a horse mad girl and when she gets her first pony…all her dreams come true… "When I first saw Sparkle, I knew that she was the pony for me! As soon as she cantered across the paddock, I think we both knew that we were meant to be together. But I certainly wasn't prepared for the exciting adventures ahead." My First Pony will take you on a ride filled with fun, friendships and even near disaster – the true story of a totally horse mad girl and a beautiful palomino named Sparkle. It is suitable for "horse mad" girls aged from around 8 to 12. Book 2 – Diary of a Horse Mad Girl: Pony Club Adventures and Book 3 – My Dream Pony are both now available on Amazon. If you liked book 1, I know you'll enjoy books 2 and 3. Thank you for reading my books. I love horses! Katrina

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Wicked Wish: The Wicked Horse Vegas, Book 2 (Unabridged) – Sawyer Bennett

Sawyer Bennett - Wicked Wish: The Wicked Horse Vegas, Book 2 (Unabridged)  artwork

Wicked Wish: The Wicked Horse Vegas, Book 2 (Unabridged)

Sawyer Bennett

Genre: Romance

Price: $ 17.95

Publish Date: August 11, 2017

© ℗ © 2017 Big Dog Books, LLC

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Real Life H-O-R-S-E! with Dave Franco & DeAndre Jordan

Real Life H-O-R-S-E! with Dave Franco & DeAndre Jordan

Real Life H-O-R-S-E! with Dave Franco… 3:52
A friendly game of H-O-R-S-E turns into a cutthroat series of competitions between actor Dave Franco and LA Clippers center DeAndre Jordan.
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Funny Or Die Test Tube: J Horse

Funny Or Die Test Tube: J Horse

Funny Or Die Test Tube: J Horse 15:52
Funny or Die asked the best sketch groups in the world to play around in their lab: In this episode, J Horse Saddles up and rides into the great television plains.
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Dark Horse – Nickelback

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Dark Horse

Nickelback

Genre: Rock

Price: $ 7.99

Release Date: November 17, 2008

© ℗ 2008 The All Blacks B.V. Issued under license to Roadrunner Records from The All Blacks B.V. Roadrunner Records is a registered trademark of The All Blacks B.V.

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Channing Tatum Saved a Horse and Gave Him a Beer Because That’s Love—See the Pic!

Channing Tatum’s new drinking buddy is quite the stallion.

The hunky star became even hotter (yeah, we didn’t know that was possible, either) after revealing that he adopted a…


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Bailey, J. Horse

A worker is walking around at the county fair, when he sees a luscious and toned blond leaning over while she is shooting a rifle. He walks up behind her, rubbing his cock and balls against her butt before he grabs her dominantly by the hips. Although they are complete strangers, this young slut will go with almost any man, and acompanies him back home. To get warmed up, they strip off and have a dick slurping 69. Then the guy sticks a condom on and the girl straddles him, grinding her sweet cunt up and down on his prick. This proceeds to a hardcore doggy slamming, as the man holds the blond by her pigtails with one hand.

Hardcore Porn

Tatianna Stone, J. Horse

Tatianna Stone is a very nerdy-looking blond, but if you have never seen a nerdy girl in action then you do not know what you are missing. J. Horse knows all about the nerdy chicks though, especially ones with tits as big as Tatianna’s. Those puppies are almost ready to burst right out of her shirt, let alone staying in a bra. J.’s wandering fingers works their way up to her chest then under her skirt, where they find a very wet pussy. She gives him an awesome hummer and then it’s time to explore that wet slit.

Hardcore Porn

Cart Before the Horse – Bernadette Marie

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Cart Before the Horse

Bernadette Marie

Genre: Contemporary

Publish Date: September 27, 2011

Publisher: 5 Prince Publishing

Seller: Bernadette Soehner


Gabriel Maguire thought he'd buried his past until the night he met Holly, only to lose the woman he cared about, again. Holly Jacobs has always put the cart before the horse. A prodigy who shot to stardom in textile design, she never knew a normal life—and there's nothing she longs for more than to be normal. Pregnant before she even knows the name of her baby's father, Holly has put the cart miles ahead of the horse this time. But when she and Gabe meet for the second time, they decide to have their baby together. Holly finally begins to accept her unique way of doing everything backward, but Gabe's very normality drives her up the walls. Then his tragic past rears up; pain and loss threaten to destroy forever the fragile bond that has blossomed between him and Holly.

iTunes Store: Top Free Books in Romance

Real Life Horse Cocks 2

These girls have never seen anything so big and so black before! Watch as they try as hard as they can to take every hard inch into their bodies. These guys here do have some of the biggest poles on the block. Any hole is going to feel tight for these guys.

Watch the Full Length, High Quality Movie!

This clip from Real Life Horse Cocks 2 by TVX Broadcasting features Mr. 18" getting those inches sucked and stroked by the horny and shameless Kristine Kane who is eager to get on top of that huge cock.

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Studio Name: Underground Entertainment

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Style Notes: Lorde Chills on a Tree for ‘Dazed’; Triple Crown-Winning Horse to Cover ‘Vogue’


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Has a Horse Ever Won the Triple Crown in Baseball?

Horse racing represents the two things I hate most: animal abuse and rich white people celebrating.

Nevertheless, congratulations to American Pharoah on winning the equestrian Triple Crown. Animal athletics represent what is pure and good about sports. Unlike the fame-driven phonies who play professional football and basketball and baseball, animal athletes are not guided by money or ego or even a basic comprehension that they’re competing in a sporting event.

Literally the moment the Belmont Stakes ended, American Pharoah had already forgotten that an important race had just taken place. And five minutes later, the rest of America forgot that an important race had just taken place.

The worse thing that could’ve happened to the sport of horse racing, thirty-seven years later, was for a horse to actually win the Triple Crown. The build-up was suspenseful and spectacular. The actual moment was like, “Eh. Now what?” Sort of like Christmas morning or airplane bathroom sex.

But unlike Christmas and- too a lesser extent, sex- horse racing is horrible.

Baseball is just as boring as horse racing. But unlike the Kentucky Derby, if Miguel Cabrera breaks his ankle running to second base, the trainers don’t come out to the field and shoot him. I mean, even North Korea waits for spectators to leave the stadium before killing its underperforming athletes.

To watch a prestigious horse race is not the equivalent of watching the NBA Finals. Rather, it’s like viewing those adorable cat videos on YouTube. That’s because- and I say this in a complimentary way, actually- horses are animals.

1973 Triple Crown winner Secretariat ranked #35 on ESPN’s list of Greatest American Athletes of the 20th Century, ahead of sports legends such as Mickey Mantle, Lawrence Taylor, and Olympian Eric Heiden. Hall of Fame pitcher Sandy Koufax was #42 on the list, which, by definition, means he would’ve been #41 on a list of Greatest American Human Athletes of the 20th Century.

Interesting to note that famous horse racing jockey Bill Shoemaker was #57 on the list. Shoemaker ranks lower than the horses. Auto racing’s Mario Andretti was #92. But yet Andretti’s car is not on the list. That’s because a car is not an athlete. And that’s because a car, like a horse, is not a human being.

The fastest kitchen table in America might be the fastest kitchen table in America. Doesn’t make it an “athlete.” And I don’t know what you call it when kitchen tables ski jump, but I know it’s not “sports.”

As a matter of fact, three horses placed on ESPN’s list of Greatest American Athletes of the 20th Century. Somewhere a javelin-throwing panda bear, not on the list, is thinking, “I was snubbed.”

To describe a horse as an “athlete” is insane. Even weirder is to label it an American athlete. Are horses granted citizenship? I never really thought of animals as having a nationality, though I’m aware of the Republican Party’s insistence on building a giant fence around our border to keep out illegal Chihuahuas.

When talking about horse racing, sports pundits speak of the elite horses as having “a lot of heart” or a will to win. But I bet the horses also run fast because they’re being whipped.

And why horse racing? Why not, say, guinea pig racing? That horses are fast is not a logical rationale. Hippopotamuses run twenty miles per hour. Hippos are fast. No, they’re not as fast as horses. But other animals are. Explain to me why the Preakness is a legitimate sporting event, but put ten cheetahs on a track and it’s a sideshow?

Horse athletes are forced to compete. Human being athletes have a choice… I mean, unless you’re one of Archie Manning’s kids. Human being athletes do it for the fame and the glory. Horses do it for the food. When a human being athlete is unsuccessful, he is cut from the team. When a horse athlete is unsuccessful, he is cut into meat.

When a human athlete’s career is over, he or she usually gets a job in broadcasting or they make a living signing autographs or going on Dancing with the Stars. When a horse’s racing career is over, it usually gets eaten… which, to be fair, is slightly less degrading than going on Dancing with the Stars.

Let’s get real. Let’s call this what it is. Horse racing is not a “sport.” It’s gambling– no different than blackjack or the lottery or getting into a car when Lindsay Lohan is at the wheel.

But it’s 2015. We don’t need horses for gambling anymore. Hell, people don’t care what they’re betting on, as long as they’re betting. Every year during the Super Bowl, literally hundreds of thousands of dollars are waged on the opening coin flip! The freakin’ coin flip! (My free tip for next year’s big game? Tails.) The Breeder’s Cup wouldn’t be any less popular if they raced computerized robot unicorns, just as long as people can still play the trifecta.

It’s time to put horse racing out to pasture. It’s time. And don’t feel too bad for the rich white owners with the funny hats who look so happy when their horses win the big race. Even without horse racing, those people will still be happy because they’ll still be rich.

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The Trouble With Horse Racing

Have we, as a nation, lost our bearings? Have we lost all sense of proportion? The jubilation and near-hysterical levels of enthusiasm in response to American Pharoah winning horse racing’s Triple Crown were not only wretchedly excessive, they were nutty.

Yes, people will point out that, until American Pharoah did it last weekend, no horse had won the Kentucky Derby, Preakness and Belmont Stakes, all in the same year, not since 1978 when Affirmed did it. Wonderful.

Except that the moment the race was over, we began hearing nothing but economic news. We instantly began hearing how valuable this horse will be once he is put out to stud. Money. It was all about money. Potential earnings, return on equity, future profits.

Consider: When Miguel Cabrera won the “real” Triple Crown in 2012 (the one in baseball, the one that requires genuine athletic talent and isn’t joined at the hip to pari-mutuel wagering), it hadn’t been done for 45 years, not since 1967 when Carl Yastrzemski led the league in batting average, homers, and RBI.

Now that’s a real achievement, one done by a human being and not by a horse or trained dog. Nothing against animals, mind you. I’ve watched the Kentucky Derby and I’ve watched the Westminster Dog Show and have been amused, if not overly worked-up, by both. But those aren’t “sporting events.”

Moreover, after Cabrera won his Triple Crown, you didn’t hear the media get all dollars-and-sense about it. You didn’t hear broadcasters speculate about how much more money Cabrera could expect to earn now that he had accomplished this milestone.

If we want to celebrate something significant being done after a long dry spell, let’s at least hold out for an impressive “human” event, something that doesn’t involve animals. Let’s hold out for something memorable, like seeing the perennially disappointing Chicago Cubs win a World Series or the Detroit Lions appear in a Super Bowl.

Or wait for the next American citizen to be named World Chess Champion. That formidable feat hasn’t been accomplished since 1975, when Bobby Fischer won the crown. And chess, baseball and football — unlike horse racing — don’t owe their existence to gambling. Unlike horse racing, which would shrivel up and die without the gambling, these games would flourish even with no money being wagered.

And not to get all self-righteous or “socially conscious” here, but speaking of the Kentucky Derby, what do we see when we observe that lavish spectacle? What do we see when we behold this historic horse race held in a nest of the former Confederacy?

We see a vast ocean of white faces. We see money. We see rich white people — wealthy, mint julep-drinking, white men and women, tricked out in their finest antebellum duds, harkening us back to all that was weird and glorious about Plantation Life. And then, just when we think we’ve had enough, they go and sing, “My Old Kentucky Home.”

No one is suggesting we ban horse racing, or curtail it, or boycott it. After all, wagering on horses is as American as apple strudel. And if a network wants to milk a two-and-a-half minute horse race for three hours, that’s their prerogative. They’re the ones paying for the commercial time.

But before people mindlessly gush over a horse race, they should ask themselves why they care. Unless they have money riding on it, what does it matter? And given that Pharoah went off at 3-to-5 odds (meaning you had to risk $ 50 to win $ 30), his victory was something of an anti-climax. A 37-year drought or not, he was the prohibitive favorite.

David Macaray is a playwright and author. His latest book is “Night Shift: 270 Factory Stories.”

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New Found Glory — Band Connects with Horse … Saves Her From Death Row

New Found Glory’s guitarist Chad Gilbert,  just saved a very special horse from getting turned into glue. Chad tells TMZ he was doing a Twitter search recently for fan reactions to the band’s tour, and he came across an ad for…

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Diary of a Horse Mad Girl: My First Pony – Book 1 – A Perfect Horse Book for Girls aged 9 to 12 – Katrina Kahler

Katrina Kahler - Diary of a Horse Mad Girl: My First Pony - Book 1 - A Perfect Horse Book for Girls aged 9 to 12  artwork

Diary of a Horse Mad Girl: My First Pony – Book 1 – A Perfect Horse Book for Girls aged 9 to 12

Katrina Kahler

Genre: Graphic Novels

Publish Date: April 18, 2014

Publisher: Katrina Kahler

Seller: Smashwords


Follow the true adventures of Abbie and her first pony, Sparkle (a beautiful Palomino) in her diary. Yes, she is a horse mad girl and when she gets her first pony…all her dreams come true… "When I first saw Sparkle, I knew that she was the pony for me! As soon as she cantered across the paddock, I think we both knew that we were meant to be together. But I certainly wasn't prepared for the exciting adventures ahead." My First Pony will take you on a ride filled with fun, friendships and even near disaster – the true story of a totally horse mad girl and a beautiful palomino named Sparkle. It is suitable for "horse mad" girls aged from around 8 to 12. Book 2 – Diary of a Horse Mad Girl: Pony Club Adventures and Book 3 – My Dream Pony are both now available on Amazon. If you liked book 1, I know you'll enjoy books 2 and 3. Thank you for reading my books. I love horses! Katrina

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Horse Tucks Himself In After A Long Day, Takes A Nap

Why the long face?

Because it’s nap time, and even horses have to kick back and rest their hooves once in a while. But who — whether four-legged or two — can sleep well without being tucked in? Not Rumba the Wonder Horse, that’s for sure.

Georgia Bruce, the Australian animal trainer behind Rumba, says she taught the quarter horse gelding the adorable trick of tucking himself in using plenty of positive reinforcement. Positive, indeed: Who among us wouldn’t hoof it for a fluffed blanket and comfy pillow?

And what does Rumba dream about, while he’s whinnying around in la-la land? Unlimited breadsticks, of course.

H/T Tastefully Offensive

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A Trojan Horse Called Tidal: It’s the Strategy That Matters

2015-04-28-1430243671-5160134-TidalLogo.png

Barely a month after the launch of Jay Z’s Tidal, with major artists lining up to show support and journalists signaling the arrival of a big new digital music gorilla, the tide of opinion seems to have dramatically turned.

The Tidal app has sunk in popularity, a new CEO steps in, and many — from self-righteous bloggers to opinionated venture capitalists — have suddenly written it all off. They claim Apple, Spotify, and Pandora are too entrenched, too richly endowed, and far too big to compete with. The argument goes that a pricey premium service like Tidal, backed by rich, naïve artists, just can’t catch up to the big horses. Those big horses are willing to step up to expensive record label deals. And they can afford to absorb losses for years as they build large subscriber bases, leaving others in the dust. Some of these competitors might even retaliate against Tidal, withholding promotion for artists who give Tidal exclusives.

Even artists have piled on. They see Tidal as a squandered opportunity, part of the same wave of ornery streaming business models that depressed the value of recorded music for all artists. (Tidal may be worse in their view, given the wealthy artists backing it.)

No matter that we’re only a month in, or that Tidal and predecessor Aspiro are actually niche services — offering high fidelity streaming for a premium fee. Forget about the fact that major labels are now pulling back dramatically on their partners’ rights to stream free advertising supported “interactive” music — a weaker business than Tidal’s premium business model.

And while we’re at it, also forget that committed digital services with patient backers can find life and profits over time with digital music. Definitely don’t mention Rdio or tiny 8tracks to these opinion leaders, either. They’re both doing well, punching well above their weight class, lining up carrier deals, building audiences — one is even profitable.

That’s a lot of forgetting and secrets to keep. Here’s what everyone seems to be missing:

Tidal’s biggest promise was never the service itself, nor is it the idea of slightly higher streaming compensation for artists; rather, it’s the emerging artist strategy behind Tidal that could be the biggest game-changer over time.

Tidal is actually just one piece of a broad strategy to empower artists with their own digital platforms, tools, and even the influence of a bigger organization. The idea is to help make a difference for artists over time. Jay himself said it.

If you don’t believe this, look no further than Roc Nation, Jay’s management company, which not only manages music stars like Rihanna, Shakira, and Haim, but now also has a sports management business, with baseball players to boxers under contract. It’s not a perfect scenario, and some relationships haven’t worked out. But it is a clear step towards the goal of building a supportive artist-centric enterprise.

Roc Nation’s site sells pricey merchandise, and its mobile business is quietly setting the stage for mobile commerce from its artists sites, too. If this strategy were to gain traction, it could be a game-changer. Roc Nation could not only sell merchandise, but they can add tickets and potentially, music, too. They can build a base of customer relationships and a robust D2C business for its clients.

This strategy — called Direct to Consumer or “D2C” — used to be a boring afterthought in the recorded music business — the back office where labels sold box sets and repackaged catalog music.

Today, with music margins shrinking, streaming competition intensifying, and many parties scrambling to mark out space in a disrupted music market, it is a priority for all, labels and artists included. Over time, it could be much more important than album exclusives or short-term content “windows” from warring streaming services, too.

Everyone in the music ecosystem needs a D2C strategy as they revaluate and reinvent — and a major manager like RocNation, Tidal included, is in a strong position to build out this strategy.

It is not clear how close the relationship is between the new Tidal team and the RocNation team, but this family of interests definitely looks potent. No doubt that Tidal’s execution is important — poor execution helps no one — but the smart strategy behind this broader enterprise could be a game changer.

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

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The Religious Horse

A courier was travelling across country on a horse. He was in a hurry and rode the horse too hard, so it foundered. Needing to continue on his
journey, he went up to a nearby farm and asked the farmer if he could buy a horse.

“The only horse I have is this one,” the farmer said.

“Fine, I’ll take it,” the courier replied and jumped on the horse’s back.

The rather religious farmer told the courier how to control the horse. “Say ‘Praise the Lord’ to get the horse to go and ‘Amen’ to get it to
stop.”

So with a quick “Praise the Lord,” the courier was on his way. He made good time, and his mind wandered as the countryside flew by. Looking up after a
while, the courier realized that a cliff was coming up, but the horse was showing no indication of slowing down. He began to panic as the cliff loomed
closer, and he found he could not remember the command to stop the horse. In a real fright, the courier prayed earnestly for a reminder, and finished
his prayer with “Amen.”

The horse came to a screeching halt at the edge of the cliff. Looking down over the edge, the relieved courier exclaimed loudly, “Praise the
Lord!”

Received from Timothy Anger.
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Berlin Horse Market

Like all horse markets, this one has strict rules. Before the event begins, every participant has to decide if he wants to take part either as a mare or as a stallion. It is not possible to change roles once the market begins!

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Like all horse markets, this one has strict rules. Before the event begins, every participant has to decide if he wants to take part either as a mare or as a stallion. It is not possible to change roles once the market begins!

Categories: Safe Sex High Definition Anal Bareback Gay Orgies

Scene Number: 1

Orientation: Gay

Studio Name: Dark Alley Media Wurstfilm

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