George Lopez Charged with Battery After Hooters Fight Over Trump Joke

George Lopez will have to answer for allegedly getting handsy with a fan who trolled him with a Trump joke and a camera in his face, ’cause he’s been charged with a crime … TMZ has learned. Law enforcement sources tell us George will have to appear in…

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Episode 280 Scott Adams: Hillary’s “Joke” and my Awkward Meeting With Diamond and Silk

Topics: 

  • Hillary made a joke about people that say what she said
  • My awkward meeting with Diamond and Silk

I fund my Periscopes and podcasts via audience micro-donations on Patreon. I prefer this method over accepting advertisements or working for a “boss” somewhere because it keeps my voice independent. No one owns me, and that is rare. I’m trying in my own way to make the world a better place, and your contributions help me stay inspired to do that.

See all of my Periscope videos here.

Find my WhenHub Interface app here.

The post Episode 280 Scott Adams: Hillary’s “Joke” and my Awkward Meeting With Diamond and Silk appeared first on Dilbert Blog.


Dilbert Blog

Episode 185 Scott Adams: Cancelled Military Parades, Joke Experts and Opioid Lawsuits

Topics: 

  • President Trump hired an African American woman and trusted her too much
  • CNN has less anti-Trump news items today…let’s review them
  • China is effectively well managed, well run
  • NY Governor Andrew Cuomo’s inflammatory statement
  • Suing pharmaceutical companies for the opioid epidemic
  • Weed legalization discussion before midterms

 

I fund my Periscopes and podcasts via audience micro-donations on Patreon. I prefer this method over accepting advertisements or working for a “boss” somewhere because it keeps my voice independent. No one owns me, and that is rare. I’m trying in my own way to make the world a better place, and your contributions help me stay inspired to do that.

See all of my Periscope videos here.

Find my WhenHub Interface app here.

The post Episode 185 Scott Adams: Cancelled Military Parades, Joke Experts and Opioid Lawsuits appeared first on Dilbert Blog.


Dilbert Blog

‘Is This A F*cking Joke?’: Nae Wasn’t Laughing When She Learned The Identity Of Her Catfish

A young woman got the shock of her life when her online beau was revealed on this week’s ‘Catfish.’
News

Ariana Grande Reacts To Pete Davidson’s ‘Unfortunate’ Manchester Bombing Joke

Ariana Grande reacts to Pete Davidson’s Manchester bombing joke, saying she ‘didn’t find it funny.’
News

Finally, a Good Trump Joke

The Donald is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.

A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts, “Mickey Mouse!” This startles the would be assassin, and he is captured.

Later, the secret service agent’s supervisor takes him aside and asks, “What in the heck made you shout Mickey Mouse?”

Blushing, the agent replies, “I got nervous. I meant to shout, “Donald, duck!”

Received from Jim Neugent.
The Good, Clean Funnies List

Mariah Carey Makes Her Triumphant Return to New Year’s Rockin’ Eve With a Medley and a Joke

Mariah Carey, New Years EveAfter last year’s epic mishap and ensuing drama on Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve with Ryan Seacrest, Mariah Carey made sure she made a big comeback for this year’s second…


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The Joke Man: Bow to Stern (Unabridged) – Jackie Martling

Jackie Martling - The Joke Man: Bow to Stern (Unabridged)  artwork

The Joke Man: Bow to Stern (Unabridged)

Jackie Martling

Genre: Comedy

Price: $ 17.95

Publish Date: October 24, 2017

© ℗ © 2017 Audible Studios

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Trump Is F*cking Crazy (This Is Not a Joke) (Unabridged) – Keith Olbermann

Keith Olbermann - Trump Is F*cking Crazy (This Is Not a Joke) (Unabridged)  artwork

Trump Is F*cking Crazy (This Is Not a Joke) (Unabridged)

Keith Olbermann

Genre: Comedy

Price: $ 29.95

Publish Date: October 17, 2017

© ℗ © 2017 Penguin Audio

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Caitlyn Jenner Running for Senate’s a Joke to Her Ex-Wife Linda Thompson

[[tmz:video id=”0_sdw9yb04″]] Caitlyn Jenner better reconsider making a run for the U.S. Senate … at least according to her ex-wife, Linda Thompson. We got Linda, who was married to Caitlyn for 5 years, outside their son Brandon’s Tuesday night…

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TMZ Celebrity News for Gossip Rumors


Johnny Depp Apologizes For Joke About Assassinating President Trump

Johnny Depp is apologizing for his joke about assassinating President Trump, saying he didn’t mean any harm by it. Johnny released a statement admitting the “bad joke” he told Thursday to the Glastonbury Festival crowd was in poor taste. “It did…

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TMZ Celebrity News for Stars In Heat


How Donald Trump Wins the Election (No Joke)

Don’t laugh. It’s not only possible, it’s probable. First of all, let us qualify our opening statement by noting that Trump doesn’t actually win the election for himself. Please, that’s not going to happen. Granted, we might have been gullible enough to include Sarah Palin as the vice-presidential candidate on the McCain ticket, but we ain’t stupid enough to elect a glorified frat boy as president.

But what Trump does do is win the damn election for one of his fellow Republicans — a Republican who, had Trump not been in the field, would have stood no chance against Hillary Clinton — and that little stunt is going to spell doom for us lifelong Democrats.

How it happens can be explained in two words: “Trump fatigue.”

Consider: The very things that have propelled Trump to the top of the polls (i.e., his refreshing candor, his no-nonsense approach to politics, his constant reminder that he’s too wealthy to be bought, and his tough talk about being a preternaturally accomplished “deal maker,” which is how he became so rich) will be the things that sink him.

Why? Simple: We will eventually tire of him. We will tire of Trump the same way a person tires of being served only dessert for dinner. The same way we tire of repetitious TV commercials. Because the man has no understanding of the basic policies and issues facing him — much less the remotest idea of how to address them — all he can do is spout generalities and provocative slogans.

And as this shortcoming becomes increasingly apparent, it will eventually lead to the Republicans reaching out for some “adult supervision,” and that “adult” will be Marco Rubio. He’s vaguely Kennedyesque; he’s got the hair, he’s got the ethnicity; he’s got Florida’s electoral votes, and he’s got the self-discipline not to shoot himself in the foot — which is why the “adult” won’t be the hapless Jeb Bush.

The beauty of Trump handing over the reins to Rubio lies in the public’s short attention span and its overwhelming willingness to switch to a fresh horse. By the time Rubio dashes to the front of the pack, Hillary will be seen to suffer from an affliction similar to Trump’s: “Hillary Fatigue.” Although it’s no fault of her own, she’s been in the spotlight too long.

Alas, it’s all in the timing and the presentation. Just as we finally choke (and eventually puke) on the narcissistic absurdity of Trump’s traveling carnival act, we’re going to be cloyed by seeing Hillary everywhere. Again, while it’s not her fault, being constantly presented as the Democrat’s presumptive nominee is not only going to work to her detriment, it’s going to open the door to a later arrival, some fresh face who hasn’t already worn out their welcome.

Rubio is biding his time. He will make his move when the timing is right, after the new year, after Trump has become yesterday’s news, and after we’ve all gotten used to Hillary’s line of rhetoric. Trump get Rubio elected. Get ready for the pain.

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.




Comedy – The Huffington Post
ENTERTAINMENT NEWS-Visit Mobile Playboy today for the hottest adult entertainment online!

Twitter Joke

Twitter Joke

Twitter Joke 1:22
Putting yourself out there in our social media landscape. Just go for it!

This is an episode of Tragic Relief, a sad, stupid anthology series about life as a nightmare that pummels undeserving people at every turn. ZING!
Submitted by: Tragic Relief
Regular
Keywords: comedy webseries web series tragic relief sad funny short nyc sketch sketch comedy dark lonely twitter joke social networking suicide hopeless desperate needy lonely tweet modern family
Views: 637

Funny or Die | Funny Videos, Funny Video Clips, Funny Pictures

Local News Anchor Cracks Cheeky Poop Joke On Air

Never mind a belly laugh, how about a bowel laugh?

Canadian news anchor Rich Abney told a poop joke on air recently, and judging by the clip he certainly amused himself.

Abney cracked the joke after his CKPG-TV co-anchor Aileen Machell pitched a nice, slow floater about a veggie garden being grown aboard the International Space Station as “agriculture that’s out of this world.”

The joke prompted Abney to quip, “it seems like a better idea than eating food grown on Uranus.” He stifled a mischievous laugh as his coworkers flashed him a constipated smile.

Somewhere, Abney, you just made a group of 8-year-old boys very, very happy.

H/T GQ

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.




Comedy – The Huffington Post
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Poems, Jars & The Biggest Joke in the World: The Bachelorette Season 11 Has Finally Come to A Close

That was fun! And also not!

What feels like the longest season of our lives is finally over, and all is right with the world. We’ve been rooting for Kaitlyn to pick Shawn since night…


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Vonn Laughs Off ESPYs Joke

Lindsey Vonn found herself an unexpected participant in Joel McHale’s Tiger Woods joke at the ESPYs – but the skier wasn’t all that surprised to hear the jab.


Access Hollywood Latest News

Bryan Cranston Burns ‘Breaking Bad’ Fan With Perfect ‘Your Mother’ Joke

Bryan Cranston has delivered some devastating lines on “Breaking Bad,” but on Thursday he really dropped the mic.

While appearing on Nerd HQ’s Conversations for a Cause panel at the San Diego Comic-Con, Cranston was asked by an Albuquerque native who was a fan of the AMC show what he liked to do while he was in the New Mexico city. Cranston’s response was incredible.

“Yeah, I’d go and visit your mother once in a while,” said Cranston, causing everyone to completely lose it.

The actor’s “Breaking Bad” co-star Aaron Paul also had some fun with fans recently, fooling them into thinking his character, Jesse Pinkman, was going to be involved in a ”Breaking Bad” spinoff. 

Now, that’s a cute joke and all, but nothing compares to the burn of Heisenberg talking about your mama. He is the man who knock-knocks.

Image: Giphy

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.



Comedy – The Huffington Post
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You Guys Can Joke All You Want But I’m The One Who Has To Kiss Him And Suck On His Little Penis

You Guys Can Joke All You Want But I’m The One Who Has To Kiss Him And Suck On His Little Penis

You Guys Can Joke All You Want But I’…
You comedians think you’re taking him down a peg with your spoofs and send-ups but really, you’re just making my job worse.
Submitted by: patshereyouguys
Worthy
Keywords: donald trump trump president trump announces run melania trump donald trump wife dick sucking the apprentice jon stewart the daily show colbert trump
Views: 48,578

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Fox News’ Andrea Tantaros Thinks Her Joke Comparing Coming Out as Transgender to Self-Identifying ”as a Cat” Is Hilarious

Andrea Tantaros, Fox NewsMemo to Andrea Tantaros: Your cat crack wasn’t funny, let alone worthy-of-a-meme funny.

“Yes! I LOVE it! Or a tiger maybe…” the Outnumbered co-host tweeted out a pic of…


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Natasha Leggero Felt ‘So Guilty’ About This Joke From The Justin Bieber Roast

Natasha Leggero had to take a shot of tequila before telling Justin Bieber that the reason he’s got “moves” is probably because he’d been “dodging a coat hanger” in the womb.

The occasion was the teen pop sensation’s Comedy Central Roast, so such a remark was hardly out of place, but the comedienne has reservations about the quip to this day.

“That was the one I felt so guilty about, because [of] his face after it,” she told HuffPost Live on Monday. “And he’s like so close with his mom and, like, they pray together.”

Luckily, there’s no hard feelings between the “Another Period” actress and the Biebs.

“I’ve seen him since then and he was just so happy that [the roast] happened,” she said. “He was very sweet.”

The roast was “nerve-racking,” according to Leggero, who admitted to getting anxious before delivering her material.

“But then, right after it went well, Snoop was like, ‘Let’s go smoke a joint,'” she recalled. “He was just smoking the whole time.”

Watch more from Natasha Leggero’s conversation with HuffPost Live here.

Sign up here for Live Today, HuffPost Live’s new morning email that will let you know the newsmakers, celebrities and politicians joining us that day and give you the best clips from the day before!

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

Comedy – The Huffington Post
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Dave Grohl’s Letter To Foo Fighters Fans Included A Great Kanye Joke

Dave Grohl wrote a letter to fans apologizing for the Foo Fighter’s tour cancellation and included a highly appropriate Kanye joke.
News

Classic ‘Seinfeld’ Joke Is Revealed To Be A Huge Easter Egg

Secret gags in “Seinfeld” are real, and they’re spectacular.

There are Superman figures slyly appearing in episodes, writers dropping in the names of their friends and tons of hidden references the show creators even forgot were there. Well, now we know of at least one more.

When “The Chinese Restaurant” episode aired on May 23, 1991, NBC was not a fan. Larry David has said the network “hated” the episode and didn’t think waiting around to get a seat in a restaurant would work as a storyline. Now, it’s recognized as one of the most iconic episodes, and it turns out its most memorable joke has been an Easter egg this whole time, according to former “Seinfeld” writer Spike Feresten.

“Like Deep Throat … This goes all the way to the top,” said Feresten, who went on to reveal the famous line’s hidden meaning to The Huffington Post.

The Joke: “Who’s Cartwright?”

tv show gifs
Image: YouTube

In the episode, George is waiting for a woman to call him at the Chinese restaurant. When she does call, the host calls out “Cartwright” instead of George’s name. It’s super hilarious and prompts this discussion between Jerry and George:

JERRY
Who’s Cartwright?

GEORGE
I’m Cartwright …

JERRY
You’re not Cartwright.

GEORGE
[EXPLODING] Of course I’m not
Cartwright …

It has been a mystery for 24 years, but now, thanks to Feresten, we know who the real Cartwright is.

The Big Reveal: “Costanza (sounds like) ‘Bonanza’ = Cartwright”

tv show gifs
Image: Giphy

Yep. This whole time Cartwright has been a reference to the classic Western show “Bonanza,” which followed the wild adventures of the Cartwright family.

Though the episode happened before he joined the show, Feresten says the info comes from “an unimpeachable source.” The writer was mum on if it was in fact one of the show creators — either David or Jerry Seinfeld — but, as we mentioned, did say it went “all the way to the top.”

Whoa.

So there you have it, kids. The mystery of why the host calls out “Cartwright” has finally been solved. Now if only Jerry could get a table …

tv show gifs
Image: Crackle

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

Comedy – The Huffington Post
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Thicke Sex Song Confession A Joke

Dear Robin Thicke, you can stop erasing all of your music from your dad’s computer – the comment about him getting down to your sweet jams was just a joke!


Access Hollywood Latest News

Obama Makes A Birther Joke At The 2015 White House Correspondents’ Dinner

President Barack Obama made yet another birther joke while giving remarks at the 2015 White House Correspondents’ Dinner on Saturday in Washington.

Obama brought up a recent report that said former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush (R) accidentally identified as a Hispanic on a 2009 voter registration form.

“Turns out Jeb Bush identified himself as Hispanic back in 2009,” Obama said. “But you know what, I understand, it’s an innocent mistake. It reminds me of when I identified myself as American back in 1961.”

Obama also drew attention to real estate mogul and noted birther Donald Trump, who attended the dinner this year

“Donald Trump is here… still,” Obama said.

WHCD host Cecily Strong also made a joke about Obama’s birthplace.

“‘Kumbaya’ is the village in Africa where the president was born,” Strong said.

See more from the dinner below:

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

Comedy – The Huffington Post
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Martha Stewart Delivers The Dirtiest Joke Of All At Justin Bieber’s Roast

Turns out having Martha Stewart at the Comedy Central “Roast of Justin Bieber” was a good thing after all.

Stewart’s tame joke about the roast on Twitter earlier this month had some wondering if she could deliver the type of edgy and downright mean-spirited cracks that mark these celebrations:

Wonder no more, because Martha Stewart can push the envelope to the extreme. She delivered one of the edgiest jokes of the night, and followed that up with one of the raunchiest.

Check her out in the clip above, then consider purchasing some highly absorbent Martha Stewart bed linens.
Entertainment – The Huffington Post
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Elton John — Cracks Dolce & Gabbana Joke … Possible Peace Offering?

Elton John is taking on Dolce & Gabbana again, but instead of trashing the designers … he’s saying he loves them. However, it might be a giant backhanded compliment.   Elton and D&G have been feuding ever since Dolce…

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TMZ Celebrity News for Fashion


Kathy Griffin Says She Wouldn’t Have Told Giuliana Rancic’s Zendaya Hair Joke On ‘Fashion Police’

Weeks have passed since Giuliana Rancic made a controversial remark about actress Zendaya’s hair during a post-Oscars episode of “Fashion Police.”

In that time, Rancic publicly apologized to the former Disney star, co-host Kelly Osbourne quit the show and reports surfaced that the joke was taken out of context in post-production.

Now, Kathy Griffin, who joined the show following the death of Joan Rivers, is finally addressing the issue. In an interview with the Chicago Sun Times’ Splash magazine, the 54-year-old comedian doubts there would have been as much drama had she been the one to joke that Zendaya’s dreadlocks made her look as if she smelled “like patchouli oil” or “weed.” But, she also wouldn’t have said it.

“I wouldn’t have said the joke in the first place. Some dude wrote it for her,” Griffin told the magazine.

“Don’t have anyone write you jokes or even suggest jokes for you on ‘Fashion Police,'” she said when asked if she had any guidance for Rancic. “You have enough great insider gossip from actually being on the red carpet. That’s what fans want to hear the next day. Just talk and be yourself.”

Griffin also addressed Osbourne’s recent departure from the show, telling the magazine she’s unsure if her former co-host left because of the Zendaya drama or not.

“Jesus, I don’t know! Sometimes she seemed very upset at the merely seven tapings of ‘Fashion Police’ we did together. I can tell you this: I adore that family. I’ve spent the most time with Sharon. She is the real deal,” she said. “Love her! Kelly came to my house a couple of times when Joan was in the hospital and we were consoling each other. I can tell you there was genuine love there.”

For more with Griffin, head over to Splash.
Style – The Huffington Post
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Bill Maher Makes Yet Another Joke About Bill Cosby

Bill Maher made yet another joke referencing the recent sexual assault allegations against Bill Cosby.

On Friday night’s episode of “Real Time with Bill Maher,” the host mentioned Cosby during a segment about Sarah Palin. While discussing the Republican voices who criticized a recent Palin speech, Maher said, “Sean Hannity asked, ‘Did the teleprompter go down?’ The Washington Examiner questioned whether she should be included in future Republican events. And Bill Cosby said, ‘I wouldn’t drug her with your drink.'”

The host has made jokes about the allegations against Cosby on numerous occasions, including during his monologue for the Nov. 14 episode of “Real Time With Bill Maher.” While discussing Obama’s then-new initiatives, he said: “If you’re a Republican, you see Obama as Bill Cosby sexually assaulting the Constitution.”

Maher also joked about the comedian on the Nov. 21 episode of the show. “It was a bad week for Bill Cosby,” Maher said. “On the plus side, he has lots of pills lying around that can make him forget the whole thing.”

“Real Time with Bill Maher” airs Friday at 10:00 p.m. ET on HBO.
Comedy – The Huffington Post
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Orange Is the New Black Stars (Kinda) Apologize to Monica Lewinsky for “Vulgar” Joke

Monica Lewinsky, Vanity FairOrange Is the New Black has one less viewer these days.

Monica Lewinsky says she was a big fan of the Netflix series until she watched episode 11 in season one. Lewinsky took offense to…


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