Kate Spade Enters Sports Smartwatch Market

Kate Spade is expanding its watch line — tapping into a strong market for athletic devices.
Today the brand launches its first sports smartwatch, created in partnership with its watch licensee Fossil. Priced at $ 275 retail, the timepieces offer heart-rate tracking, untethered GPS and Google Pay as well as weather, music and training apps.

Kate Spade’s sports smartwatch. 

The style breaks with sports smartwatch convention — particularly the Apple Watch — in that it purposely features feminine design details. The watch is offered in all-pink or pink-accented color ways and features a scalloped dial.
Kate Spade’s creative director Nicola Glass said of the watch release: “Our customer is adventurous — she loves all kinds of activities, and is always looking for accessories that fit into her everyday life. We’ve incorporated some of our most iconic design elements, including the spade and scallop detailing, to give the watch a distinct Kate Spade New York look and feel, while the silicone strap and lightweight design gives her the functionality she needs without sacrificing style.”

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Batman: Nightwalker Special Edition (Direct Market Verion) (2019-) #1 – Marie Lue, Stuart Moore & Chris Wildgoose

Marie Lue, Stuart Moore & Chris Wildgoose - Batman: Nightwalker Special Edition (Direct Market Verion) (2019-) #1  artwork

Batman: Nightwalker Special Edition (Direct Market Verion) (2019-) #1

Marie Lue, Stuart Moore & Chris Wildgoose

Genre: Comics & Graphic Novels

Publish Date: September 11, 2019

Publisher: DC Comics

Seller: DC Comics.

Batman: Nightwalker: The Graphic Novel Batman Day 2019 Special Edition #1 features an excerpt from the upcoming DC graphic novel for young adults based on the New York Times bestselling novel by Marie Lu, adapted by writer Stuart Moore with art and cover by Chris Wildgoose.

iTunes Store: Top Free Books in Comics & Graphic Novels

Dark Nights: The Batman Who Laughs #1 SE (Direct Market) (2019-) #1 – James Tynion IV & Riley Rossmo

James Tynion IV & Riley Rossmo - Dark Nights: The Batman Who Laughs #1 SE (Direct Market) (2019-) #1  artwork

Dark Nights: The Batman Who Laughs #1 SE (Direct Market) (2019-) #1

James Tynion IV & Riley Rossmo

Genre: Comics & Graphic Novels

Publish Date: September 11, 2019

Publisher: DC Comics

Seller: DC Comics.

The Batman Who Laughs Batman Day 2019 Special Edition #1 reprints the 2017 one-shot spinning out of Dark Nights: Metal, written by James Tynion IV with art by Riley Rossmo and a cover by Jason Fabok.

iTunes Store: Top Free Books in Comics & Graphic Novels

Best of Wednesday at training camps: Thomas resets WR market, Rosen gains in QB derby

Michael Thomas signs a record-breaking deal and more from training camps around the nation. Check out photos, videos, quotes and notes from the NFL.
www.espn.com – NFL

Sources: Grizz explore trade market for Iguodala

The Grizzlies do not intend to give forward Andre Iguodala a buyout before the season and are actively exploring the trade market for the former Finals MVP, league sources told ESPN.
www.espn.com – NBA

The latest intel on this loaded free-agent market

Here’s what league execs are now saying about Kawhi Leonard, Kyrie Irving, Jimmy Butler, Kemba Walker and the league’s other top free agents.
www.espn.com – TOP

On the Market – Rachael Herron

Rachael Herron - On the Market  artwork

On the Market

Rachael Herron

Genre: Contemporary

Publish Date: June 28, 2016

Publisher: HGA Publishing

Seller: HGA Publishing

Get ready to read all night.    International bestseller Rachael Herron gives you a stand-alone romance you won't be able to put down.    Liam's life is perfect. Or at least it's as perfect as it can be with a foster son who seems to get off on making him crazy, but otherwise, his job–buying, fixing up, and flipping houses with his brothers–is nothing but fun.    Until Felicia from a major TV network shows up in town. When she offers him a reality show, the pay is too good for any of the brothers to turn down, even though the way she looks in her tight city clothes makes him more than a little hot under the collar.    But fine. The brothers will buy and fix up a house for a random woman while one of them dates her, all of it on camera, for  major  bucks.    No problem.    Except then Felicia, the network exec in high heels, falls in love with one of the houses. Suddenly,  she's  the buyer. And Liam's the one who has to date her.    He needs to kiss her, too. And more.    But it's all on camera.    Jake's screwed. And he's starting to like it.    The Bachelor meets The Property Brothers: Love, property, and construction. What could possibly go wrong?    Scroll up to CLICK BUY now! 

iTunes Store: Top Free Books in Romance

Adam Levine Puts Beautiful Beverly Hills Home on Market for $47.5 Million

Adam Levine’s back in business — the luxury house-flipping business — and he’s looking to make millions on his incredible home in Beverly Hills. The Maroon 5 frontman and his wife, Behati Prinsloo, bought the massive pad from ”Will and Grace”…


TMZ Celebrity News for Music

Voodoo Toys Announces Market Exclusivity Program

Adult pleasure brand Voodoo, owned by parent company Thank Me Now, Inc., has announced its marketing exclusivity program to highlight its increased focus on driving attention and sales to adult stores.
XBIZ.com – Pleasure & Retail

Free-agent frenzy? How active all 32 NFL teams will be in the market

Which teams will go after Le’Veon Bell or be the most aggressive when the market opens next week? NFL Nation breaks down what to expect from every team.
www.espn.com – NFL

Episode 352 Scott Adams: The Fence-Wall, Reid Hoffman, Visiting the Troops, Stock Market


  • President Trump has identified reason for opposition to the wall 
    • The wall would be a win for the President
  • Midterm false flag online operation to influence Alabama results
    • Now confirmed: Dem operatives pretend to be Russians
    • Credible speculation this isn’t the first time
  • POTUS and FLOTUS visit the troops
    • FOX reports tight security and no leaking of trip
    • CNN reports everyone knew it was being planned
  • Stock market historic drop the other day
    • Stock market historic one day increase yesterday
  • Attack of the Dales
    • Did POTUS make a mistake by changing Fed Chief?
    • It isn’t a one-variable world
    • Hiring is just guessing, firing takes skill
    • Vilified so badly by the press, limits willing candidates
  • 2019 Predictions
    • NO impeachment in 2019, 2020
    • Mueller won’t produce anything impeachable
    • Impeachment window will be first six months of 2019
    • 2019 will be an up year for stocks
    • North Korea progress will continue
  • Win Bigly was most requested book on Amazon, Christmas week
    • Special message for all the haters since 2015
    • Thanks for the loser advice!
  • Taking calls yesterday on the WhenHub Interface app
    • E-autographs from the whiteboard
  • US pullout from Syria
    • Everything happening is in some way squeezing Iran
    • Time isn’t on Iran’s side
  • The three superpowers are natural allies, not natural enemies
    • We don’t share borders
    • No possibility any of the three could win in a war
    • All three countries have people whose job is to poke the others
  • Why does Putin prefer to continue poking the US?
    • Is it rational to be enemies with someone you can’t defeat?
    • Wouldn’t it be better for Russia to have trade and prosperity?
  • AOC is the real deal, just like President Trump but on the other side
    • Why not try “universal healthcare” in one state, see how it goes?
    • If no state wants to try it, should we stop talking about it?
  • The Wall: Why are politicians making engineering decisions?
    • Why are we talking about funding the entire structure?
    • Establish a test budget, observe results, proceed accordingly

I fund my Periscopes and podcasts via audience micro-donations on Patreon. I prefer this method over accepting advertisements or working for a “boss” somewhere because it keeps my voice independent. No one owns me, and that is rare. I’m trying in my own way to make the world a better place, and your contributions help me stay inspired to do that.

See all of my Periscope videos here.

Find my WhenHub Interface app here.

The post Episode 352 Scott Adams: The Fence-Wall, Reid Hoffman, Visiting the Troops, Stock Market appeared first on Dilbert Blog.

Dilbert Blog

Meghan Markle Dashes Out Of Fiji Market After Huge Crowds Cause Security Concerns

Meghan Markle’s visit to a local market in Fiji was cut short on Wednesday when a giant crowd of well-wishers gave her royal security team cause for concern. 

Access Hollywood Latest News

Demi Lovato’s Drug Dealer Says She Knew the Risks with ‘After Market’ Pills

[[tmz:video id=”0_05wzlbhj”]] The man who supplied Demi Lovato with drugs the night she OD’d said she knew exactly the chance she was taking … that she was ingesting “after market pills,” which made things risky. Brandon Johnson told our…


TMZ Celebrity News for Music

How Apple’s iPhones Change the Smartphone Market Every Year

The launch of Apple’s iPhone X brought face recognition, animoji, and the notch into the mainstream.
WIRED Videos

Barnwell: Best fits for 15 NFL free agents still on market

The best fit for Dez Bryant? Aaron Rodgers would love him in Green Bay. Here are the ideal landing spots for 15 unsigned veterans.
www.espn.com – NFL

Boosie Badazz’s “BadAzz Audio” Makes Him The Latest Hip-Hop Artist To Venture Into The Headphone Market

Collegrove Tour At ORACLE Arena

Source: Tim Mosenfelder / Getty

Dr.Dre with the help of Jimmy Iovine essentially created the blueprint when it comes to artist and celebs making money outside of music by releasing their own headphones. Jay-Z, Diddy, Lady Gaga, DJ Khaled, 50 Cent, Nick Cannon and Ludacris all have thrown their names in the hats trying to compete with the iconic Beats By Dre headphone brand. While most failed or just joined Beats By Dre there is a new company who is still willing to give people other options. Boosie Badazz is the latest rapper to decide to release his own line of headphones in collaboration with Fanstereo. 

Boosie Badazz confirmed the collaboration to his 4.6 million followers on Instagram announcing his forthcoming headphones is available for pre-order.

Instagram Photo

The announcement of the Boosie Badazz collaboration follows the recent announcement of Ayo and Teo’s collection. DJ Scream also has a collection with Fanstereo as well. The “BadAzz Audio” collection will feature earbuds called the BadAzz Eirs that cost $ 109.00, two studio versions that cost $ 139.00 and a $ 99.00 pair of studio headphones called NuBump.

Fanstereo aims to work with other artists on capsule headphone collections and is looking to give the artist a new creative source of revenue.

Can’t hate on that at all.

About Fanstereo:

“Fanstereo is an entertainment lifestyle brand that connects artists and musicians directly to fans across the globe. Co-founded by celebrity-branding expert Jay Leopardi, headphone expert Steve Rois and Super Bowl Champion Walter Thurmond III, Fanstereo’s concept is at the intersection of entertainment and technology. The company’s consumer-facing products include headphones, earphones and Bluetooth speakers, designed with cutting-edge technologies from the DNA of professional audio leader, Direct Sound. Each product offers the sound quality of professional-grade audio, available for the very first time on the consumer market. With a mission to empower artists and fans, Fanstereo’s team of innovative pioneers live to inspire the next generation of pop culture.”

To learn more about Fanstereo’s products head over to their official site and if you want to pre-order yourself a pair Boosie’s headphones head here now.

Photo by Tim Mosenfelder/Getty Images

The Latest Hip-Hop News, Music and Media | Hip-Hop Wired

Resetting the 2018 QB market: The Kirk Cousins sweepstakes has begun

One of the wildest offseasons — a trade in January? — is just getting started. And the guy who will benefit the most could start a bidding war. Here’s what’s next for Cousins and the rest of the QBs on the market.
www.espn.com – NFL

Meet the New York Clothing Company Making the Strongest T-Shirt on the Market

Have you ever stopped to think about how hard it is to find a really good t-shirt?

The post Meet the New York Clothing Company Making the Strongest T-Shirt on the Market appeared first on Men's Journal.

Men’s Journal Latest Style News

Weekly Reader: Teams that will be buyers — or sellers — on the trade market

Which franchises are open for business, and who’s looking to add assets as the trade deadline looms? The Penguins need another center, the Kings have cap space to spare, and the Blues and Islanders are among the teams sizing up center Max Pacioretty.
www.espn.com – NHL

The 2018 NFL QB market is going to be wild. Here are the dominoes

Kirk Cousins is going to get paid. Alex Smith might land in the perfect spot. The 2018 offseason is shaping up to be a fascinating game of quarterback musical chairs. Bill Barnwell lays out the field of contestants.
www.espn.com – NFL

Gigi Hadid & Joe Jonas — Back on the Market … We’re Breaking Up

It was a nice little run, but Gigi Hadid and Joe Jonas are done — they’re breaking up. TMZ confirmed the couple formerly known as G.I. Joe decided to call it quits after what amounts to an extended summer fling. A source close to the couple tells us it…


TMZ Celebrity News for Fashion

Pussy Juice (Black Market XXX) / Pussy Juice (Black Market XXX) – Video 2

Pussy Juice (Black Market XXX) – Video 2

These black beauties lick their way to orgasm after orgasm.

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Pussy Juice (Black Market XXX) / Pussy Juice (Black Market XXX) – Video 1

Pussy Juice (Black Market XXX) – Video 1

These black beauties lick their way to orgasm after orgasm.

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Rick Ross Apparently Releases “Black Market” Cover Art

UPDATE: The Miami rapper says the project is set to be released in December.

HipHopDX News

M&A Activity, German TV Market Boosts Numbers at ProSiebenSat.1

German broadcaster inks long-term licensing deal with Disney and boosts year-end forecast.

read more


Style Notes: Uniqlo’s Mind-Reading Shopping Experience; Amazon Enters Handmade Market

Stylish weekend reads.

read more


Angelina Jolie’s childhood home hits the market — see inside

The home that Angelina grew up in has hit the market for $ 2.049 million. This mid-century modern 4-bedroom home has lots of natural light.

TODAY Pop Culture

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Sex Tape Of A 28-Year-Old Jennifer Lopez May Soon Hit The Market

Jennifer Lopez’s thirstbucket of a first husband, Ojani Noa, may have found a legal loophole that will allow him to release their first lovemaking session as a married couple for a retail release.

In a new interview with inTouch, Noa’s business partner Ed Meyer revealed how their seedy money grab would play out in a court of law.

“We are going to produce a DVD and also have a streaming release of the J.Lo home video footage,” Meyer tells the magazine. “There is revealing video of her with a lack of clothing and in sexual situations, especially in the hotel footage from the honeymoon.”

Lopez and Noa (who was a waiter at the time) were married from February 1997 to January 1998 and the Bronx native has since been married two other times among several other high-profile celebrity relationships, birthed fraternal twins, enjoyed platinum success on the musical front, released a handful of box office smash movies and has been crowned a fashion and style icon.

During the course of this historic run, Noa has been fixated on making money off their microwave marriage, as one devious scheme was foiled in 2006 after he had to fork over $ 545,000 for violating their confidentiality agreement after he attempted to publish a tell-all book. While one would think a Jennifer Lopez sex tape would automatically flag said agreement, the six-year litigation of the lawsuit hit a snag when the actress withdrew all of her claims against Meyer and Noa during the arbitration period and now the two feel they have a bit of wiggle room to go in for the kill.

“The videos contain salacious material and are going to shock her fans.” Meyer told inTouch. “We have unfinished business.”

The Jennifer Lopez sex tape, whose master sits in a central depository per court order, reportedly features the superstar spanking someone in bed and arguing with her mother after refusing to feed her gambling itch.

H/T: RadarOnline

Photo: WENN

The post Sex Tape Of A 28-Year-Old Jennifer Lopez May Soon Hit The Market appeared first on Hip-Hop Wired.

Hip-Hop Wired

Liberator to Debut Latest Releases to European Market

Liberator will be introducing its latest releases at this year’s international B2B adult trade fair, Erofame, scheduled for Oct. 7-9 in Hanover, Germany.
XBIZ.com | Top Stories

Five Reasons to Expect a Slow Toronto Market: ‘There’s Not Much Out There’

Facing everything from a struggling Chinese economy to a lack of marquee titles, dealmakers are less than optimistic.

read more

Hollywood Reporter

A Devil Wears Prada Apartment Has Hit the Market

If you consider yourself a superfan of The Devil Wears Prada (spitting off one-liners from the script, suffering work-related PTSD on behalf of Andy Sachs, etc.), you should start looking into whether or not…

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Sweet Black Pussy #2 (Black Market) / Sweet Black Pussy #2 (Black Market) – Video 2

Sweet Black Pussy #2 (Black Market) – Video 2

These girls have the sweetest pussies!

GameLink.com Search

Sweet Black Pussy #2 (Black Market) / Sweet Black Pussy #2 (Black Market) – Video 2

Sweet Black Pussy #2 (Black Market) – Video 2

These girls have the sweetest pussies!

GameLink VOD, Adult Movies and Sex Toys Search

China Entertainment Stocks Hit as Market Has Biggest Drop Since 2007

Huayi Brothers, Alibaba Pictures, Fosun and China Star Entertainment are among the companies whose share price tumbled in the biggest market rout since 2007.

read more


Style Notes: Jagger Sisters Star in Sonia Rykiel Ads; Gucci Hits Dover Street Market

Pre-weekend fashion news.

read more


China Stock Market Regains Ground After Crash But Jitters Remain

After so much unbridled enthusiasm in Hollywood for all things China in recent months, the country’s recent equity market crash and subsequent recovery is a reminder that China is still a developing market.

read more


Black Market – Weather Report

Weather Report - Black Market  artwork

Black Market

Weather Report

Genre: Jazz

Price: $ 6.93

Release Date: December 31, 1975

© ℗ 1976 Sony Music Entertainment Inc.

iTunes Store: Top Albums in Jazz

D’Angelo and The Vanguard – ‘Esta The’ Market Sound, Milan

Oscar Wide astutely once remarked “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others when they go“. Well, D’Angelo has to enter
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Sun Valley: Barry Diller Talks China Stock Market Woes

The IAC chairman is among the attendees of the annual Allen & Co. gathering of media and technology moguls in Idaho.

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Alibaba Stock Hits Low Amid Chinese Market Woes

The country’s stock market has lost 30 percent of its value in a month, and U.S.-listed stocks of Chinese companies are not immune anymore.

read more


Streams, led by ‘Uptown Funk,’ driving music market in US and UK

Mark Ronson's "Uptown Funk" featuring Bruno Mars is a trans-Atlantic hit.The British Phonographic Industry (BPI) revealed in its mid-year report that streams are up 80 percent — a trend it expects will be bolstered further with Apple Music's entry into the market. Leading streams was Mark Ronson's "Uptown Funk!," which has been played 45 million times via audio streaming this year. Both audio and video streaming showed considerable growth: 2015 has seen 12.5 billion video streams, for a year-on-year increase of 98 percent.

Music News Headlines – Yahoo News

News in Brief: Hundreds Of Cheap, Generic Doorstops Flood Market After DoorBlocker Patent Runs Out

DETROIT—Free to produce generic versions of the product after DoorBlocker’s 20-year patent ran out last month, hundreds of businesses have begun distributing cheap, off-brand doorstops to retail outlets nationwide, industry analysts confirmed Tuesday. “Now that anyone can manufacture a doorstop without fear of legal challenges from the DoorBlocker company, we can expect the market to be flooded with tons of these low-cost knockoffs of the original door-impeding device,” said market researcher Paul Holbloom, naming brands like DoorHalt, SwingLock, PropStop, and Wedge as being among those that have gone on sale in just the past few weeks. “It’s likely DoorBlocker will keep some of its most loyal customers, but I expect that in the future we’ll see many opting for doorstops that are more economical and less of a status symbol.” Holbloom added that the expiration of DoorBlocker’s patent would have no effect on the sizable …

The Onion

The Black Market – Rise Against

Rise Against - The Black Market  artwork

The Black Market

Rise Against

Genre: Alternative

Price: $ 5.99

Release Date: July 15, 2014

© ℗ 2014 Interscope Records

iTunes Store: Top Albums in Alternative

NYPD Take Down Coke Delivery Service & Open-Air Market Drug Rings

NYPD announced the takedown of two major drug ring operations in the Washington Heights section of New York. An open-air crack and heroin market and a cocaine delivery service were the operations that were shut down, leading to the indictment of 35 individuals.

Gothamist reported on the announcement of the arrests, with police stating the busts were traced back to the Trinitarios, an internationally-recognized Dominican gang that began on the Rikers Island prison.  Gothamist reported in detail about the arrests, and it appears the drug operations had some manner of cooperative connection.

From Gothamist:

 Cops accuse Edickson “Gordo” Garcia, Melvin Beltre, and Garis Retances of managing the product and overseeing 18 suspected street-level dealers who allegedly did much of their work near W. 177th Street and Audubon Avenue, a half-block from PS 115.

The group allegedly did most of its business selling crack, but during the course of the year and a half investigation, suspects allegedly provided customers with heroin samples, got them hooked, and began offering smack on a regular basis as well. A second distribution area, allegedly overseen by Garcia and four other suspects, operated on Audubon between 178th and 179th streets, prosecutors said.

In a separate indictment, also announced today, 11 suspects allegedly did $ 75,000 in delivery orders of powder cocaine over the course of six months. Twenty-nine-year-old Roberto Garcia is accused of supervising the ring, operated out of a St. Nicholas Avenue apartment, with his aunt Nancy Garcia Mustafa, 53.

Gothamist writes that 32 of the 35 indicted individuals are now arrested. Edickson Garcia faces a possible 33 felonies while Roberto Garcia and his aunt are facing kingpin charges that could land them 15 years to life in prison among other charges.

Photo: Valerie Everett / Foter / CC BY-SA

The post NYPD Take Down Coke Delivery Service & Open-Air Market Drug Rings appeared first on Hip-Hop Wired.

Hip-Hop Wired

South Africa’s Bala Brothers set sights on U.S. music market

By Alicia Powell NEW YORK (Reuters) – With their mix of gospel and R&B songs, the classically trained Bala Brothers are stars at home in South Africa but Loyiso, Zwai and Phelo have set their sights on a new international audience and are planning a tour in the United States. Growing up in Kwa-Nobuhle township outside Port Elizabeth, the brothers have been known at home since the eldest, Zwai, broke the color barrier of South Africa’s famed Drakensberg Boys Choir by becoming its first black member in 1988. In February, U.S. broadcaster PBS aired a special concert featuring the trio, which the brothers, who sing in English and the Xhosa language, say exposed them to a new audience. “We really hope that it will take us beyond (where) any other South African or African actor ever stepped.
Music News Headlines – Yahoo News

Eropartner Brings Joyboxx to European Market

Eropartner, an intimate product distribution company, is now the exclusive European distributor of Joyboxx and Playtray, a hygienic adult toy storage system that protects sex toys, people and furniture before, during and after sexual play.
XBIZ.com | Top Stories

Kate Hudson and Matt Bellamy — Off the Market and In the Market

Kate Hudson and Matt Bellamy gave everyone a big fat clue about their relationship status … by doing something a freshly broken up couple doesn’t do … grocery shopping.It sure looked like they had broken up last month … Matt seemed downright…


TMZ Celebrity News for Hook Ups

Bills coach Marrone opts out, hits market

Doug Marrone has opted out of his contract as coach of the Buffalo Bills and is now a free agent to pursue other jobs available in the NFL.
ESPN.com – NFL

Wiz Khalifa — Sex Tape With Playboy Model Is Off the Market

Sorry, celebrity porn fans … looks like the tape featuring Wiz Khalifa and a Playboy model will not see the light of day … because she’s had a change of heart about selling it.TMZ first reported … Khalifa and Carla Howe filmed a home…


TMZ Celebrity News for Music

Live Music at Saltbox; Belgian Beer Bar Xmas; Fish Market Adds Hours

Live Music at Saltbox; Belgian Beer Bar Xmas; Fish Market Adds HoursA lounge adds music, a Belgian beer bar celebrates Christmas and a local fish market expands their hours. DOWNTOWN— Saltbox Restaurant + Bar is adding live entertainment to up the atmosphere in their downstairs lounge, from acoustic music to DJ-spun tunes; Soul Thursdays feature half-priced wine and music from 7 to 9 p.m. and the bar will host a DJ from 9 to midnight on Fridays and from 8 to 11 p.m. on Saturdays. SOUTH PARK— This Saturday, December 20, Brabant Bar & Cafe is celebrating Christmas a few days early with a holiday event starting at 5 p.m. that features a long tap list of seasonal beer, from Delirium Noel to The Bruery's 7 Swans a Swimming, and a special menu that includes Christmas goose with lingonberry sauce, a winter bratwurst made with Belgian holiday ale, apple and mulling spice, and Christmas cookies.

Music News Headlines – Yahoo News

Dear Market Researcher, I’m Gay — Stop Sending Playboy Subscription Offers!

This offer arrived in the mail the other day from Playboy‘s Market Research Department:


Dear Domenick Scudera,

To attract readers with preferred demographics, you have been selected to receive this courtesy. As a special incentive, the price is reduced down as low as we are allowed, giving you a full year of Playboy for a token $ 12.

A sampling of my friends’ responses:

  • “I hear the articles are good.”
  • “Wasn’t this on your wedding registry?”
  • “I think the label has a misprint — it should read ‘…to a token,12.'”
  • “Oh, c’mon. Everyone knows gay men love women.”
  • “Did u forget to tell us something?”

Gay acceptance has reached new heights if 49-year-old, recently married gay men are one of Playboy‘s “preferred demographics.” I feel blessed that Playboy has extended me this courtesy, one that I never would have received back in the days when gays were being denied equality.

The offer says that I will get the “beyond-beautiful women, obviously.” In addition, they believe that I will “appreciate the award-winning journalism and no-holds-barred interviews” in every “smoking hot issue.” The fine print includes this guarantee: “Playboy always guarantees that if you are ever dissatisfied for any reason whatsoever you get a full refund on all unmailed issues.”

Dear Playboy,

I am somewhat dissatisfied with my subscription. Don’t get me wrong. There is a lot to admire in your magazine: The articles and interviews are terrific, and the women are, obviously, beyond beautiful. However, I would enjoy more male nudity in my magazines. Please refund me the amount of my unmailed issues, until you are prepared to give me some smoking-hot maleness.


This is not the first time I have received an offer for heterosexual porn. When I was 7 years old, I innocently opened up a plain, white envelope addressed to me. There was a series of pictures of naked women with their legs spread wide, and before I knew what was happening, my mother leaped across the room, wrestled the envelope out of my hands and appeared to have some trouble breathing. The next thing I knew, she was on the phone, complaining to someone, trying to make sure I never received offers like this again. Who did she call? The Post Office? The Better Business Bureau? President Nixon? I have no idea, but whoever it was, she was ineffective. I received more offers for years. She carefully monitored my mail until I was well into my college years.

Were 7-year-old gay boys one of the “preferred demographics” for Screw?

Most likely, these marketing departments have misidentified me. This is a problem I encounter often. For instance, when I watch television, the advertisers assume that I am a heavyset, single female on her period. I gather this from the fact that most of the commercials are for weight-loss supplements, dating sites and tampons.

About an hour after I received the Playboy offer, a pleasant young woman knocked on our front door with an offer for educational books for our children. When I explained that we have dogs, not kids, she showed me the books anyway. Did I know that flamingos are pink because they eat shrimp, and that they would be white if they did not? No, I did not. This is educational, but my nonexistent children will not learn this, because I did not order any of the books.

Am I missing out? There might be other interesting factoids in those books, and Playboy‘s “no-holds-barred interviews” might offer some insights. But for now, I think I will hold on to my gay dollars for another day.
Comedy – The Huffington Post
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