Episode 291 Scott Adams: Why You Can’t Tell Good News From Bad

Topics: 

  • Prediction success: Republicans will do better than expected
  • (fun) Prediction success: Outcome will be ambiguous on election day
  • (fun) Bet success: Republicans will hold the house
  • Our robust election system worked
  • At what point do we stop reporting the ethnicity of elected officials?
    • It’s a big deal when the first something takes office
    • It’ll be a bigger deal when “the first” isn’t a big deal
  • Healthcare…why can’t we have both single-payer and universal?
    • Let everyone choose one or the other, as they prefer
  • The election results were the best thing for the country
    • It will take a while, but in the end the country will benefit
    • The Senate assures President Trump can continue progress
    • Prediction: The House result will allow allow progress as well

I fund my Periscopes and podcasts via audience micro-donations on Patreon. I prefer this method over accepting advertisements or working for a “boss” somewhere because it keeps my voice independent. No one owns me, and that is rare. I’m trying in my own way to make the world a better place, and your contributions help me stay inspired to do that.

See all of my Periscope videos here.

Find my WhenHub Interface app here.

The post Episode 291 Scott Adams: Why You Can’t Tell Good News From Bad appeared first on Dilbert Blog.


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VIDEO: Kat and Carli as Rogue and Psylocke Nude on Naked News

Kat and Carli as Rogue and Psylocke

Video: Katherine Curtis and Carli Bei get cozy with cosplay as two of the most Marvelously sexy women around. Join Naked News Today!

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Episode 278 Scott Adams: How the Latest News Will Influence the Midterms

Topics: 

  • President Trump hosted the Young Black Leadership Summit
    • 400 Black leaders of tomorrow met President Trump
    • Event was held at the White House
  • Recent horrors, filtered as two movies on one screen
  • Which movie is supported by President Trump’s reactions?
  • Which movie is NOT supported by President Trump’s reactions?
  • The biggest Republican turnout in history is poised to happen

I fund my Periscopes and podcasts via audience micro-donations on Patreon. I prefer this method over accepting advertisements or working for a “boss” somewhere because it keeps my voice independent. No one owns me, and that is rare. I’m trying in my own way to make the world a better place, and your contributions help me stay inspired to do that.

See all of my Periscope videos here.

Find my WhenHub Interface app here.

The post Episode 278 Scott Adams: How the Latest News Will Influence the Midterms appeared first on Dilbert Blog.


Dilbert Blog

Episode 271 Scott Adams: Saudi Alibis, Soros, Caravans, #FentanylChina, Fake News

Topics: 

  • 100 pictures of Comey and Mueller hugging
  • 7,000 person caravan…it’s for the cameras
  • Chinese spy chips on motherboards per Bloomberg, Apple says nope
  • Opioid reduction bill, closing the postal and cross-shipping loopholes
  • Getting off Fentanyl or other opioids with Suboxone
  • Lying in western cultures is different than in Arab cultures?
    • Western style lying is to convince the other person
    • In Arab cultures…lying is sometimes just to get past a topic?
  • George Soros derangement syndrome and the arguments against him
  • NPC (Non-Player Characters) is brutally effective persuasion
    • Is NPC bad and need banning…or just funny like @NPC_Dale?
  • President Trump says he’s a Nationalist…so what?

I fund my Periscopes and podcasts via audience micro-donations on Patreon. I prefer this method over accepting advertisements or working for a “boss” somewhere because it keeps my voice independent. No one owns me, and that is rare. I’m trying in my own way to make the world a better place, and your contributions help me stay inspired to do that.

See all of my Periscope videos here.

Find my WhenHub Interface app here.

The post Episode 271 Scott Adams: Saudi Alibis, Soros, Caravans, #FentanylChina, Fake News appeared first on Dilbert Blog.


Dilbert Blog

The News Quiz: Series 96 (Original Recording) – BBC Radio Comedy

BBC Radio Comedy - The News Quiz: Series 96 (Original Recording)  artwork

The News Quiz: Series 96 (Original Recording)

BBC Radio Comedy

Genre: Arts & Entertainment

Price: $ 11.95

Publish Date: August 2, 2018

© ℗ © 2018 BBC Digital Audio

iTunes Store: Top Audiobooks in Arts & Entertainment

The Bad News Bears – Michael Ritchie

Michael Ritchie - The Bad News Bears  artwork

The Bad News Bears

Michael Ritchie

Genre: Comedy

Price: $ 4.99

Rental Price: $ 3.99

Release Date: February 12, 2002


A major surprise as one of 1976's top grossing films. The Bad News Bears is a movie about children that is refreshing, utterly believable, and quite cleverly funny. Walter Matthau is at his absolute best as the grumbling beer-guzzling former minor-league pitcher who gets roped into coaching a band of half-pint misfits somewhat loosely called a team. With this bunch in uniform, it's impossible to get caught up in the suburban competitive spirit that drives other adults to extremes of parental discipline. So, instead, the Bears have a good time.

iTunes Store: Top Movies in Comedy

The News Quiz: The Best of 2017: The Topical BBC Radio 4 Comedy Panel Show – BBC Radio Comedy

BBC Radio Comedy - The News Quiz: The Best of 2017: The Topical BBC Radio 4 Comedy Panel Show  artwork

The News Quiz: The Best of 2017: The Topical BBC Radio 4 Comedy Panel Show

BBC Radio Comedy

Genre: Comedy

Price: $ 9.95

Publish Date: November 2, 2017

© ℗ © 2017 BBC Digital Audio

iTunes Store: Top Audiobooks in Comedy

Episode 231 Scott Adams: Dr. Ford, Unbiased News and the Democrat Brand

Topics: 

  • Why aren’t there any good, current photos of Christine Blasey Ford?
    • Ford is becoming the face of the Democrat party
    • All 4 reported witnesses unable to confirm the accusations
  • It’s been a great week for President Trump
  • 25th amendment President Trump?  Not according to Rosenstein
  • Where can I get unbiased news?
    • Our pattern recognition brains create bias naturally
    • Some perceived patterns aren’t real

The post Episode 231 Scott Adams: Dr. Ford, Unbiased News and the Democrat Brand appeared first on Dilbert Blog.


Dilbert Blog

Good News, Bad News

God called down to Moses and said, “I’ve got good news and bad news. Which do you want first?”

Moses replied, “Most merciful God, if I have brought you any favor, please give me the good news first.”

“Moses, the good news is that I’ve chosen you to deliver my people from bondage,” God answered. “I will force Pharaoh to release my children by
causing years of pestilence in Egypt. There will be plagues of locusts and frogs and incredible devastation upon the land. Pharaoh’s armies will chase
you as you try to leave, but do not fear because I will part the waters of the Red Sea to aid in your escape.”

“And the bad news?” Moses inquired.

“You have to prepare the Environmental Impact Statement,” God replied.

Received from Mikey’s Funnies.
The Good, Clean Funnies List

Greatest Hits (Remastered) – Huey Lewis & The News

Huey Lewis & The News - Greatest Hits (Remastered)  artwork

Greatest Hits (Remastered)

Huey Lewis & The News

Genre: Rock

Price: $ 8.99

Release Date: May 23, 2006

© ℗ Compilation 2006 Capitol Records, Inc.. All rights reserved. Unauthorized reproduction is a violation of applicable laws. Manufactured by Capitol Catalog,

iTunes Store: Top Albums in Rock

Want to know the latest business news?

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Former ‘Bachelorette’ Desiree Hartsock Shares Baby Boy News With The Cutest Gender Reveal Ever

It’s a boy – again! Former “Bachelorette” Desiree Hartsock is expecting her second son with husband Chris Siegfried, and their 1-year-old son Asher took a literal bite of the action to help make the couple’s gender reveal extra special.


Access Hollywood Latest Videos

Are you interested in GDP, Inflation, Economic news ?

Read the latest on US Economic News, World Economic News and more on RTTNews Economic News.
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Troian Bellisario Spotted for the First Time Since Pregnancy News

Troian BellisarioTroian Bellisario is bumpin’ along!
Weeks after E! News exclusively broke that the Pretty Little Liars star and hubby Patrick J. Adams were expecting their first child together,…


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Episode 167 Scott Adams: Q, Racism, LeBron and Slow News August

Topics: 

  • Is Q real?
  • Do most black people believe most Republicans are racist?
  • Are most BLM members racist, in the opinion of most Republicans?
  • “I like Mike”, President Trump calls Lemon and LeBron stupid
  • Is it good strategy to brand everyone on the right as racist?
  • Has Sarah Jeong clarified and issued a statement on her tweets?
  • Venezuela drone attack on their President

 

I fund my Periscopes and podcasts via audience micro-donations on Patreon. I prefer this method over accepting advertisements or working for a “boss” somewhere because it keeps my voice independent. No one owns me, and that is rare. I’m trying in my own way to make the world a better place, and your contributions help me stay inspired to do that.

See all of my Periscope videos here.

Find my WhenHub Interface app here.

The post Episode 167 Scott Adams: Q, Racism, LeBron and Slow News August appeared first on Dilbert Blog.


Dilbert Blog

Episode 161 Scott Adams: Fake News, Dalai Lama, Healthcare and Optimism

Topics: 

  • Could the press take the country to war…for ratings?
    • War is good ratings, money, prestige for the press
    • It would be legal, with massive incentives for the press
    • Are the press, the enemy of the people?
  • Jake Tapper says Democrat party is weakest it’s been since 1920
  • Dalai Lama says our biggest problems are psychological
  • Cost of healthcare for all
  • Shy bladder (paruresis)

 

I fund my Periscopes and podcasts via audience micro-donations on Patreon. I prefer this method over accepting advertisements or working for a “boss” somewhere because it keeps my voice independent. No one owns me, and that is rare. I’m trying in my own way to make the world a better place, and your contributions help me stay inspired to do that.

See all of my Periscope videos here.

Find my WhenHub Interface app here.

The post Episode 161 Scott Adams: Fake News, Dalai Lama, Healthcare and Optimism appeared first on Dilbert Blog.


Dilbert Blog

Episode 158 Scott Adams: The Good News Breaking Out Everywhere

Topics: 

  • GDP 4.1%
  • Return of our soldiers remains from North Korea
  • EU agrees on framework and trade war is avoided
  • Israel’s offer to help Iran
  • What do the critics have left…an unimportant meeting?
  • Shadow banning uproar

 

I fund my Periscopes and podcasts via audience micro-donations on Patreon. I prefer this method over accepting advertisements or working for a “boss” somewhere because it keeps my voice independent. No one owns me, and that is rare. I’m trying in my own way to make the world a better place, and your contributions help me stay inspired to do that.

See all of my Periscope videos here.

Find my WhenHub Interface app here.

The post Episode 158 Scott Adams: The Good News Breaking Out Everywhere appeared first on Dilbert Blog.


Dilbert Blog

Episode 146: Scott Adams Explains the Potential Good News About Russia

Topics: 

  • Whiteboard discussion – The Trump/Putin “Game Board”
  • Trump’s 7 balls compared to Putin’s 2 balls
  • Pressure and leverage points developed by President Trump

 

I fund my Periscopes and podcasts via audience micro-donations on Patreon. I prefer this method over accepting advertisements or working for a “boss” somewhere because it keeps my voice independent. No one owns me, and that is rare. I’m trying in my own way to make the world a better place, and your contributions help me stay inspired to do that.

See all of my Periscope videos here.

Find my WhenHub Interface app here.

The post Episode 146: Scott Adams Explains the Potential Good News About Russia appeared first on Dilbert Blog.


Dilbert Blog

LaVar Ball Denies Leaking Lonzo’s Knee Injury News, ‘I Don’t Do That’

[[tmz:video id=”0_pfthzmku”]] LaVar Ball says he had absolutely nothing to do with word of Lonzo’s knee injury getting out, and neither did anyone in his camp family … because the Balls don’t roll like that. We got LaVar at LAX Friday and asked…

Permalink

TMZ Celebrity News for Gossip Rumors


‘Modern Family’ creator leads Fox News revolt

‘Modern Family’ creator Steve Levitan announced he will sever ties with his show’s studio, 21st Century Fox, because of how Fox News covers the Trump administration’s ‘zero-tolerance’ border policy.


Reuters Video: Entertainment

Find your Soulmate Live webcam chat!

David Spade Looking Sad in L.A. Shortly After Kate Spade Suicide News

6:25 PM PT — David shared a photo of Kate, whom he calls “Katy,” at his book signing … along with a heartfelt and encouraging message. Katy at my book signing. I love this pic of her. So pretty. I dont think everyone knew how fucking funny she was……

Permalink

TMZ Celebrity News for Fashion


Are you interested in biotechnology news ?

Read the latest on pharma/biotech news, Clinical Trial Results, FDA Calendar, Top Gainers, Recalls, Food Alert and more on RTTNews Biotechnology.
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Episode 99: Unfair Trade and Bad News Coverage While Drinking Tiny European Coffee

Topics:

  • Justin Trudeau’s eyebrows
  • Where’s the counter-argument showing current trade deal is fair?
  • Where’s the graphics, why aren’t there any?
  • Everyone agrees trade wars are bad…but that’s not the question
  • Does the media (or anyone else) really know/understand what would be fair?
  • Should the value of US military protection for Canada be a factor?

 

I fund my Periscopes and podcasts via audience micro-donations on Patreon. I prefer this method over accepting advertisements or working for a “boss” somewhere because it keeps my voice independent. No one owns me, and that is rare. I’m trying in my own way to make the world a better place, and your contributions help me stay inspired to do that.

See all of my Periscope videos here.

Find my WhenHub Interface app here.

The post Episode 99: Unfair Trade and Bad News Coverage While Drinking Tiny European Coffee appeared first on Dilbert Blog.


Dilbert Blog

‘The Bachelorette’: Becca Kufrin Explains Why She Shared Her Engagement News So Quickly

She’s ready to do the damn thing! “The Bachelorette” star Becca Kufrin tells Access why she announced her engagement news before her season of the reality hit even started airing. Plus, the Minnesota native reacts to the news of her former fiancé Arie Luyendyk Jr.’s wedding date announcement with Lauren Burnham. “The Bachelorette” premieres Monday, May 28 at 8/7c on ABC.


Access Hollywood Latest Videos

Why Prince Harry’s Wedding Beard Is Great News for Guys With Facial Hair

Call it one of many tradition-breaking moves felt ’round the world. On Saturday, when Prince Harry married his fiancé Meghan Markle, their wedding’s music and sermon, including a gospel choir, reflected the bride’s background and made royal superfans of even the harshest cynics. And true to his reputation as the bad boy of Windsor, Harry showed up with his beard unshaven. Though it may seem small in comparison to everything else that happened on Saturday, it was a grooming choice will undoubtedly have worldwide repercussions.

The post Why Prince Harry’s Wedding Beard Is Great News for Guys With Facial Hair appeared first on Men's Journal.

Men’s Journal Latest Style News

Episode 72: Causes of School Shootings, Terrorism, Fake News, Plus Hypnotism

Topics:

  • Jordan Peterson getting pecked to death by his critics
  • Jordan’s premise: Monogamy reduces violence
  • School violence, common factors
  • Video games association with violence
  • “top of mind” thoughts and influence on beliefs
  • Scientific study: Journalists more susceptible to bias than other professions
  • Understanding the power of hypnosis
  • Darren Brown / Simon Pegg, demonstration of memory being rewritten
  • Journalists have taken role of hypnotist, rewriting audience memory
  • NXIVM Raniere interview
  • John Legend becoming the thing he hates

I fund my Periscopes and podcasts via audience micro-donations on Patreon. I prefer this method over accepting advertisements or working for a “boss” somewhere because it keeps my voice independent. No one owns me, and that is rare. I’m trying in my own way to make the world a better place, and your contributions help me stay inspired to do that.

See all of my Periscope videos here.

For persuasion-related content in book form, see my bestselling book, Win Bigly.

The post Episode 72: Causes of School Shootings, Terrorism, Fake News, Plus Hypnotism appeared first on Dilbert Blog.


Dilbert Blog

Miley�€™s Not Sorry, & Other Celebrity News You Need To Know

By T. S. Obiech,Scott Laffey,Andres Diplotti  Published: May 15th, 2018 


Cracked: All Posts

Colbert Mocks Giuliani’s Bonkers Fox News Interview: ‘Rudy, You’re Not Helping!’

Today’s “Stormy Watch” finds Hurricane Rudy “making landfall on Fox News.”
Comedy
ENTERTAINMENT NEWS-Visit Mobile Playboy today for the hottest adult entertainment online!

Trevor Noah Taunts Fox News Over Kanye West’s Support Of Donald Trump

“You know that this is also going to confuse people on Fox News.”
Comedy
ENTERTAINMENT NEWS-Visit Mobile Playboy today for the hottest adult entertainment online!

Fox News pledges full support of Sean Hannity

Fox News said on Tuesday it was putting its “full support” behind television host Sean Hannity after it was revealed that he had an “informal relationship” with U.S. President Donald Trump’s personal attorney Michael Cohen.


Reuters Video: Entertainment

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Episode 17: The CNN method for making news with nothing but your face

Topics:

This audio podcast will be lacking because the main joke is visual, but you can probably follow along and get the idea from context.

The post Episode 17: The CNN method for making news with nothing but your face appeared first on Dilbert Blog.


Dilbert Blog

Brooke Burke Wears Hot Leather Outfit at Coachella a Week After Divorce News

Brooke Burke’s leathering the storm of her pending divorce from David Charvet … by arriving at Coachella in an outfit that’s fit to make him eat his heart out. Brooke entered the festival grounds Friday afternoon in a sexy all-black and leather getup…

Permalink

TMZ Celebrity News for Fashion


Foldable Phones, Smart Porn, And Other Breaking Tech News

By T. S. Obiech,Scott Laffey,Andrés Diplotti  Published: April 10th, 2018 


Cracked: All Posts

Rock Candy Toys, East Coast News Ink Distro Deal

Rock Candy Toys and East Coast News have joined forces to bring retailers the “ultimate selection of irresistible impulse items.”
XBIZ.com – Pleasure & Retail

Birth Control Pills For Men & More Life-Changing Health News

By T. S. Obiech,Scott Laffey,Andrés Diplotti  Published: March 27th, 2018 


Cracked: All Posts

Fake News Spreads On Twitter Faster Than The Truth, Per Study

Twitter suspends thousands of accounts for pro-terrorism and violence contents

Source: Anadolu Agency / Getty

Fake News owns Twitter, well according to a new study that is the case. Three researchers at MIT published a story in Science that points out that “fake news” travels faster, further and deeper and more broadly and it’s not bots doing the work but humans.

That’s pretty alarming when you seriously think about it.

How did they come to this conclusion?  Here is their breakdown of the study and how they came to their results:

“We investigated the differential diffusion of all of the verified true and false news stories distributed on Twitter from 2006 to 2017. The data comprise ~126,000 stories tweeted by ~3 million people more than 4.5 million times. We classified news as true or false using information from six independent fact-checking organizations that exhibited 95 to 98% agreement on the classifications. Falsehood diffused significantly farther, faster, deeper, and more broadly than the truth in all categories of information, and the effects were more pronounced for false political news than for false news about terrorism, natural disasters, science, urban legends, or financial information. We found that false news was more novel than true news, which suggests that people were more likely to share novel information. Whereas false stories inspired fear, disgust, and surprise in replies, true stories inspired anticipation, sadness, joy, and trust. Contrary to conventional wisdom, robots accelerated the spread of true and false news at the same rate, implying that false news spreads more than the truth because humans, not robots, are more likely to spread it.”

With news and information readily at your fingertips, you would think to be able to fact check or source checking these stories would be the norm. “Fake news” and propaganda has been linked to influencing our election but it’s very troubling to learn that humans are to blame instead of bots. Gotta be careful what you’re sharing on Twitter or any other social media platform for that matter. Head over to Science to read the full study.

––

Photo:Anadolu Agency / Getty

The Latest Hip-Hop News, Music and Media | Hip-Hop Wired

Peele, Phoenix, Pryde, And Other Breaking Hollywood News

By T. S. Obiech,Scott Laffey,Andrés Diplotti  Published: March 06th, 2018 


Cracked: All Posts

Farts, Flu, Friendship, And Other Breaking Health News

By T. S. Obiech,Scott Laffey,Andrés Diplotti  Published: February 27th, 2018 


Cracked: All Posts

19 News Pics That Are Too Hot For TV

19 News Pics That Are Too Hot For TV

19 News Pics That Are Too Hot For TV
Thanks to the internet, no one needs to wait for the news to come on ever again.
Submitted by: Oh, News!
Immortal
Keywords: news headlines tv media funny
Views: 309,718

Funny Or Die | Funny Videos, Funny Video Clips, Funny Pics

What if the News Reported Only Facts?

The common view we see from the mainstream media is that President Trump is a monster and there is no doubt about it. In support of that view, they offer plenty of evidence. And by evidence, I mean they hallucinate they can read minds.

Pundit creates news by reading minds

One of the biggest illusions of life is that we humans are good at deducing the inner thoughts of both strangers and loved ones based on observing their actions. The truth is that we are terrible at knowing what others are thinking. We just think we are good at it. No one is good at it. No one.

Need proof of that claim?

Think about the last disagreement you had with a romantic partner. There’s a high likelihood that one of you was incorrectly interpreting the thoughts of the other. And a big cause of that wrongness is the illusion that people make decisions based on one variable. We don’t. Our decisions are based on lots of variables — so many, in fact, that often we are not entirely aware of why we make our own decisions, much less why others do.

The business model of the news media has moved away from hard reporting and toward punditry and opinion. Viewers enjoy opinion-driven content and it costs a lot less to produce than hard news. And that means the news industry has moved from factual reporting to — for all practical purposes — some form of imaginary mind reading to fill the hours.

I’ll need some examples to make my point. Below I will imagine how several headline stories about President Trump could have been reported factually without the mind reading. I include the mind reading interpretations for contrast.

Birtherism

  • Factual Report: Donald Trump exploited doubts within the Republican base about President Obama’s birth certificate to gain a political advantage. This is a common political tactic. Candidate Trump used the same strategy against Ted Cruz, who was born in Canada but is an American citizen.
  • Mind Reading: We can read Trump’s inner racist mind and we know the real reason he was involved with birtherism is to send a silent dog whistle to the racists in the Republican party.

Some illegal Mexican immigrants are criminals and some are not

  • Factual Report: Donald Trump announced his candidacy for President with a speech in which he noted that some illegal immigrants from Mexico are criminals.
  • Mind Reading: Candidate Trump secretly believes all Mexicans are rapists. We know that to be true because he said “some” illegal immigrants from Mexico he assumes are “good people.” That is a clear sign that he is thinking no one from Mexico is a good person, even though “some” is not an indication of percentage.

Charlottesville

  • Factual Report: President Trump said there were “fine people” on both sides of the Charlottesville protests. When asked to clarify if that meant the racists with tiki torches were fine people, the President clarified that he disavowed that group and was talking about non-racists who might have been there to support keeping historical Civil War statues that many believe are offensive.
  • Mind Reading: Even though President Trump clarified that he disavows the racists, we can read his inner thoughts and it is clear he thinks racists are fine people because he knows he is one.

KKK Disavowal

  • Factual Report: In a CNN interview with Jake Tapper, candidate Trump did not take the opportunity Tapper repeatedly gave him to denounce the KKK and David Duke. President Trump said he had some audio problems and didn’t hear the question properly. He clarified the next day that he does disavow the KKK and David Duke, as he has several times in the past.
  • Mind Reading: President Trump is secretly fond of the KKK and David Duke and was sending a secret dog whistle to racists. That’s why he refused to disavow them until he was badgered into it. But his disavowals were dishonest because he secretly supports them.

Judge Curiel

  • Factual Report: Candidate Trump employed a common legal strategy by questioning the objectivity of the judge for the Trump University trial. The strategy was a solid one because it biased the judge to rule favorably for Trump to avoid the appearance of bias. As it turned out, the judge scheduled the trial for after the election, which was unnecessarily generous to Trump. A more normal schedule would have put the trial before election. The potential bias Trump called out was that because of his immigration plan, Trump was deeply unpopular with Americans of Mexican heritage. Lawyers routinely consider that sort of potential bias.
  • Mind Reading: Trump is racist against people with Mexican heritage and believes they can’t be good judges.

Shithole Countries

  • Factual Reporting: In a non-public meeting with other politicians, President Trump used strong language (shithole countries) to question why our immigration policies allow in so many people from economically disadvantaged countries instead of economically advanced countries such as Norway.
  • Mind Reading: President Trump called black and brown countries “shitholes” because he is a racist.

My interpretation of what we all have watched for the past two-and-a-half years is that the anti-Trump media created the “monster” version of Trump based on mind-reading punditry. Factual reporting would not have created that impression in the public’s mind. The public had to be primed, and it had to be reminded every day by the mind-reading pundits that Trump was a monster.

The mind-reading pundits have done a horrible disservice to the country, although I suspect most were operating under the illusion they can accurately read the mind of strangers. And in one of the most successful persuasion plays in history, the anti-Trump media pinned the blame for rising racial tensions on Trump. To be fair, he made it easy. Even I graded him an F in race relations. But not because I can read his mind. I just think he could have done a lot more to persuade-away the Trump-monster illusion created by his detractors.

I started a Patreon account to fund — via micro-donations as low as one dollar — the expansion of my Periscope content on the topic of persuasion, usually about politics. Step One involves converting my Periscope videos into audio-only podcast form for greater reach. That work is in progress. I’ll work on topic indexes next, and perhaps topic summaries in text form. YouTube is a lower priority because fans already post my Periscopes there. At some point I might do that myself.

Patreon funding will motivate me to express my opinions as often as practical without worrying about the sensibilities of sponsors, advertisers, or corporate bosses. I appreciate all of you who are making this happen.

The post What if the News Reported Only Facts? appeared first on Dilbert Blog.


Dilbert Blog

The Charlottesville Fake News Was the Best Persuasion Play of the Past Year

Now that some time has passed, and emotions have subsided a bit, I can tell you about the best persuasion play of the past year. The credit goes to the anti-Trump media. They convinced much of the world that the President of the United States referred to a bunch of racists with tiki torches in Charlottesville as “fine people.”

What President Trump did say is that some “fine people” were at the event. I see only two ways to interpret that statement. One interpretation is completely ordinary and the other is batshit crazy. The batshit crazy interpretation is the one the anti-Trump media persuaded you is the real one. They would have you believe that the President of the United States publicly and unabashedly sided with self-labelled racists who were chanting anti-Jewish slogans. We are asked to believe President Trump took sides with the anti-semitic chanters despite having a Jewish daughter, Jewish grandkids, Jewish son-in-law, and several Jewish top advisors. We also know President Trump is so popular in Israel that they are considering naming a train station after him. And Netanyahu gets along with President Trump great. Probably has something to do with President Trump’s decision to move the American embassy to Jerusalem.

Amazingly, the anti-Trump media successfully persuaded half the public in this country that President Trump intentionally and publicly took sides with racists who have intense hatred for his family and close advisors. President Trump clarified soon after his first statement on Charlottesville that he disavowed the racists. But the haters didn’t believe it. They were locked in their hallucination bubble.

Let’s compare two interpretations of President Trump’s “fine people” statement.

Batshit Crazy Interpretation: President Trump is so dumb, and so racist, that he decided to publicly side with racists against his own family and his closest advisors. And yet, while being so dumb, he somehow succeeded in multiple fields and became President of the United States with no prior experience. This interpretation also requires that Israel, his family, and his closest advisors are so dumb that they haven’t noticed how racist President Trump is against them.

or…

Totally Ordinary Interpretation: President Trump assumed there were some non-racist Republicans at the event for their own reasons, such as supporting historical landmarks, or supporting free speech no matter how awful it is. And he was right, although there were not many of them. Here’s a clip of some “fine people” who were in attendance. They say they like free speech and they hate racists.

We all know President Trump has a track record of speaking out on a variety of topics without having all the details. That’s one of the few things that both his supporters and his detractors can agree on. So compare the hypothesis that he decided to side with racists against the interests of his own family, in public, while President, to the hypothesis that he thought (correctly) that some non-racist Republicans were also in attendance.

Which of those two versions of events seems most likely to you?

Is it even close?

Man tries to distinguish an apple from a banana and fails

I don’t blame the public for falling for this well-orchestrated persuasion scheme by the anti-Trump media. Their collective persuasion on this point has been solid. Lately, the people opposing Trump simply list Charlottesville as one of the many “proofs” of his racism, as if no further explanation is needed. I can’t tell if the pundits believe their own interpretations or if they simply think the public will. It would look the same.

I propose a test to see if anti-Trump news professionals and pundits who consider Charlottesville as proof of President Trump’s racism will commit to their positions in public. You can test this at home with your Trump-hating friends. Simply print out my blog post and ask them to read the two interpretations I listed and ask them to tell you which one seems most likely. If your subject tries to change the topic, you have your answer.

I predict that 100% of people who believe President Trump called racists “fine people” will change the subject as soon as you make them read the two competing interpretations of events in close proximity. That’s your tell.

And if you want to rub it in, ask your Trump-hating subjects if they believe President Trump would NOT have pursued the birther issue against a white opponent if the opportunity had been the same. Remind your subject that President Trump uses every weapon available to him, all the time, no matter what. He not only accused Ted Cruz of being born in Canada but he suggested Cruz’ father might have been in on assassinating Kennedy.

I tested the birther argument today on Twitter when a critic brought it up. He changed the subject.

Enjoy!

I started a Patreon account to fund — via micro-donations as low as one dollar — the expansion of my Periscope content on the topic of persuasion, usually about politics. Step One involves converting my Periscope videos into audio-only podcast form for greater reach. That work is in progress. I’ll work on topic indexes next, and perhaps topic summaries in text form. YouTube is a lower priority because fans already post my Periscopes there. At some point I might do that myself.

Patreon funding will motivate me to express my opinions as often as practical without worrying about the sensibilities of sponsors, advertisers, or corporate bosses. I appreciate all of you who are making this happen.

The post The Charlottesville Fake News Was the Best Persuasion Play of the Past Year appeared first on Dilbert Blog.


Dilbert Blog

Space Cars, Xenomorphs, And Other Weird News You Missed

By T. S. Obiech,Scott Laffey,Andrés Diplotti  Published: February 13th, 2018 


Cracked: All Posts

East Coast News Launches Resource Portal

East Coast News has launched a vendor resource portal, and it is free for ECN customers to access.
XBIZ.com – Pleasure & Retail

Are the Fake News Awards Persuasive?

By now you know President Trump announced his winners for the Fake News Awards. You can see them here. Let’s talk about what he got right in terms of persuasion.

The very idea of a Fake News Award is unusual and provocative. That guarantees attention. Getting attention is step one in any persuasion play. Nearly everyone who cares about American politics is aware of the story. I’m no historian, but I doubt any prior president has combined theater and politics so ambitiously and so effectively. President Trump is intentionally and deftly “bringing the show” on this topic and lots of others. If you don’t understand persuasion, you might think he is just being crazy or narcissistic or authoritarian or some other misdiagnosis. But if you know that attention and memory are the primary levers of persuasion, and you see how often he commands both, you might recognize that you are seeing something special here in terms of a talent stack. (A talent stack is a combination of skills that are designed to work well together, such as the collective sub-talents for persuasion, theater, and politics.)

President Trump didn’t need to announce the Fake News Awards ahead of time. He could have simply put together the list and tweeted it any time he wanted. But he knows anticipation controls attention, and it amps up the perceived importance of whatever follows. He primed us. His supporters were salivating for the “good stuff” to come, while his detractors in the anti-Trump press probably hoped they didn’t make the top ten. (Then they did.)

Many of you wonder why he didn’t do a televised awards event. I’m sure the idea was considered. But in my view, that would have been a step too far. The Fake News Awards are, by design, supposed to be humorous without being funny. By that I mean the situation itself is funny. And that’s the perfect “light touch” for a Modern Presidential event. If it had been a televised event with some glitz, you would have wondered if that was a good use of your tax dollars.

President Trump also had what I call the comparison problem. We all hold in our minds a standard for what an awards event should look like. A simple press event would have been disappointing because we would imagine how it could be more like the Golden Globes, and we would reflexively judge it to be underwhelming. And if he matched the production quality of a traditional awards show, critics would say he isn’t focused on the job of governing. A live awards event would have seemed to viewers, because of the comparison problem, either too little or too much. There was no “just right” to be had with that model. But a tweeted list of winners gets the point across without risk. It was the right choice.

One of President Trump’s biggest persuasion challenges is that critics accuse him of being authoritarian when it comes to pushing back at the press. They tell us that only a dictator — or wannabe dictator — tries to muffle a free press. But at the same time, 90% of press coverage of this president is negative, and a shocking percentage of it is inaccurate. The pundits are far worse than the standard “news” professionals, of course, willing to pedal speculation as pre-facts. It’s a legitimate problem for this president, and he wanted to address it without going full-dictator. He needed a light touch that was so obviously not-a-dictator-thing-to-do that critics would have to use pretzel logic to say it was. (Which they are, adding to the humor of the situation.)

When you do a Fake News Award, you’d better have your facts and your sources straight, and you’d better show them. President Trump did that. Had the President simply declared a story to be fake, we might wonder if he was exaggerating or lying. But when you see the story and the correction right in front of you, it’s hard to argue he got any of it wrong. And you know the press was salivating to say he did.

A live awards event also would have provided the anti-Trump press and pundits a visual weapon to use against him. We humans are visual creatures, and we reflexively conflate situations that look similar. If President Trump had held the stage for an hour complaining about the free press, that looks dictatorish no matter how you try to soften it. But a tweet that has nothing but facts and sources gives critics no visual fodder with which to counter-persuade. All they have are the visuals from the fake news stories themselves.

Normally it is good persuasion technique to lead with strong visuals. But in this situation, it would have been a mistake to give the critics easy visual targets.

I’ve taught you about pacing and leading in this blog, and in my book, Win Bigly. The technique involves agreeing with a subject you want to persuade (pacing) until it seems you are both on the same page. Once you have paced, you can lead. In this case, the President listed ten Fake News winners we can clearly see were fake (or at least wrong). Then he added an eleventh item that claims the Russia Collusion story is fake because it has produced no evidence the President was involved in any sort of crime. As you know, a lack of evidence is not proof of innocence. But after reading ten indisputable fake news examples in a row, your mind is primed to lump the eleventh with the first ten. That is solid persuasion technique. (A persuasion rookie might have put the Russia story first on the list because of its relative importance to the presidency.)

Overall, I’d give this an A+ for persuasion technique. President Trump made his points without going over the top, and without giving his critics fodder for counter-persuasion. Considering all the ways this could have gone wrong, it’s impressive how many traps he avoided while hitting his targets. This is the sort of persuasion you only see from a very stable genius.


For more lessons on presidential persuasion, see my book, Win Bigly.

The post Are the Fake News Awards Persuasive? appeared first on Dilbert Blog.


Dilbert Blog

Black Lives Matter Leader DeRay McKesson Sues Jeanine Pirro, FOX News (UPDATE)

6:15 PM PT — A FOX News spokesperson tells TMZ … “We informed Mr. McKesson’s counsel that our commentary was fully protected under the First Amendment and the privilege for reports of judicial proceedings. We will defend this case…

Permalink

TMZ Celebrity News for Celebrity Justice


Digital Avatars and the Future of Fake News

Digital avatars and tools like Apple’s new Animoji app may forever change the way we communicate. But they’re also blurring the line between reality and fantasy. We take a look at how this technology works and what can be done to prevent the spread of manipulated videos in the future.
WIRED Videos

NFL community reacts to news that Eli won’t start

No. 1 overall draft pick, two-time Super Bowl MVP, benchwarmer: One of these things is not like the other.
www.espn.com – NFL

Bun B Grabs Local News Mic, Goes Off Over Astros Victory!

This is pretty awesome … if you’re an Astros fan!  Bun B was ALL THE WAY TURNT after his Astros beat the Dodgers on Sunday night — he found a news camera, grabbed the mic … and WENT OFF ON LIVE TV!  The Houston rapper is a HUGE ‘Stros fan…

Permalink

TMZ Celebrity News for Party All The Time


The News from Lake Wobegon from A Prairie Home Companion, February 9, 2008 – Garrison Keillor

Garrison Keillor - The News from Lake Wobegon from A Prairie Home Companion, February 9, 2008  artwork

The News from Lake Wobegon from A Prairie Home Companion, February 9, 2008

Garrison Keillor

Genre: Arts & Entertainment

Price: $ 0.95

Publish Date: February 9, 2008

© ℗ © 2008 The News from Lake Wobegon

iTunes Store: Top Audiobooks in Arts & Entertainment

Fifty Years of 60 Minutes: The Inside Story of Television’s Most Influential News Broadcast (Unabridged) – Jeff Fager

Jeff Fager - Fifty Years of 60 Minutes: The Inside Story of Television's Most Influential News Broadcast (Unabridged)  artwork

Fifty Years of 60 Minutes: The Inside Story of Television’s Most Influential News Broadcast (Unabridged)

Jeff Fager

Genre: Arts & Entertainment

Price: $ 20.95

Publish Date: October 24, 2017

© ℗ © 2017 Simon & Schuster Audio

iTunes Store: Top Audiobooks in Arts & Entertainment

Kylie Jenner posts first photos since baby news broke

Kylie Jenner appears to be having some fun with her fans.


CNN.com – RSS Channel – Entertainment

GamersGate: The World's Largest Online Game Store

Travis Scott and Scott Disick Turn Up at Concert After News Kylie’s Pregnant

[[tmz:video id=”0_wsjknz9c”]] Travis Scott was in a spectacular mood Friday night after TMZ broke the story … Kylie Jenner’s gonna be his baby mama. Travis was performing at LIV nightclub in Miami, and he got some family support from Scott Disick, who…

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TMZ Celebrity News for Party All The Time


Jimmy Kimmel Shreds Fox News Host Brian Kilmeade: ‘Phony Little Creep’

He says the Fox News host “kisses my ass like a little boy meeting Batman.”
Comedy
ENTERTAINMENT NEWS-Visit Mobile Playboy today for the hottest adult entertainment online!

Frankie Muniz Arrives for Dance Practice Amid ‘DWTS’ News

Frankie Muniz let the dancing cat out of the bag — before “Dancing With the Stars” confirmed he’s joining the show … he showed up for practice. Paps got Frankie Thursday in L.A. showing up for a little 2-step with Witney Carson, the pro dancer…

Permalink

TMZ Celebrity News for Gossip Rumors


Stephen Colbert Relishes Hitting Fox News’ Eric Bolling Below The Belt

His takedown of the accused lewd images sender is just savage.
Comedy
ENTERTAINMENT NEWS-Visit Mobile Playboy today for the hottest adult entertainment online!

Stephen Colbert Has Beef With Lara Trump’s ‘Real News’ Broadcast

“Wait a second.”
Comedy
ENTERTAINMENT NEWS-Visit Mobile Playboy today for the hottest adult entertainment online!

Narciso Rodriguez Takes a Break From the Runway, and More NYFW News

Narciso Rodriguez is the latest designer to take a break from New York Fashion Week, opting to show via private appointment instead, while other big names are leaving New York altogether.
Vogue
BEAUTY TIPS & UPDATES BY GABBY LOVE! –Get free shipping everyday on orders $ 35+ at Beauty.com plus earn 5% back!
Gabby Loves Avon #2-
Avon

News in Brief: GOP Warns Refugees Likely To Be Driven To Terrorism By Way America Would Treat Them

CHARLESTON, SC—Declaring that opening the nation’s doors to displaced Syrians posed a major security threat, GOP leaders warned Tuesday that any refugees who resettled in the U.S. would most likely be driven to terrorism by the way America treats them. “We absolutely cannot provide a safe haven to these Syrians due to the very real threat that the abusive and hateful conduct of Americans will push the refugees toward radicalization and recruitment by extremist militant groups,” said Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX), echoing the sentiments of numerous other presidential candidates and state governors who have argued that Syrian asylum seekers would in all probability embrace a radical jihadist worldview after constantly enduring anti-Muslim hate speech, racial epithets, and threats of violence and persecution by both the American people and government officials. “The moment we let these Syrians in, I promise that our most ruthless and cruel tendencies will …




The Onion

News in Brief: Rubio Campaign Deploys 6,000 Ground Troops To Combat ISIS

OTTUMWA, IA—Vowing to hunt down and destroy every last vestige of the extremist group, Senator Marco Rubio announced Tuesday that his presidential campaign was deploying 6,000 ground troops to the Middle East to combat ISIS militants. “ISIS has shown that it has no respect for the sanctity of human life, which is why this campaign has dispatched troops to Syria to begin a full-scale ground assault against these terrorists,” said the candidate ahead of a voter meet-and-greet at an Iowa senior center, noting that the troop deployment was merely the latest phase of a multi-pronged strategy by the Rubio 2016 campaign that began with the arming of Kurdish militias shortly before the second GOP primary debate. “In addition, the campaign has already launched coordinated missile strikes against ISIS strongholds from our destroyer, the USS New American Century, stationed in the Persian Gulf. And the Conservative Solutions super PAC …




The Onion

News in Brief: Employee Returns From Vacation Refreshed, Ready To Waste Time

ALBANY, GA—Explaining that she felt relaxed and had a renewed sense of focus, local account manager Kayla Eggert told reporters Monday that she had returned to work from her recent vacation completely refreshed and ready to waste time. “Six days in Hawaii was just what I needed to unwind, and it’s great to come back feeling recharged for another week of dodging emails I don’t feel like dealing with and checking Facebook instead of writing up reports,” said Eggert, adding that being “off the grid” at a beachside resort had actually reinvigorated her to get back into the swing of landing a new high score in Candy Crush during staff meetings. “Getting away from the office is something you need to do every once in a while. It’s a shame I can’t take time off more often—making small talk with people in the break …




The Onion

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News: Robert De Niro Stunned To Learn Of Man Who Can Quote ‘Goodfellas’

NEW YORK—Immediately halting production on his latest project after hearing of the incredible talent, legendary actor Robert De Niro was reportedly stunned to learn Wednesday that Bayonne, NJ resident Eric Sullivan, 33, can quote the critically acclaimed 1990 Martin Scorsese film Goodfellas at length.

Witnesses confirmed that De Niro, who played gangster Jimmy Conway in the movie, refused to continue with the filming of HBO’s upcoming Bernie Madoff biopic, The Wizard Of Lies, until the gifted man could be brought before the actor to demonstrate his singular ability to repeat sections of dialogue from the Academy Award–winning crime drama.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa—you’re saying this guy can recite 15 or 20 lines from the movie, fully and completely, without messing up or having to stop even once?” said De Niro after rushing over to a crew member who he had overheard telling several coworkers about Sullivan …




The Onion

News: Robert De Niro Stunned To Learn Of Man Who Can Quote ‘Goodfellas’

NEW YORK—Immediately halting production on his latest project after hearing of the incredible talent, legendary actor Robert De Niro was reportedly stunned to learn Wednesday that Bayonne, NJ resident Eric Sullivan, 33, can quote the critically acclaimed 1990 Martin Scorsese film Goodfellas at length.

Witnesses confirmed that De Niro, who played gangster Jimmy Conway in the movie, refused to continue with the filming of HBO’s upcoming Bernie Madoff biopic, The Wizard Of Lies, until the gifted man could be brought before the actor to demonstrate his singular ability to repeat sections of dialogue from the Academy Award–winning crime drama.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa—you’re saying this guy can recite 15 or 20 lines from the movie, fully and completely, without messing up or having to stop even once?” said De Niro after rushing over to a crew member who he had overheard telling several coworkers about Sullivan …




The Onion

News in Brief: Man Arriving Late Forced To Use Excuse He Was Saving For Leaving Early

HARTFORD, CT—Silently berating himself for his carelessness and lack of forethought, local office worker Jason Lochrie, who arrived over an hour late to work Wednesday morning, reportedly had no choice but to use an excuse he had been hoping would allow him to leave early. “Damn it, I was all set to get out of here at 3:30 by telling everyone I had a dermatologist’s appointment, but when I showed up after the start of our 10 a.m. meeting, I was forced to use it right then and there,” said a visibly frustrated Lochrie, who admitted he briefly considered repurposing the same alibi several hours later before determining that there was no way he could convince his colleagues and supervisor that he had scheduled two different doctors’ visits on the same day. “If I had made it in just a half hour earlier, I probably could …




The Onion

Sports News in Brief: Bulls Players Annoyed By Derrick Rose Always Leaving Torn Ligaments All Over Locker Room

CHICAGO—Calling it “disrespectful” and “totally disgusting,” members of the Chicago Bulls expressed their frustration to reporters Wednesday over point guard Derrick Rose’s habit of always leaving his torn ligaments strewn all over their locker room. “Every time I walk in here after practice or a game, I see Derrick’s shredded MCLs and ACLs just lying on the floor, and it’s ridiculous,” said small forward Jimmy Butler, who added that he and his teammates have repeatedly implored Rose to clean up the wet, tattered bands of connective tissue that he regularly leaves sitting in puddles of synovial fluid around nearby lockers. “Not only is it gross, but yesterday Pau [Gasol] threw out one that he almost slipped on in the bathroom. They’re Derrick’s ligaments, so we shouldn’t have to pick up after him like this. We’re sick of it.” Butler added that he …




The Onion

Sports News in Brief: Roger Goodell Quietly Says Goodnight To Hallway Of NFL Greats’ Chemically Preserved Bodies

NEW YORK—Slowly walking down the basement hallway as the ceiling’s fluorescent lights turned off row by row behind him, Roger Goodell quietly said goodnight to each of the legendary former NFL players whose bodies he had chemically preserved, sources confirmed late Wednesday evening. “Sleep well, my friends,” whispered Goodell, delicately placing a hand against the glass of a tank containing the corpse of Johnny Unitas perfectly embalmed in a green, viscous liquid, before then waving to the floating bodies of Walter Payton, Reggie White, and the entire 1949 NFL Championship–winning Philadelphia Eagles defensive line housed in the back of the hall. “I’ll see you again in the morning. I love you.” Sources confirmed that before exiting the room, Goodell took one last look at the empty tank intended for Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning, emitted a deep sigh, and then shut the door.




The Onion

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News in Brief: New Study Finds Box Still World’s Most Popular Container

PHILADELPHIA—Noting its ability to enclose, protect, and transport a wide variety of objects, a University of Pennsylvania study published Monday confirmed that the box remains the world’s most popular container. “We found that when something needs to be stored or moved—be it tools, jewelry, pizza, even ballots—people tend to put their trust in a box more often than, say, a bucket or satchel,” said the study’s lead author, Susan Kemmis, who highlighted the rectangular containers’ stackability and closable top as the key assets that set them apart from bags. “Whether the item or items to be stowed away are large, small, heavy, or light, there tends to be a box of appropriate dimensions and rigidity to adequately contain them. The same can’t be said of baskets, jugs, or barrels.” While later admitting that crates are the go-to container for shipping purposes, Kemmis emphasized that …




The Onion

News in Brief: New Study Finds Box Still World’s Most Popular Container

PHILADELPHIA—Noting its ability to enclose, protect, and transport a wide variety of objects, a University of Pennsylvania study published Monday confirmed that the box remains the world’s most popular container. “We found that when something needs to be stored or moved—be it tools, jewelry, pizza, even ballots—people tend to put their trust in a box more often than, say, a bucket or satchel,” said the study’s lead author, Susan Kemmis, who highlighted the rectangular containers’ stackability and closable top as the key assets that set them apart from bags. “Whether the item or items to be stowed away are large, small, heavy, or light, there tends to be a box of appropriate dimensions and rigidity to adequately contain them. The same can’t be said of baskets, jugs, or barrels.” While later admitting that crates are the go-to container for shipping purposes, Kemmis emphasized that …




The Onion

News in Brief: Man Really Letting No One Have It During Exit Interview

SPRINGFIELD, MA—Keeping his voice at a measured volume and holding everything back, departing employee David Hughes was really letting no one have it during his exit interview Monday, sources at local accounting firm Grier and Associates confirmed. “As soon as he went in there, he started listing off supervisors and colleagues he had worked with over the years and saying only the briefest, most courteous things about each of them—he’s sparing everyone!” said office manager Teresa Ullman as she watched Hughes through the glass conference room window, noting that her coworker appeared hell-bent on making sure every one of the complaints and frustrations that had built up over the past eight years stayed bottled up inside. “Man, he just keeps hammering management with polite agreeableness toward its policies and expressions of gratitude at having worked here. Just look at that unanimated, placid look on his face—he …




The Onion

Gwen and Blake are a thing and more music news of the week


News, reviews, interviews and more for top artists and albums – MSN Music
ADULT ENTERTAINMENT NEWS UPDATE:Gabby Love’s top pick! Click and enjoy!

VIDEO: Angie – Naked In The Streets – June 4 Nude on Naked News

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Sports News in Brief: Team Of Bikini-Clad Women Tend To Injured Dez Bryant In Cowboys’ Rehabilitation Grotto

DALLAS—Providing injured players with the very best in amenities, individualized training programs, and exotic Mediterranean fruits, a team of bikini-clad women tended to injured wide receiver Dez Bryant in the Dallas Cowboys’ state-of-the-art rehabilitation grotto, team sources confirmed Thursday. “This place is amazing—I’ve got access to top-of-the-line PT equipment, and I’ve been working really closely with Candi on plyometric strengthening exercises so I can get back on the field as quickly as possible,” said Bryant, sipping on a flute of champagne while several tanned, scantily dressed female trainers carefully stretched his hamstrings. “Lately, it’s just been Tony [Romo] and me swimming laps in the lily pond every morning, and I usually lie out on those sun-bathed limestone rocks and use the electrical muscle stimulation machine to recover after my workouts. Oh, and the private massage area behind the waterfall is really out of this world …




The Onion

VIDEO: Halloween 2015 – Madison, Natasha, Peyton, and Angie Nude on Naked News

Halloween 2015 - Madison, Natasha, Peyton, and  Angie

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News in Brief: Local Household Announces Plans To Overdo Halloween Again

HIGHLAND PARK, IL—Having hauled over a dozen boxes of lights and plastic decorations as well as a large black-cat-shaped lawn inflatable from storage, members of the Hutchcroft family announced to neighbors from their front yard Thursday their plan to completely overdo Halloween again this year. “From now until November, we vow that not an inch of our front lawn will be visible beneath the crowded, haphazard mix of custom gravestones, skeletons, dozens of feet of fake cobwebs, severed heads on spikes, caskets, and our large light-up zombie with glowing red eyes,” said father Luke Hutchcroft, clarifying that the family would go further than simply recreating last year’s already overboard spectacle by adding a number of carefully curated new elements, such as a four-foot diameter spider mounted on the side of their house and bloody-handprint window clings. “And for those of you wondering whether familiar Hollywood serial killers will …




The Onion

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News in Brief: Huckabee Earns Nickel For Presidential Campaign By Painting Old Widow’s Picket Fence

STAMPS, AR—Whistling “Hail To The Chief” as he flipped the coin into the air and caught it in his palm, Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee confirmed Friday that he had earned a nickel for his campaign by painting an elderly widow’s picket fence. “Hoo golly, when Ol’ Widow Parker said she’d pay me to whitewash her fence, I was nearabout gladder than a possum in a punkin patch,” said a smiling Huckabee, kissing the nickel before dropping it into an empty mayonnaise jar with the letters “PAC” scrawled on the side. “Widow Parker always tried to do right by me, tanned my hide a mess of times when I started raisin’ Cain, but she done civilized me. So faster than all get-out, I changed from my Sunday-go-t’meetin’ clothes, fetched my brush and pail, and painted that fence top to bottom, lickety-split.” Huckabee later confirmed that, on …




The Onion

News in Brief: Candidates Preparing For Colorado Debate Conditions With High-Altitude Speaking Drills

BOULDER, CO—Arriving in Colorado several days early to get acclimated to the 5,400-foot elevation, Republican presidential candidates have reportedly been preparing for Wednesday’s GOP primary debate with a series of high-altitude speaking drills. “When we first got here, Ted could hardly make it through a single answer about defunding Planned Parenthood before he started feeling nauseous, but practicing his talking points in this thin mountain air has really started to pay off,” said Ted Cruz campaign manager Jeff Roe, adding that his candidate would have struggled even more initially had he not also spent weeks rehearsing his remarks while wearing a special elevation training mask. “Since we’ve started doing the drills, he’s been able to get through his entire opening statement without gasping for breath. As long as he paces himself, he should be fine.” At press time, aides were rushing to supply oxygen to …




The Onion

News in Brief: John Boehner To Paul Ryan: ‘I Was Once Young And Beautiful Too’

WASHINGTON—Pulling the congressman aside Wednesday and sitting him down in his office, House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) reportedly told his likely successor, Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI), that he had once been young and beautiful too. “There was a time when I had that youthful glow and that glimmer in my eye, just like you; but time passes, and alas, it takes its toll,” said Boehner as he gently brushed the back of his hand along Ryan’s cheek and recalled how he had, years earlier, possessed unspoiled good looks, an innocent charm and energy, and a popularity among his party much the same as that of his heir apparent. “You might not believe it looking at this old, withered shell sitting before you now, but back so many years ago in 2011, I was no different than you—a bright young thing that every Republican congressman wanted to be …




The Onion

Sports News in Brief: Gruesome, Deformed Jason Pierre-Paul Lurking In Sewers Beneath MetLife Stadium

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—Quietly navigating through the damp, pitch-black tunnels underneath the 82,500-seat arena, gruesome, deformed New York Giants defensive end Jason Pierre-Paul was reportedly spotted Wednesday lurking in the sewers below MetLife Stadium. “They mustn’t see me—they mustn’t see me!” muttered Pierre-Paul, using his tattered Giants uniform and helmet to cover his scarred, disfigured body, with reports confirming that the grotesque sixth-year defensive lineman occasionally peeks through small cracks of concrete late in the fourth quarter when the stadium is mostly deserted. “I am a monster now, and I cannot go near the surface dwellers. The shadows…the shadows are my home.” At press time, Pierre-Paul was feasting on a bucket of raw fish left for him near a drainage grate by Giants head coach Tom Coughlin.




The Onion

News in Brief: Carly Fiorina Promises To Fight For Whoever Everyday Americans Are

BOULDER, CO—Vowing to be a forceful advocate for the group, former Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina promised during her opening remarks at Wednesday’s GOP debate that she would fight tirelessly for whoever everyday Americans are. “I will work day and night throughout my presidency to make sure that ordinary folks, whoever they happen to be and whatever they do with themselves, have a voice in Washington,” said Fiorina, adding that if she were elected, average Americans would know they finally had a government that represented them, wherever they come from exactly. “Middle-class families, if that’s precisely what you call them, are what make this country great. They deserve a president who will defend them each and every day from big government, assuming that’s what they need to be defended from. I think that’s it.” Fiorina’s remarks contrasted sharply with those of fellow candidate Donald Trump …




The Onion

News in Brief: Jeb Bush Inching Podium Closer To Center Of Stage During Commercial Breaks

BOULDER, CO—Speculating that he might be nudging it just a tiny bit with his foot or something, Americans viewing Wednesday’s Republican presidential debate said that candidate Jeb Bush appeared to be inching his podium closer to the center of the stage during the commercial breaks. “I definitely don’t think he was standing that close to the middle before,” said Phoenix resident Jim Rawson, adding that over the course of four commercial breaks, it seemed as if Bush had closed the gap between himself and the center-stage candidates by at least a foot. “I mean, I’m not imagining this, am I?” At press time, Bush was hastily dragging his podium to its original spot after audibly scraping it against that of fellow candidate Ben Carson.




The Onion

Robots Read News – About Economists and Astrologists

If your corporate firewall is being a total Virgo and blocking the image, try my Twitter feed here.


Scott Adams Blog

News in Brief: Report: Nation Spends $50 Billion Annually To Get Kids Excited About Things

WASHINGTON—Taking into account investments by government agencies, nonprofit organizations, and private industry, a report released Friday by the Pew Research Center revealed that a total of $ 50 billion is spent annually in the U.S. to get kids excited about things. “Each day in this country, well over $ 100 million is spent on efforts to take something, such as reading, science, going outdoors, or breakfast, and get kids excited about it,” said lead researcher Michael Hazlett, adding that in 2014 alone, over $ 10 billion was spent on getting kids excited about fruit. “In addition to the $ 50 billion that goes toward getting kids excited about fitness or dental hygiene or any number of other things, we found that an even larger sum of $ 65 billion is then spent each year on making those things fun.” The report concluded that at any given moment, an average of 0.3 percent …




The Onion

News in Brief: First-Grader Given Sticker For Behavior During Lockdown Drill

ANAHEIM, CA—As a reward for following directions the best of all his classmates, local first-grader Daniel Reinhart received a sticker Friday recognizing his good behavior during a lockdown drill at Paul Revere Elementary School. “You did such a super job, Daniel,” said teacher Anna Jarvis, handing the beaming 6-year-old a sparkly gold star for making less noise than anyone when the lights were shut off, the door was locked, and the entire class was ushered into the closet. “He was the quietest little mouse, but most of you did a great job too!” At press time, Jarvis was telling another student that if he wanted a sticker next time, it was very, very, very important he not giggle.




The Onion

News in Brief: Lindsey Graham Asks Nearby Family To Take His Picture For Photo Op

LACONIA, NH—Promising that it would only take a second, Republican presidential candidate Lindsey Graham reportedly asked a nearby family Friday if they could take his picture for a photo op at a local fall harvest festival. “Would you folks mind getting a picture of me in front of these corn stalks?” said Graham, who reportedly had his request politely declined by several individuals before eventually finding a group of fairgoers who agreed to use the senator’s cell phone to take the photo he would post on his campaign website and distribute to the media. “Once you can see me on the screen, just push the button. Oh, hold on, let me turn the flash off. Actually, it might be good to take a couple shots just in case I wasn’t smiling or I blinked. Hopefully they don’t turn out blurry.” At press time, several people had …




The Onion

Brand News: How to Lose a Company’s Trademark

Earlier this year, in a case of first impression before the Federal Circuit, the court directly addressed “whether the offering of a service, without the actual provision of a service, is sufficient to constitute use in commerce under Lanham Act § 45, 15 U.S.C. § 1127.” The court said no.
XBIZ.com | Feature Articles

What Did This Politician Say That Was Weird? Take The Fark Weird News Quiz

An Arizona politician said some things that were definitely weird.

If you know what he said, take the Fark Weird News Quiz.

Post your score!

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.




Comedy – The Huffington Post
ENTERTAINMENT NEWS-Visit Mobile Playboy today for the hottest adult entertainment online!

News in Brief: Sauce-Spatter Analysis Allows Investigators To Reconstruct Horrific, Grisly Consumption Of Meatball Sub

ELIZABETH, NJ—Carefully analyzing the sizes and telltale patterns of the deep red stains, investigators reportedly conducted a thorough sauce-splatter analysis Tuesday to reconstruct the horrific, grisly consumption of a meatball sub that occurred inside a local marketing firm’s offices. “By measuring inward from the farthest-flung sauce droplets and testing how much moisture remained in them, we’ve determined that a roughly eight-inch sandwich—almost certainly smothered in melted provolone and marinara—was viciously devoured by the perpetrator less than an hour ago,” said lead investigator Heather Fischer, adding that based on the swath of crumbs spread across the desk and floor, it was likely that the grotesque event was over in a matter of seconds. “Moreover, this shiny grease spot here indicates that the oily Italian bread remained stationary for a brief period, possibly in order for the suspect to gulp down some Dr. Pepper, stuff a few …




The Onion

Sports News in Brief: Teammates Unnerved By Kris Bryant’s Repeated Attempts To Break Cubs’ Curse With Slaughtered Goats

CHICAGO—Describing the sickening sight and stench of the carcasses that have become a constant presence around the clubhouse, members of the Chicago Cubs admitted to reporters Tuesday that they have become increasingly unnerved by third baseman Kris Bryant’s repeated attempts to break the team’s so-called “Curse of the Billy Goat” by slaughtering goats. “I know he thinks he’s doing it all for the team, but his fixation with finding and killing all of these goats is starting to get out of control,” said first baseman Anthony Rizzo, adding that Bryant, who has killed an estimated 30 goats since the playoffs began, has disgusted teammates with rituals that include sprinkling powdered goat horn inside the batter’s box and storing severed goat heads in the dugout’s helmet rack. “It’s kind of scary how seriously he takes it, like the way he freaks out whenever he …




The Onion

News in Brief: Bernie Sanders Repeatedly Scolded For Attempting To Unionize Debate Moderators

LAS VEGAS—Saying his repeated efforts to collectively organize the panel were inexcusable, representatives from CNN told reporters Tuesday night that they had to scold Bernie Sanders on numerous occasions for attempting to unionize the moderators of the Democratic presidential debate. “So far during this debate, we’ve sent producers on stage during every commercial break to remind him that this is not the forum to demand fair wages and safe working conditions for moderators,” said CNN official Tara Ramirez, adding that Sanders had spent an entire rebuttal attempting to coax moderator Don Lemon into calling a unionization election right then and there. “We thought he understood, but then he was right back at it, telling Anderson Cooper that if he stood up against the machine now, moderators from Fox and other networks would follow and generations of future moderators would benefit.” Ramirez went on to say that network representatives …




The Onion

News in Brief: Clinton Promises To Enact Agenda Whether Or Not She Elected

LAS VEGAS—After laying out her vision for the country during the first Democratic debate Tuesday night, Hillary Clinton reportedly vowed that she would enact her agenda whether or not she is elected. “A quality, affordable education should be accessible to all Americans who are willing to put in the hard work, and I promise that I will carry through this initiative whether or not I become the next president of the United States,” said Clinton, asserting that support or opposition from the nation’s voters would have zero impact on her implementation of such a platform in the years ahead. “Tax relief for the middle class and small businesses, the defense of reproductive rights for all women, and universal background checks for gun purchases will be accomplished regardless of whether you agree or disagree, or if I receive the Democratic nomination or 270 electoral votes in the general election …




The Onion

Angry Nerd – Fox News’ Abundant & Unnecessary Use of Big-Area Touch Screens

Hollywood is always trying to sell us crazy computer interfaces. Wavy hands and holograms? Never gonna happen. But now Fox News is in on the game, too—and the Angry Nerd is unfairly unbalanced about the network’s giant, newsgathering touch screens.
WIRED Videos – The Scene

EBro Angry Major News Sources Ignored Justice Or Else March

This past weekend millions gathered in Washington D.C. for the Justice or Else movement lead by the Nation of Islam. Joining together for a positive movement to foster justice and peace millions of people from all walks of life gathered in peace. But while many gathered very few news sources covered the peaceful gathering. E-Bro said, “this year had a different vibe,” when recapping the march on Monday’s Hot97 morning show.

E-Bro said the movement was all “positive,” but that he was sad about the fact that everyone was coming together due to police brutality and continued violence against Blacks.

“While it was positive, I did have a feeling of sadness,” E-Bro lamented, “Because now here we are 20 years later gathering because we are being victimized, criminalized and mass incarcerated, and trying to stand up for ourselves, against oppression still. 20 years later.”

Also in attendance showing support were Snoop, Diddy, J-Cole, Jeezy, Dave Chappelle, Common and Jay Electronica. Take a listen as E-Bro kicks that knowledge!


Filed under: Videos Tagged: E-Bro, Justice or else
AllHipHop.com: Hip-Hop News, Rumors, Interviews, Music, Videos and More

News in Brief: Blood Runs Down House Of Representatives Walls As Chamber Itself Selects New Speaker

WASHINGTON—As the hall’s lights flickered and the floor trembled for minutes on end, sources confirmed that great torrents of blood ran down the walls of the House of Representatives Monday as the chamber itself selected a new speaker. According to reports, the blood flooded the chamber’s upper gallery and then spilled over onto the speaker’s rostrum, at which point the name “Peter Roskam,” intoned in an unholy growl that seemed to rise from the very depths of damnation, could be heard reverberating throughout the Capitol. Witnesses told reporters that after hearing his name called, the Illinois Republican and chairman of the House Ways and Means Subcommittee on Oversight was visibly shaking as he walked alone to the front of the chamber and seated himself in the blood-drenched speaker’s chair. At press time, House Republicans had decided that Roskam had not been willing enough to take …




The Onion

News in Brief: Impressive New Hire Figures Out Bare Minimum Of Work Job Requires On First Day

MILWAUKEE—Marveling at his extraordinary ability to learn the ropes at the technology firm and quickly fit right in with the rest of his colleagues, sources at Starpoint Solutions confirmed Thursday that impressive new hire Eric Myers has already figured out the bare minimum of work his job requires on the very first day. “The second Eric showed up today, he sat right down at his desk, fired off a few quick emails, and then spent the next couple hours browsing Facebook—he’s really got the hang of this,” said coworker Janice Grant, who expressed a deep respect for how swiftly Myers learned the ins and outs of putting in an hour or two of minor effort, telling supervisors that he was going to need extra time to work on assignments, and then coasting through the rest of the workday. “It took me a few months before I had …




The Onion

Sports News in Brief: WNBA MVP Devastated After Roommate Moves Out Without Any Warning

CHICAGO—Saying she is now desperately searching for any options that will prevent her from being evicted, Chicago Sky forward and 2015 WNBA MVP Elena Delle Donne was reportedly left scrambling Thursday after her roommate moved out of their apartment without any warning whatsoever. “I really don’t know what I’m going to do, because rent is due in two weeks and there’s no way I can cover her $ 700,” said Delle Donne, adding that, with her team commitments and offseason workout schedule, she barely has the time to interview anyone who may respond to the sublet listing she posted on Craigslist. “Not only am I out on her rent, but also her half of the internet and electricity bills. I might just have to move to a studio or someplace on the South Side, because there’s no way I’m asking my parents for money again …




The Onion

News in Brief: 22-Year-Old Broke, Homeless 10 Days After Taking Control Of Own Finances

MILFORD, CT—Intermittently gnawing at an old apple core and scratching at his unruly bramble of stubble, 22-year-old Daniel Hardin admitted to reporters Thursday that he had become completely broke and homeless 10 days after taking control of his own finances. “I thought it was time to take my payments and bills into my own hands once I graduated, but barely a week after doing that, I found myself fighting off raccoons for access to the best backyard sheds to sleep behind,” said a dirt-caked Hardin, who noted that his current daily routine of finding discarded items to hawk for small change and washing his bare feet in a drainage pipe—which supplanted his previous life of mindlessly charging all his purchases and speaking endlessly on his cell phone without any thought to the costs incurred—can be traced back to the exact moment less than two weeks earlier when …




The Onion

Sports News in Brief: Mark McGwire Confident He Could Still Disgrace Game At High Level Today

LOS ANGELES—Despite retiring from the sport 14 years ago, 52-year-old former All-Star hitter Mark McGwire confidently told reporters Friday that he could still disgrace baseball at the highest level today. “I might not be what I once was, but I could definitely get out there on the field and completely tarnish the reputation of the sport just like I used to,” said McGwire, adding that while he enjoys working as a hitting coach for the Dodgers, he is often nostalgic for the days when he would wake up every morning, lie to teammates and fans, and let down everyone connected to baseball. “I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t considered coming back for another season to destroy the legacy of an entire generation of players. Look, I’m confident in my abilities, and there’s no doubt in my mind that I could go out there …




The Onion

Fresh tracks coming from ‘Fresh Prince’ & more Music news of the week


News, reviews, interviews and more for top artists and albums – MSN Music
ADULT ENTERTAINMENT NEWS UPDATE:Gabby Love’s top pick! Click and enjoy!

Stellan Skarsgard Launches Scathing Attack on Rupert Murdoch, Fox News and BBC Cutbacks


“You want to give [Murdoch] more power? Go ahead. You’re going to f— up whatever is left of civilization.”

read more



International

News in Brief: Report: 15,000 People Vanish From ‘Fall Fest’ Hayride Wagons Each Year

IOWA CITY, IA—An alarming report published this week by researchers at the University of Iowa revealed that over 15,000 Americans vanish without a trace from “Fall Fest” hayride wagons every year. “Our data shows that, each autumn, between 1 and 2 percent of all Fall Fest attendees who climb up onto the back of straw-covered wagons and embark on tractor-pulled hayrides never return,” said the report’s lead author, Simon Shaw, noting that on the average hayride, at least two or three passengers will unexpectedly go missing and be lost forever. “Last year alone, we catalogued over 8,000 cases in which passengers disappeared from the wagon before they even reached the pumpkin patch, leaving behind nothing but empty hay bales where they once sat and overturned cups of steaming hot apple cider.” The report also discovered over 1,000 recorded instances of tractors emerging from cornfields without …




The Onion

News in Brief: Group Of Christie Campaign Deserters Found In Forest

SHAMONG, NJ—Huddling together around fires of burning yard signs while sipping small rations of soup from mugs adorned with the phrase “Telling It Like It Is,” a ragged encampment of advisers, pollsters, and volunteers who deserted Chris Christie’s presidential campaign was reportedly found living deep in a New Jersey forest Friday, authorities confirmed. “When the first of us fled out here months ago, we had nothing but the ‘Christie 2016’ apparel on our backs, but over time we’ve been able to build a community and welcome in the scores more just like us who arrive each day,” said former media strategist Melissa Ulm, adding that the continuous increase in the camp’s population has forced its residents to construct dozens of tents from campaign banners and microphone stands patched together with Chris Christie bumper stickers. “Our supplies were nearly depleted by the wave of deserters that arrived …




The Onion

News in Brief: Biden Huddling With Closest Advisers On Whether To Spend 200 Bucks On Scorpions Tickets

WASHINGTON—In an effort to carefully weigh every option before determining his future, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly huddled with several of his closest advisers Friday to decide whether to “pony up 200 smackers” for Scorpions tickets. “This is the toughest decision I’ve faced—sure, it’s Rudy Schenker and the boys from Hanover we’re talking about, but I don’t know if I can swing 200 bones for just one night of the Scorps,” said Biden, who reportedly took a large swig from a Keystone tallboy while listening to his chief of staff Steve Ricchetti debate with fellow confidants T-Bone and The Gooch about the merits of scoring tickets from a scalper in the parking lot. “Shit, I guess Candi could slip into that low-cut number of hers and distract security with the goods while I sneak into a service entrance. Pretty damn risky, and I ain …




The Onion

Know What Princess Leia’s Slave Bikini Sold For? Take The Fark Weird News Quiz

The slave bikini worn by Princess Leia was auctioned off this week.

If you know the winning bid, take the Fark Weird News Quiz.

Post your score! 

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.




Comedy – The Huffington Post
ENTERTAINMENT NEWS-Visit Mobile Playboy today for the hottest adult entertainment online!

News: NASA Hoping To Get In On Some Defense Funding With Plan For Torpedo-Equipped Orbital Telescope

WASHINGTON—Discussing plans for a new space-exploration project that it said could also potentially be the most advanced weapon system in the U.S. military’s arsenal, NASA confirmed Thursday it was trying to get in on some of the nation’s defense spending by designing a torpedo-equipped orbital telescope.

Agency officials told reporters they hope the state-of-the-art space observatory, which would allow astronomers to study the furthest reaches of the observable universe and would also hold a payload of 16 torpedoes, catches the attention of the Defense Department and ultimately scores them a sweet piece of the military’s $ 610 billion annual budget.

“This satellite has the ability to detect cosmic radiation from 13.5 billion years ago, greatly furthering our knowledge of how galaxies first formed after the Big Bang, and we installed some torpedo launchers on the side there as well,” said NASA senior project scientist Diane …




The Onion

Robots Read News – About Humans in Metal Cages

If your firewall is blocking the image, see it on my Twitter page here.

image

On an unrelated topic…

When I wrote God’s Debris in 2001, I thought it would be a decade or more before it caught on. The zeitgeist wasn’t ready, but it was heading in that direction. So I engineered the book to have a time-release trigger. (That was literally my plan.) Looks like we’re on schedule. It is number one in its sub-category.

image

And what triggered the time release?

Donald Trump.

I did not predict Trump specifically, but I did expect society to start realizing that humans do not use reason to make decisions. (That’s the lesson I learned in hypnosis class in my twenties.) Trump is demonstrating – via his powers of persuasion – that free will is an illusion, at least for some voters, and the impact of that realization will change the world in subtle but important ways. Once you let go of your certainty about your view of reality, God’s Debris is a fun read. Or so I hoped when I wrote it.

The sequel, The Religion War, published in 2004, also has a time-release trigger. I designed the trigger to activate when three specific things happened in the world: 

A caliphate forms in the Middle East. (check)

There is talk of walling off the caliphate. (check) 

Terrorists use hobby-sized drones for attacks on U.S. soil. (soon)

In the book, a conservative leader named Cruz rises to power in the United States and gains control of the military. That part seems unlikely. Right?

That’s what makes it fiction.

Check out Top Tech Blog, I wonder who was the first guy to volunteer for the shaver that uses lasers to burn your beard stubble off? 


Scott Adams Blog

News in Brief: Sight Of 400 War Elephants On Horizon Marks Hillary Clinton’s Arrival In Swing State

WHEELING, OH—Feeling the earth shake beneath them as they watched the procession climb over the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains toward their village, sources along the Ohio border confirmed Thursday that the sight of 400 war elephants marching on the horizon marked Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton’s arrival to the critical swing state. “Be still; some vast legion is headed our way!” said local automotive worker Dustin Collins, 35, who, like thousands of Wheeling residents, heard the rhythmic, thunderous beating of the cavalcade’s 10-foot-wide drums and immediately rushed to a window to gaze upon the advancing ranks. “Behold the standard-bearers at the head of each column, and lo, make out the trumpets’ piercing tones. It can only be the great armies of Hillary emerging from her stronghold in the East!” At press time, a large shadow had been cast over the city after the campaign released thousands …




The Onion

Sports News in Brief: Furious Rick Pitino Adamant Media Trying To Tarnish Name Of Great Escort Service

LOUISVILLE, KY—Following the publication of a book alleging that a member of the school’s basketball department paid women to perform sex acts for recruits, furious University of Louisville head coach Rick Pitino told reporters Wednesday that the media was trying to tarnish the name of a great escort service. “No one, I repeat no one, in the Cardinals community has anything but good things to say about these ladies, and it’s absolutely shameful to see their names get dragged through the mud,” said an enraged Pitino, blasting news outlets for maliciously attacking the reputation of a highly regarded, hardworking escort service. “To say I’m disgusted and disappointed with the way the press has recklessly tried to cast aspersions on this escort service would be an understatement. Say what you will about me, I’m the coach of this team, but I won’t stand for the …




The Onion

News: Biologists Still No Closer To Discovering How Birds Have Sex

BERKELEY, CA—With not a single scientist having successfully observed the behavior despite extensive ongoing research, the field of biology has made no progress in its understanding of how birds have sex, experts at the University of California told reporters Wednesday.

Through 2,500 years of recorded natural history, hundreds of thousands of hours of fieldwork, and the testing of innumerable hypotheses in regard to the mechanism by which avifauna reproduce, not one instance of bird sex has been reliably documented, photographed, or described, according to the biologists.

“We’ve spent considerable time and effort attempting to unravel the mystery of sex among bird populations, but unfortunately it remains one of the great unanswered questions in our field,” said ornithologist Daniel Abramson, who added that he has studied hundreds of bird species in habitats all across the globe, spending the bulk of his 28-year career staring through binoculars and crouched …




The Onion

News in Brief: Child’s Loose Grasp On Balloon Only Thing Between Peace And Anarchy At Restaurant

JACKSONVILLE, FL—Eating their meals and conversing pleasantly without paying any heed to how loosely the string was wrapped around the young child’s finger, diners at a local Panera Bread reportedly went about their lunch Wednesday completely unaware that 2-year-old Nate Pollen’s tenuous grasp on a red helium balloon was the only thing standing between peace and total anarchy. Sources confirmed that as Pollen waved the balloon around, the restaurant’s patrons—enjoying their soups and sandwiches or silently working on their laptops—were unknowingly teetering on the very knife’s edge of madness, their path to either continued tranquility or utter chaos to be determined by the pressure applied to a length of string by a pudgy, saliva-soaked finger. According to reports, the individual diners, couples, and groups of friends seated within shrieking distance of Pollen’s table appeared oblivious to the complete breakdown of social order …




The Onion

Sports News in Brief: Roger Goodell Unveils Plans For NFL Game In Earth’s Core

NEW YORK—Saying that it is the perfect way to further increase the sport’s popularity, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell announced Monday that the league will soon begin holding a regular-season game deep within the Earth’s inner core. “This game represents an opportunity to bring the great sport of football over 3,000 miles below Earth’s crust,” said Goodell, adding that the primetime event in the planet’s 10,800-degree, nickel-iron core will be scheduled as a regular-season matchup between two non-divisional opponents. “The league still has so much growth potential throughout the various interior layers of Earth, and a thrilling spectacle of world-class football will only continue to strengthen the NFL brand. And based on the research and various seismological studies that we’ve conducted over the past several years, we’re incredibly confident that the inner-core games will be a huge success.” At press time, sources …




The Onion

News in Brief: National Weather Service: ‘Don’t Go Surfing Unless You Can Really Shred That Shit’

SILVER SPRING, MD—Warning that Hurricane Joaquin was expected to produce powerful winds, violent swells, and dangerous rip currents, the National Weather Service strongly advised Americans today not to go surfing unless they could really shred that shit. “As Joaquin gains strength and begins to approach the Eastern Seaboard, we would like to remind the public that they should not attempt to enter the surf if they are unprepared to carve up these bitchin’ tubes,” said NWS director Louis Uccellini, sternly warning that those not aggro enough to charge these gnar gnar waves are going to be getting seriously cranked all day. “All of our predictive models and real-time data suggest that the waves produced by this system will be beyond mondo, and we cannot stress enough that you should remain out of the water if you’re a weak little kook or chrubee. This is an extremely dangerous Category …




The Onion

What's trending in the NFL: Fantasy football injury news, Steelers have another new kicker

What's trending in the NFL: Fantasy football injury news, Steelers have another new kicker
ESPN.com – NFL

Sports News in Brief: Quarterback Better Snap The Ball, Reports Man Nervously Eyeing Play Clock

MANSFIELD, OH—Frantically shifting his gaze between the field and play clock as the seconds wound down, local 34-year-old football fan Isaac Collins announced Sunday that the quarterback better hurry the hell up and snap the ball. “C’mon, only eight seconds left—what are you waiting for?” said Collins, carefully eyeing the small play clock graphic in the corner of the screen as the quarterback ran up to the line of scrimmage to call an audible. “Go already! Go!” At press time, Collins had unleashed a stream of expletives after the quarterback finally snapped the ball to a flurry of whistles and penalty flags.




The Onion

News in Brief: Baltimore Preparing For Hurricane Joaquin By Adding Second Layer Of Plywood To Shuttered Small Businesses

BALTIMORE—Warning that the storm could batter the East Coast with 80-mile-per-hour winds and heavy rain, Baltimore officials confirmed Friday that residents were preparing for Hurricane Joaquin by adding a second layer of plywood to the city’s shuttered small businesses. “A tropical storm as severe as this can cause considerable damage, so we’re urging residents to take precautionary measures by covering boarded-up windows and doors of vacant storefronts with an additional protective layer of plywood or plastic sheeting,” said city spokesman Jim D’Amico, adding that extra tarps should also be placed over the ones already covering any furniture or other large items that went unclaimed by creditors. “Emergency crews are working around the clock to provide further flood protection by adding sandbags to the mounds of debris and garbage that were already piled up outside these failed businesses. And, thankfully, most of these buildings had their utility …




The Onion

News in Brief: Man Can’t Believe Obama Would Use Tragedy To Push Anti-Tragedy Agenda

SEDALIA, MO—Following yesterday’s speech by the president addressing the recent events in Roseburg, OR, local 42-year-old Tim Moss expressed his outrage to reporters that President Obama was attempting to capitalize off a tragedy to push his anti-tragedy agenda. “It’s just disgusting and shameful that, once again, the first thing out of Obama’s mouth after a tragedy is that he wants to limit tragedies,” said Moss, adding that it is both insensitive and opportunistic of the president to suddenly shift the conversation toward curbing the number of tragedies as the nation mourns in the wake of this tragedy. “Every single time this happens, he makes the tragedy all about clamping down on tragedies, and it’s simply not the time or the place for him to be going in front of the camera and pushing for steps to decrease the number of tragedies. Christ, this is a …




The Onion

News in Brief: Report: Increase In Gun Sales To Be Most Concrete Result Of Obama’s Pro-Gun-Control Speech

WASHINGTON—Researchers at the Urban Institute published a study Friday confirming that a sharp increase in gun sales nationwide would be the most concrete result of the impassioned pro-gun-control speech that President Obama delivered following yesterday’s mass shooting in Oregon. “According to our analysis, by far the most tangible impact of the president emotionally urging the nation to consider how their votes can prevent mass shootings like this will be a 17 percent spike in revenue for firearm vendors across the U.S.,” said report co-author Kyle Bieler, who found a direct link between the estimated $ 58 million uptick in gun sales over the next month and Obama’s use of the phrases “common-sense legislation,” “only advanced country,” and “not enough.” “The portion of the president’s remarks in which he asked for support from state legislatures and governors will, based on our projections, nearly double the number of …




The Onion

Sports News in Brief: Report: Peyton Manning Lacks Strength To Complete Longer Commercial Takes

DENVER—Noting that physical limitations were hindering the 39-year-old’s performance, league sources confirmed Thursday that Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning lacks the strength to complete longer commercial takes. “Peyton’s preparation and ability to process information are second to none, but when you watch him struggling to complete longer scenes, it’s obvious that time is finally catching up to one of the all-time commercial greats,” said NFL media analyst Albert Breer, adding that it was hard to watch Manning rely on short, quick takes just to get through a single page of dialogue. “Unfortunately, this late in his career, Peyton’s lack of mobility has become much more apparent, and his range is fairly limited as the shoot wears on. It’s never been his strong suit, but now when Manning is forced to improvise his accuracy is just way off.” At press time, NFL analysts told reporters …




The Onion

News in Brief: ‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

ROSEBURG, OR—In the hours following a violent rampage in southwestern Oregon in which a lone attacker killed 13 individuals and seriously injured 20 others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Thursday that there was no way to prevent the massacre from taking place. “This was a terrible tragedy, but sometimes these things just happen and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop them,” said Ohio resident Lindsay Bennett, echoing sentiments expressed by tens of millions of individuals who reside in a nation where over half of the world’s deadliest mass shootings have occurred in the past 50 years and whose citizens are 20 times more likely to die of gun violence than those of other developed nations. “It’s a shame, but what can we do? There really wasn’t anything that was going to keep this …




The Onion

Robots Read News Endorses Candidate

What candidate would robots support? I think the answer is obvious.

See the image on Twitter here if your firewall is being unfriendly.

image


Scott Adams Blog

News: New Evidence Confirms First Human Ancestors Climbed Down From Trees To Retrieve Dropped Snack

TEMPE, AZ—Providing a definitive explanation as to how and why early humans evolved away from their closest primate relatives, researchers at the Arizona State University Institute of Human Origins presented findings Tuesday confirming that our species’ first ancestors began to climb down from trees to retrieve snacks they had dropped.

Anatomical evidence from the 6-million-year-old fossilized remains of Sahelanthropus peinaó—which was unearthed earlier this year in South Africa and is now believed to be the last common ancestor shared by chimpanzees and modern humans—suggests that the animal frequently descended from the jungle canopy to retrieve delicious morsels that it fumbled from its pudgy hands due to inattention, overeager eating, or a loosening grasp as it dozed off after a meal. According to scientists, it was this snack-retrieval instinct that gradually shaped the tree-dwelling hominid into the modern terrestrial Homo sapiens.

“For decades, we’ve speculated as to …




The Onion

News: Netflix To Temporarily Remove Every Movie Except ‘Hard Eight’

LOS GATOS, CA—Saying that everyone, including all 65 million of its subscribers, really ought to see the film at least once, Netflix announced Tuesday that it will suspend all streaming content except Hard Eight for a full month.

Officials from the online video subscription service, which boasts a library of tens of thousands of movies and TV shows in addition to the first feature film by acclaimed writer-director Paul Thomas Anderson, told reporters they will temporarily remove all other titles from the website and devote 100 percent of their server capacity to the 1996 neo-noir drama.

“We want to make sure every one of our members watches this thrilling character study of a veteran gambler and his young protégé, so for the entire month of October, Hard Eight will be the only video available on the entire site,” said chief content officer Ted Sarandos, who, upon discovering only a …




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News in Brief: Death Row Inmate Can’t Deny He Curious To See How State Pulls Off Lethal Injection

STARKE, FL—Shortly after the official scheduling of his execution date, convicted murderer Thomas McGuire admitted to reporters Wednesday that he is curious to see how the state is going to pull off his lethal injection. “I’ve been spending a lot of time praying and trying to find peace, but I have to admit, I also find myself genuinely wondering how they’re going to even get this thing off the ground,” said McGuire, adding that the Florida Department of Corrections and state prosecutors have been talking a big game for years about administering justice for his crimes, but haven’t once mentioned how they plan to circumvent the nationwide pentobarbital shortage and put their money where their mouth is. “Even if they can manage to get an untested mix of chemicals from some distributor, I’m a pretty big guy—there’s a good chance they won’t …




The Onion

Trump And Fox News: A Tortured Romance

Trump And Fox News: A Tortured Romance

Trump And Fox News: A Tortured Romance 1:03
Donald Trump threatened to boycott Fox News, even though they go together like toupees and a false sense of superiority.
Submitted by: Funny Or Die
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Keywords: Trump and Fox News: A Tortured Romance donald trump roger ailes donald trump boycott donald trump threaten donald trump president donald trump campaign
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News in Brief: CEO Has Big Ideas To Grow Company’s Problems

NEW YORK—Laying out several new initiatives and detailed plans for implementing them in the upcoming weeks and months, Janneson Media CEO Adam Hamlin revealed to his staffers Thursday that he has some really big ideas for growing the company’s problems, sources reported. “I was initially skeptical of any aggressive growth strategy given the current size of our company’s problems, but after hearing Adam outline his proposals, I’m now completely confident that we can double the size of our problems over the next quarter,” said Janneson employee Wendy Lyman, noting that the CEO’s plan included changes that would create more issues across every department and significantly increase the number of difficulties and setbacks by the end of the year. “He certainly doesn’t have a traditional approach, but you can’t expect the kind of rapid, eye-catching deterioration of a company’s image and market value …




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News in Brief: Home Inspector Warns That House Lacks Banister You Can Slide All The Way Down

ATHENS, GA—Saying he would personally be extremely wary of investing in a property with such a fundamental structural flaw, home inspector Samuel Finch warned local couple Irene and Matthew Gilman today that the house they were considering purchasing lacked a banister you can slide all the way down. “I hate to have such bad news to report, but it’s best you folks know now that the front staircase here does not have a railing you can sit on and zoom all the way down from top to bottom—it’s in pretty bad shape,” said Finch, adding that moving into a home with a banister that is smooth and wide enough to ensure a fast and stable ride would be particularly important if the couple was planning to start a family. “As you can see, the current railing is far too thin and angular to allow for a …




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News: Company’s HR Manager Really Pushing Infinite-Deductible Health Care Plan

ROCHESTER, NY—During a meeting with new hires Wednesday to discuss employee benefits, Radian Analytics human resources manager Ellen Schultz is said to have strongly pushed the company’s infinite-deductible health care option.

According to sources in attendance, Schultz described the low-premium, infinite-deductible plan as the simplest and most convenient choice available to employees, and said it works the same whether plan members need to visit their primary care physician, fill a prescription, or be admitted to a hospital, allowing them in each case to pay 100 percent of the incurred medical expenses.

Company officials explained that the health care option had been set up to address complaints employees had with previous plans, which often came with confusing paperwork and long wait times for reimbursement, problems that have disappeared now that the limitless deductibles have eliminated any need to even bother filing a claim.

“With our Infinity Plan, you’ll …




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News in Brief: Man Hates It When Other Guys Treat His Girlfriend With Respect

COLUMBUS, OH—Calling it a “major problem” that happens far too often, local man Tyler Harris, 26, told reporters Wednesday that he absolutely hates it when other guys come up to his girlfriend and treat her with respect. “All these dudes think they can just walk right up to Amanda and start speaking to her like she’s a fellow human being and I’m not gonna notice? They better back off,” said Harris, who added that anyone who’s considering asking her about her unique personal interests and desires or assumes she has opinions of her own should definitely think twice before trying anything. “What do they think they’re doing by attentively listening to what she has to say and considering her thoughts and feelings when interacting with her? She’s mine, and nobody talks to her like that—not if I have anything to do with it …




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Sports News in Brief: Dolphins Coaches Trying To Fix Ndamukong Suh’s Quarterback-Throwing Mechanics

MIAMI—With the star defensive tackle struggling considerably in the first two weeks of the season, Miami Dolphins coaches told reporters Wednesday that they have been working closely with Ndamukong Suh to fix his quarterback-throwing mechanics. “Watching tape of him the past couple weeks, we’ve noticed Ndamukong hasn’t had his usual strength and accuracy, so we’re working with him to get back to the fundamentals of throwing the quarterback,” said Dolphins defensive coordinator Kevin Coyle, adding that Suh has had trouble with his release, often using an elongated sidearm motion that causes him to badly underthrow the quarterback downward and into the ground. “One of the big things we’re focusing on is his footwork, which has been pretty sloppy. We need him firmly planting his feet so he can really step into the throw, which will help put a lot more zip and distance on the …




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News in Brief: Study Finds Majority Of U.S. Currency Has Touched Financial Executive’s Nude Body

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Saying their findings pertained to every denomination of banknote, researchers at Harvard University released a study Friday confirming that the majority of paper currency in the United States has been in direct contact with at least one financial executive’s nude body at some point during its circulation. “Our data suggest that, for any given piece of U.S. legal tender, there is a 64 percent chance it has touched a portion of a Wall Street CEO or CFO’s naked flesh, likely when the executive gleefully rolled their nude body around in a large pile of money or dumped a bucket of bills over their head and let the currency cascade over their bare skin,” said professor of economics Robert Barro, noting that several dozen of the $ 10 bills his team randomly tested contained traces of DNA from every executive-level officer and board member at Goldman Sachs …




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News: Study Finds Movie Attendance Declining As More Americans Act Out Films At Home

LOS ANGELES—Noting that ticket sales nationwide have fallen to a 20-year low, a study published Friday by the Motion Picture Association of America found that movie theater attendance continues to decline as more Americans choose to act out films at home.

According to the study, rising ticket prices across the country, combined with the greater convenience of staying in, have contributed to the popularity of performing full-length feature films in the comfort of individuals’ own living rooms.

“Whereas previous generations of moviegoers would look forward to new movie releases and head to their local theater on a Friday or Saturday night, today’s entertainment consumers are increasingly choosing to print out screenplays, cast friends and family in the various roles, and act out films without ever leaving their houses or apartments,” said MPAA analyst Tate Mitchell, citing the fact that in 2015, more than 80 million households acted out …




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News in Brief: Chevron Touts Green Initiative With Hybrid-Powered Oil Drilling Platforms

SAN RAMON, CA—Touting the next-generation drilling technology’s environmental friendliness at a press conference Thursday, officials from energy corporation Chevron proudly unveiled a new green initiative to use hybrid-powered deep-sea platforms to reach deposits of crude oil below the ocean floor. “As the world comes to recognize the need for more eco-conscious practices, we at Chevron are proud to lead the movement with our new reduced-emission oil extraction platforms,” said company spokesperson Chelsea Henning, who went on to explain that the massive new mechanisms built to cut deep into the earth and pump out vast stores of fossil fuel would emit barely two-thirds the CO2 of earlier processes. “But we’re not stopping there. We’ve made it our goal to ensure all offshore drilling rigs run entirely on solar and wind power by 2040.” Company officials later unveiled another green initiative, noting that they would immediately switch to …




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News in Brief: Extension Cord On Stage Steals Spotlight From Jeb Bush During Campaign Rally

CONCORD, NH—Emphasizing the allure and appeal of the 30-foot length of electrical power cable that shared the stage with the former Florida governor, sources confirmed that an orange three-pronged extension cord completely stole the spotlight from Jeb Bush during a New Hampshire campaign rally Friday. “Jeb made some interesting points about the need to prioritize national security, but ultimately he was just completely overshadowed by the far more riveting extension cord running along the floor beside him,” said political pundit Chris Wallace, who acknowledged that attendees appeared more energized by the flexible orange cable taped to the stage and noted that the one-time GOP frontrunner repeatedly failed to connect with the audience as effectively as the cord. “Unfortunately for Jeb, no matter what he did throughout the night, he just looked bland and flat compared to that extension cord. He’s not going to want to bring that piece …




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