“EVERYTHING COMES IN THREES” – Not true. In reality, everything comes in ones. Sometimes, when three “ones” come in a row, it seems like everything
comes in threes. By the way, in medieval times, it was widely believed that everything came in twenty-sixes. They were wrong, too. It just took them
longer to recognize the pattern.

“YOU CAN’T TAKE IT WITH YOU (when you die)” – Well…, that depends on what it is. If it’s your dark blue suit, you can certainly take it with you. In
fact, not only can you take it with you, you can probably put some things in your pockets.

“YOU LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERY DAY” – Actually, you learn something old every day. Just because you’ve just learned it, doesn’t mean it’s new. Other
people already knew it, Columbus is a good example of this.

“NICE GUYS FINISH LAST” – Not true. Studies have shown that, on average, nice guys finish third in a field of six. Actually, short guys finish last.
By the way, in medieval times, it was widely believed that nice guys finished twenty-sixth. You can see how limited those people were.

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
The Good, Clean Funnies List

Reworded Old Sayings

See if you can translate the following into the familiar sayings we’ve all heard. See answers below.

1. Scintillate, scintillate, exiguous luminous celestial object.

2. Members of an avian species of identical plumage congregate.

3. Cogitation should precede salutations.

4. Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.

5. It is fruitless to become lachrymose over precipitately departed lacteal fluid.

6. Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.

7. The stylus is more potent than the claymore.

8. It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.

9. Eschew the implement of correction and vitiate the scion.

10. The temperature of the aqueous content of an unremittingly ogled saucepan does not does reach 212 degrees Fahrenheit.

11. All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.

12. Where there are visible vapors in ignited carbonaceous material, there is conflagration.


1. Twinkle, twinkle, little star.

2. Birds of a feather, flock together.

3. Think before you speak.

4. Beauty is skin deep.

5. Don’t cry over spilled milk.

6. Cleanliness is next to godliness.

7. The pen is mightier than the sword.

8. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

9. Spare the rod and spoil the child.

10. A watched pot doesn’t boil.

11. All that glitters is not gold.

12. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.
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