Ariana Grande’s well aware of the plight of many of her fans amid the coronavirus pandemic, and she’s answering calls for help by sending some of them cash to get through these tough times … TMZ has learned. Several sources have told us … the…
So much for getting off easy.
Meredith Grey is headed to jail as of the end of tonight’s Grey’s Anatomy, but it’s not her fault, of course.
She was supposed to head…
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Cousins Group and the Pornstar Signature Series will be bringing some of their hottest representatives to Sexpo in Adelaide, Australia, next Friday through Sunday, Aug. 10-12.
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This offer arrived in the mail the other day from Playboy‘s Market Research Department:
Dear Domenick Scudera,
To attract readers with preferred demographics, you have been selected to receive this courtesy. As a special incentive, the price is reduced down as low as we are allowed, giving you a full year of Playboy for a token $ 12.
A sampling of my friends’ responses:
- “I hear the articles are good.”
- “Wasn’t this on your wedding registry?”
- “I think the label has a misprint — it should read ‘…to a token,12.'”
- “Oh, c’mon. Everyone knows gay men love women.”
- “Did u forget to tell us something?”
Gay acceptance has reached new heights if 49-year-old, recently married gay men are one of Playboy‘s “preferred demographics.” I feel blessed that Playboy has extended me this courtesy, one that I never would have received back in the days when gays were being denied equality.
The offer says that I will get the “beyond-beautiful women, obviously.” In addition, they believe that I will “appreciate the award-winning journalism and no-holds-barred interviews” in every “smoking hot issue.” The fine print includes this guarantee: “Playboy always guarantees that if you are ever dissatisfied for any reason whatsoever you get a full refund on all unmailed issues.”
I am somewhat dissatisfied with my subscription. Don’t get me wrong. There is a lot to admire in your magazine: The articles and interviews are terrific, and the women are, obviously, beyond beautiful. However, I would enjoy more male nudity in my magazines. Please refund me the amount of my unmailed issues, until you are prepared to give me some smoking-hot maleness.
This is not the first time I have received an offer for heterosexual porn. When I was 7 years old, I innocently opened up a plain, white envelope addressed to me. There was a series of pictures of naked women with their legs spread wide, and before I knew what was happening, my mother leaped across the room, wrestled the envelope out of my hands and appeared to have some trouble breathing. The next thing I knew, she was on the phone, complaining to someone, trying to make sure I never received offers like this again. Who did she call? The Post Office? The Better Business Bureau? President Nixon? I have no idea, but whoever it was, she was ineffective. I received more offers for years. She carefully monitored my mail until I was well into my college years.
Were 7-year-old gay boys one of the “preferred demographics” for Screw?
Most likely, these marketing departments have misidentified me. This is a problem I encounter often. For instance, when I watch television, the advertisers assume that I am a heavyset, single female on her period. I gather this from the fact that most of the commercials are for weight-loss supplements, dating sites and tampons.
About an hour after I received the Playboy offer, a pleasant young woman knocked on our front door with an offer for educational books for our children. When I explained that we have dogs, not kids, she showed me the books anyway. Did I know that flamingos are pink because they eat shrimp, and that they would be white if they did not? No, I did not. This is educational, but my nonexistent children will not learn this, because I did not order any of the books.
Am I missing out? There might be other interesting factoids in those books, and Playboy‘s “no-holds-barred interviews” might offer some insights. But for now, I think I will hold on to my gay dollars for another day.
Comedy – The Huffington Post
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