© ℗ 2018 Passyunk Productions / Human Re Sources
It’s been 6 years since Trayvon Martin was murdered for being Black in Amerikkka and while some people have forgotten why his murder was such a big deal, Black Thought has not.
For his visual to “Rest In Power: The Trayvon Martin Story,” the Illadelphia MC pays tribute to the memory of Martin while reminding everyone that racism still runs rampant and unchecked all across the US.
Back in New York Tekashi 6ix9ine links up with Nicki Minaj for his clip to “FEFE” where the two play patty cake and share an ice cream cone. Wouldn’t be surprised if them goons that got 6ix9ine over the weekend would’ve made him run his ice cream cone too had he been eating one in that whip. SMH.
Check out the rest of todays drops and some joints you might’ve missed over the weekend including work from Mya, Mario, and more.
BLACK THOUGHT – “REST IN POWER: THE TRAYVON MARTIN STORY”
TEKASHI 6IX9INE FT. NICKI MINAJ – “FEFE”
MYA – “DAMAGE”
MARIO – “DROWNING”
LIL DUKE FT. OFFSET – “DOUBLE”
UFO361 FT. QUAVO – “VVS”
LIL REESE – “GOTTA BE”
BUDDY – “TROUBLE ON CENTRAL”
ZHU, TAME IMPALA – “MY LIFE”
CALEB BROWN – “AMERICAN BULLDOZER”
Plus, Boogie's "Self Destruction" and new music from Mac Miller.
Mathew Knowles might not be a favorite among the fans of his superstar daughter Beyoncé, and he’s clearly been outside of the family business since his divorce from ex-wife, Tina Lawson, in 2011. In a new interview with EBONY, the Texas Southern University professor and author discuss a new book, Racism: From The Eyes Of A Child, and in the chat he reveals he thought his ex-wife was a white woman.
How have you and your family experienced colorism?
When I was growing up, my mother used to say, “Don’t ever bring no nappy-head Black girl to my house.” In the deep South in the ‘50s, ‘60s and ‘70s, the shade of your Blackness was considered important. So I, unfortunately, grew up hearing that message.
I have a chapter in the book that talks about eroticized rage. I talk about going to therapy and sharing – one day I had a breakthrough – that I used to date mainly White women or very high-complexion Black women that looked White. I actually thought when I met Tina, my former wife, that she was white. Later I found out that she wasn’t, and she was actually very much in-tune with her Blackness.
I had been conditioned from childhood. Within eroticized rage, there was actual rage in me as a Black man, and I saw the White female as a way, subconsciously, of getting even or getting back. There are a lot of Black men of my era that are not aware of this thing.
On Twitter, the Beyhive and others on the periphery are taking epic shots at Knowles over his comments. The entire interview clearly shows Knowles has struggled with the effects of colorism while laboring a larger point, but some observers think this might just be a part of a media ploy to get eyes on the book.
We’ve collected some of the responses on Twitter below and on the following pages.
By Cracked Writers Published: January 13th, 2018
"Tell a friend to tell a friend … the album is coming soon."
Pass the popcorn for this one.
Tariq “Black Thought” Trotter, the longtime frontman for The Roots, will go down in infamy for his blistering 10-minute bar display on Funkmaster Flex’s program that people are still talking about. In an interview with Rolling Stone, the Philadelphia wordsmith says he’s essentially responsible for the practice of so-called “mumble rap” and makes a strong case by saying so.
From Rolling Stone:
There’s a line in your rap where you say, “Can’t explain what these lame kids are talkin’ ’bout.” There are folks debating that line. Did you call out the current generation of rappers?
Yeah, I mean, some of the current generation, the ones who are lame. There are some millennial artists that I totally get and understand, and I know what they’re talking about. People who I’ve worked with and who I’d like to work with. But there’s a whole element of artists that I can’t explain what they’re talking about. And it’s not just because of their stylistic approach with the whole “mumble rap.” Lots of people are saying that I shut down mumble rap in one 10-minute setting. But that wasn’t my intention, because mumble rap – if we go back – that’s something I invented. I invented rapping without actually using the words. … [W]ith songs like “Don’t Say Nuthin’,” freestyles like “New Year’s At Jay Dee’s,” I essentially invented mumble rap, where you go for many bars without saying any words. And when I did it, it came from a place of being inspired by scatting.
Check out the rest of the interview here. Definitely a solid read. And for cultural purposes, we’ve shared the freestyle and songs Black Thought mentioned below.
You thought Game 2 was the craziest World Series game ever? Try Game 5
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Waking up to farmers’ market produce—hydrating, nutritious, and in peak summer form—is gaining ground as a fine way to start the day.
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Freddie Gibbs isn’t taking any prisoners as he roll outs his upcoming Shadow of a Doubt album (due in stores November 20), from which he blesses fans with a pair of new tracks.
Following up where “F*ckin Up the Count” left off, Gangsta Gibbs displays range in his emceeing abilities on the lyrically dexterous,” featuring Black Thought, and a boisterous ManMan Savage assisted trap gem called “Packages.”
Stream both below in Wired Tracks, along with the latest releases from Rick Ross, Big K.R.I.T., G Herbo and Joey Bada$ $ , and more.
Freddie Gibbs ft. ManMan Savage – “Packages”
DJ Clue & Rick Ross – “Get Money (Freestyle)”
G Herbo ft. Joey Bada$ $ – “Lord Knows”
Big K.R.I.T. ft. TUT – “Riding Dirty”
Curren$ y – “Jason (Freestyle)”
Asher Roth ft. Jesse Boykins III – “That’s All Mine”
Lil Bibby ft. Future – “Aww Man”
DMX – “Ain’t Nowhere To Hide”
DP – Designer Casket
Chief Keef – “Stuntin Like My Mama”
Omarion ft. BJ The Chicago Kid – “Game Over”
Eryn Allen Kane – “Piano Song”
The post Freddie Gibbs Teams Up With Black Thought On “Extradite” | Wired Tracks 11.11.15 appeared first on Hip-Hop Wired.
Raise your hand if you went into the Bones and Sleepy Hollow crossover episodes incredibly confused as to how they would make any sense whatsoever! And raise your hand if you finished the episodes…
E! Online (US) – Top Stories
Entertainment News! –
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I interrupted an African-American woman to mansplain diversity, here’s why!
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If the rumors indeed pan out, the alleged Drake and Future mixtape may be the biggest musical release since Kanye West’s Gradution; or Jay Z’s The Blueprint if it turns out to be the classic everybody hopes it to be.
Much like he did with If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late, the Canadian all-star is giving the world little time to prep for his bombshell of a release. And much like the aforementioned platinum-selling mixtape, DJ Skee has hinted at the Drake and Future mixtape’s existence, so if it magically lands in your lap in the next 24 hours, just remember we told you not be surprised.
Peep how the rumored Drake and Future mixtape has the Internets losing their sh*t in the gallery down below.
Wait so Drake and Future dropping a mixtape? Drake know what he doing breh he needs this pic.twitter.com/FMq0holr4w
— GUNS & CRAYONS (@GUNSandcrayons) September 11, 2015
If Drake and Future really drop a mixtape tomorrow, Ima prolly slap my grandma. And I love her she's a nice lady.
— I'm a dumbass. (@justtwocups) September 11, 2015
Damn 2 people are about to break the internet tomorrow with this mixtape coming out of left field…
— DJ Skee (@djskee) September 10, 2015
but rap game bout to light up! My 2 fav rappers right now bout to break the Internet I promise!
— Louie V Gutta (@LouieVGutta) September 10, 2015
The post The Mere Thought Of A Drake And Future Mixtape Has The Internets L-I-T [Photos] appeared first on Hip-Hop Wired.
SAN FRANCISCO—Saying love could be as close as a neighbor or colleague you’ve never once found yourself remotely interested in, new dating website OnSecondThought.com launched this week with a promise to pair users with people they already know but thought they were too good for. “On Second Thought uses a compatibility formula unlike any other site, drawing your personalized matches exclusively from those within your daily life who you’ve always considered beneath you,” said founder Layla Mufti, adding that the site’s easy-to-use interface allows members to get another look at the network of people they’ve written off in the past for not being attractive, intelligent, interesting, polite, active, hygienic, or stable enough to meet their standards. “One day you might get paired with someone from work who you’ve always regarded as mediocre-looking and kind of dumb, while the next it could be a …
When Derek Elrod was rushing a fraternity at the University of North Texas (UNT) in the fall of 2013, he was having, as he puts it, “the time of my life.” The brothers at the fraternity of his first choice, Sigma Phi Epsilon (SigEp), were surprisingly warm and welcoming.
Though mammograms have been widely considered essential, lifesaving preventative measures, a new investigation of cancer data has concluded that they actually lead to overdiagnosis and mostly confirm the existence of small, benign tumors rather than spotting fatal cancer at earlier or more manageable stages. What do you think?
Last week I read Ann Brenoff’s HuffPost article, “Why The Thought Of Old People Having Sex Makes Young People Squirm.” She wrote a line that deftly captures the heart of youthful bias: “younger people just believe sex isn’t something older people are supposed to have.”
My reaction, when I read the piece, was anger: who are these young people to tell me I’m too old for sex? Why do we need to be reminded of the propaganda that great sex has an expiration date, and if yours is up, well, settle down for the next few decades on the sexual sidelines?
I thought of this article when my boyfriend Sam and I were dining al fresco at a local restaurant last weekend. At 48 and 52 respectively, we’re two lust-driven middle-aged people who like to have sex and talk about sex as much as possible. Sam, in fact, was talking enthusiastically about a particular sex act when the waiter arrived with our artichoke dip. I glanced around the patio at diners who looked to be in their 20s and wondered a) if they could hear him and b) what they thought about us if they could?
Were they surprised that we “still” have sex at our advanced ages? Were they disapproving? Grossed out? I started to wonder why young people think they have the patent on sex when old people have been doing it a lot longer.
It’s youthful ignorance, of course. You don’t understand what you don’t know. And what I would like all those to the left of 30 to know is this:
1. You will get older too. Yes, really. You will get gray hair and skin creases and you will still want to have sex. And you will not care at all what young people think.
2. Older people do it just like you, only better. Penises still enter vaginas. Tongues still lick genitals. Just with a lot more finesse than yours.
3. You don’t have to worry about pregnancy. Worrying about getting pregnant, or not getting pregnant, takes up a lot of space in your head. When baby-making is no longer a concern, you can enjoy sex in its purest form.
4. Sex isn’t tied up with rings and babies. Pregnancy isn’t the only issue that can make sex feel less sexy. The pressure to create an adult life, complete with the house and the kids and the holiday cards, can sap psychological energy and sex drives. One reason people often experience greater sexual enjoyment in middle age is that the exhausting tasks of young adulthood are behind them.
5. Older people don’t necessarily want to think about you having sex either. Some older people get creeped out watching frolicking porn stars young enough to be their children. Some older women would prefer not to read about yet another multi-orgasmic, dim-witted virgin. You may cringe at the image of your parents getting it on, but believe me, they don’t really want to think about you getting it on either.
6. The same body parts yield pleasure. Loose skin, lack of lubrication and erections that need coaxing don’t signify lack of desire or gratification. And because you are no longer taking the express train to Orgasmville, you will experience sex with greater nuance and meaning.
7. Staying sexually active keeps you feeling vital. Some people welcome midlife and beyond as a time when it’s “okay” to stop having sex, and that’s a valid choice. But most people want to continue having sex in their second and third acts and find that the more they have it, the more vibrant they feel.
8. You will still like all the same sex acts. If you like it from behind when you’re 20, chances are you’ll like it from behind when you’re 60. You may not be quite as acrobatic, but you may be more creative, and with the pressure of rings and babies behind you, you may enjoy what you’re doing more.
9. You will still have orgasms. They may not be as strong or as frequent. Or they may be more powerful if sexual shame enveloped you when you were young. But you will have them with a partner, and when you’re flying solo.
10. Sex is about more than orgasms. When you’re young, sex tends to be one-dimensional, with orgasm and validation being the goals. When you’re older, you realize that sex is about the journey, not the destination. You enjoy exploring each other. Sexual confidence comes from finally being comfortable in your own skin regardless of the the appearance of your body parts.
Photography by Nick Holmes
I studied and analyzed a lot of literature in college, and I came to realize in these mid-to later years of life that I learn best and with deeper understanding through parable and allegory. This literary inclination, in many ways, saved my life after my husband decided our marriage was over.
My divorce shook my world and kept me reeling for a very long time. I was hashing and re-hashing constantly; what exactly happened? What could I have done differently? was it really my fault? I had relentlessly been told that I was to blame. I could not break free of these thought loops in my brain. I was still so reactive to every accusatory, angry email and text message he sent.
Towards the end of our 20-plus year marriage I was not happy. Once he left, I felt a calm freedom knowing the dread I had felt every night — would it be the angry person or the calm one who would turn his key in the lock — was gone. But still, I couldn’t move on. I was stuck desperately trying to understand and change the past. That is until I mentally re-wrote the script of my marriage by accepting these 5 allegories:
1. The Wizard of Oz Perhaps you were married to someone like this — an outwardly formidable person who needs to be in control and to have final say. He fights hard to believe his own delusion — that he is imposing and right. You learned to tiptoe around him to avoid a fight, and to let him be infallible. But it is all bravado on his part — it stems from fear and an actual sense of powerlessness. Until you pull back the curtain and see the “small” man desperately working the illusion, you cannot be in control of your own destiny — you give him power over you. Although the wizard demands that you, “pay no attention to the man behind the curtain,” you must, in order to see him for who he really is and to move on with your life.
2. The Golem You are most likely familiar with the psychological term projection: It’s “a defense mechanism that involves taking our own unacceptable qualities or feelings and ascribing them to other people.” Often, we, the spouses, serve as our ex’s projections. The Jewish legend of the Golem is a good analogy. The Golem was a manmade creature whose role it was to serve and protect, and destroy the enemies of its creator. If you were like me, your ex fashioned you into his golem. Imagine you were a sentry standing guard, there to shield him from his innermost feelings of inadequacy, his “enemies”– if he was not happy in the marriage, it was your fault; if something went wrong, it was your slip-up; if his life was not measuring up to what he had hoped for, you were somehow culpable. You were this being that served as the root of his life’s disappointments. In legend, the Golem eventually becomes unmanageable and turns on its master — It has taken me a very long time to, in fact, become “unmanageable” and breakaway from this self-imposed incarceration.
3. The Doppelganger Maybe you can relate — I have a Doppelganger. There is me, the person who I know myself to be — loving mother, caring daughter and sister, devoted friend and benevolent human being — and then the “double-walker”, also known as the evil twin. This other me is apparently; “on an entitled horse”, “a selfish b**ch,” and “f**ked up,” and my ex has her walking around in this world. I know I shouldn’t care, but I do. It unnerves me that he has constructed this malicious persona — that there are people who hear about me, or see me or meet me, and they are filled with my ex’s distortions. But, I am beginning to grasp that I have to let her be, my Doppelganger — for she walks in his world, not mine.
4. Stockholm Syndrome The ex was angry, controlling — a bully. It may be you were or are married to someone like this. So why do we stay? Why do we forgive the browbeating and yelling and blaming and still “love” them? And why are we still hooked in? I use the concept of Stockholm Syndrome to understand it. The dictionary definition is, “an emotional attachment to a captor formed by a hostage as a result of continuous stress, dependence and a need to cooperate for survival.”
Okay, that’s a little strong. We aren’t actually held captive; I personally did not fear for my survival. But the essence is right on. The stress is pretty persistent because we never know when to expect an outburst — “Did I do something wrong? Did I forget something? Did I not pay enough attention?” So we work really hard to avoid any discord. We are constantly walking on eggshells. Combine that with the incredible relief when our spouse does not get triggered and hostility is avoided, or when there are small acts of kindness and care. Then we are profoundly grateful to be treated well. This intermittent reinforcement keeps us both vigilant and hooked. What happens is that we become so invested in trying to maintain the good parts of the relationship that all our energy becomes relentlessly focused on just getting through the day without rancor. So we stay, and keep feeding the problem.
5. There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk Perhaps you are familiar with this poem, Autobiography in Five Short Chapters by Portia Nelson — if not, it’s something of a redeemer. *
I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost . . . I am helpless. It isn’t my fault . . . It takes forever to find a way out.
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I am in this same place. But it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it there. I still fall . . . it’s a habit . . . but, my eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.
I walk down another street.”
What does this story mean for us — the divorced or separated? We all embarked on our romantic relationships with beginners’ eyes — we certainly didn’t know the degree of difficulties that would lie ahead. We “fell” into our problems, unawares.
The trouble soon began and continued; the anger, bullying, blaming…Yet we made excuses for it, and always, once the enmity had passed, denied, to ourselves, that the behavior was out of the ordinary. We traveled back down the same street, falling into the same hole, over and over. In time, we became fully stuck in our patterns — they became a vice and a vise, “If I just explain myself the right way he’ll understand and won’t be so angry”, “Maybe I did do something wrong”. We deluded ourselves into thinking we had the power to change the outcome. We continued to walk right into the hole with our eyes wide open.
Until…until it dawns on us — we realize, “That is him, those are his rules. I don’t have to abide by them.” We have learned to walk around the deep hole.
Why then do we choose to walk down that same street once we are aware of the dangers? We do it because we feel more comfortable with the perils that we know than the perils imagined. There is a commonly told story that old navigational maps used to warn about unchartered territories with the words, “There be dragons there.” When we finally choose to walk down another street it is unchartered territory — we have to take a great leap of faith, and this is incredibly daunting. This apt quote by writer André Gide really resonates: “One doesn’t discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.” The new street may be terrifying at first, but in time, it will become known.
*Nelson, Portia. There’s a Hole in My sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery. Beyond Words Publishing Company, 1994. ISBN: 0941831876
Very famous person Kim Kardashian thought her career would long be over by now.
“At the time when I was going through the divorce I did say to everyone, ‘You guys I think our careers are over. I hope you’ve saved your money. And now we’ll just continue to do our clothing stores and continue to do what we started off doing before the show,'” Kardashian said.
“I was being very paranoid,” she continued. “I just took some time off and the time was really good for me. I cancelled everything. I had a book tour, I had a fragrance launch, I had everything that you could possibly imagine and I just cancelled it all and I took time for me.”
Kardashian has, along with the rest of her family, only rose to even greater prominence in the years since the split. One piece of potential evidence? Her high-profile marriage to Kanye West spawned the No. 1 most-liked photo on Instagram. That is, until yesterday, when one of younger sister Kendall Jenner surpassed the record.
So yeah. The Kardashian-Jenner empire seems to be doing just fine.
Forty years ago today, summer blockbusters were born. On June 20, 1975, Steven Spielberg’s Jaws arrived in theaters, rewiring Hollywood in ways that are still felt to this day.
Hot Tip Alert!
SOMERVILLE, MA—Awkwardly reengaging with the small cluster of people in the corner of his coworker’s living room, party guest David Kirsch reportedly came crawling right back to a conversation he thought he could do better than, sources confirmed over the weekend. “Hey, so I just remembered that I actually had seen Beyond Thunderdome a long time ago, but that’s the only one of the old Mad Max films I’ve watched,” said the humiliated Kirsch, who reportedly circled back to the discussion about Mad Max: Fury Road and other current movies a mere five minutes after extricating himself from the group in search of a more stimulating exchange. “I should check out the others, but I don’t know how they’re gonna top Fury Road.” According to sources, Kirsch attempted to finish his drink as quickly as possible in order to have an excuse to detach …
MAPLEWOOD, MN—Explaining that he had assumed the deterioration of his physical and psychological state would be readily apparent, 3M sales associate Mark Uhler told reporters Wednesday he honestly thought his ongoing breakdown would be more obvious to everyone around him. “Given how many times in the past month I’ve showed up to work on two hours of sleep and just stared at my computer in total silence, I’d kind of expected someone to ask me if everything’s all right at home or at least tell me I look tired lately, but so far I haven’t heard a thing,” said Uhler, adding that he thought the frequency with which he places his face in his hands and mutters morosely to himself would have been a clear indication that he was completely unraveling and prompted somebody at some point to stop by his cubicle. “I was sure …
Katy Perry’s manager announced her next album is on the way, so we’ve made a wish list of what we hope it sounds like.
Having a child can be the most transformative experience of a person’s life. You get so used to living your life a certain way—focused solely on your job, your social life, your personal goals—and then, just like that, it all changes. That’s what happened to me last year when my daughter, Jane, was born. Until that moment, I never in a million years thought I could love anything almost as much as myself.
As soon as the nurse put her in my arms, that beautiful baby girl became the second-most important thing in my life. In an instant, I went from caring only about myself to caring about myself and also one other person. All but one of my priorities went right out the window. And that shift was permanent: My daughter has been an additional consideration in my life ever since, and I know in …
“Finding Carter”‘s Wilson brood may be dysfunctional, but here are five pieces of proof they just may achieve family harmony.
(AllHipHop News) Legendary Hip Hop crew The Roots has released 11 albums since 1993 starting with the group’s debut Organix. According to frontman Black Thought, the house band for The Tonight Show is currently working on their next LP. He recently spoke with Consequence of Sound.
“I feel like we are embarking on a new chapter in our lives and in our careers, so it’s time to either make more music or to stop making music, and we’re not going to stop. Music is on the horizon,” said Black Thought.
While The Roots prepare to drop another project in the near future, the Philadelphia natives’ discography already includes collaborations with some of the most prominent music figures of the last 25 years. That list includes soul singers like Erykah Badu, Jill Scott, Musiq Soulchild, and Cody ChesnuTT. Black Thought touches on how his band helped usher in the 1990’s sub-genre of R&B known as “Neo-Soul.”
“I feel like what we did with Erykah in the late ‘90s was a moment in time, but it paved the way for other artists,” stated B.T. “I feel like the groundwork we laid was the foundation for what became neo-soul. It was a movement. I feel like that has come and gone and what remains in its wake is just the best parts of it.”
Watch The Roots video for “You Got Me” featuring Erykah Badu and Eve below.
Opening a drive-thru Sweetie Pie’s restaurant was not an easy task, but Tim and the staff managed to get past their rough start. Tim knows he wouldn’t have successfully opened the Lindbergh location without the help of his trusted employees and he’s shocked at how much he’s come to rely on the previously irresponsible lil’ Charles.
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When Miss Robbie Montgomery, a 1960s backup singer and former “Ikette,” suffered a collapsed lung and had to stop singing, she decided to pour her talents into another creative venture—a soul food restaurant called Sweetie Pie’s. . This docuseries follows the loud, loving and often singing Montgomery family as they work to expand their empire, one soulful dish at a time.
Oprah Winfrey Network is the first and only network named for, and inspired by, a single iconic leader. Oprah Winfrey’s heart and creative instincts inform the brand — and the magnetism of the channel.
Winfrey provides leadership in programming and attracts superstar talent to join her in primetime, building a global community of like-minded viewers and leading that community to connect on social media and beyond. OWN is a singular destination on cable. Depth with edge. Heart. Star power. Connection. And endless possibilities.
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A Michigan man was hospitalized Wednesday (March 25) after he mistakenly gorged on weed brownies. His teenage daughter didn’t bother to put a disclaimer on her chocolate treats, because she didn’t think anyone would eat them.
Yeah, she was wrong about that.
Reprots My Fox Detroit:
The 58-year-old Independence Township man told first responders he thought he was having a stroke.
He thought maybe his daughter had drugged him.
The 17 year-old girl made the brownies with marijuana she says she got from a friend.
She told police she left them out on the kitchen counter — not thinking anyone would eat them.
The man was released from the hospital and is expected to be okay.
The girl is a Clarkston High School student and will likely face criminal charges.
In case you’re not aware, weed brownies could kill you. “Marijuana today is not your marijuana of the 1960s or 70s,” said Mike McCabe of the Oakland County Sherif’s Office. “The THC level is multiple times more potent. Depending how much marijuana was baked into those brownies, it could lead to someone being violently ill. It could also lead to death.”
Authorities seized the baked goods.
The post Man Hospitalized After Eating Daughter’s Weed Brownies, Thought He Was Having A Stroke appeared first on Hip-Hop Wired.
Last week, I called myself a bitch. It was shorthand, really. I had an unpleasant exchange with a male banker and left feeling that the only way to be taken seriously was to act like a bitch.
In writing about the experience, what I found most interesting in people’s responses (aside from the majority of online commentators basically telling me to shut up and stop complaining) was how many female friends bumped up against my use of the word bitch.
In part, I wrote: “It’s second nature for women to switch into bitchy, bossy, don’t-fuck-with-me-mode, because how often are we spoken to differently than the man standing next to us? How often do I have to raise my voice to be taken seriously?”
A coworker emailed me: “Unless you were flipping desks or threatening to get these dudes fired, you weren’t acting bitchy — you were acting professional.”
She’s right. So I thought about the word. And I thought more about the word. It’s everywhere. Often not even beeped out of television shows, “bitch” is in rap songs and pop songs and on t-shirts. “It’s Britney, bitch.” “I’m in Miami, bitch.”
For millenials, the word has become a replacement for the exclamation mark.
But it also has roots deeply established in feminism and every woman I’ve talked to has a different relationship with the word — depending on the situation. Like the often-wrongly cited example of how many different words Eskimos have for “snow,” bitch seems to have just as many meanings.
I took out a pen and paper and tried to breakdown the word.
a. Bossy; to bitch someone around.
b. Complaining; bitching and moaning.
c. Inferior; to be someone’s bitch, acting like a little bitch.
d. Overly emotional or moody; she has her period and is acting like a total bitch.
e. Aggressive; that bitch just pushed to the front of the line.
f. Rude; what a bitch…she didn’t even say hello.
As one friend put it, sometimes people are mean and we need a word to describe them — like “asshole” or “jerk.” Sometimes bitch is just a synonym.
But where bitch gets interesting is when it’s used to illustrate power and control within genders. Easy example: a man doesn’t act manly enough, or fails to exert power, and he is called a bitch. A woman has too much power or control and she is called a bitch.
I think we assume that if a woman is any of the things listed above (bossy, aggressive, rude), then people will think she’s a bitch. This may be the case.
But I called myself a bitch. Why? As a reminder, I didn’t flip one desk.
I was assertive. I was confident. I was logical. I explained that their repeated mistakes were unacceptable. I was clear.
Here’s what I wasn’t: I wasn’t bubbly. I wasn’t helpless. I wasn’t doting. I wasn’t meek. I wasn’t flirtatious. I wasn’t charmed and I wasn’t charming.
Yet somehow, leaving the bank, I had taken this social perception of expressing displeasure and replaced it with the word bitch. Was this conditioning so engrained within me? Had it been so keenly absorbed that I couldn’t even feel its presence?
Is it the same reason women chronically ask for less raises than men do? The same reason we’re still paid 77 cents when a man makes a dollar? Are we so viscerally uncomfortable with asking for what we want that we cloak our discomfort in words like bossy, bitchy and cunt?
Gloria Steinem said, “A woman who aspires to be something is called a bitch.”
I was born right smack in the middle of the 1980s. I was raised to believe that I could be anything I wanted if I worked hard. I still believe that.
Believing that it’s okay to ask for what I want — and expecting to be treated equally — are things that sound so antiquated. But they’re not.
I bet the banker from last week and the bankers from the weeks before do not even remember our exchanges.
But what I learned, while they fumbled through their antique word processors, is that it’s not unpretty or unfeminine to be assertive. In the words of my mother, it’s actually pretty bitchin’.
Entertainment – The Huffington Post
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Mary Lambert isn’t just open about being a lesbian. One spin of plucky single “Secrets” lays bare the singer/songwriter’s struggles with weight, bipolar disorder, a dysfunctional family and much, much more. Says Lambert with a laugh, “I’m severely out!”
“There was a time in my life when I was starting out that I realized the people at my shows knew far more about me than my close coworkers did,” shared Lambert during a recent telephone interview. “I realized that was unique.”
Intimately confessional writing marks Lambert’s 2014 album Heart on My Sleeve. From past sexual trauma to bouts of self-harm, nothing was off-limits when writing the pop album, she said, because “it’s second nature to include pieces of [personal] history in my music.”
That much is clear. The singer’s lyrical honesty first gained mainstream attention on Macklemore & Ryan Lewis’ critically-acclaimed hit “Same Love.” There, Lambert provides the song’s yearning chorus, later extended into the even more autobiographical breakthrough solo single “She Keeps Me Warm.”
“I never thought I would hear a song like [‘Same Love’] on the radio,” admits the 25-year-old, who came out eight years ago. “I think that’s what was so emotional about the whole thing. I knew the implications of what we were going to do.”
Lambert relished Mackelemore & Ryan Lewis’ offer to honestly tell her story of being “hugely affected [growing up] as a Christian lesbian” — experiences she continues to process through in solo work. Still, in addition to being painfully aware of the potential impact “Same Love” might have upon release, she also knew its possible consequences.
“I’d never been anywhere, never been outside the metropolitan scene of Seattle, and didn’t know anything outside of it,” said Lambert. That meant she had no idea how others might respond to a song about same-sex relationships. As the time came to begin promoting it, she braced for the worst.
“The feeling of peace I got was knowing I was doing it right,” she said of accepting the possibility “Same Love” might evoke deadly backlash. “Knowing I was ok with that let me know I was doing exactly what I needed to be doing.”
According to Lambert, what happened next shocked her.
Not only did she not receive death threats, “Same Love” shot to No. 1 in countries around the world. With more than 136 million views-to-date on YouTube, the 2013 ode to same-sex marriage rose to No. 11 on U.S. pop charts and thrust Lambert into the international spotlight.
A “Song of the Year” Grammy nomination followed. Macklemore, Lewis and Lambert performed “Same Love” with Madonna at that year’s awards ceremony as Queen Latifah married 33 same-sex couples live on television.
“I thought I was going to be murdered,” Lambert half-joked, “But instead I got nominated for a Grammy!”
Her astonishment didn’t stop there, Lambert says. Performing “Same Love” live on Macklemore & Lewis’ sold-out, global stadium tour changed her life. The artist was overwhelmed with love each time she stepped onstage.
“They were cheering and crying…10,000 people chanting my name,” she recalled. “I had kids in rainbow shirts in front, looking at me… I couldn’t believe I was part of this thing that meant so much to so many people.
“All I wanted to do was make sure I was honoring it correctly and being a good representation,” said Lambert of the song.
“I couldn’t believe this was my life, especially after the shit show I’d been through,” she concluded, “It was really, really gratifying.”
Gay Voices – The Huffington Post
By CinemaSins Published: March 15th, 2015
Amber Portwood is getting ready to head down the aisle!
Teen Mom fans who watched the dramatic new trailer for the upcoming series’ new season last week saw the 24-year-old OG…
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I never imagined you and I, out of all the people in this world, would go through something so devastating as we did.
Throughout the years, we created the most beautiful memories. We climbed all the way to the top together, only to slip and fall as soon as we got there. And though I may have contributed to that fall, I tried so hard to hold on to you.
My heart shattered into a million pieces. Eventually, I realized I couldn’t save us.
I couldn’t undo what had been done, and I let you go to find your true happiness.
All I ever wanted was my own family. Every day, I dreamed of falling in love with a woman, getting married, buying a beautiful home and one day bringing our own little bundle of joy into the world.
I guess it goes without saying that you made all of that feel real for me; you helped make most of those dreams come true. I wanted nothing more than to be the best husband, a romantic lover, the most selfless provider, and one day, the world’s best dad.
Our relationship wasn’t perfect, but I loved you so much.
All those things I wanted to be, I couldn’t imagine with anyone but you.
Our life together — it was like Disney World. We ran carefree in this theme park we call life. Holding each others’ hands, we laughed, cried, loved, and we were in awe of everything we experienced. We were children with dreams, and together, we thought about the day when all of ours would come true.
Eventually, though, those roller coasters stopped.
The music died down, the lights shut off, and our magical journey came to an abrupt halt.
You were gone.
Suddenly, everything that was so familiar about life felt so foreign. I was lost without you. All I had left were my memories and dreams of us that I knew would never come true.
There are a few things that I never had the opportunity to tell you …
Every time I called you, I looked forward to hearing you answer the phone. You would say “hey” in this voice that sound so innocent and so loving. And it never changed. It always reminded me of the beginning of our relationship and all of the reasons I fell in love with you. Who would have thought something so simple could be so powerful? It’s what made you unique.
Remember all the times you yelled at me when I was looking at you? You’d ask me why, and I would either laugh or get angry because you had this “sass” about you. You know what? I looked at you because I thought you were the most beautiful thing in the world. I didn’t care what you were wearing — whether you had makeup on. I’d look at you and get lost in your laugh and your smile. Whatever flaws you believed you had, I loved — how you’d look in the mirror and always suck in your stomach; how you always analyzed every picture we took together and made me delete them, nine times out of 10; how you’d pace around on the phone when you were nervous. Or how about how you hated to be on video? I noticed everything. But I loved it.
How about Valentine’s Day in Atlantic City, when we arrived at the hotel and got the keys to our suite, only to find out it was disgusting. You wouldn’t even sit on the bed! We both laughed until we got our room switched. Once we got there, you started jumping up and down like a maniac (I have it on video), and then eventually, you crashed and took a nap, like you always did. I sat there on that cloudy afternoon, lights off in the room, and just watched you sleep. I kept thinking about getting to marry you one day and having the opportunity to enjoy that moment over and over again. You looked so peaceful, and it reminded me of the responsibility I had to protect you, always.
Then there was that warm summer afternoon in June. The commute home from work that day was the most exciting drive of my life (and the longest, too). I will never forget picking up the phone and calling you, asking you to get ready and meet me at the house so we could grab dinner. It was spontaneous, I know, and in hindsight, not very well-planned. I didn’t care, though.
I wanted to ask you to spend the rest of your life with me, and I guess I just couldn’t wait anymore.
Your ring had been sitting in my room for three weeks in its blue Tiffany box, wrapped with a white ribbon. Every time I looked at it, I would think back to that night in May 2004 when I first laid eyes on you.
I thought about us being kids, not having anything but each other. I thought about the dreams we shared, and how I was so ready to spend the rest of my life with you. You helped shaped me into the man I was becoming, and this was a representation of my love and appreciation for you.
I was so nervous walking onto that beach in Long Branch — my hands were sweating, my heart racing. When I got down on one knee in the sand, I remember the look on your face. The sun was beating down, your hair was blowing in the wind. I could hear the waves crashing behind me. I’ll never forget you putting your hands over your mouth, saying “YES!”
It was one of the happiest moments of my life. When I slipped that ring onto your finger, I was certain it would never come off.
That leaves me with our wedding day.
June 10, 2012, the greatest day of my life. I looked forward to that for 27 years, but I never imagined it to be as beautiful as it was.
I was in awe of everything — the cameras, the flowers, the people, the church, the venue. Everything was beyond my wildest imagination, but nothing could compare to the excitement I felt about becoming your husband.
I couldn’t wait to make you Mrs. D’Ambrosio.
Here we were, two teenagers who met on the Seaside boardwalk eight years prior, with no idea about life, love, and where it would take us. We finally created this day. We had built our lives, our careers, our home, and now it was time to build our family.
I stepped out to the altar and waited for you. My heart was filled with so many emotions, but I just wanted to hold your hand for the rest of my life.
When those doors opened, every dream, wish and prayer I ever had came marching right toward me, more beautiful than I could have ever imagined.
You were my best friend. I wanted so much more for the both of us.
Sometimes, though, we have to accept the unexpected.
Our worlds need to fall apart, so we can put them back together the way they were meant to be.
There’s nothing more important to me than your happiness, and knowing you have that means the world to me. Our lives took different paths, but that can never take away from the memories we shared.
As for me? I’m happy. I’ve found peace. I am busier than ever with work, I found a new passion with writing, and I’ve been rebuilding a life that was once in a million pieces. I still dream of having a family. I still dream of holding my own child. Of course, I still dream of falling in love and finding my true happiness.
I’m much of the same Anthony you knew, but so much different.
You see, too many people live with hate in this world. Those same people live with anger and fear.
I’m not one of those people.
I’m disappointed we never got to finish writing our happily ever after, but I’ll never be angry. I’ll never hate you, and I’ll never be dishonest about my emotions. God gave me this amazing opportunity to love. It brought me to so many beautiful places, taught me so much about life and gave me memories I’ll cherish forever. How can I ever be angry about that?
To your parents, sister, grandparents, aunt and uncle — tell them I always loved them as if they were my own, and I’m sorry if I never lived up to their expectations. I knew how much they loved you. I knew what kind of man they wanted for you, and God knows, I did everything I could to make sure I was just that.
And finally, to you — I’m sorry for anything I may have ever done to hurt you. More than anything, I wanted to spend forever with you by my side, and to one day add our own little peanut who would join us for the ride. Everything I did in my life was to ensure yours would be all you dreamed it to be. I wanted to give you the world.
Unfortunately, I fell short.
If I knew then what I know now, I would have held you tighter during our first dance and picked a song that never ended.
I’m not perfect, and I never want people to think that I am. I’ve made mistakes. I’ve done things I’m not proud to admit, and I’ve made decisions I wish I could take back. But I loved someone with every bone in my body, with every beat of my heart and every inch of my soul. It wasn’t perfect, but I know for sure I loved with everything I had; I loved in such a way that your happiness was always mine. And I’m thankful for that.
I once told you I wish I could put into words how much I loved you and share it with the world; here’s my best shot at that promise.
Losing you may have been the most painful experience of my life, but it made me stronger than ever. It somehow made life feel real.
While on paper I lost my wife, in reality I lost so much more.
I lost a piece of me that I will never get back.
Take good care of it.
All the best,
HERSHEY, PA—Noting the unprecedented display of effort, Harrington family sources confirmed Thursday that Uncle Jeff put a lot more thought than usual into the gift cards he bought for everyone this Christmas.
Thirty years ago, Vanessa Williams made history as the first African-American woman to be crowned Miss America. In her interview for “Oprah’s Master Class,” Williams says never believed it was really possible for her to win before she actually took the crown.
Williams was a theatre major at Syracuse University and says she had no interest in pageants at first. She blew off the idea until her junior year, when she entered the Ms. Greater Syracuse Pageant – and won. “Then I ended up winning Syracuse, New York and Miss America in September within six months period of time,” Williams says.
During the Miss America 1984 competition, Williams says she took advantage of the talents she already had. “I sang a song that was easy for me,” she says. “I majored in musical theatre, so it wasn’t like I had to come up with an act.”
Though she thought she might place in the top 10, Williams didn’t think it would go further than that. “So I just basically was there to have a good time, I really did not think that I would win because I didn’t think that it was the time,” Williams says. “There had never been a black Miss America, so why would it be this year? If so, possibly I knew that I had what it took, but I didn’t think they’d actually go for it.”
After winning the title, her reign as Miss America was fraught with controversy. Williams opens up about the challenges she faced and the Penthouse scandal that forced her to resign on “Oprah’s Master Class” airing Sunday, July 13 at 10 p.m. ET on OWN.
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Angelina Jolie may be starring in a fairy tale, but she never thought she’d be living one.
The “Maleficent” star covers Elle magazine’s June issue and admits that she never imagined her life would turn out the way it did.
“I never thought I’d have children, I never thought I’d be in love, I never thought I’d meet the right person,” Jolie, who has six children with fiance Brad Pitt, said. “Having come from a broken home — you kind of accept that certain things feel like a fairy tale, and you just don’t look for them.”
The 38-year-old also opened up to Elle about why she cast her daughter Vivienne as a young Aurora in the “Sleeping Beauty” adaptation.
“And my little Vivienne — we call her my shadow, because there’s nothing I can do to shake her. I can be tired, I can be grumpy, I can be in a terrible mood, and she doesn’t care. It’s ‘Mommy, Mommy,’ and she’ll cling to me,” Jolie said, adding that Vivienne was the perfect person for the role. “We knew that she would still do that thing, she’d still smile at me and insist that I pick her up. So we couldn’t really cast anybody else.”
Her son Pax, age 10, and daughter Zahara, age 9, also appear in the film, which hits theaters May 30. However, Jolie and Pitt don’t plan on keeping their children in front of the cameras for long: “Brad and I made the decision that we wouldn’t keep them from sets and the fun of making movies, but we wouldn’t [glorify it either] — we wouldn’t make it a good thing or a bad thing. But I would really prefer they do something else.”
“After two days of it, Brad and I were so stressed we never wanted to do it again,” Jolie added.
Read Elle’s full interview with Angelina Jolie online now, and on newsstands nationwide May 20.