3 Easy, Modern Ways (and a Mustang) to Channel Steve McQueen’s Classic ‘Bullitt’ Style

Think about the coolest, most stylish film you’ve ever seen. Chances are, Bullitt and Steve McQueen come to mind. Sure, the car gets tons of the attention, but McQueen’s wearable apparel has become just as iconic as the kickass Mustang he drove in the 1968 film, complete with epic car chases, a fast-paced tour of San Francisco, and plenty of style lessons any guy can take and make his own.

 

 

Ford recently brought back a new version of the Bullitt just in time to celebrate the release of the flick, and the 2019 model combines some of the original’s design cues with a modern twist.


50 Years of Bullitt: Taking the Ford Mustang Bullitt for a Spin Around San Francisco

And now, years after McQueen took the wheel on screen, we think his character’s style still holds up, too. The pieces Frank Bullitt wears are hands down some of the coolest you’ll see in any movie, but you don’t have to own the exact pieces to follow his lead.

bullitt steve mcqueen
American actor Steve McQueen on the set of Bullitt, directed by Peter Yates. (Photo by Sunset Boulevard/Corbis via Getty Images) Sunset Boulevard / Contributor/ Getty Images

Here, we came up with a few simple ways to give your wardrobe a modern McQueen-like upgrade—some a simple nod; other pieces, nearly identical to Frank Bullitt’s outfits—that you should be able to get miles out of for years down the road.

And if you’re sticking to a budget? You won’t spend more than around $ 250 for most of this gear (Bullitt not included).

The Shoes

astorflex-boots
Courtesy Huckberry

Astorflex Greenflex Boots

Taking a walk in McQueen’s shoes just got a little more possible. You won’t find a better fit than these casual Astorflex boots that nail the perfect balance of things you can wear to work or the bar. And luckily, our friends at Huckberry have you covered.

[$ 150; huckberry.com]

The Outerwear

flint-tinder-waxed-trucker-jacket
Courtesy Huckberry

Flint and Tinder Flannel-lined Waxed Trucker Jacket

Because you’re not going to want to wear a blazer with elbow patches everywhere you go. (If you want to spring for a full suit, we like this Polo Ralph Lauren option, patches and all.) While you can’t go wrong with McQueen’s dressed-up attire, this versatile jacket nails his simple, timeless vibe. Its subtle color won’t take attention away from your new Mustang Bullitt, plus it’ll keep you warm when those California temperatures dip thanks to the flannel lining. Not to mention, its waxed coating will stand up to just about everything up ahead—epic car chases included.

[$ 220; huckberry.com]

The Basics

flint-tinder-sweater-proof-72-hour-tee
Courtesy Huckberry

Flint and Tinder 10 Year Crew Sweater; Proof 72-Hour Merino LS Tee

So a stylish turtleneck might not be your everyday go-to layer for driving fast cars—or getting stuck in rush hour traffic on your daily work commute. A solid navy sweater or crewneck tee will do the trick just fine, and they’ll still help you achieve McQueen’s look without making you want to stretch out your collar to get some extra breathing room. During the winter months, opt for the sweater, which you can wear on its own or under your jacket. For the rest of the year, go for something a little on the lighter side, like this Proof 72-Hour Merino top.

[$ 78, Flint and Tinder 10 Year Crew; huckberry.com; $ 78, Proof 72-Hour Merino LS Tee; huckberry.com]

Bonus

2018-ford-mustang-bullitt
Photograph by Andrew St. Clair

2019 Ford Mustang Bullitt

We’re just going to leave this one here for when you find some extra space in your style budget. Don’t worry, it looks good with everything.

[$ 46,595; ford.com]

The post 3 Easy, Modern Ways (and a Mustang) to Channel Steve McQueen’s Classic ‘Bullitt’ Style appeared first on Men's Journal.

Men’s Journal Latest Style News

5 Ways to Get Thicker, Fuller Hair

First things first: It’s nearly impossible to thicken your hair at the root itself unless you medically intervene with supplements or injections. But that’s not what this article is about .It’s about how to make your hair look and feel fuller—to maximize the follicles you’re already working with, and to be all the more confident when you head out into the world with each passing year.

 

 

Because the truth is every single one of us will lose hair to some extent—some quicker and to a greater degree than others—but if you act quickly and get a little crafty no one will be the wiser.

It mostly comes down to using the right hair products, and some minor dietary fixes, says Los Angeles-based celebrity groomer, KC Fee.

These are her tips for getting a fuller head of hair.


How to Find Your Hair Type and Manage It

1. Switch to a Milder Shampoo

Hopefully you already know that too much shampoo is bad for your hair. It strips all the good oils along with the bad, drying it out and making it hard to style. However, sometimes that’s the tradeoff if you actually want your hair to look fuller: When it’s parched, it stands up more and looks thicker. So, since you might be shampooing more frequently in order to get this effect, Fee suggests switching to one that’s engineered to be less harsh on your strands. It’ll still lift the hair since it removes the oil at the root, but it’ll dry the actual hair out less in the process, by preserving its natural oils.

She prefers Christophe Robin Men’s Cleansing Thickening Paste for her clients.

“It gives hair volume and a thicker feel,” Fee says.

2. Use Light, Dry Products

“When it comes to thinning hair, you don’t want to use heavy, greasy products that’ll weigh the hair down,” says Fee. “It will cause separation that only accentuates the hair loss.”

She’s referring to things like standard shiny pomade. Instead you want something with a matte finish that lifts the hair. She uses Kevin Murphy Rough Rider Clay Pomade (note that it’s not a “traditional greasy pomade—sometimes the word ‘pomade’ is used interchangeably with ‘hair product’), or a texturizing spray like Oribe’s, which kind of works like a dry shampoo to soak excess oils and add some lift.

“Both are light and dry products that give volume and texture,” says Fee. “A good rule of thumb is to start with a little product and build as needed.”


7 Biggest Grooming Mistakes Balding Men Make

3. Use a Round Brush (and a Hair Dryer)

You probably know that a brush isn’t the best styling device for short hair. It’s used to evenly distribute natural oils to the ends of longer hairs. So, while you keep a comb nearby for your styling needs, there is one brush you should have on-hand: a small, rounded one, like the 3/4″ brush from Spornette. If you use a cream styler, like Baxter of California’s Hard Cream Pomade, apply a small amount to clean, towel-dried hair, then use the brush with a hair dryer (a cheap, simple Conair hair dryer will do) to lift the hair and dry the product at the root, Fee says.

“It gives the hair volume and a thicker look,” she adds.

4. Follow These Dieting Principles

“Diet and supplements can be very helpful in strengthening hair and prolonging the inevitable, as hair loss comes down to genetics,” Fee says.

You can take a proactive approach to hair loss, aside from pills and procedures, by focusing on your diet.

“It can be as easy as eating a clean diet—no sugar or processed foods—and one high in antioxidants,” she says. “Or you can take supplements that include biotin, zinc, vitamin C, iron, and niacin—such as Viviscal daily hair growth supplements.”


How to Handle Going Bald

5. Opt for Hair fibers—Hollywood’s Big Grooming Secret

We asked Fee for the “Hollywood secret” to making hair look thicker—something beyond these everyday salon tips.

Her answer was a bit of a shock: It’s hair fibers—like those sprinkle-on powders guys use to cover their bald spots.

“You’d be surprised to know how many men being photographed or in films and on TV use this trick,” she says. “There’s absolutely no shame in it. And it works! I use Toppik Hair Fiber. It comes in every shade in a shake bottle. You can either shake it in to cover bigger areas, such as the top or back of the head, or it has a pump nozzle you can buy separately to use for a more precise application along the hairline.”

If you aren’t balding but simply want to make your hair look thicker and fuller, this could be the solution. Just don’t touch the hair much once it’s applied, and shampoo thoroughly before resting it on any pillows.

The post 5 Ways to Get Thicker, Fuller Hair appeared first on Men's Journal.

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Four ways President Trump is changing prime time TV

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The best ways to combat oily skin

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5 Stupid Ways Movies Spoiled Their Own Plot Twists

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6 Easy Ways to Make Your Boots Last Longer

Learning that a veteran shoemaker once ruined a pair of his own beloved leather boots is akin to a seeing master baker burning a pie crust, or finding out that your retirement planner lost a third of your savings on an ill-advised deal. But bad things happen to good people all the time — and that includes To Boot New York’s founder and designer Adam Derrick.

The post 6 Easy Ways to Make Your Boots Last Longer appeared first on Men's Journal.

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6 Easy Ways to Make Your Boots Last Longer

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5 Ways To Impress Your Date With A Movie Grill Outing

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Downhill Both Ways

If you designed a city from scratch, could you build a major highway through it that was downhill both ways? 

I’ll try to describe how that could work. And yes, I will be cheating.

Imagine a barge floating in a man-made container of water. If you wanted to lift that barge and its contents, all you do is stick a water hose in the container and wait. As the water rises, so does the barge. The larger the hose, the faster the rise. And when you want the barge to come down, you drain it.

Now imagine two containers with two barges. Between them, we build a platform connected to the barges by arms. Like this (conceptually).

image

When both tanks are filled with water, the platform in the middle rises to meet the start of a road that was designed to rise gradually over several miles until it meets the platform. Drive off the platform and you are downhill all the way home.

Now duplicate the system on the other end, where most commuters live. The side with the most origination traffic (commuters) is the one that is highest but only for that part of the day. At the end of the commute, the heights reverse.

You would also need a third unrelated route to town, totally flat, for traveling outside commute hours. 

Okay, okay, lots of problems with this idea. Let me address a few. 

For starters, moving that much water is not easy. One solution might involve locating the city where there is a natural water source. But that water still needs to be lifted to the height of the tank. I see three ways to do that cheaply.

1. Locate near the base of a mountain stream, so water is starting out above your tank. Build pipes from the mountain streams/lakes to the tops of the water containers and let gravity do its thing.

2. Locate your city in a desert with an aquifer or ocean access. Dome the city or build it underground so weather does not interfere. Use solar power that is abundant during the day to pump water uphill for later.

3. Use the natural motion of life to pump water all day long. Ocean waves would be a good pump. And perhaps sidewalks could be designed so they pump a bit of water every time you walk on them. The pedestrian is happy for the softer sidewalk and the pumping happens all day long.

You also have a problem of getting the cars to the top of the water tank so they can head downhill. But let’s say those cars are required to park on the barge (or multiple barges) so the cars themselves rise all day long, from morning until it is time for the evening commute. Humans still need to take an elevator or stairs to the top of the platform, but that seems cheap.

Now let’s assume all cars are self-driving by then. You don’t need a car in your garage. But you do need to get to the raised platform, and that might be a mile away. No problem for a city designed underground with lots of bike paths on flat roads. Bike to your self-driving car location, take the elevator or walk to the top, and the self-driving car takes you downhill all the way to work. You might need a bike at the far end too, depending on your office location. But keep in mind that this is a designed city, so nothing is too far from anything else. Let’s say the whole city is ten miles across. You could bike the whole way if you wanted. The city is domed or underground, so weather is not an issue and roads are smooth.

And let’s assume the water you use for the barges does double-duty for farming and household use when drained. Nothing is wasted.

Could any version of this idea work if you designed your city from scratch?

[Update: Disqus locked me out and won’t let me comment from my preferred computer. It tries and apparently fails to send me an email to unlock it. It is not in spam or anywhere. I don’t have a week to dedicate to fix this so expect me absent for now.)

I wrote a book about systems versus goals. People seem to like it.

image


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10 Ways To Survive The Holidays While Going Through A Divorce

As Halloween passes and you finally finish packing away the costumes and the candy, turning the calendar to November can seem as painful as wearing a beaded thong to the gym.  The holiday season becomes a catch 22 for most people who have gone through (or are going through) a divorce.  You love the idea of the holidays; but your mind inevitably goes full blown Christmas Carol on you and you’re being tortured by the Ghost of Christmas Past.  Only now, he’s got a buddy – The Ghost of Christmases That Will Never Be.  Is there a way to make it through the holiday season with your sanity (and sobriety) in tact?  Hold on, honey.  I’ve got you covered.

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Egyptian Magic! 14 Ways to Channel Your Inner Cleopatra This Week

egyptian beauty

Today marks the opening of the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s exhibition “Ancient Egypt Transformed: The Middle Kingdom,” which highlights the cultural and political renaissance that flourished in the civilization over the span of nearly 400 years. Among the pieces on display is a large-scale sculpture of Pharaoh Mentuhotep II, canopic jars used for mummification, and ornate royal jewelry inlaid with precious stones and coated in gold. Suddenly, all this gleaming excitement has us thinking: Why not bring a little Egyptian-inspired glamour to your everyday beauty routine?

Even more than 3,000 years later, a dash of bright gold—prized by the Egyptians as a divine and indestructible element and associated with the sun god Ra—still makes our hearts flutter. Just ask the gilded aficionado Pat McGrath, who adorned Parisians last week with her forthcoming 24-karat-inspired eyeshadow hue. We’re not suggesting you go full-scale Cleopatra, but a simple swipe of metallic eye gloss or a gold-handled makeup brush is enough to tap into the hue’s brilliant decorative effect.

If high-impact shine isn’t your thing, how about celebrating the ancient culture’s beauty rituals with an elongated swipe of kohl along the lashes instead? The inky black pigment creates a flattering frame to the eye that looks as inarguably cool now as it did then. Likewise, Christian Louboutin’s lapis blue nail polish—which conjures the color of the popular stone used in sacred amulets and scarabs—is fit for a modern queen.

From Spitfire Girl’s hieroglyphic-stamped perfume bottles to a gold-capped mask so rich Cleopatra might have kept it on her vanity, above are 14 ways to celebrate the arrival of Egypt by way of New York City.

The post Egyptian Magic! 14 Ways to Channel Your Inner Cleopatra This Week appeared first on Vogue.

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5 Simple Ways To Make Your Hands Look Younger

While we’re busy applying various anti-aging creams to our faces and running to the colorist to cover our grays, we often forget the body part that typically reveals our age first: our hands. 

Even A-list actresses like Julianne Moore and Cate Blanchett have shied away from the popular “mani-cam” at awards shows, which zooms in on the stars’ nail designs. Moore called it “humiliating.”

Here are some simple ways you can turn back the clock on your hands and deal with common aging issues like dryness and age spots. 

1. Wear gloves.

 

Washing the dishes every night can dry out your skin, with the hot water and abrasive dish soaps stripping away the natural oils in your skin, causing it to become parched and even cracked. The perfumes in dish soaps can also irritate your skin and exacerbate conditions like eczema. Help keep the moisture in your skin by wearing dishwashing gloves every time you clear out the sink — or opt to use the dishwasher! 

2. Moisturize like your life depends on it. 

 

Thanks to frequent washing, our hands get the moisture sapped out of them more than pretty much any other area of our body — so they definitely deserve a little more TLC. Using lotions and creams will help lock in the moisture and help your hands look younger by plumping up the skin. Dermatologists recommend using treatments which include ingredients like shea butter, olive oil, vitamin E and macadamia nut oil. Applying these to slightly damp skin helps them absorb better, so make sure to keep a jar of cream handy on your bathroom sink to use after showers or hand-washing. 

And when you’re using treatments and creams on your face, it doesn’t hurt to apply some to your hands too – especially if they are products which boost collagen production, to help plump up the thin skin on the backs of your hands. Just make sure the products don’t cause peeling or increased sensitivity to sunlight. 

3. Use a flattering polish. 

 

While things like black polish or nail art might be the hottest trends right now, they could just look severe and further age mature hands. But the right shade could help spruce up your hands and draw attention away from age spots or visible veins. Style experts recommend steering away from fads like glitter, overly long nails, or square shapes. 

While you may be tempted to use nude polishes so that you don’t draw attention to your hands, a pop of color can actually help your hands look younger. Orange-based reds are a popular pick, compared with blue-based reds (which can make your veins stand out).  If you’re afraid of going bright, just keep your nails short and well-shaped and the color will still look sophisticated. 

And if you do choose to opt for nudes, celebrity manicurist Deborah Lippmann says it’s all about choosing a shade with the right undertone so your skin doesn’t look gray and sallow. 

4. Wear sunscreen. 

 

Sun spots can be a true giveaway of your age. They develop over time, after years of exposure to the sun’s UV rays or even tanning beds. You can talk to your dermatologist about topical creams like hydroquinone, which helps bleach the pigment, or even some laser therapies which destroy pigment-producing cells. 

But as with everything, prevention really is the best cure, no matter how old you are. Prevent more age spots from appearing by applying sunscreen daily. Yes, we know, the first thing you want to do after applying sunscreen to the rest of your body is to wash your hands. Instead, resist the urge and slather the reamining cream onto the backs of your hands, which need the protection most. (The palms of your hands have a layer of dead skin cells which help protect against UV rays.) And make sure to reapply after hand-washing. 

5. Exfoliate, exfoliate, exfoliate. 

 

Dead skin cells can not only make your skin look flaky and dull, they can also keep treatments from sinking in. As with your face, make sure you use a gentle exfoliator  — nothing too abrasive, because it can scratch the surface of your skin. You can even make your own treatment at home by using a teaspoon of sugar combined with a hydrating oil, like coconut oil. 

Also on HuffPost:

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10 Ways I’ve Put Boundaries to Use

One of the benefits of my divorce last year was realizing that I am weak on boundaries. I could go so far as to say I didn’t have any. After twelve years of trying to make the marriage work I was pretty much all over the map with my feelings and actions. I’ve since regrouped and for the first time have a clear understanding of my emotions and how to deal with them. Here is what I’ve learned so far:

  1. I recently broke up with my boyfriend. Even though he is a wonderful person, he wasn’t wonderful for me. It took me over a year to come to that conclusion, but I did it.
  2. I only visit my parents when I know I’m centered enough to handle it. My father is an alcoholic and my mother has dementia. My three siblings and I have a much different approach on how we cope. One visits regularly, one actually takes care of them, and the other is still trying for the relationship we all would have liked growing up. I’ve learned it does me more harm than good when I’m not in the right place to be present with them. I dread the month before Christmas when all three call repeatedly insisting I be there for holidays. They won’t take no for an answer!
  3. I say no to my friends when they request something I can’t do. Typically this involves watching their children. There was one time I said yes when I shouldn’t have and I had to call my friend to come get her son while the other boy my son was playing with could stay. She was mad at me for months and it almost cost the friendship.
  4. I ask my children what they’re feeling and have them make their own conclusions on what action they should take. This is a life lesson. It’s important to me that they work things out on their own and learn, understand and trust their feelings. One benefit of encouraging independent thinking is that I’m showing them the respect I hope they carry with them as they grow older.
  5. I let go of clients that are causing me trouble and/or paying late. This is hard to do because it’s ingrained in my business background that “the customer is always right.” I’ve come to learn that they may or may not be right, but it’s not always right for me. If it’s not working, get rid of it.
  6. I calmly explain to my siblings that their well intended advice can sometimes sound more like criticism and that I would let them know when I need their feedback. Not long ago I would have more than likely just let it go and waited until the next family gathering before I talked to them. They’re family, I’ll still see them so what difference does it make? But then I realized they’re great to practice my new skills on for just that reason. They’re not going anywhere!
  7. I stay with a schedule as best I can to help me stay focused and make the most of my work time. Likewise, it helps my two boys to respect my time and not interrupt. They know that when I’m done I’ll be available to them.
  8. I ask myself what I’m feeling when my boyfriend does something that upsets me and then express that feeling. Instead of getting emotional or blaming him, I involve him by asking what he thinks can be done so that we can come to a solution together. This puts the relationship first and helps it grow.
  9. I make time for myself everyday. Perhaps this is the biggest incentive to stay self-employed. Truth is I’m terrified of having to go back to a full time job that isn’t flexible with my schedule. I meditate in the morning, write in my journal and exercise daily. Some afternoons I even nap. I don’t know many work environments that encourage that!
  10. I ask for help when I need it. For me, the ultimate challenge! I pride myself on being independent. I’m self-employed after all. One of my favorite things about what I do is that all the information I need is right at my fingertips on the internet. But I need a human connection too and people generally love to help and give advice. And it gives me a chance to show gratitude, of which I can’t do enough.

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.




Divorce – The Huffington Post

Need to File for a Divorce!

The Daddy Diaries Chapter 18 — 10 Ways to Lose the Dad Bod

Let’s cut the crap. Before Captain poopy-pants arrived, I used to work out three times a day. Now, I struggle to find time to floss. Don’t get me wrong: I don’t resent my beautiful son. I appreciate every moment I get to spend nurturing his gorgeous, tender soul. And I don’t shake my fist in the air at him silently just because he turned me into something that looks a clay sculpture of Mark Wahlberg that was dropped off a ledge and then went bald and got big rings under its eyes.

But let’s just say since Baron von Burpenstein showed up, it’s been hard to sleep. And hence hard to find time to exercise, or brush my teeth.

I used to take pride in my appearance, but I am so overjoyed at the pleasures of fatherhood I hardly even spend all day in front of the bathroom mirror weeping.

OK, so enough about who gained weight and is now embarrassed to be naked even by himself. Bottom line: I look like a piece of melted gouda cheese with two raisins stuck in it.

I bought a bathroom scale, but I was like, “How can this possibly be the number this scale is saying? It must be broken.” So I threw it out and bought a new one. The same thing happened. Odd. Doesn’t anyone make scales that work anymore? When I could no longer afford to buy more scales, I finally had to face the truth. The scales weren’t broken. The problem was me. I was having visual hallucinations.

So I went to see an eye doctor, who confirmed my suspicions. I have become so overweight it is making me go blind. It’s called morbid cornea obesity, and apparently it can be brought on by innocent everyday activities such as having a baby, or eating 997 individually wrapped Kraft cheese singles, which they don’t warn you about on the package. And really once you eat the first few, what’s the point in putting a half empty case of cheese back in the fridge, especially at 2AM?

Anyway, I realized something had to change when none of my clothes fit me. And I so began making mu-mu’s out of the bed sheets.

When none of the bed sheets fit me anymore, I decided it was finally time to stop making excuses, and do something about it.

And so I devised a few easy ways to sneak fitness routines into the day while tending to junior. I really feel like a new man now, and the best part is, you can do all of these exercises while parenting your child.

1. Carry the baby around the house on a cinderblock for an hour each morning. Good for the glutes. Note: a cinderblock can be rough on a newborn’s skin, so fold two paper towels on top of the cement as padding.

2. Lay awake at night all night worried your baby will stop breathing. Repeat in sets of one, nightly, until you can’t feel your arms anymore.

3. Put a 20-pound dumbbell inside the baby’s diapers. Carefully cradle the baby/dumbell under your arm, being sure to support his neck. Do 10 sets of 15 reps with each arm. Don’t forget to rinse off the weights when you change the diaper.

4. Get up to pee in the middle of the night, delirious with new father fatigue and stub your toe on the side of the bed so hard that you first see red, then black, then white, then some of the early abstract color fields of Barnett Newman. Declare, “It’s broken for sure” to no one in particular in between cursing like an Albanian sailor who just lost his sister and three toes in a ponzi scheme. Go to the baby and say in a whimper, “Daddy broke his toe.” Rest at least 10 minutes before next set.

5. Tuck the baby carefully inside the front of your sweatpants. Jump rope.

6. Fall asleep in the act of eating. Catch yourself as your skeletal muscles relax and your neck drops and jerks you back awake. 8 sets of eight. This is a killer neck work out. Also fall off a stool. In between each round, actively lose some hair.

7. Lay face down on the floor and have your training partner put your baby in a position so that the child’s legs are straddling your neck, as if he was riding a horse. Use duct tape to secure your infants’ ankles together in front of your throat. Do clapping push-ups.

8. Lock yourself out of your home. This works best if you have a door that locks by itself and you are wearing only that pair of underwear you cannot explain still owning. For the first rep, take out a bag of dirty diapers and drop them down the trash chute or put them in a garbage can. Make sure the door locks behind you and you have no key and are in your underwear and that no one but the baby is home so you are unable to get back inside and are in a panic that the baby stopped breathing as soon as the door latches.

9. If you live in an apartment, each time you enter the building, put the baby in the elevator, press your floor number and then run up the stairs as fast as you can. See if you can arrive before the elevator does or someone steals your baby.

10. Mention one more fucking time to your wife, who has just had a baby, that you feel fat.

Prepare to run. Fast.

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.




Comedy – The Huffington Post
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Donte' Stallworth recalls Tom Brady's motivational ways with practice squad

Donte' Stallworth recalls Tom Brady's motivational ways with practice squad
ESPN.com – NFL

10 Ways to Make It Easier for Your Child to Come Out

October 11 is National Coming Out Day. Young people across the country are thinking about coming out as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender (LGBT*). Many have high hopes that coming out will give them relief. Maybe they’ve been hiding a secret for a long time and hunger for the freedom to be themselves with the people they love. Sadly, the one thing they may fear the most is rejection from their parents or caregivers. We can change this.

2015-10-05-1444060420-7749567-IMG_3824.jpg

If your child is thinking about coming out, you probably don’t know about it. You might suspect that your child is LGBT*, or you may not have the slightest idea. Either way, it’s a good idea to be prepared for any possibility. Below are ways that parents and caregivers can make the days before and after coming out much easier for their children.

If Your Child Hasn’t Come Out

If your child is planning to come out, they may be watching for clues to guess how accepting and open you might be. Consider the following tips:

1. Don’t assume. Many parents assume our children will love and marry someone of the opposite sex. Most of us also assume that we know our children’s gender from the minute they are born, if not before. On the other hand, some of us may think we know our child is gay or transgender even though they haven’t said anything about it. Avoid jumping to conclusions. Respect your child’s need to discover and disclose their own identity when they are ready.

2. Recognize and address your concerns and fears. Many parents and caregivers have fears about having a gay or transgender child. It can make a difference to realize they’re not alone and to get your questions answered. If it’s hard for you to accept the idea that your child might be gay or transgender, here are resources that may help.

3. Show that you are open and accepting. If your child hears you use offensive language or say negative things about gay or transgender people, they will assume that it’s not safe to come out to you. Use respectful language when talking about people who are LGBT*. Watch TV programs that have LGBT* characters. Find ways to show acceptance without putting your child on the spot.

4. Be approachable and available. Make time and space for your child to be able to talk to you privately. Give them openings to talk about whatever is on their mind.

5. Show unconditional love in your actions and words. Tell your child that you love them for who they are and that nothing can change that. Show your love by treating your child with care and respect. This can help give your child the confidence to confide in you.

Your child just came out. Now what?

You may be relieved that they finally told you, frantic with fear that they will never live a happy life, or somewhere in between. Now what? Your acceptance is the one thing that can make the biggest difference in their health and well being.

1. Show unconditional love in your actions and words. Remind yourself how much you love your child. Tell your child that you love them and that nothing can change that. This may be the thing your child most needs to hear. Even if you are uncomfortable with the news, show affection and avoid saying things that are hurtful.

2. Believe your child. They have probably thought long and hard about this, maybe even agonized over it, before coming out to you. Asking questions like “Are you sure?”, “How do you know?”, “Is this a phase?” won’t make your child feel accepted. They may feel that you are hoping that their identity will go away.

3. Acknowledge the courage it took.
Coming out to you may have been the bravest thing your child has ever done. Even if it’s hard to hear, let your child know that you appreciate their openness and honesty.

4. Recognize and address your own concerns and fears. If you aren’t thrilled with the news, you don’t have to fake it. It’s okay to let your child know that it is hard for you. Your child probably went through a process to accept their identity and you may need this too. Ask your child to be patient with you. Meantime, get the information and support you need.

5. Don’t out your child to others. Your child came out to you, but that doesn’t mean they are ready to be out with everyone. Respect their privacy. Ask permission before discussing it with others. If you need someone to talk to, find a way that you can do this without violating their trust.

As with any tips, take what makes sense to you and use your own judgment. Do your best, be forgiving of yourself, and always remember how much you love your child.

*and people of many other sexual orientations and gender identities

For more resources and educational workshops, check out Out Proud Families
Thanks to Danny Moreno for the photo!
For more on my story as a mom, see my Proud Mom Videos.

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.




Gay Voices – The Huffington Post

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10 Ways Lifetime’s Unauthorized Beverly Hills, 90210 Story Completely Let Us Down

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50 Ways of Saying Fabulous – Graeme Aitken

Graeme Aitken - 50 Ways of Saying Fabulous  artwork

50 Ways of Saying Fabulous

Book 1 20th Anniversary Edition

Graeme Aitken

Genre: Gay

Publish Date: May 2, 2015

Publisher: 20Ten Books

Seller: Graeme Aitken


Sweet, fat, theatrical Billy-Boy was never cut out to be a farmer, but as his father’s only son he’s obliged to try. The cows are wayward and the chores are gruelling, but Billy finds escape in a fantasy world. A place where the turnip paddock becomes a lunar landscape, a lavender bed jacket a slinky space suit, a cow’s tail a head of beautiful blonde hair, and where Billy can become Judy Robinson, heroine of TV’s Lost in Space . But in an isolated conservative farming community in 1970s New Zealand, not everyone approves of Billy’s transformation. On the brink of adolescence, Billy is beginning to discover that growing up is far more complicated and confusing than he could ever have imagined. While the mysteries of sex confound him, emotions are unleashed which urge Billy to betray those closest to him. 50 Ways of Saying Fabulous is a poignant and endearingly comic novel. Anyone who grew up in a small town, grew up feeling that they didn’t fit in, or simply grew up will find this book funny, touching and unforgettably evocative of childhood lost.  Praise for 50 Ways of Saying Fabulous : 'I loved this funny sad tale of growing up a sissy in New Zealand. Graeme Aitken proves that even the most extraordinary events can occur to wonderfully ordinary people. If I knew fifty ways of saying fabulous, I’d use them all to praise this charming first novel.’ EDMUND WHITE 'Thoroughly engaging.' INDEPENDENT ON SUNDAY 'A funny but also achingly sad first novel'. OBSERVER 'A sort of gay Adrian Mole … There are laughs aplenty but also moments of agony … Told with bare faced honesty, it is a warm, cruel, funny tale.' THE SUNDAY AGE 'Touching and sad, 50 Ways of Saying Fabulous also has some very funny moments.' THE TIMES 'An entertainment, a gentle, poignant story of a fat boy who fantasises romance and glamour without yet having a name for what he is … Aitken writes with a distinctive voice, one that is wonderfully evocative.' DENNIS ALTMAN, THE AGE '… an important work … What Aitken has demonstrated fabulously is his skill in the art of telling a good story … his honesty and fearlessness in confronting those squirmy adolescent secrets is to be admired.' CANBERRA TIMES

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4 Ways to Style An Embellished Top According to Actress Shay Mitchell

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7 Ways to Wear Fall’s Best Nail-Polish Hues

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With ‘Stereotypes,’ A Duo Raised On Hip-Hop And Classical Has It Both Ways

As Black Violin, Kevin Sylvester and Wilner Baptiste say they’re merely demonstrating what two music styles with traditionally disparate audiences have in common.

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5 Daring Ways to Wear Plaid This Fall

Yeah, we were in denial about the end of summer, too—until we remembered that the start of a new season means it’s time to restock our closet with thick knits, ankle boots, and our favorite ’90s throwback print, plaid. Here are five ways to rock the traditional print in a very untraditional silhouette.
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7 Genius Ways to Update Your Hair for Fall

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Back to School: 3 Ways To Tell If Your Child Custody Agreement Is The Right Fit

Most co-parenting families with school-aged children have two basic parenting time schedules: one for school vacations and holidays and the other for the school year. If you and your former spouse separated or divorced over the summer, this month may be a crucial turning point as the two of you test out the “school year” portion of your child custody agreement for the first time. What can you expect from this new schedule, and how can you tell if changes are needed in order to help your children truly thrive in the coming months? Here are three ways to tell if the custody agreement you have in place is the best fit for your child, and for you.

Does Your Parenting Time Plan Reflect Realistic Expectations?
It’s natural for emotions to run high during a separation or divorce, especially when it comes to critical matters such as deciding child custody. Parents may initially make unrealistic custody grabs based on fear or insecurity, demanding full custody or the vast majority of parenting time, even if their work schedule or living arrangement makes this kind of plan impossible or even detrimental to their children.

If you veered at first towards making bold custody claims out of your hurt or angry feelings, hopefully you had an attorney by your side who was able to steer you towards making sound decisions for the sake of your children. If you were not so lucky, you may have a parenting time plan in place that might work in the short term, but down the road is at risk of imploding when schedules clash and you start showing up late for pick-ups (or not at all), or put your kids in situations in which they lack proper care and supervision.

Yes, it can take time for any co-parenting family to settle into a new school year routine. Still, take some time this month to give your parenting time plan an honest assessment. Does it reflect your need to punish your former spouse or your child’s needs to have a calm, stable school year with love and support from both parents? If your self-assessment reveals a parenting time plan that could use some tweaks, check in with an attorney to learn more about child custody modification, which you and your former spouse may be able to renegotiate on your own terms.

Does Your Parenting Time Plan Reflect Your Children’s Ages, Activities & Needs?
When you decided on a child custody arrangement, you probably took into consideration a number of factors such as your children’s ages, personalities and developmental needs; your careers and outside commitments; child care and the geographical distance between parents’ homes; and your children’s academic and extracurricular activities.

What is important to remember is that children can change, sometimes dramatically, in only the space of a few months. For example, maybe your child will discover their passion for soccer this year and now have practice and home and away games most of the week. Or perhaps your child will unfortunately hit a stumbling block in math and benefit from after school tutoring. Or maybe you will get a promotion at work with more pay — and more hours. On the other hand, perhaps your child is now in preschool or kindergarten and can handle more frequent transitions between parental homes. Or your child recently developed a health or medical need that makes staying in one home preferable.

As inevitable changes occur for your child (or for you or your former spouse), keep track of how they may affect your parenting time plan. For example, if your child has back-to-back tutoring and then sports practice after school, does it still make sense to schedule a dinner together on the same night? Or could a different plan benefit your child?

Parenting time plans are binding, so if you and your former spouse mutually agree to make permanent changes to the schedule that you believe are your child’s best interests, you will need to submit these changes to the courts. Also be aware that if you informally cede parenting time to your former spouse on a regular basis, your former spouse could go to court seeking to have these changes incorporated, with or without your consent.

Are You and Your Former Spouse Able to Maintain Communication?
Finally, a make or break issue for many parenting time plans is how well co-parents can communicate with each other to keep their schedule on track and workable for all involved. Something as simple as arranging to text each other with neutral comments to confirm pick ups and drops offs (i.e., “Will be at bus stop at 4 pm on Friday”) can go a long ways towards creating a positive co-parenting relationship. There are even divorce apps to help co-parents stay on the same page. All you need to do is upload your current parenting time plan and the app will send you both reminders of who needs to be where and when. Or go low-tech by using a notebook that you pass back and forth during custody swaps with notes on how your child is doing and other messages.

The bottom line? Consider it your ongoing homework assignment this year to gauge how well your parenting time plan is working, and whether you are doing your part to make it work. One last point to keep in mind? The old “dog ate my homework” excuse doesn’t apply when it comes to parenting your kids.

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.




Divorce – The Huffington Post

Need to File for a Divorce!

3 Ways To Become Irresistible To Women

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Getting Divorced? 6 Ways You Have to ‘Let It Go’

If you spend time around young kids, you’ve probably heard Disney’s Frozen soundtrack more times than you can count. But have you ever really listened to the lyrics of “Let It Go,” the mega-hit song from that film? Elsa, the feisty heroine of the story, sings: “Let it go, let it go/ Can’t hold it back anymore. Let it go, let it go/ Turn away and slam the door.”

If you’re going to survive the inevitable challenges, hurts, and tough decisions you’ll face during a divorce, you’d be wise to take Elsa’s advice. Here are 6 things you’ll have to “let go” if you want to move forward with your life:

  1. People who don’t support you. There’s an old saying: “If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.” When you go through difficult times, you find out who’s really in your corner. Some friends and relatives who you thought would always be there for you will end up abandoning you. Others, including some folks you don’t think of as part of your inner circle, will step up and offer astonishing amounts of support, kindness and sage advice. Until you experience tough times, you really don’t know who will fall into which camp. Once it becomes clear that a particular person just isn’t there for you (or may even be working against you), you need to let them go. Concentrate on keeping the positive people in your life and actively seek out new friends who share your interests and sensibilities. (And remember, friendship is a 2-way proposition. Make sure you reach out to those around you who need a helping hand).
  2. Anger. Buddha said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” A divorce involves so many hurts and frustrations that it provides an unlimited supply of grist for the “anger mill.” Anger is an essential part of the grieving and recovery process, so these feelings are understandable and — to a point — useful. However, eventually your wrath will outlive its usefulness. It will work against you, poisoning your spirit and preventing you from living a full life. Acknowledge your anger, then work through it by accepting responsibility for your own life. Consciously decide to move on, to be happy and positive instead of bitter and miserable.
  3. Paralyzing Fear. Fear is a basic human emotion; it’s built into our DNA because it is required for our survival as individuals and as a species. What’s tricky is figuring out how to distinguish between circumstances that are truly threatening and those that merely bring us out of our comfort zone. Artist Georgia O’Keefe said: “I’ve been absolutely terrified every moment of my life — and I’ve never let it keep me from doing a single thing I’ve wanted to do.” Ask yourself: “What do I want to do that I’m afraid to do?” Chances are, the thing that you fear most is the very thing you really need to do. Start small, then work up to your biggest bugaboo. There is no limit to what you can accomplish once you let go of fear.
  4. Bad habits. When we feel upset or frustrated, it’s easy to fall into toxic habits. Think of these as a modern day version of “the 7 deadly sins:” gluttony (overindulgence in food, alcohol, or drugs), sloth (isolation and lack of exercise), envy (wanting what others have, which inevitably leads to self-pity), pride (inability to ask for help when you need it), lust (looking for love in all the wrong places), wrath (lashing out at others), and greed (focusing on what you lack instead of what you have). Obviously, none of these “sins” will serve you well. Let them go and replace them with their virtuous counterparts: temperance, exercise, socialization, kindness, generosity, love, and above all, gratitude.
  5. Possessions that weigh you down. In her best-selling book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: the Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing, Marie Kondo advises, “The best way to choose what to keep and what to throw away is to take each item in one’s hand and ask: ‘Does this spark joy?’ If it does, keep it. If not, dispose of it.” Look around you: are you surrounded by depressing mementos of your past? Do you live among objects that not only don’t bring you joy, but cause you pain and distress? Let them go. Pass the family photos along to your children. Replace the linens and towels you once shared with your spouse. Sell the jewelry your husband gave you. Use eBay or Craigslist to get rid of the fancy wedding china that you never use. Donate any outdated or ill-fitting clothing. Have a big yard sale and use the proceeds to buy new furnishings for your fabulous new life.
  6. Your old vision of the future. This last item is really tough. One of my favorite quotes comes from philosopher Joseph Campbell: “We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.” Your post-divorce life may be radically different from the life you once expected, so you’ll have to refocus your vision to match your new circumstances. Divorce initiates major life changes, many of which are extremely unwelcome and difficult to accept. You may be forced to leave your “dream” home, your income may decrease, and you may have to redefine how you and your children spend the holidays. Events you once blissfully looked forward to — growing old with your spouse, sitting side by side at your children’s weddings, hosting your grandchildren together — probably aren’t going to happen. And you will definitely have to learn how to depend more on yourself. It’s not easy, but if you want to be happy, you’ll have to let go of the old image of your life and replace it with an exciting new vision of your own design.

Alexander Graham Bell once said: “When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”

Don’t waste time focusing on what’s behind you. Take Elsa’s advice: turn away and slam the door. You’ll find a new door in front of you — the door that leads to your future happy life. Don’t be afraid to open it!

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.




Divorce – The Huffington Post

Need to File for a Divorce!

The Great Ground Beef Scare of 2015: 5 Easy Ways to Protect Yourself

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Symba Ft. Marc E. Bassy – “Stuck In My Ways”

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8 Easy Ways to Guarantee Your Wedding Pictures Don’t Suck

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3 Clever Ways To Make a Guy Attracted To You

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3 Ways to Increase Positivity With Your Wardrobe Mindset

How many times have you walked into your closet and thought, “I have nothing to wear” all while you’re staring at a closet that is overflowing with clothes? You then frantically search for an outfit that ends up being the same old thing you always wear, but because you’re running low on time, you just deal with it and go on with your day.

This frantic minute or two is impacting your entire day. By starting the day with a negative thought, you block your own ability to make this day the best one yet. If you start your morning with a positive mindset, you open yourself up to more positivity throughout the day. This leads to greater clarity on what your desires are and how you will achieve them. If you’re ready to add more positivity and clarity into your day, it’s time to start with the one thing that you do every single morning- getting dressed.

Detox Your Closet

Every morning you pick out an outfit and get dressed, regardless of how much time and effort you put into it. With an activity that happens so frequently in your life, it’s important to make sure that it’s not creating a negative impact on your day. The fastest way to add more joy and positivity into your day is by identifying the parts of your daily routine that are chaotic and stressful and eliminating or adjusting them so that they better serve you. By eliminating the frustrations that you have with your wardrobe, you will feel excited about what’s inside your closet door.

The best way to detox your closet is to start with baby steps. Give yourself small challenges either daily or weekly. If you’re planning to do a major closet cleanout, only do this when you know you have the time to do it. A closet cleanout always looks scarier halfway through the process, so you want to make sure you have time to complete it because if not, you’re going to have a giant pile of clothes haunting you for the rest of the weekend.

One of my favorite detox tips is to wear a pair of shoes that you haven’t worn in a while. At the end of the day, ask yourself this, “did you fall in love with them all over again?” If so, by all means keep them! However, if you realized you haven’t been wearing them because they’re uncomfortable or don’t go with any of your outfits, it’s time to get rid of them TODAY. If you plan on donating or reselling clothes or shoes, never put them back in your closet. Set them aside so that you make it a priority to get them out the door!

Define Your Signature Style

When you define your signature style, you know exactly what to wear because you know what pieces of clothing represent your best self. When you are dressed as the best version of yourself, you radiate confidence.

Defining your signature style is not about incorporating the latest trends into your outfit. It’s about identifying what colors and silhouettes you feel best in. When you look and feel your best, the rest of the world sees this.

A great way to identify what colors and silhouettes look best on you without hiring a personal stylist is simple. Here’s something you can do today: head over to your Facebook profile pictures. These pictures were chosen by you as representation of how you want the world to see you, so it’s a good indicator on what outfits you feel confident in. Take a look at each picture and ask yourself which colors and style of clothes suit you best. Hint: it’s important to look past the trends. Just because something isn’t in style anymore doesn’t mean that the color doesn’t look amazing on you!

Open Room for Clarity and Positivity

By eliminating your wardrobe frustrations and curating your closet so that you only have pieces that best represent you, you’ve opened up space that was once taken up by negative thoughts. You’ve saved yourself from a frantic and chaotic morning! This is going to open room in your life for those moments of clarity. The less you are focused on the things that aren’t going right, the more you can focus on all that you can achieve. And when you live this mindset everyday, you know that your goals are achievable. When you have a positive and clear mindset, asking for a raise or moving to a brand new city is no longer as scary as it once was. You see the outcome in the most positive way, knowing that you are acting on this decision because it’s what serves you best, instead of focusing on all of the things that could go wrong.

In the time that you used to spend searching for something in your closet, take this newfound time for a positive thought or think about what you’re grateful for that morning. By regaining control over your morning through your closet, you are bringing in positivity, allowing yourself to focus your energy on achieving your desires.

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5 Days, 5 Ways: How to Style Pleated Skirts Without Looking Like a Schoolgirl

Yes, pleats!

Pleated skirts, especially those in the midi to ankle length category, can oftentimes feel either dowdy and dated or too prim and proper, so we wind up bailing on the trend…


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5 Ways to Style Culottes According to Actress Ashley Madekwe

Fall’s new culottes are crisp, tailored, and nothing like a skort. Actress Ashley Madekwe shows us how to wear them well.
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5 Easy Ways to Elevate Your “Mom Style”

Being a mom is hard work! We have a million and one things to worry about and honestly our style is often at the bottom of that list. Here are five ways to easily keep up with your style as an on-the-go mom!

Go To Summer Outfits
I’ll admit I hate the term “mom style,” but there are definitely go-to outfits in my closet for certain occasions. This post covers my must have looks for moms.
2015-08-07-1438970788-9660076-GoToMomOutfitsforSummerFeatured600x303.jpg
Boots For Summer
I love wearing boots but summertime isn’t the best weather for them. That is until until you find the perfect peep-toe bootie for all seasons!
2015-08-07-1438970808-1250830-BootsforSummerFeatured600x303.jpg
Bathing Suits For Moms
If you’re a mom you know there’s a difference between the bathing suit you wear frolicking on the beach with your main squeeze, and the one you wear headed to the water park with a brood of children.
2015-08-07-1438970870-2045643-RachelHollisBathingSuitforMomsFeatured600x303.jpg
How To Style A Vintage Scarf
I love almost anything vintage! Here’s how I style my favorite vintage scarves I’ve collected over the years.
2015-08-07-1438970896-3438256-ScarfFeatured600x303.jpg
Style Your Hair Between Washes
Want to know a secret? I don’t wash my hair every day and neither should you! Try some of my tricks to styling between washes.
2015-08-07-1438970837-9110584-StyleDirtyHair600x303.jpg

Need a laugh? Watch these Momfessions:
My Two Year Old Is A Jerk
Sometimes I Hide From My Kids

BONUS Mom Posts:
I Cut My Toddlers Hair
I’m Not Like Other Moms

For more great content hop on over to The Chic Site now! You can also follow me on Facebook and Instagram!
2015-08-07-1438972160-3263575-Signature.jpg Need a good read? Buy my books HERE!

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Fall 2015’s Most Versatile Trend Is the Suede Skirt: 17 Ways to Style It

The suede skirt might be our favorite part of the '70s trend that's swinging in for fall 2015. Whether done as a mini or midi, the luxe material (real or faux) has the ability to…


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6 Ways to Transform Your Life Before Labor Day

The summer sales are underway. And while we wait for the September Vogue to strut down the runway, there’s a change in the air. A sense of possibility and reinvention that could make our back-to-work, back-to-school return to reality a pleasure, not a chore.

Can you spell makeover? Here’s how to get your transformation started.

Wardrobe makeover. Take a good look at your clothes — the seen and unseen (like underwear). Try stuff on. Toss what’s old and un-repairable, donate what save-able but no longer right for you and organize the rest — by color or by use (work or weekend) or by type (skirts, shirts, shoes). Combine elements in new ways then photograph them for easy reference. What are your go-to garments and accessories? What are the holes that could be filled with this year’s must-haves? A closet cleanse is about more than clothes. It’s a zen way to organize your thoughts for the season ahead.

Make-up makeover. Re-think your look. Maybe it’s time for bangs or highlights. Or not. The point is to have a little fun and try something new. Change up your cosmetics too. (In-store make-up artists are your friends.) A fresh face can give you a fresh new outlook and boost your self-esteem.

Workout makeover. Seasonal change can be hard on the body and mind. Put yourself out there with new exercise programs that challenge your muscles and mental agility. You can do it solo, in classes or with a workout buddy and track your progress with wearable tech or an app. But the point is to, um, “just do it.”

Food makeover. Take advantage of the fall harvest and experiment with new recipes and healthy cooking methods. A little advance preparation can also go a long way to keeping you energized and immune to the cravings that up-end even the strongest willpower.

Sleep makeover. Power down those devices (and monkey mind) and support your sleep with a mindfulness or meditation practice. Without proper rest, you just can’t think straight and when your mind is muddled, your body is too.

Spiritual makeover. Enrich your life by committing to something bigger than you. Local nonprofits are always looking for smart and passionate volunteers so if you’re feeling stuck, this may be a good place to start. Or take a course, join a meet-up, adopt an animal. Anything to get yourself out of your head and into a more enlightened, fulfilled state of mind.

Fall is a great time to set a mid-course correction on the journey to your best { self }. What’s on your transformation agenda?

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Style – The Huffington Post
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14 Ways You Can Wear Your Favorite White Jeans From Summer in the Fall

Welcome to fall 2015 Denim Week! This week, we’ll be highlighting the season’s hottest trends, tons of must-try outfit ideas, and expert tips on how to choose the best jeans for your shape. Keep checking…


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18 Ways Andy Dwyer Perfectly Captures Being A Recent Grad

Andy Dwyer perfectly personifies the inner struggle of a recent graduate.
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4 Ways to Tie Your Hair Up for the Weekend: Behati Prinsloo, Alexa Chung, and More

Amanda Norgaard instagram

Brimming with sunny charm, headscarves are a little bit like straw hats: effortless in theory, but tricky to pull off in real life. But judging by our favorite vacationing Insta beauties, the secret to working an irreverent bow or colorful swath of fabric into your hair comes down to one easy rule: Keep it simple. Behati Prinsloo stayed cool and protected her highlights with a gauzy solid number, and over in Uruguay, model Amanda Norgaard reminded us why Montevideo is known as the St.-Tropez of South America with a wide headband slipped over her salty knot and an Aperol in hand. Meanwhile, a poolside Rihanna found a heat wave–ready accessory in a printed silk scarf that was knotted at the front with her spiraling bangs spilling out, and Alexa Chung dressed up a split-second updo with a cheerful bow. Just in time the weekend, here are four selfie-tested hair upgrades made for a sun-soaked retreat.

The post 4 Ways to Tie Your Hair Up for the Weekend: Behati Prinsloo, Alexa Chung, and More appeared first on Vogue.

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13 Ways Apple Will Probably Fuck Up The Release Of Dr. Dre’s New Album

13 Ways Apple Will Probably Fuck Up The Release Of Dr. Dre's New Album

13 Ways Apple Will Probably Fuck Up T…
Apple has a history of bungling big music releases, so here’s a few ways Apple could possibly do it again.
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5 Days, 5 Ways: How to Wear White Pants With Confidence

You know what they say about women who wear white pants… They are fashion risk-takers!

That’s right—what may look like a simple closet staple is actually quite difficult…


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The Polo Shirt is Back! 13 Ways To Style The Classic This Fall

It’s official: the polo shirt is back and better than ever. Through the decades, the collared top may have drifted in and out of popularity, but its staying power is undeniable. From Ralph Lauren and…


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One Classic Dish, Five Ways

Whether you’re planning a wedding reception, bridal shower or backyard event, classic white dishware can be an instrumental piece to creating your beautiful tabletop. Its friendly-to-look-at, amorphous character makes it suitable to be used in a variety of ways. We were able to develop five distinct styles with white dishware as the centerpiece, classified below as rustic, vintage, traditional, modern and storybook.

We teamed up with celebrity florist, Mark Held, and vintage rental wonder, Laura Meyers, to bring this project to life. Seek inspiration from some of our favorite industry pros, and voila: You’ll have a tabletop detailed to perfection!

Rustic

2015-08-05-1438808083-5093203-Rustic_012.jpg

To pull off the rustic vibe with cachet, we paired classic blue glass with white china and complemented them with robust fruit and flowers. The wooden flatware added a layer of casualness, instilled the overall design with an outdoors, orchard-inspired feel. So simple and timeless!
2015-08-05-1438808214-3965034-Rustic_007.jpg

The team at Mark’s Garden played with colorful florals and varieties of garden roses, citrus, strawberries and viburnum. By way of jaunty, vibrant colors, the end effect was flashy but also had a serene and complete feel to it.

Vintage

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With the vintage look, the objective was to create something simply irresistible that took the party back in time. We went retro by using Nemadji pottery, which served as the perfect backdrop to Love Detailed’s copper mugs and plastic glassware.
2015-08-05-1438808320-5421617-Vintage_004.jpg

Colorful glass and vintage fabrics were the main elements used to develop the vintage look in floral. Alluring but muted tones of lavender, pink and ivory created what seemed to be French Impressionist’s painter’s pallet on this table.

Traditional

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A classic look that no wedding lover will ever be disappointed with! We appreciated this theme for its understated formality, and chose to use gentle, soft colors rather than loud ones. We combined the white landscape with gorgeous La Tavola linen, then added Dish Wish marble candlesticks, iridescent stemware and Love Detailed milk glasses. By using silver flatware and gold-rimmed plates, we doubled down on the design’s lush elegance.
2015-08-05-1438808412-8287231-Traditional_008.jpg

When going for the traditional look, there’s a whole array of reliable options that have delighted wedding guests for decades. We referred to some of them here, going with white lilac, ranunculus, tulips — imbuing the table with elegant hues of white all the more.

Modern

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The modern look required a methodical use of color and ornaments. The pivotal decision was the inclusion of the Lucite Love Detailed napkin rings, which we accented with bold, contemporary metal. We created a sensational concoction between Love Detailed’s copper votives, Dish Wish’s brass candlesticks and flatware, and Mark Garden’s gold vessels.
2015-08-05-1438808512-9091486-Modern_013.jpg

Candlesticks and architectural containers in varied shades of gold made for the perfect balance to the dark dishware. For florals, we rocked an amalgamation of white, soft blush, marsala — Patatone’s color of the year — and touches of black to highlight the essential use of black in this modern theme.

Storybook

2015-08-05-1438808542-7634825-Storybook_005.jpg

In this design we created a surreal visage, fusing elements of white, navy and gold, and even a shade of jadeite. We fell in love with the blue sequin here, both for its texture and its sparkle against the gold flatware and dish rims. The marble chargers from BBJ Linen made for a jaw-dropping juxtaposition to the flashy tablecloth and mercury glass vessels. Lastly, we tied it together with organic blackberries.
2015-08-05-1438808567-5725614-Storybook_009.jpg

Dreamy elements served as a source of inspiration for the Storybook look. We used several whimsical and ethereal flowers, like immature hydrangea, anemones, ranunculus, brunia berries and helleborus. Planted atop navy linen sequin by La Tavola, Mark’s Garden left its acclaimed insignia on this design.

photo cred: Jodee Debes Photography

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Style – The Huffington Post
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Skin Stenciling: Creative Ways to Make Your Mark

Learn how to mark your submissive’s skin with marks (not markers), in a deliberate, artistic manner that remains distinctly visible for hours but is non-permanent. Danarama shows you the obscure but long-practiced craft and skill of stenciling through impact play. Stencil shapes you cut from sheets of craft foam, or by placing padded decals, you can use various impact implements, such a paddles, hair brushes, even a riding crop to raise a temporary welt on your partner’s skin the shape of your stencil. Stencil numbers, Your name, animal shapes, logos, and more right onto their but cheeks, arms, chest, belly, or legs. Surprisingly little pain is required to make results that last for hours, and then disappear. Also learn stenciling with cut-out paddles and advanced techniques for stenciling using carefully-applied sparks from a violet wand.
Kink University Gallery Update

14 Ways to Air-Dry Your Hair (No Matter Your Hair Type)

It’s true: We’ve found the best techniques for air-drying your hair in beachy waves, polished bends, and pretty spirals. Each and every one has been vetted and perfected—by celebrities (such as the Olsens), their hairstylists, and the Allure editors who’d rather be on the beach than holed up in a bathroom blow-drying their hair this summer.
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6 Ways To Add Blueberries To Your Beauty Routine (Besides Eating Them)

While perusing the produce at our local farmer’s market, our mouths start watering the very second we see baskets of blueberries. We love making fruit salads and smoothies with this delicious fruit, especially since we learned that it works wonders for our skin and hair.

According to board-certified dermatologist and psychiatrist Dr. Amy Wechsler, blueberries contain antioxidants, essential fatty acids, and vitamins A, B, C and E. These nutrients can improve skin hydration, protect against free radicals that contribute to signs of aging and help increase circulation, which leads to a radiant glow. 

The vitamin B complex in blueberries also helps with hair growth, says Tabasum Mir, a skincare physician in cosmetic dermatology and cosmetic laser surgery. She explains, “Think about when you’re trying to grow hair … most people take folate and vitamin B. It helps with maintaining healthy hair, skin and nails.” Mir adds that topical application of blueberry allows it to goes directly into the skin. 

Just don’t be easily fooled by beauty products that claim to be made with blueberries. “You really need to look at the ingredients,” says Mir. “If it looks like a recipe book and blueberry is listed at the end, it’s probably very little of it there.”

Since July is National Blueberry Month, we’ve rounded up six beauty-boosting products that are loaded with this super fruit. 

Related on HuffPost:

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Style – The Huffington Post
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7 Ways to Be the Superhero of Your Divorce

We don’t want divorce to bring out the worst in us, but it has a way of doing just that. Before your own divorce, perhaps you looked at other divorcing couples with a critical eye. Or thought some version of, “I just don’t get what all the excitement’s about. It’s a divorce, people. Keep it together.” You did this because you had absolutely no idea what it meant to divorce until, well, you did. And now you wonder how you’ll ever get through this. One way is to summon your inner superhero (yes, you have one) to help you navigate these choppy waters and guide you to saner land.

Start by giving your divorce superhero a name: Resilient Rita or Strong Sam will do. Then, when you’re tempted to crumble into a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, or send that scathing email to your in-laws, or tell your ex you never, ever loved him/her, ask what your superhero would do. Because your superhero (who is, in essence, your best self) makes better, clearer decisions than you — and, with some focus and effort, will swoop you up and save you from plunging into the burning detritus of divorce.

Here are ways to be the superhero of your divorce:

1) Protect the innocents. Your kids don’t need to know what uglies transpired between their parents. Instead, decide together on the party line and then stick to it. “We’ve been unhappy for a long time,” or “We’ve done everything we can and we still can’t make it work,” should suffice. It’s tempting to paint their other parent as a schmuck, but this will ultimately make you the villain. Kids will resent the parent who tried to poison them against the other one because, as they grow into adults, they realize it takes two to tango. Eventually, they will be embittered by your lack of appropriateness and failure to shield them from grownup-only business.

2) Be careful and fair in your dealings. It’s tempting to rush through a divorce especially when the marriage has long been in decline. Instead, take a breath and slow down. A couple more months will not end you. Negotiate in good faith. When you’re ready to sign, have other eyes on your agreement. If you can, have another divorce lawyer or mediator do a second read-through. Or ask a smart, divorced friend to take a peek. Treat your divorce like a serious medical diagnosis. Wouldn’t you get a second opinion even if you trusted your physician?

3) Stick with your superhero friends. The whole neighborhood shouldn’t know the dirty details of your split. And, remember, there are parents out there who may not be so careful when gossiping about your divorce in front of their own kids. Don’t tell anyone you don’t completely trust with anything you wouldn’t want your kids to find out. Little pitchers have big ears, and you never want to hear from your kids, “Well, Ashley’s mom said you and dad divorced because…”

4) Don’t re-wreak havoc. Very few marriages end peacefully. There may be awful fights, affairs, or addictions involved. There may be threats lobbed about money and/or the kids. People say lots of crazy stuff during this time. Try not to join their ranks. And don’t keep replaying (and retelling) the worst details of your spouse’s behaviors. You already know how they made you feel. Why rip the bandaid off countless times over? You know this isn’t healthy. And it doesn’t change a thing.

5) Stay the course. Or discover a better one. This probably isn’t the time to quit a good job or move if you can help it. Divorce is a big enough change. Give yourself — and your kids — a chance to adjust. Conversely, if the stress of divorce has you in an awful eating/drinking/not exercising slump, it’s time to be the superhero of your well-being and make positive changes.

6) Tell the truth, the whole truth. Have you ever heard of a superhero who didn’t? It’s so easy to place the blame fully on your ex-spouse. But, if you haven’t noticed, that’s really not making you feel any better. Instead, tell yourself the real story of the marriage, the one in which you also had a starring role. The goal here is to understand yourself in relationships. If you’re not honest with yourself now, you will take that same oblivious person (you!) into another relationship which will also likely fail.

7) Build a superhero legacy. The chaotic phase of divorce will pass, although it may not seem that way right now. How do you want to remember your behaviors during this difficult time? How do you want your children, friends, and family to remember how you managed this transition? Feel all the feelings but manage them appropriately. Maintain your dignity and your self-respect. Save yourself and those you love from future embarrassment and pain. Because that’s what superheroes do.

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.



Divorce – The Huffington Post

Need to File for a Divorce!

7 Ways to Be the Superhero of Your Divorce

We don’t want divorce to bring out the worst in us, but it has a way of doing just that. Before your own divorce, perhaps you looked at other divorcing couples with a critical eye. Or thought some version of, “I just don’t get what all the excitement’s about. It’s a divorce, people. Keep it together.” You did this because you had absolutely no idea what it meant to divorce until, well, you did. And now you wonder how you’ll ever get through this. One way is to summon your inner superhero (yes, you have one) to help you navigate these choppy waters and guide you to saner land.

Start by giving your divorce superhero a name: Resilient Rita or Strong Sam will do. Then, when you’re tempted to crumble into a pint of Ben and Jerrys, or send that scathing email to your in-laws, or tell your ex you never, ever loved him/her, ask what your superhero would do. Because your superhero (who is, in essence, your best self) makes better, clearer decisions than you — and, with some focus and effort, will swoop you up and save you from plunging into the burning detritus of divorce.

Here are ways to be the superhero of your divorce:

1) Protect the innocents. Your kids don’t need to know what uglies transpired between their parents. Instead, decide together on the party line and then stick to it. “We’ve been unhappy for a long time,” or “We’ve done everything we can and we still can’t make it work,” should suffice. It’s tempting to paint their other parent as a schmuck, but this will ultimately make you the villain. Kids will resent the parent who tried to poison them against the other one because, as they grow into adults, they realize it takes two to tango. Eventually, they will be embittered by your lack of appropriateness and failure to shield them from grownup-only business.

2) Be careful and fair in your dealings. It’s tempting to rush through a divorce especially when the marriage has long been in decline. Instead, take a breath and slow down. A couple more months will not end you. Negotiate in good faith. When you’re ready to sign, have other eyes on your agreement. If you can, have another divorce lawyer or mediator do a second read-through. Or ask a smart, divorced friend to take a peek. Treat your divorce like a serious medical diagnosis. Wouldn’t you get a second opinion even if you trusted your physician?

3) Stick with your superhero friends. The whole neighborhood shouldn’t know the dirty details of your split. And, remember, there are parents out there who may not be so careful when gossiping about your divorce in front of their own kids. Don’t tell anyone you don’t completely trust with anything you wouldn’t want your kids to find out. Little pitchers have big ears, and you never want to hear from your kids, “Well, Ashley’s mom said you and dad divorced because…”

4) Don’t re-wreak havoc. Very few marriages end peacefully. There may be awful fights, affairs, or addictions involved. There may be threats lobbed about money and/or the kids. People say lots of crazy stuff during this time. Try not to join their ranks. And don’t keep replaying (and retelling) the worst details of your spouse’s behaviors. You already know how they made you feel. Why rip the bandaid off countless times over? You know this isn’t healthy. And it doesn’t change a thing.

5) Stay the course. Or discover a better one. This probably isn’t the time to quit a good job or move if you can help it. Divorce is a big enough change. Give yourself — and your kids — a chance to adjust. Conversely, if the stress of divorce has you in an awful eating/drinking/not exercising slump, it’s time to be the superhero of your well-being and make positive changes.

6) Tell the truth, the whole truth. Have you ever heard of a superhero who didn’t? It’s so easy to place the blame fully on your ex-spouse. But, if you haven’t noticed, that’s really not making you feel any better. Instead, tell yourself the real story of the marriage, the one in which you also had a starring role. The goal here is to understand yourself in relationships. If you’re not honest with yourself now, you will take that same oblivious person (you!) into another relationship which will also likely fail.

7) Build a superhero legacy. The chaotic phase of divorce will pass, although it may not seem that way right now. How do you want to remember your behaviors during this difficult time? How do you want your children, friends, and family to remember how you managed this transition? Feel all the feelings but manage them appropriately. Maintain your dignity and your self-respect. Save yourself and those you love from future embarrassment and pain. Because that’s what superheroes do.

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.



Divorce – The Huffington Post

Need to File for a Divorce!

Skin Stenciling: Creative Ways to Make Your Mark

Learn how to mark your submissive’s skin with marks (not markers), in a deliberate, artistic manner that remains distinctly visible for hours but is non-permanent. Danarama shows you the obscure but long-practiced craft and skill of stenciling through impact play. Stencil shapes you cut from sheets of craft foam, or by placing padded decals, you can use various impact implements, such a paddles, hair brushes, even a riding crop to raise a temporary welt on your partner’s skin the shape of your stencil. Stencil numbers, Your name, animal shapes, logos, and more right onto their but cheeks, arms, chest, belly, or legs. Surprisingly little pain is required to make results that last for hours, and then disappear. Also learn stenciling with cut-out paddles and advanced techniques for stenciling using carefully-applied sparks from a violet wand.
Kink University Gallery Update

9 Ways To Live Life To The Fullest After Divorce That Cost Absolutely Nothing

After you’ve trudged through the divorce process, few things sound better than a long, relaxing vacation. 

But who has the money for that after paying lawyer fees? Since most of us aren’t financially secure enough to travel the world a la Eat, Pray, Love, we’ve round up nine ways to live your best life after divorce that cost nothing. 

1.  Make a point to jot down the little things that bring you joy. 

After her divorce, reader Terri Shook took the time to count her blessings — even if they were sometimes hard to find. 

 ”I took time every day to appreciate something, even if it was just being grateful for the day being over,” she said. “Some days were harder than others but I kept a running Facebook note and added to it every night. It helped me stay focused on the positive and on the days when nothing seemed to be going right, it was a mental lifesaver.” 

2. Choose happiness. 

For most of her marriage, writer Shelley Wetton put her own well-being and happiness on the back burner. After wallowing in her own post-split misery for “way too long,” Wetton said two books helped her gain some much-needed perspective: The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama (“It taught me that happiness resided within me all along”) and The Year of Magical Thinking, Joan Didion’s memoir chronicling the death of her husband and the grave health problems her daughter faced around the same time. 

“I was reminded of how blessed I was despite divorce,” she said. “My child and I were healthy and I had a career I loved. Changing perspective costs nothing but the time to reflect and find gratitude.”  

3. Watch a horror movie (or a rom-com or a historical drama — whatever genre you’re into).

When healing after divorce seemed damn near impossible, Craig Tomashoff grabbed a glass of Chianti and called in moral support in the form of Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers. 

 “Seriously, I found solace in binge-watching every possible slasher, zombie, monster or demon movie I could find on Netflix,” the writer said. “Even the friendliest of divorces still leave you nervously obsessive about your past, bitter about being alone and uncertain about your purpose in life — and movies distract you from your problems for a few hours. And no matter how dark the world has turned, horror movie heroes just want to survive.”

 

Plus, he added, “zombies charge way less for a couple hours of therapy than a psychologist.” 

 

4.  Give meditation a chance. 

In the wake of her divorce, writer Carolyn Flower devoted 30 minutes every morning to meditation and journaling. Looking back now, she said the practice was her “lifeline.” 

“I was able to identify solutions to challenges from within,” she said. “I made this commitment to myself which turned out to be a beautiful gift. The more I recognized the many aspects in my life I was grateful for, the more things showed up for which to be grateful! Gratitude is contagious.” 

 5. Take a long, hot bath. 

Karin Schott’s perfect post-split therapy? The ritual of a nightly bath: filling the tub with hot water, pouring in bath oils and turning on some Joni Mitchell or Van Morrison to set the mood. 

“For me, it’s all about returning to my body,” she said. ”I can go out running but that can be hard on my body. I can walk but I find I can be too much in my head, chewing on things that I should just spit out. But the bath is a way to relax and be kind to myself for the cost of a little hot water. It was always the friend waiting for me at the end of a difficult day.”

 6. Pencil in some time with friends.

Reaching out to friends who knew you before you married your ex will remind you that there’s life outside of marriage. But it’s also important to find friends who are experiencing divorce themselves, said reader Amy Kathleen Nordmeyer. 

“I joined the girls’ night out group sponsored for free by my attorney’s law firm in Virginia Beach, Virginia,” said Nordmeyer. “It was a monthly event — and out of that group some of us formed our own secret group that hangs out together as well. It’s great.” 

7. Go for a run.

Anne-Marie Feliks Paddock admitted running was never her exercise of choice. She found it slow going and figured she wasn’t cut out for it physically. But something changed after her divorce.

“I decided to do something I didn’t believe I could — running,” she said. “It proved to me and continues to prove to me that I am more than I think I am and helps me develop self-esteem. I run for me: to beat myself and to keep conquering my fears.”

8. Date yourself. 

Can’t get a date? Who needs one! After her separation, divorce coach Lindsey Ellison said she looked forward to her weekly date nights all by her not-so-lonesome. Sometimes, her solo date was simply cracking open a bottle of champagne and ordering sushi but it went a long way in helping her heal, she said. 

“When you get used to spending time with just yourself, you will no longer feel the urge to run out and potentially meet the wrong person,” she said. “And when you do meet someone, you will be so secure with who you are you won’t care if they come or go because you are having such a good time with yourself.”  

9. Smile. 

Yes, it may sound deceptively simple but reader Kristienne Michelle said making a conscious effort to smile more often helped her heal. 

“I just smiled: When I felt sad, when I felt angry, when I was bored, when I was confused, I chose to smile,” she said. “Sometimes I smiled while tears fell. But I smiled. Eventually, the smile felt genuine and I was smiling because I was happy more than I was sad, angry or confused.” 

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7 Ways Olivia Palermo Pulls Off Tricky Prints

As far as we're concerned Olivia Palermo is like a walking Pinterest board. The well-dressed social swan and website owner is full of style and outfit ideas, offering endless inspiration for solving the trickiest of…


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Skin Stenciling: Creative Ways to Make Your Mark

Learn how to mark your submissive’s skin with marks (not markers), in a deliberate, artistic manner that remains distinctly visible for hours but is non-permanent. Danarama shows you the obscure but long-practiced craft and skill of stenciling through impact play. Stencil shapes you cut from sheets of craft foam, or by placing padded decals, you can use various impact implements, such a paddles, hair brushes, even a riding crop to raise a temporary welt on your partner’s skin the shape of your stencil. Stencil numbers, Your name, animal shapes, logos, and more right onto their but cheeks, arms, chest, belly, or legs. Surprisingly little pain is required to make results that last for hours, and then disappear. Also learn stenciling with cut-out paddles and advanced techniques for stenciling using carefully-applied sparks from a violet wand.
Kink University Gallery Update

Skin Stenciling: Creative Ways to Make Your Mark

Learn how to mark your submissive’s skin with marks (not markers), in a deliberate, artistic manner that remains distinctly visible for hours but is non-permanent. Danarama shows you the obscure but long-practiced craft and skill of stenciling through impact play. Stencil shapes you cut from sheets of craft foam, or by placing padded decals, you can use various impact implements, such a paddles, hair brushes, even a riding crop to raise a temporary welt on your partner’s skin the shape of your stencil. Stencil numbers, Your name, animal shapes, logos, and more right onto their but cheeks, arms, chest, belly, or legs. Surprisingly little pain is required to make results that last for hours, and then disappear. Also learn stenciling with cut-out paddles and advanced techniques for stenciling using carefully-applied sparks from a violet wand.
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The departure follows a point of contention over delivering “commentary” on his ESPN2 program.

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Improv + Entrepreneurship: 5 Ways Improv Makes You Better in Business

I saw my first improv show back when I was in college at Northeastern in Boston. We’d trek to the North End to catch the late night show at Improv Asylum and each time, without fail, laugh our bums off.

Fast forward 5 years, I’m living in Norfolk, Virginia and spending my days as a Head Project Manager + Writer at Your Hot Copy. At the beginning of the year, I set some goals and declared that this would be the year I took an Improv class.

Why Improv? Lots of reasons.
The players all seemed to be having an awesome time. Getting on stage and making everything up as you go seemed scary as hell, but why let fear lead?
That little whispering intuitive voice in my head was telling me to (and that voice is pretty damn smart).

Because being self-employed can be LONELY. AS. HELL. But it doesn’t have to be. Taking a class that allows you to interact with others and be silly is a brilliant remedy for self-employed blues.

Ultimately, I chose to take Improv at Push Comedy Theater because I thought it would be fun. Little did I know it would teach me all sorts of business lessons, too.

  1. Follow the fun. When you’re lost and not sure what to do next on stage, the rule of thumb is to follow the fun. And let’s be real, if you’re not enjoying your work, what’s the point of being self-employed? Figure out what would be the most fun and satisfying for you to help others, DO THAT, the money will follow.
  2. LISTEN! Hearing and listening are two VERY different things. When you’re creating scenes with other players, you have to actively listen to what your partner is saying. Imagine what you might create if you really listened to your clients. What would you be inspired to create if you were truly listening?
  3. Yes and… is the first thing you learn in Improv. When someone speaks to you on stage, you have to respond with “Yes, and…”. This sets the foundation for you to build off of what the other person said. Try this in real life– it leaves people (ahem, like your clients) feeling listened to and affirmed rather than negated. Fun fact: people who are listened to feel more valued and perceive the listener as more valuable.
  4. Stop controlling and be in control. To create an exceptional scene in Improv, you have to start as a blank slate. This means, if you step off the back line to enter a scene with the intention of being Farmer Brown, you have to be ready to drop that idea the second your partner calls you Mom. You have to be comfortable living in the unknown for a little while because ultimately, that’s what gives you the power to create an amazing scene (and life).
  5. Don’t be afraid to fail. Here’s the thing, not every scene you do is gonna be a hit. Does that mean you shouldn’t do it? Hell no. It’s ok to fail. It’s ok to be vulnerable. It’s ok if all of your ideas don’t work. The important thing is to get up and do it again. Keep putting yourself out there, keep taking chances. When you’re most vulnerable, when put it all out there regardless of the outcome, when you surrender to the vulnerability, that the real magic happens.

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13 Screen-Free Ways To Stimulate Your Child’s Mind

As a young child’s brain develops, trillions of connections are formed between brain cells and developed through such stimuli as light, color, smell and sound. These connections are vital to learning: The more connections a child has, the faster he or she can process information. Many experts believe that by stimulating an infant’s senses through an enriched environment, you can quite possibly increase his or her IQ. Here are 13 ways to create a mentally stimulating environment for your child:

1. Hold your baby frequently. In a recent research study, the findings showed that the more a baby was touched by the parent, the less likely that infant would develop attention deficit problems later in childhood.

2. Use expressive facial gestures. Infants respond to parents whose facial expressions are more animated. In one experiment, babies turned away from mothers with dull facial expressions, but turned toward those whose faces were more expressive.

3. Do wordplay games in the form of rhymes or songs that you make up with your child. This activity encourages the development of language skills.

4. Cut the captions off cartoons; create new captions with your child in order to boost thinking skills and creativity.

5. Have your child read age-appropriate stories out loud from newspapers or magazines.

6. Take your children to appropriate cultural events throughout the year, such as plays and concerts.

7. Limit your children’s computer time, unless they are doing schoolwork that requires the use of the computer.

8. Travel to new places, including local museums. While on vacation, take them on tours of interesting sights even if they don’t expect to like going.

9. Use dinnertime for mental stimulation. Encourage your children to talk about their day and express their viewpoints.

10. Sing lullabies to your infant; these stimulate the development of brain connections, particularly during the first three years of life.

11. Use complex, multi-clause sentences when talking to your children, such as, “I’m going to the grocery store because we need cereal for breakfast,” as opposed to simple, single-clause sentences such as, “Drink your milk.” Children who are exposed to more complex grammatical structure show a higher degree of language development.

12. Enroll your children in dance classes (if they show an interest), since dancing requires the memorization of specific movements — a mental activity that helps build brain connections.

13. Provide stimulating age-appropriate toys that invite interaction and thought. For infants, look for toys that engage as many of the five senses as possible (color, texture, sound, sight and smell). Toddlers benefit from balls, blocks, cars, pull toys, simple puzzles, musical instruments, and stuffed animals and dolls. From ages 3 to 5, children begin to use their imaginations, so encourage them with construction sets, washable crayons or markers, and modeling clay. From ages 6 to 9, building self-esteem is important. Hobby sets, sports toys, computer software, construction toys and books with uplifting messages all make good playthings, so do educational toys that promote problem-solving skills, such as counting, math games and more challenging board games. From ages 10 to 12, children need to develop independence, responsibility and self-expression. Your best bets are complex construction sets, age-appropriate board games, science kits and artwork kits.

Modified excerpt from Family First: Your Step-by-Step Plan For Creating a Phenomenal Family by Dr. Phil McGraw (Free Press, 2004) .

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How To Tie A Headwrap In Four Fabulous Ways

Headwraps have gradually started to take over the space in our closets once occupied by wide brim hats. It’s hard not to gravitate towards these accessories, especially in the summer when they help to keep our hair and scalp stylishly protected from the sun.

Celebrities such as Solange Knowles, Kourtney Kardashian and Eva Mendes are known for sporting beautiful headwraps. It’s not easy to recreate their perfect styles, though, so we teamed up with The Wrap Life founder Nnenna Stella to create easy headwrap tutorials featuring her gorgeous line of hand printed goods.

Check out the GIFs and step-by-step instructions below for four fabulous and fool-proof ways to tie a headwrap.

1. The Gigantic Bow

head wrap bow

head wrap bow

Step 1: Start by gathering your hair into a topknot. Place the headwrap at the back of your head, making sure the fabric is lowered to the nape of your neck. Then, pull ends towards the front.
Step 2: Tie the wrap into a knot at the center.
Step 3: Fold the fabric until it creates an oversized bow.
Step 4: Hide the ends of the wrap by tucking them into the bow flaps.

Shop the look: Shikasta

2. The Looped Headband

head wrap headband

head wrap headband

Step 1: Pull your locks up into a high bun or Afro puff. Fold the headwrap in half and place it at the back of your head before pulling ends towards the front.
Step 2: Tie the wrap into a double-knot at the center.
Step 3: Tuck the ends of the fabric underneath towards the nape of your neck.
Step 4: Slide the fabric back just enough until it has the feel of a headband.

Shop the look: Afia

3. The Spiral Headband

head wrap knot

head wrap knot

Step 1: Pull your hair into a high ponytail or bun. Fold the headwrap in half so that it’s lowered to the nape of your neck.
Step 2: Pull the fabric towards the front and off-center, then tie into a knot.
Step 3: Combine the two separate ends by twisting into one large spiral rope.
Step 4: Tuck the spiral on one side at the nape.

Shop the look: Zora

4. The Sophisticated Knot

head wrap knot

head wrap knot

Step 1: Style hair into cornrows or another slicked-back style. Fold the headwrap in half so that it’s lowered to the nape of your neck and covering your ears.
Step 2: Pull the fabric towards the front and tie into a double-knot.
Step 3: Tuck the ends of the fabric into wrap so your hair is completely covered.
Step 4: Lower the headwrap so that it sits comfortably.

Shop the look: Denim Demi


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6 Ways Your Divorce Is Harder Than It Needs to Be

Divorce is generally unpleasant. Oh sure, we all have that friend who sails through it with a smile on their face and a spring in their step, never exhibiting an outward moment of hesitation as they move through the divorce with an almost unicorn-like dignity and grace. Then there are the other 99.999 percent of us. I have been in the ugly tear-stained trenches of it all as my little one was ripped from my arms screaming for his Mommy. I have made some stupid mistakes, more than once. Sometimes I wonder if all the difficulties I have been through are the reason I am effective in this line of work. I promise I will not ask you to do something I haven’t done before, and I really understand how you feel when you sit down in my office overwhelmed and in pain. Real, excruciating, pain that feels as if you have been punched in the gut. Not sleeping. Not eating. Feeling as if you are in a daze and as if all this is happening “to you” without any input, without any control. Your spouse may get your house, your children and steal your financial security, but the process may be more difficult than necessary. I am aware that I am not always easy on my clients. It is my job to tell you what you sometimes do not want to hear. There is no reason to pay someone thousands of dollars to just agree it’s not your fault, unless, of course, that someone is your therapist. There are many different ways to get through this time, some more effective and healthy than others. After 21 years of practicing law, I would like to say I have seen it all, but just about every week we see new forms of additional self-imposed misery. So here are a few tips and what to avoid doing to make this divorce process a little shorter, less traumatic and maybe a little less expensive too.

1. You want what she/he is having.

In divorce, as in life, if you spend the days lamenting over what is going on with your ex, or anyone else for that matter, this will not lead you to your happy place. There will always be someone richer, younger, thinner, smarter, more accomplished along the way. No good comes from worrying about the things others have, material or otherwise. Your ex has a new significant other, a new house, a new car. Your ex is traveling the world (and they never did this with you). Your ex is spending your child support payment on their nails or golf. They are now father or mother of the year, and they never even changed a diaper! You cannot control someone or their actions, but you can control your reactions.

You can choose instead to be happy they stepped up to the plate with the children like they never did before, or that they have a nice house or car for your children to enjoy. You can just be happy they are not your problem anymore. These worries are serious “time wasters” that take the focus away from our own lives and happiness. They also make really crappy conversation starters with a new friend or love interest. Bitter and jealous are simply not fun to be around. As a big believer in Karma, wish them well and then move on to more important issues like your own happiness. Make sure your own glass is half-full or even better overflowing with new love, new friends and a happy home, even if it is a town home.

2. You believe you are not accountable for the failure of your marriage.

You were the kindest, most loving, nurturing spouse that ever was there — I believe you, I really do. Are you at fault? Yes, you married someone who did not believe in your fabulousness. Most of the time, if we are really honest with ourselves, (not always easy or pretty, I know) we might admit, albeit reluctantly, we knew the very thing about our soon to be ex that now leads us running to the divorce lawyer. Of course, there are exceptions to this observation but so very often the signs are right there, the pink elephant we chose to ignore. They were mean to other people, you had wildly different views of the world and life goals, they were financially irresponsible while you saved every penny, and the list goes on. You thought you could “fix them” or perhaps maybe just give up an essential piece of your soul and what matters, to make them happy. Then one day we wake up and realize the marriage is over, or perhaps they decided enough is enough, but we all play a part. When there is no singular fault and when we all accept our piece of where and how it all ends, we move on faster, we fight less, we spend less on lawyers and most importantly, we are less likely to make the same mistake again.

3. You can’t forgive.

Well of course you can, but you just don’t want to. I am NOT going to tell you that you have to forgive — you don’t. It is certainly your prerogative to hold on to that anger and hatred with all the passion and love once directed at your former beloved. You want to hold on to it tightly because it was a really awful horrible thing that was done to you. It is, after all, the reason you are in this mess in the first place, right? Someone else did this to you (see number two above). There are some things that are unforgivable after all, are there not? Someone slept with your best friend, beat you, left you or lied to you. So don’t forgive, but be prepared to pull out your checkbook for your lawyer and the therapist for you and maybe your kids too.

Anger and hatred have a direct correlation to a longer, messier divorce and higher attorneys fees while we punish the wrongdoer. Maybe you can change the dynamic with a little change in perspective. People who hurt us are often broken themselves with complicated stories and reasons that may have little to do with us. Maybe we should feel sorry for them instead of angry? Maybe we should realize how sad it is they will never know how they were loved, or be capable of giving love the way it was intended. The truth is forgiveness is not a favor to others; it is a favor to you. It frees up a space inside you for significantly better things. Think about the words “angry” and “bitter” and think of an image. Do they make you happy, do they look light and beautiful? Sometimes I wonder about the moments of our life. Would our moments be different if a clock was running down the moments left in this life on our new Apple watch? Would we choose to waste them rehashing the harms done to us, or choose moving forward towards more moments of joy? There is huge power in not allowing someone to steal more minutes of your life with anger or regret. So go ahead and stay mad or take back your power, forgive and lower those attorney’s fees, after all.

4. You believe you are entitled to the same life.

I often work against expectations so huge that Cinderella’s fairy Godmother could not deliver them (and don’t get me started on her; that girl has lead more people down the path to divorce, but I digress…). If you come to me or any lawyer believing you can have the same life you had before you divorced, you will be sadly disappointed and will spend unnecessary time and unnecessary fees. The math of divorce is simple division. Divide by two, your income and assets, and multiply by two, the amount of bills. Sounds great, right? I don’t care if your lawyer wrote the book on divorce, the story always has the same ending, everyone will have less. Even in the biggest cases it applies. I call it “park the plane,” everyone will tighten their belt or maybe just give up a house or two, but nobody gets to have it all. You simply can’t believe, you might have to give up your custom decorated 10,000-square-foot apartment in Tribeca, and will pay any amount of money to avoid this travesty of justice. Your righteous indignation is blood in the water and the sharks are circling. Have a low-calorie alcoholic beverage and save those attorney’s fees to put a down payment on a nice new penthouse on 5th Avenue.

Feelings of entitlement are costly and set us up to be disappointed in this life. You are both entitled to a life at the end of this mess but it will be a different life for you both. Maybe I am a cynic, (after all these years, who could blame me?) but there is no way to ensure your happiness other than to make sure no one else is responsible for it. Work hard, own your own destiny and be grateful for what you have, even if it is 50 percent less that you used to have; it is so much more than many others.

5. You surround yourself with “yes” men.

They might be your best friend from summer camp who you have known since you were 10, your parents, your sister, your brother, and all too often, your lawyer. Your “yes men” are the ones that support whatever you do no matter what. They nod in agreement whenever you call your ex a complete jerk, they agree you deserve to “get it all” for what the other party has done to you. They encourage you to fight for things you are not entitled to, they encourage you to use your children, hide your assets, fight for unreasonable positions and generally condone your bad behavior. They never see the other side, never hold you accountable for your actions, sometimes just because they love you unconditionally. Some of my dearest friends and family however, have been those who have held me accountable for my own piece of some fairly tragic “life detours” (people seem to really dislike the term mistake). Sometimes we need the people around us to tell us to get our shit together, to toughen up or lighten up. We say “no” to our children everyday because they need to know there are limits and expectations. No is not a bad thing. Be aware of those who agree with everything we do or say. Listen to those who show the real mirror to the not-so-pretty behavior. We all need to be reminded that this is not the end of the world, that no one is guaranteed a particular life unless we create it for ourselves and that who we are at the end of this crazy ride is what really matters.

6. You think too much about you.

There is nothing that makes people feel worse about themselves than being singularly focused on what is wrong with their day, their life, their kids, their job, their appearance. Perspective is the greatest gift we can allow ourselves to move toward being happy. I can focus today on my broken faucet, ice maker jamming up, piled up laundry, my daughters four cavities (no, that is not a typo, and yes, I brush her teeth). This which will now require us to fly back from vacation for the procedure because her Reactive Airway Disease makes sedation too risky now with her recent Bronchitis. In the alternative, I can focus on a friend who just lost her young husband with two young daughters and think about her. Today her pain is bigger than any pain I can imagine, her strength and courage fills my heart with awe that life is hard and people are so very resilient. These people and stories are a gift to remind us this too shall pass and there is more life to be lived. Look outside your pain and your struggles. Your house is not big enough or nice enough? You have a home. You have family that loves you but are driving you crazy? There is someone alone tonight. So try to focus on doing something that is not about you at all. Stop for a whole day and try not to complain about anything. Say out loud “someone has it worse, I should be grateful.” You will be better prepared for this little bump in the road we call divorce.

I know divorce sucks, it is not supposed to end like this no matter how it ends. Someday you will be through it, hopefully sooner rather than later. Don’t torture yourself or your spouse unnecessarily, you will make the lawyers rich, the judges annoyed and your children cranky. This divorce is a gift, a new life, different but better than ever, if you let it be. Get there as fast as you can, that clock is ticking.

© Krista Barth 2015

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7 Ways to Protect Color-Treated Hair When Swimming

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7 Ways Men Say They Bounced Back From Divorce

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When it comes to advice on moving on post-split, men seem to get the short shrift. The reality is, divorce is just as crushing for men as it is for women. Most of us take our vows with the intention for the marriage to last. Rerouting your future when the relationship falls apart is hard regardless of whether you’re a man or woman.

To help balance things out a bit, we asked a few male divorced writers to share their best advice on rebuilding after divorce. Read their helpful advice, that’s applicable to everyone regardless of gender, below:

1. Remember: You only divorced your spouse, not your kids.
Your marriage may not have worked out but that doesn’t mean you’re any less responsible for the well-being of your kiddos. Your children need you in their lives now more than ever. Take it from Joel Schwartzberg, the author of The 40-Year-Old Version: Humoirs of a Divorced Dad.

“I know it’s tempting to think a divorce will dilute, minimize or do irreparable harm to your role as a dad and it can… if you let it,” Schwartzberg said. “But in many ways, divorce can also free you of others’ expectations and standards for parenting. It allows you to parent your way. My divorce enabled me to be a much more authentic father and my relationship with my kids couldn’t be stronger or more fulfilling.”

2. Stop asking, “What if?”
If you gave yourself permission, you could spend every waking moment analyzing what you should have done differently in your marriage — but to what end? The marriage is over. The next step is to move on. In the middle of his divorce, Al DeLuise learned a simple trick to curb all his second-guessing.

“My therapist told me to do the following: Give yourself 30 minutes each day to think about the divorce, but it has to be the same time every day,” DeLuise said. “If a divorce thought popped into my head I had to say, ‘No, not now, I’ll think about that later.’ If I missed my self-appointed time one day, I had to wait until the next day to think about things. I have to say, it was a very effective way to clear my mind during the day.”

3. Don’t feel guilty… unless there’s reason to be.
Divorce isn’t a dirty word. Like countless other couples, you and your ex went into your marriage with the best of intentions and it simply didn’t work out. Remind yourself that there’s no shame in splitting up, advised Schwartzberg.

“Unless you’ve personally broken your vows and betrayed your spouse and marriage, you shouldn’t feel guilty about getting a divorce,” he said. “Everyone makes mistakes and not all incompatibilities are immediately obvious. In the end, my unwarranted feelings of guilt — especially since we had three kids — made me less objective and self-protective when it came to protecting myself legally in the divorce.”

4. Don’t introduce your kids to everyone you date.
There’s a good chance you’re eager to get back out there and date — and that’s completely understandable. But try to take your time and recognize that your kids don’t need to meet every Tinder match or blind date.

“Do your kids a favor and keep them in the dark about your love life,” said divorced dad and writer Austin Blood. “If there’s one thing that raises my blood pressure, it’s watching supposedly mature adults act like emotionally stunted, lovesick teenagers while their poor kids bear witness to mom or dad’s complicated dating life. Divorce is traumatic enough for kids without them having to see their parents rushing to get their groove on with someone that’s not mom or dad.”

Blood said he tells divorced pals it’s best to wait a year before making any introductions: “And that’s a minimum of one year. Frankly, the longer, the better as far as I’m concerned.”

5. Don’t get too invested in a rebound relationship.
If you do jump into a relationship, take it slow. It’s easy to get caught up in the heady early stages of a new relationship — especially after going through a divorce — but don’t allow yourself to commit too soon, Blood said.

“Why? Because in the beginning, everyone is in love and on their best behavior — you feel like the stars and constellations are aligned,” he said. “The truth is: you don’t really get to know someone until at least a year or more into the relationship. It doesn’t matter if you’re welded at the hip for the first six months; certain things only reveal themselves with the passing of time. Just take it easy.”

6. Add some routine to your life.
Whether it’s going to the gym, or heading to the movies on what used to be date night, falling into a routine of some kind will provide some much-needed stability to your life. For DeLuise, the routine was treating himself to pizza for dinner. DeLuise said it wasn’t the healthiest but that it was a short-lived stage.

“What mattered was that it was a routine and at the time, that was all I was looking for –- something constant I could count on,” he said. “Plus, it was delicious.”

7. Learn everything you can from the experience of being married.
No one walks away from a divorce completely blameless. Whether you care to admit it or not, you made some mistakes in your marriage that ultimately led to its downfall. Take ownership of what happened and you’ll set yourself up for a stronger, healthier relationship the next time said, Schwartzberg said.

“Then after you’ve done that, ask yourself: Which needs of mine were met? Which weren’t? This will give you valuable insight in choosing your next partner,” he said. “It’s enticing to act mainly on sexual attraction once you become single again -– and there’s nothing wrong with that — but the trick is to find a woman who can provide you with something that was absent or lacking in your previous marriage.”

Taking stock of what he wanted in a future relationship led to Schwartzberg remarrying in 2008.

“For me, it was really about finding someone new who was as interested in giving and receiving affection as she was in forming a strong partnership,” he said. “I’m glad I realized that.”

Keep in touch! Check out HuffPost Divorce on Facebook.

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5 Ways Skynet Is More Real Than You Think

robot

Robots and world domination have long been the reserve of Hollywood and what-if scenarios — right up there with the zombie apocalypse and alien abduction. As artificial intelligence advances, however, there’s been a lot of recent buzz about threats AI could pose in the very near future. An intelligence system like Skynet, aka the “Global Digital Defense Network” that features prominently in the Terminator franchise, starts to feel like an increasingly real possibility.

While a malevolent empire that inflicts “Judgment Day” on us all is not so much what scientists fear, there are certain parallels in developing technology to this highly intelligent (and human-hating) software. With a little more than a decade left before the robot-run future “Terminator” predicts, we partnered with “Terminator Genisys” to round up the reasons artificial intelligence is becoming a very real force to be reckoned with.

1. It’s Being Used By The Military …

As a “dual use” technology, capable of great good and great harm, AI is most controversial when it comes to its military applications. Battlefield robots and drones are key priorities with other sci-fi&#8212style technology like HAL — a suit that gives the wearer the power of 10 men — and Boston Dynamics’ Petman, an anthropomorphic robot used to test chemical protection clothing. Some believe developments like these signify an unacknowledged arms race amongst nations investing heavily in AI.

Drones and robots that are able to make the “kill decision” autonomously — without human intervention — will figure centrally into an international conversation about ethics and the nature of modern war. Even more controversial is the NSA’s cyber weapon MonsterMind. This intelligence system can not only intercept every digital communication in the U.S., but also identify threats and independently launch strikes. Sound familiar? If that isn’t Skynet in its real-life form, what is?

2. It’s Evolving Quickly …

Moore’s Law famously estimates that computing power approximately doubles every 18 months. By that measure, a computer with the processing power of the human brain could be a reality as early as 2025!

While some physicists think Moore’s Law may break down before that, computers with lightening fast processing power have already emerged. How fast? To give you an idea, Ray Kurzweil estimated the total calculations per second the brain can compute at 10^16 cps (calculations per second). The world’s fastest supercomputer, China’s Tianhe-2, has surpassed that number at almost 34^16 cps.

3. It’s Getting Smarter …

While artificial intelligence is quickly reaching formidable computing speeds, one of its biggest challenges is developing the kind of complex processing that looks so easy when humans do it.

For a computer, multiplying two 10-digit numbers instantly is easy; however, looking at a dog and deciding whether it’s a feline or canine is incredibly hard. The Turing Test was thereby developed by mathematician Alan Turing to measure a machine’s ability to exhibit intelligent behavior equivalent to a human’s.

Among the tech companies that seek to ace the Turing Test, Google has emerged as a major AI force, investing hundreds of millions of dollars in AI startup DeepMind and robotics companies like Boston Dynamics. Google’s inventions include self-driving cars and ladder-climbing humanoid robots, complete with freaky, robotic pets.

4. It’s Starting To Look Like Us …

Although not exactly the Terminator — Schwarzenegger-status muscle and all — these robots from Japan are starting to look eerily like us. Geminoid F, created by Hiroshi Ishiguro, has 65 facial expressions and can smile, talk and even sing!

His goal was to create a robot that could fool people into thinking it’s real. Mission accomplished — now, we have nightmares.

5. An Elite Opposition Is Forming …
elon musk

“The development of full artificial intelligence could spell the end of the human race.” Sounds like a quote from any number of the popular, sci-fi movies dealing with robots and revolution, right? Wrong. This warning comes from one of the foremost thinkers of our time, Stephen Hawking.

It is no wonder, then, that Hawking, other scientists, tech innovators and AI experts have signed an open letter issued by the Future Of Life Institute calling on the field to safely coordinate endeavors and ensure AI does not pose an existential threat as it advances toward human-level intelligence. Elon Musk takes this matter so seriously, he pledged 10 million dollars to support the organization and its research.

Today’s advancements in AI draw a parallel theme to Skynet, the artificial intelligence software in Terminator Genisys that leads to Judgement Day. When John Connor sends Sgt. Kyle Reese back to 1984 to protect Sarah Connor and safeguard the future, he finds himself in a new and unfamiliar version of the past. He is faced with a new T-800 terminator (Arnold Schwarzenegger), new enemies, and a new mission: To reset the future … Terminator Genisys is in theatres July 1st.

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I Got This: How I Changed My Ways and Lost What Weighed Me Down (Unabridged) – Jennifer Hudson

Jennifer Hudson - I Got This: How I Changed My Ways and Lost What Weighed Me Down (Unabridged)  artwork

I Got This: How I Changed My Ways and Lost What Weighed Me Down (Unabridged)

Jennifer Hudson

Genre: Arts & Entertainment

Price: $ 20.95

Publish Date: January 10, 2012

© ℗ © 2012 Penguin Audio

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10 Ways Target Is Robbing You

I spend so much in Target, sometimes I look at my bank statement and think, someone stole my ATM card.

Then I realize, Oh, shit. That was actually just me, three times last week.

Target knows what’s up. They entice you with brightly-colored plastic and seasonal cups that will either: A. break or B. get lost — probably within a week of purchase. And that’s just the tip of the skillfully-crafted, Orla Kiely-iceberg. Target has devised ways to steal your money — like some kind of commercial conglomerate ninja — all while making you think it was your idea.

1. Starbucks.

2015-06-12-1434141173-1082304-IMG_2094.jpg

You’re going to need a muffin, too.

Technically, this isn’t Target. It’s inside Target. Guilt by association. You’re going to need sustenance. Namely, a Frappuccino. Also probably a muffin or some other baked good. This is a scam because A) The caffeine is going to hype you up and make you forget how much money you set out to spend and B) The muffin sugar is going to reduce your defenses. You are now out $ 8 and the caffeine-induced mania will make you stop at the Dollar Spot.

2. The Dollar Spot. It’s a lie. The end.

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Lies.

Not everything in the alleged “Dollar Spot” is a dollar. Some of it is actually $ 3, and it’s always the shit your children want most (i.e., Hello Kitty baskets). Even if everything was a dollar, that pricing is only as good as your self-restraint. Twenty-seven dollar spot items is (in case you are times-tables rusty) $ 27, plus tax. Congratulations! You now own 27 pieces of carcinogenic Chinese crap (no offense, China). And you’re $ 27 poorer ($ 35, counting the Frappuccino).

3. Notepad lure.

2015-06-12-1434141340-1677372-IMG_2080.jpg

Just say no-tepad.

These bastards are always changing their notepad selection. SCAM. Every time they stock the shelves with a new color Moleskine or a spiral-bound pad with inspirational/witty text, one falls into my cart. Never mind that I have 17 notebooks at home that have three pages of notes them. Never mind that the last notebook I bought is now a coffee coaster/paperweight. They are just so cute. Especially all stacked together with absolutely nothing whatsoever written in them. FIVE. DOLLARS. A. WEEK.

4. THIS aisle.

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The “your house is hideous” aisle.

I don’t even really know what this aisle is. But, I just realized my living room is painfully outdated. And I went ahead and spent $ 64 on throw pillows. Seriously, what is even happening in this aisle? It’s carefully crafted to scream, “YOUR HOUSE IS HIDEOUS.” I don’t have a nautical theme anywhere. But now I have a lobster pillow and a faux-coral sculpture I don’t even understand. The only reason I didn’t buy a lamp is there was no room in my cart after the fucking pillows. $ 84 (pillows + useless [but stylish] faux-coral).

5. The end cap black hole.

2015-06-12-1434141442-1969083-IMG_2081.jpg

I do not need this

Would you just look at this? Never mind that I don’t have an inch of wall space. Never mind I don’t even really know what this is. It has a hobnail glass jar and it’s aqua. And for the love of all that is holy there is jute. SOLD. I’ll put flowers in there. Or something. Notepad? $ 29 (plus tax and another $ 5 notebook).

6. Toys.

2015-06-12-1434141592-4957027-IMG_2086.jpg

Hot Wheels? More like Hot Steals.

Oh, these look innocent enough. They’re just Hot Wheels. I’m mean, they’re only a DOLLAR. You already spent $ 3 on the Hello Kitty basket, anyway. Yeah. It’s all fun and games until you realize you have 74 Hot Wheels. Hot Wheels? More like Hot STEALS. One dollar today. $ 74 annually.

7. Buy-something-get-something-free trickery.

2015-06-12-1434141558-6888563-IMG_2088.jpg

Tricks.

I.e., four packages of Oreos = one gallon free milk. Do I need four packages of Oreos? Yes. That’s not the point. The point is, if I see a get-something-free sign, I’m sucked in. It’s the Dollar Spot lie with less cancer from China, or the end cap black hole with more cookies. Take your pick. $ 12.

8. Booze.

2015-06-12-1434142354-2847041-IMG_2089.jpg

You’re going to need this.

By now, you’ve made it three-quarters of the way around the store. You’re definitely going to need some wine to dull the shock of the pillows you bought that you so didn’t need. Probably more than one bottle. Buy six, get 10% off (also see #6). They sell vodka too. Bless. $ 65.

9. This section.

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Bath and body hypnosis.

I don’t know what happens to my ability to reason when I get to this section of the store. This is Target’s master plan. First, they exhaust you by making you walk their Triwizard Tournament labyrinth. Then, they assault you with the heavenly scent of lavender. My feet hurt and I’m tired and a nice mineral salt soak sounds pretty necessary. And you can’t have a soak without the matching scented lotion. Obviously. $ 19.

10. The Checkout.

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Beware the eos.

Home stretch, you think. NOPE. Illusion. This can go one of two ways: If you have kids with you, they are going to beg for candy/Teddy Grahams/Goldfish. This is going to be annoying, but also distracting in a beneficial way. If you can manage to get out of there without buying candy/crackers/cookies, then you’ve probably also avoided the sample size section to your right. If you haven’t avoided the sample size section, you now have yet another Eos lip balm and lotion. $ 6.

Now, do what any self-respecting woman would do. Rip your receipt into a hundred tiny pieces, go home, uncork that wine and run yourself a heavenly lavender-scented bath.

This story by Joni Edelman first appeared at ravishly.com, an alternative news+culture women’s website.

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6 Ways Your Divorce Lawyer Is Screwing You

In my past life, I was a divorce lawyer at a fancy law firm. I found the entire process of billing clients $ 300+ an hour and prolonging pointless arguments for years to be more than a little disgusting. The part that surprised me the most, though, was that the lawyers I worked with weren’t the sleazy, dishonest shysters I would have expected. The majority were good, honest, hardworking professionals. The problem wasn’t the individuals — it was the machine of divorce practice in general.

Since leaving the life of pinstripes, mahogany desks and secretaries behind, I have helped out friends and relatives with their own divorces, and thus saved them from being caught up in a costly and frustrating system. As much as I’d like to, I can’t save everyone, but I can share the following law practice secrets in the hope that divorce clients everywhere will save themselves a few bucks.

Here’s how your divorce lawyer is screwing you:

  1. She’s hyping you up. People knee-deep in marital breakups are angry and hurt. When you call your lawyer about the latest jackass behavior of your future ex, your lawyer will get fired up on your behalf. Making passionate arguments is part of the job, and any good lawyer should have the ability to be fierce on your behalf. But the fact that your lawyer can make a dazzling argument about something doesn’t mean that it makes sense to fight about that thing. As brilliant as your lawyer may seem, there will be an equally fierce and determined lawyer on your opponent’s side. Because outcomes in court are never guaranteed, and because legal battles can be very expensive, you need to make independent, financially sound decisions about what you will fight for and what you will let go. Resist the temptation to have your lawyer’s advocacy fuel your personal fire. Remember, the longer the fight, the higher the bill.
  2. She’s not shutting you up. Good lawyers understand that it is our obligation to answer clients’ phone calls and listen to your concerns. And because client phone calls are billable time, your lawyer is never going to end the call while you’re blathering on about how you feel and how hard it will be to start over after your divorce has been finalized. She’ll will never say, “Shirley, this is the tenth time you’ve whined to me about what a cheating bastard Howard is, and this call is honestly a complete waste of time and money.” If you’re paying by the hour, make sure that there is a legal reason for the phone call. Otherwise, get a friend and take her out to lunch. It’s cheaper, and usually more productive.
  3. She’s delegating work on your case. If you’ve hired a firm, there is a good chance that more than one person is working on your case. Often, you’ll meet with a partner (one of the big shots), but then an associate or a paralegal (much littler shots) will be doing work on your case. There’s nothing wrong with some work being delegated, but you may not appreciate having hired an ultra-aggressive experienced lawyer for your divorce, only to find that a perky twenty-three year old recent graduate is handling most of your case. Simply put, if you’re the one footing the bill, you’re the one who gets to choose each member of the team. And there are often hidden costs that pop up when more than one person works on case. For example, the firm may bill you for both lawyers’ hours when the two have a discussion about your case. Scrutinize your bill and make sure you’re clear on who is doing what and why.
  4. She’s hiring experts you don’t need. There are lots of professionals out there who will be happy to bill you hundreds and thousands of dollars to do work they deem “essential” to your divorce case. But truthfully, unless you own a very complex business or your spouse has relocated to the Bermuda Triangle, there’s usually no real need for experts to get involved. If you own a local business that has brought in30,000 a year for the past decade, you probably don’t need a forensic accountant to predict what that business is going to earn next year. If you need to figure out how much value a deck added onto your beach house, is you probably don’t need a structural engineer to calculate it. And you almost never need a private investigator to find out all the lurid details of your future ex’s new relationship to figure out whether you’re entitled to alimony.
  5. She’s making judgments about how to handle your case based on what she thinks you can afford to pay. Divorce lawyers, like real estate agents and car salesmen, will do their best to predict what you can afford to pay. Your divorce lawyer isn’t necessarily going to pad the bill when he sees you drive up in a Mercedes — he just isn’t going to cut you any breaks. There is always a cheaper, faster, and more efficient way to handle any case. Of course, that road might not be as aggressive or as careful as other possible roads. If you leave it up to your lawyer to decide, he may sell you the Maserati of divorces when you were really only comfortable buying a Honda. Think about your budget. Get a sense of how much your divorce could and should cost, and be clear with your lawyer about what you are and are not willing to pay
  6. She’s not telling you that she’s out of your price range. Law firms, like anything else in life, come in difference price points. There are Bloomingdale-esque law firms with fancy conference rooms and $ 700 billable hours. There are Kohls-level firms who can handle your entire matter for a $ 5,000 flat fee. And there are discounted service providers who work in bulk and charge even less. But just as the Bloomies shoe sales girl won’t steer you away from the Louboutins, no lawyer is going to tell you, “Honey, I think our firm is far out of your price range.” There are good and bad lawyers at every price range — but it’s your job, not theirs, to be sure that you’re in the right place. The best way to find a professional in your price range is to ask for a referral from a friend or another professional you’ve worked with before.

Remember, when you hire a lawyer, it’s no different than when you a carpenter. He or she has specialized knowledge that you don’t have — and that’s why you’re willing to pay for his or her time. But it’s important that you keep your own perspective, and that you manage the relationship so that you are satisfied with the outcome.

For more tips on how to get the most of your legal dollars, check out Elura’s book: How to Talk to Your Lawyer.

For more of all things Elura, check out www.EluraNanos.com

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5 Ways Mindfulness Can Put The Spark Back In Your Relationship

Think of your marriage like a bank account: pay into it often with acts of kindness and generosity and it’ll help your relationship no end. High50 wellbeing coach Alex Blossom explains how.

Relationship problems come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes it might feel as though the spark has gone. It might be that you are going through a stage where you feel irritable and frustrated or you could be feeling neglected or hurt in some way.

Whatever the problem, mindfulness can help you to get through the most tricky of times. These five mindful relationship fixes will help you get back on track.

1. Learn To Listen

Really taking time to listen to your partner can make all the difference. Take time to be genuinely interested in what they have to say. It is so easy to get caught up in our own little world, we can become consumed by our own thoughts and feelings.

When we learn to listen we find out things that we didn’t know, even when we have been together for a long time. By turning our attention outwards, we clear a little bit of head space and make some room for our partner.

2. Just Be

It is so easy to slip into trying to change our partners, wishing that they were different. We can hear ourselves nagging: we don’t want to do it, but sometimes holding our tongue can seem impossible.

Before you jump in and criticize your partner always, take a few deep breaths. Really think about what you will achieve by making a comment. When you next sit down for a meal together try listing five things that you love about each other.

The conversation this creates will get you thinking and feeling more positively.

3. Feel

Touch is a really important sensation, but so often we lose the closeness that we had in the early days of our relationship.

Rather than cuddling up to each other we become protective of our space, bickering over sides of the bed. Rather than taking time to kiss each other when we say goodbye in the morning our minds are perhaps already at work dealing with a situation.

So take the time to really feel next time you and your partner have physical contact. Notice the sensation of warmth and contact and enjoy the closeness, even if only for a moment.

4. Be Compassionate

If your partner is going through a tough time then put yourself in their shoes. Imagine how things are for them. Think about what you would want in their situation: it will make a huge difference.

When you learn to look at things from their perspective you can gain a real understanding of their behavior. When you get to grips with what is going on for your partner everything will seem easier. So many relationship problems stem from a lack of understanding.

5. Invest

Think of your relationship like a bank account. Making withdrawals all the time will leave you in deficit and things can start to look bleak. Paying in more often with acts of kindness and generosity will leave you feeling positive and secure.

Giving to your partner really can make you happy. While your attention is on seeking out an opportunity for kindness it is not consumed by worrying thoughts. You will be free to get on and enjoy life.

Alex Blossom offers mindfulness and wellbeing coaching through private sessions and day retreats. Revitalisedays.co.uk

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Five Ways Dads Can Make the Most of Their Dadhood

Many divorced and remarried dads have deep insecurities about their new parenting roles, as if a dad’s relevance is directly proportionate to the minutes and hours he spends with his children. But all dads are dads 100% of the time, just as all moms are still moms 100% of the time. The title is permanent, but the job itself can be tricky, especially after a divorce.

While plenty of dads know that quality of parenting time is more important than length of parenting time, many misinterpret “quality of time” to mean that, to make the most of those minutes, they must be a wish-granting genie, the world’s greatest playmate, an indentured servant, or a money tree.

What I’ve found — using myself and my kids as research subjects — is that a dad’s most important role is simply to be the authentic dad he is. To illustrate, here are five specific realizations I’ve made as a result of time spent (Saturdays mostly) with my three kids as they grew from ages 8, 5, and 5 when I got divorced in 2007 to a taller and wiser 16, 13, and 13 in the present day.

1. Focus on the impression you make.

Think for a moment about your own dad. What’s the first thing that comes to mind — a specific moment, or a general quality like support, protection, or love? Likely it’s the latter. When I think about my dad, the concept of “sacrifice” comes to mind much more quickly and powerfully than the day he helped me build a birdhouse for Cub Scouts.

This tells us that the long-term impression a dad makes has more overall impact than the short-term joys he delivers. Because of that, a dad shouldn’t punish himself too hard for making a mistake (like being too angry), nor worry too much about setting up “the perfect day.” What’s more important is consistently showing support, giving encouragement, patiently listening, and actively participating. And none of those require a credit card, a sunny day, a long weekend, or assistance from Mom.

2. Do things with them they don’t do often in their other home.

My ex hates mall shopping, pop culture, and corporate chain restaurants. Meanwhile, I love mall shopping, pop culture, and corporate chain restaurants. And do you know who else loves those things? My kids. As a result, I get to enjoy moments with them they would never do otherwise… like discussing the merits of Arianna Grande at the mall’s Cheesecake Factory.

(For those of you who don’t know, Arianna Grande is not a large Italian cheesecake).

Finding these unique and exclusive delights — whether it’s mall shopping, mountain biking, fishing, cooking, or playing board games — may not always be easy, but it’s worth the effort. When dads own these shared experiences, they’re creating very distinct and positive memories for their kids’ futures.

3. Have them be part of your life.

It’s important for kids to know their dads have lives, just like their moms do. So dads should incorporate the kids into their normal routines. This means having them tag along on errands, matching work socks, washing dishes, helping build IKEA furniture, and making sandwiches. In many ways it can be a better bonding experience than going to an amusement park or concert — Do dads really want to compete with Olaf and Taylor Swift for their kids’ attention?

The only hard and fast rule for dads is to do these projects with their children. The kids will learn not only that Dad has a day-to-day life, but that they have an important role in it.

4. Know that inexpensive things can have priceless bonding value.

I’ve never seen my kids happier than…

…when we buy carbonated beverages at a discount store, bring them outside to the parking lot, take turns shaking and tossing them violently, then open them quickly and watch them explode.

Cost per kid: Roughly a dollar.

…when we bring needed supplies to an animal shelter.

Cost per kid: 0.

…when I arm each kid with a dollar or two and set them free in a dollar store.

Cost per kid: One or two dollars.

Local websites and town newspapers often list free activities for kids, so some pre-planning is helpful. But the key breakthrough for dads is understanding that worthwhile experiences do not have to empty his wallet.

5. Make sure everyone is having fun.

My kids and I don’t go to Chuck E. Cheese. We don’t see ridiculously silly movies. We don’t go on educational field trips. Not because they don’t want to, but because I don’t want to. If they’re having fun and I’m not, it’s not much better than me having fun while they’re not.

A father’s time and experiences with his kids are shared, so the fun should be shared too. And kids are thrilled when they see their parents enjoying the same experience they’re enjoying.

So find ways to laugh with them, and absolutely avoid any activity during which you’re likely to spend more time engaging your smart phone than enjoying your offspring.

Originally published in Stepmom Magazine.

A nationally-published essayist, Joel Schwartzberg is the author of the award-winning “The 40-Year-Old Version: Humoirs of a Divorced Dad” and the recently-released “Small Things Considered: Moments from Manliness to Manilow“.

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5 Ways to Help Your Kids Thrive After Divorce

Divorce is prevalent in American culture nowadays. All divorces are painful, but those between parents of small children can be particularly hard, since you worry about your children’s emotional welfare on top of all of the other stressors involved in your divorce. Amidst all of the pain and chaos of your divorce, making sure the kids are okay is of paramount importance for most parents.

As a therapist in private practice, and the author of the upcoming book How to Talk to Your Kids about Your Divorce: Healthy, Effective Communication Techniques for Your Changing Family, parents ask me many questions about how to help their kids deal with divorce in the healthiest possible way. Here are five tips to help your kids cope and even thrive after divorce.

1. Be honest.
Make sure that your kids know that the divorce is final and that you won’t be reconciling with your co-parent. Additionally, admit if you are sad about the divorce; your child will likely be upset and this will validate his or her emotions. If you are going to have to change your child’s financial situation or your child may not be able to engage in certain valued activities, be open about this as well, and empathize with this situation.

2. Speak well of your co-parent.
No matter what circumstances led to your divorce, there is nothing positive to be gained from criticizing your co-parent in front of your kids. Remember, when you badmouth your child’s other parent, it’s like your badmouthing 50 percent of your child. Children need to love and respect both parents, even in the case when a parent is absent and the child can only have a parent-child relationship in the child’s imagination.

3. Don’t confide in your child about adult matters.
It is easy to let yourself slip, particularly around older or very empathic children, and allow a dynamic to develop where your child comforts you rather than the other way around. Even seemingly precocious children are greatly stressed by having to listen to adult thoughts and feelings, and kids begin to feel that their responsibility is to care for you, instead of feeling like a child themselves.

4. Keep routines stable.
Establish as predictable a routine as possible so that your child knows what’s coming next. In the case where your co-parent acts unpredictably, focus your efforts on your child’s experience when he or she is with you. Pick your child up at the same time, make playdates with the same friends, and, unless finances become too strained, keep your child in the same activities.

5. Give your child extra love.
Spend quality time with your child, check in to ask how he or she is feeling, do fun activities one-on-one and tell your child openly how much you love him or her. There is no amount of affection that is too much; your child will feel insecure about your changing family structure and needs to know that your love and affection will never go away.

For more, pre-order Dr. Rodman’s upcoming book, How to Talk to Your Kids about Your Divorce: Healthy, Effective Communication Techniques for Your Changing Family, visit her at Dr. Psych Mom, on Facebook, and on Twitter @DrPsychMom.
.

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10 Surefire Ways to Sin During Yoga

According to a retired Catholic bishop in Nebraska (always a good source of thoughtful, practical life tips), practicing yoga is not just a great way to relieve stress, find contentment, build strength, and make friends — it’s also “an occasion of serious sin.”

Yeah. He really said that.

In a letter sent last week to the Women of Grace Ministry, former bishop Fabian Bruskewitz advised that for Catholic women, working on your downward dog is much more sinister than it seems. He wrote:

It is well known that many proponents of what is called ‘New Age Religion’ use yoga and yoga practices, and instruction in these practices, as doorways in which to enter into people’s consciousness and wean them away from the truths which the Catholic Church preserves.

It might sound ridiculous, but I’m sorry to say Bishop Bruskewitz isn’t wrong. It is so easy to sin during yoga. Here are 10 of the most common yoga sins you might not even know you’re committing:

1. Worshiping your yoga teacher as a false idol.

Surprisingly easy, I know, especially when she can so effortlessly flip over into a lotus headstand.

2. Coveting the yoga pants of the woman next to you.

Confession: I do this all the time. Like, have you seen these floral leggings? How am I not to covet such gorgeous workout apparel?

3. Doing plank pose. Naked. On top of a married man.

Plank pose might be great for toning the arms and shoulders, but alas, it’s also a perfect position to commit adultery.

4. Yelling a blasphemous string of profanity when you fall over from standing splits.

“Gosh darnit” will do, thank you very much.

5. Lusting after the the toned bod of the yogi next to you.

They’re sweaty, you’re sweaty, neither of you are wearing very many clothes, and you just spent the past hour opening up your sacral chakra. Lust is inevitable.

6. Taking the “Warrior” poses a little too literally and killing someone.

Hey, it happens.

7. Going full glutton at the juice bar after class.

“I’ll take seven large bee-pollen-coconut-kale smoothies, please.”

8. Whispering “There is no God” instead of “Namaste.”

Easy mistake to make, but still, it’s a sin.

9. Flowing straight from downward-facing dog into a scheme to defraud the poor.

Ugh, if I had a dime for every time a yoga teacher tried to get me to do this sequence.

10. Stealing everyone’s wallets while they’re meditating in savasana.

Rude!

This story by Winona Dimeo-Ediger first appeared at ravishly.com, an alternative news+culture women’s website.

More from Ravishly:

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The Top Ten Ways to Select the Republican Candidate for President

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Oy Vey! Does the Republican Party have a problem! It’s the large and unwieldy field of aspiring presidential nominees, all of whom want to appear in upcoming debates. But space is limited. Who should be left out? Who should get the call? And how should that be determined? Such a dilemma!

A Modest Proposal

The answer is simple. Have candidates compete on the Nation’s top reality TV shows. It’s a format they should all feel comfortable with. The GOP, after all, has had a long and contentious relationship with reality. And reality shows are to reality what Fox News is to news.

The qualities we are looking for and the challenges… Drum roll please!

#10: Loveable Ignorance

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Can’t distinguish an opinion from a fact? Consider that a plus. In this game, it pays to be a dumb-ass. Three things: Deficit is really spelled with a “c.” There really is no “e” at the end of “potato.” Now what was that third thing?

#9: Specialized Knowledge

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You really have to know something however. What better than a substantial grasp of trivial information and a lack of understanding as to how those isolated facts actually relate to one another, or the larger context in which they exist? Most important of all is your ability to answer a question with a question.

#8: Down-Home Persona

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Where’s Joe the plumber when we really need him? Demonstrate your ability to create the facade of ordinariness. Live in a duck blind. Shoot your partner inadvertently in the head without killing him. Be one of the people, a down-home non-pretentious kind of guy, dislike modern technology, disdain formal education, hate gays, extol your Christian heritage, not reveal your entitled background. Ignore charges by those who claim to have known you “before you were a virgin.”

#7: A Trim and Sleek Image

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How fast can you discard embarrassing baggage without causing a stir? It begins with your ability to maintain a trim physical image despite suffering through a series of greasy spoon specials, fried chicken dinners and pancake breakfasts.* That’s only one aspect of this grueling challenge, however. You also have to avoid discussing matters of substance. There’s no place for weighty issues if you hope to wage a successful campaign. Discard them as fast as you did the pounds.

*Note: Tummy tucks not allowed.

#6: Financial Acumen

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Every viable candidate has to fully understand the world of commerce — how money works and how to work with it. Create a cockamamie product, pass it off as something viable; and proceed to convince a group of high bank-rollers to invest in it. Your product is actually a piece of crap, but that shouldn’t really matter. It’s only a pretext for getting their support. The only thing that matters is you. That it is what they are really buying into, and it is your job is to convince them that that it is in their best interests to do so, e.g., you really understand that things do go better with Koch.

#5: Guts and Grit

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Test your ability to improvise on the run, negotiate foreign landscapes and confront unforeseen challenges. Traversing several continents, you will participate in: a scavenger hunt in Benghazi, leap into a corporate polluted river, bungee jump across an oil spill, sit for a home-made video, clad in an orange jumpsuit in the middle of a desert, and host a social luncheon of spare ribs and beer with Sunnis and Shiites at a Ramadi Inn.

#4: Thrift and Parsimony

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Show the voters in no uncertain terms how little the average person really needs in order to have a healthy and fulfilling life. Working from a random selection of food scavenged from a dumpster, concoct a nutritious five course meal,* representing all major food groups, to be served to others.

*Note: Ketchup does not count as a vegetable.

#3: Obliviousness

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Demonstrate how easily a person can shut out the real world and ignore real world conditions. Live for a week in a boarded up house in the Middle of Detroit, as part of a collective with residents of the area, work in a fast-food joint and bear responsibility for several underage children. Your ability to adjust to these conditions and be at home with them will be judged by the residents who will vote members off as they cease to adapt.

#2a: Flexibility and Openness to Change

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How easily can you accept erasure of your past and the creation of a new public image? A professional Spin Doctor will work his miraculous skills on you, transforming your drab ordinary self into a glamorous and attractive personage. Roll with the punches as he redoes all previous positions, including statements in print, public utterances and voting record, making embarrassing blemishes vanish in a flash — especially those gained in earlier primaries. Winners will feel neither shame nor discomfort as they segue comfortably into their new policy positions and new persona.

#2b: Nimbleness and Dexterity

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You can’t represent the party well without being able to evade major issues and promote wedge issues with panache.This means being able to think on your feet; avoid missteps, stay a step ahead of the media by keeping your foot out of your mouth, and doing a quick shuffle while answering questions. Above all, avoid stepping on the toes of supporters.

# 1: Je ne sais quoi

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Do you really have that certain something? Enough to woo and win the hand of a charming young vixen?… Guess who?

_____________________

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14 Ways to Laugh at Divorce

There’s nothing funny about divorce — except what people have occasionally said, written, or done about it. Herewith — adapted from our forthcoming anthology, The Marriage Book: Centuries of Advice, Inspiration, and Cautionary Tales, from Adam & Eve to Zoloft — 11 examples that might lighten your load, starting with:

1. A definition

Robin Williams: “Divorce, from the old Latin word divorcarum, meaning having your genitals torn out through your wallet.”

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2. An old law

A Burgundian law from around the sixth century offered one non-negotiable treatment for wives who chose to leave their spouses: “If any woman puts aside her husband to whom she is legally married, let her be smothered in mire.”

3. An old joke

Sadie and Moishe go to see a lawyer.
“What can I do for you, folks?”
Moishe: “We want a divorce.”
“Well, this is very odd. I mean, um, how old are you folks?”
“I’m 93,” Moishe says. “Wife’s 91. We’ve been married 67 years.”
“And you mean to tell me, after 67 years of marriage, at your ages, you want a
divorce?? Why now?”
“We wanted to wait ’til the kids were dead.”

4. A proposition

In Miguel de Cervantes’ 1615 comedy The Divorce Court Judge, a wife named Mariana pleads:

Please, your honor, unmarry me or I’ll hang myself. Just look at the furrows I’ve got from the tears I shed every day that I’m married to this walking skeleton… Let me cry, your honor. It’s such a comfort. In well-ordered societies a marriage should be reviewed every three years, and dissolved or renewed like a rental agreement.

5. Another point of view

From His Girl Friday

Walter: Yeah, I sort of wish you hadn’t done that, Hildy.
Hildy: Done what?
Walter: Divorced me. Makes a fellow lose all faith in himself. Gives him a–almost gives him a feeling he wasn’t wanted.
Hildy: Oh, now, look, Junior, that’s what divorces are for.
Walter: Nonsense. You’ve got an old-fashioned idea divorce is something that lasts forever — “till death do us part.” Why, a divorce doesn’t mean anything nowadays, Hildy. Just a few words mumbled over you by a judge. We’ve got something between us nothing can change…

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6. An auction

In 1832, a British farmer named Joseph Thompson gathered a crowd, put his wife in a chair in the village square, and announced that he was auctioning her off to the highest bidder. He then described her as “tormentor, a domestic curse, a night invasion and a daily devil” but, on the upside, said, “She can read novels and milk cows… She can make butter and scold the maid.” After roughly two hours of bartering, Mrs. Thompson was sold to a man named Harry Mears for one pound and a Newfoundland dog.

7. A funky old poster

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8. A Swiss custom

According to Jules Michelet:

In Zurich, in the olden time, when a quarrelsome couple applied for a divorce, the magistrate never listened to them. Before deciding upon the case, he locked them up for three days in the same room, with one bed, one table, one plate, and one tumbler. Their food was passed into them by attendants who neither saw nor spoke to them. When they came out, at the end of the three days, neither of them wanted to be divorced.

9. The Reno route

In the vernacular of the ’30s and ’40s, to get a divorce was “Going Reno” because it only took six weeks to untie the knot there; columnist Walter Winchell called it getting “Reno-vated”; and in the 1940s “The Reno” was the name for a bra that was said to “separate and support.” In this 1940s postcard, a determined divorcée is following a fabled custom on “The Bridge of Sighs.”

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10. A confession

Oscar to Felix in Neil Simon’s The Odd Couple: How can I help you when I can’t help myself? You think you’re impossible to live with? Blanche used to say: “What time do you want dinner?” And I’d say, “I don’t know, I’m not hungry.” Then at three in the morning, I’d wake her up and say “Now!” I’ve been one of the highest paid sports writers in the East for the past 14 years — and we saved eight and a half dollars — in pennies. I’m never home, I gamble, I burn cigar holes in the furniture, drink like a fish and lie to her every chance I get and for our tenth wedding anniversary, I took her to the New York Rangers — Detroit Red Wings hockey game, where she got his with a puck. And I still can’t understand why she left me. That’s how impossible I am.”

11. A classic put-down

Martha to George, in Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf: “I swear…if you existed I’d divorce you.”

12. A classic grievance

Nora Ephron, in Heartburn: “The man was capable of having sex with a venetian blind.”

13. A choice

Woody Allen, standup act, circa 1964:

We used to argue and fight. We finally decided, we either take a vacation in Bermuda or get a divorce, one of the two things. And we discussed it very maturely, and we decided on the divorce, ’cause we felt that we had a limited amount of money to spend, ya know. A vacation in Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something that you always have.

14. A last word

Chris Rock: “Marriage is so tough, Nelson Mandela got a divorce.”

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That ‘Jane The Virgin’ Finale: Eight Ways It Was Awesome

Where to begin with the “Jane the Virgin” Season 1 finale? How about with a phrase frequently uttered by its narrator: “Let’s do this!”

Just over a year ago, members of the media began getting copies of the pilot for “Jane the Virgin.” By August, there was hardly a TV reporter or critic who didn’t have a mild or major crush on the show. It was so smart and precisely calibrated; it was bold and melodramatic at times, but it efficiently mixed heartfelt family drama into its telenovela constructs. The “Jane the Virgin” pilot was simply light-years better than most of the turgid, forced pilots the broadcast networks aired last year.

But did any critic really believe the show could sustain the impressive deftness of the pilot for an entire season? Asked to contemplate that possibility, critics tended to get worried expression on their faces. Of course, we wanted to bet on Jane Gloriana Villanueva and her family; we wanted to think it could be done. But TV is in the business of breaking hearts, and many a fine show has gone down in flames a few months, or sometimes just weeks, after a promising debut.

How awesome is it that “Jane the Virgin” rewarded our faith in it with an incredibly strong and entertaining first season. The finale energetically capped a series of season-long sagas that kept twisting and turning every week without generally losing their shape, and now that we know Jane, Rogelio, Xiomara, Alba, Michael, Rafael and even Petra better, nearly every moment of the finale landed with more force and every in-joke was that much more fun. Not only has a lot of old business been wrapped up, there will clearly be many soapy twists and tear-inducing moments when Jane, her little son Mateo and the rest of her clan return in the fall.

In the interest of keeping things as spry and sprightly as the addictive CW show, I’m going to skip right to a list of the best parts of the finale. Of course, if you wanted to get distracted by this feature on the show and by these interviews with cast members Gina Rodriguez, Ivonne Coll and Jaime Camil and with executive producer Jennie Snyder Urman, you are welcome to do so.

But without further ado, here are a few of my favorite elements of the fab Season 1 finale:

  1. The baby! The idea of Jane becoming a mother is so familiar by now that it had practically become mundane — except, as things transpired in the finale, it wasn’t! It was genuinely moving when Jane held her tiny son in her arms, and before that, the sight of the three Villanueva women together, with Xio cheering on Jane and repeating what Alba had told her during Jane’s birth, was just magic. There has been a lot of turmoil lately when it comes to the men in Jane’s life, but the show returned to its core strength in that scene: It focused on the three women of the family, whose love for each other and for the new member of the family could practically be felt in waves coming off the screen.
  2. The name! When Alba started crying at Jane naming the baby Mateo, well, forget it. If you didn’t at least get a lump in your throat, you’re a monster. And if there is a sweeter and more emotionally effective scene on TV this year, I will eat my hat and then cry a little more.
  3. The bus! Not a lot of TV shows feature multiple working-class characters, and shows that do tend to be serious, if not depressing or downbeat. One of the best aspects of “Jane the Virgin” is that it takes the Villanueva’s budget and bills seriously, but it never assumes that the characters are downtrodden or unhappy about their lives — quite the opposite, in fact. The show celebrates their hard work and aspirations while not getting too sentimental about what it’s like to have to think hard about where each dollar will go. In any event, the whole bus trip was delightful and hilarious, and it was typical of the way the show celebrates the way hard-working people look out for each other. The wild bus trip was also one of many callbacks to the pilot, which also showed Jane taking public transportation and being addressed by a talking Rogelio poster. In the finale, though, even the crosstalk by the bus passengers was a hoot (“Is there a doctor on board?” “I’m a vet.”)
  4. The narrator! The Latin Lover Narrator has been a delight from the start, but his presence has only become more enjoyable over time. The finale gave his lively personality even more room to shine (“Zoinks!”), as he alternated between narration modes, one minute cheering on Jane, the next minute commenting on the action and in other scenes, reminding us of various shenanigans that transpired during an eventful Season 1. I’ll miss the show during the summer, but I may miss the warm voice of the narrator (Anthony Mendez) most of all.
  5. Rogelio! “Jane the Virgin” is a busy show with lots of plots to keep spinning, which sometimes cuts into Rogelio’s screen time, and I’m sure he would agree that that is a tragedy. Every moment of Jaime Camil’s screen time in the pilot was gold, from his petulant conversation with Xio in Vegas to his clear desire to hashtag the birth of his grandson (#TeamMatelio).
  6. A surprise Vegas wedding! Ro and Xio are married! Zoinks!
  7. So many little things. Even as the show pulled off big moves— Mateo was abducted! Sin Rostro is back! Michael’s spy-worthy stratagems! — it had fun with the smaller moments and less showy scenes. Michael and Rafael fighting over Jane and her giving them expert side-eye was great, as was our introduction to Rogelio’s wake-up song (“It’s another beautiful day to be Rogelio!”). Not only was the finale expertly constructed, it was just zippy and moved fast, but it didn’t rush past any of the emotional moments, all of which were very effective. It’s killing me that we have to wait until the fall for more “Jane the Virgin” goodness.
  8. The stats! OK, this is cheating a little bit, given that this factoid relates to Season 1 as a whole, not just the finale. But this information is worth pointing out. During its first season, “Jane the Virgin” employed 15 directors. Nine of them were women, and four of them were women of color. And, as it happened, during its first season, the show received the CW’s first-ever Golden Globe, its first-ever Peabody Award and lots of other attention and acclaim. Well, how about that?

Ryan McGee and I will discuss the “Jane the Virgin” finale, as well as the most recent episode of “Mad Men,” in a Talking TV podcast that will be posted Tuesday evening.

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4 Ways To Wake Up With Perfect Hair

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5 Surefire Ways To Find Out Which Colors Flatter You Most

SPECIAL FROM Grandparents.com

If you came of age in the 1970s, you likely figured out your best colors based on the seasonal color wheel, which matched your complexion and hair to a specific set of complimentary colors. But things change as you age, and your coloring has probably shifted. Are you still wearing the right hues? “I have a tremendous number of clients that come to me with this very question,” says David Zyla, award-winning stylist and author of “Color Your Style” and “How to Win at Shopping.” “They tell me, ‘When I was 20, I used to wear lemon yellow, and now it feels like it’s too much’. What happens is that our coloring mellows as we get older.”

#1: Adjust Your Look As You Age
Not sure whether your go-to color palette is doing you justice? Let your face be your guide. “As we become more seasoned (a word that is to me, more preferable than the term ‘getting older’), we do need to change the colors that we wear—especially those worn close to the face,” says Carol Davidson, AICI, CIP, image consultant and founder of Styleworks in New York City. “The reason for this is that our personal coloring (hair, skin and eyes) becomes more delicate (a.k.a soft or muted) and very bright colors may visually overwhelm us.”

But that’s not to say you should skip the saturated shades—color isn’t just stylish, it can also shave years off your appearance. “Because our pigmentation softens and we appear to lose color (for example the graying process with hair), adding a bit of color back into the clothing we wear helps us look more well-rested, vibrant and younger,” says Davidson.

Typically, a simple shade shift is all you need to look your best. “If, as a 20-year-old, you wore cherry red really well, and now it’s 40 years later, chances are you should still wear a version of that color—it’s just going to be softened,” says Zyla. Try a deep pink rather than a red, as if it were a water-color version of the original red, he recommends.

#2: Figure Out Your Best Colors
To find the hues flatter you, start with a clean slate and do a few simple color assessment tests using your own body, says Zyla. Get comfy in a room with plenty of natural light and carefully examine the following:

  • Your veins: To find your most dramatic color, look to the inside of your wrist — are your veins blue, green, or purple? Then look closer and determine the exact shades. You can hold your arm against paint swatches to make it easier. “That color will be a very high-impact color for you — it’s the greatest contrast to your coloring,” says Zyla.
  • Your eyes: To find colors you’ll always look great in, identify the darkest and lightest hues in the colored part (iris) of your eye. And for your best version of black, figure out the exact shade of the rim around your iris.
  • Your fingertip: To find your most “romantic” color, pinch a fingertip using the thumb and forefinger of the other hand. Zyla recommends using this trick to choose a lipstick shade.

For women with a darker complexion or very dark brown eyes, the best way to figure out your flattering colors is to take your color temperature, says Dianne M. Daniels, a coach, consultant, and founder of The DivaStyle Coach. The method:

  1. Take an obviously cool piece of fabric, like a hot pink or blue-red shirt and stand in good lighting with the piece of fabric under your chin.
  2. Close your eyes for a few seconds, then look at yourself in a mirror.

Reading your results:
“If your skin looks clear, your eyes bright and shiny, and the first thing you notice is your eyes, you may be cooler, or more blue-based, in your coloring,” says Daniels. “If you see shadows around your nose or mouth, or your skin looks dull, you may be warmer in your coloring and should repeat the test with a piece of gold, yellow or orange fabric, looking for the smoothing effect.”
For a warm vs. cool color refresher, visit Stylecaster.com.

#3: The Best & Worst Colors for Women Over 50
Having trouble identifying your best colors? Stylists agree, certain colors look great on most every woman over 50. “Universally flattering colors for those over 50 are more balanced, mid-range colors,” says Davidson. “Think about periwinkle blue, medium violet, watermelon red, warm pink, teal, medium turquoise, medium gray, and soft white.”
And the #1 color you should stay away from? Basic black — it’s too severe. “As some of my more seasoned clients are reluctant to give up their tried-and-true black, I will often share with them that their “best black” is navy, charcoal gray, rich taupe and/or other kinder, gentler neutrals,” says Davidson.

#4: If You Dye, Do It Right
Hair color is a hue you’ll be wearing every day, so choose wisely. Dying your hair properly is both an art and a science — you want it to complement your skin tone, but you also want to stay away from the color it was when you were young, says Zyla. “The hair color you had when you were seven will look very harsh,” he says. “Look to it and then soften it. Shoot for the softer shades of your true tones.”

#5: Colors That Look Gorgeous with Gray Hair
To find the clothing colors that truly suit your gray best, stylists recommend looking closely in the mirror to pick out your hair’s tones and highlights. For example, a pewter gray will have a slightly greenish cast, dove gray skews slightly warm, light gray and silver are more cool, and so on. Once you know what direction to go in, the world is your color oyster.

But if you want “quick and dirty” advice, go for vibrant, cool colors, says Jessica Jo Fisher, personal style mentor and costume designer. “In general, gray and silver hair has a cooler tone which means that cooler colors can play really well against your hair,” says Fisher. “I personally love to use rich blues, greens, and purples to play up both gray or silver hair and the color of one’s eyes.”

Color Maintenance
To make sure you always walk out of the door feeling comfortable and gorgeous in your skin, do regular style check-ups, says Zyla. “Go through your closet every year to two years to see if your clothes are still doing something for you,” he says. “If something clashes with your hair or is too intense, get rid of it. Check for fit and color. Always listen to yourself — you are your own style icon.”

One last color hint: Once you find your perfect shades, don’t go overboard. “If you’re just wearing shades of one color head to toe, it’s a lot,” says Zyla. “You can keep the color very dynamic by pairing it with one of your neutrals.”

Read more from Grandparents.com:
7 home remedies for dry hair
7 tips to feel better about yourself in the dressing room
8 steps to coloring your own hair flawlessly

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

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21 Ways Chrissy Teigen’s Style Shows Us Black Is The New Black

Chrissy Teigen speaks the truth. She calls it like it is on Twitter, embraces her flaws and isn’t afraid to say what’s on her mind.

When it comes to her wardrobe, the supermodel abides by yet another truth: black clothing always looks good.

Sure, she wears color on the red carpet, and sometimes she even ditches clothing altogether. But a quick inventory of her style tells us one thing: she’s got a whole lot of black hanging in her closet.

Hey, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right? Here are 21 times Teigen brought it in black.

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

Style – The Huffington Post
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