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Say You’ll Stay – Kathryn Shay

Kathryn Shay - Say You'll Stay  artwork

Say You’ll Stay

Kathryn Shay

Genre: Romance

Publish Date: July 11, 2017

Publisher: Ocean View Books

Seller: Mary C. Schaefer


A family of heroes, all in dangerous jobs, all irrevocably tied to those they love. Read about the Marino clan in this fast-paced, emotional new series, To Serve and Protect, by NYT bestselling author Kathryn Shay.  Gabe Marino has been a disgraced Secret Service agent since his advance team in South America fouled up. After he helps the president solve a case involving his sister, Gabe is on the verge of getting exactly what he wants: a spot on the coveted Presidential Protection Detail.  He’s known Macy Stevens and her son for years, helping her out after her agent husband was killed and befriending the troubled child. Just as Gabe is preparing to go to the White House, sparks fly between him and Macy. But he can’t give up his dream of restoring his reputation in the service and she can’t marry another agent who wants to spend his life in the kill zone. Exactly who is going to give up what to pursue this doomed romance?  SAY YOU’LL STAY gives readers an in-depth look at training Secret Service recruits, a peek into the life of a boy with emotional disorders and the man who befriends him, and a tender love story that you won’t want to end. The book will have you pulling out the Kleenex.  If you liked ABOVE AND BEYOND, be sure to read the entire To Serve and Protect series:  ABOVE AND BEYOND, SAY YOU’LL STAY, ONLY WITH YOU, NO OTHER LOVE and COME BACK TO ME. PRAISE FOR THE NOVELS OF KATHRYN SHAY  “Kathryn Shay blends romance and realism to flawless perfection. There’s no stopping this gifted author.” The Literary Times.    “What can I say about the talented Kathryn Shay? She writes a well-paced, terrifically plotted novel filled with real feelings and believable dialogue. Highly recommended.” The Romance Reader Connection     “With brilliant characterization and sizzling sensuality, fast rising star Kathryn Shay gifts us with an emotional powerhouse of a love story.” RT Book Reviews   

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The Best Fall Colognes and Scents You’ll Want to Wear All Year Long

As the weather gets cooler, the scents get warmer. That’s the tradition, anyway: Fall fragrances are known for woody, spicy, or amber notes. Whereas warm weather scents have a fresh, floral lift, fall ones lean more heavily into the cold category, preparing us for the deep and musky tones of winter. The best thing about these transitional colognes and fragrances for fall is that many can work all year long.

If you’re in the market for a seasonal fragrance with subtle warm notes, or if you’re hunting for a year-round scent, consider these options. Some are brand new, some recently revived, and some are longstanding consumer favorites. All of them, however, are the best colognes you can sport this season.


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Arquiste Parfumeur Sydney Rock Pool

Arquiste first released this as a limited edition, but its popularity demanded a fulltime feature. All of the brand’s fragrances summon a setting of the senses. This is one of Arquiste’s most modern takes: 2016, Sydney, golden hour in the sandstone surf. The result is something warm, but expansive—almost like a blissful summer. Best of all, that means you don’t need to put it aside until next fall and winter, either: With Sydney Rock Pool, there’s year-round warmth in orbit. 

[$ 190; arquiste.com]

Courtesy of Arquiste

Blueprint 203

Chances are you already know about Dollar Shave Club’s shaving products. Now the company wants to help you smell really damn good. With its bottle of Blueprint, the brand is venturing into colognes, with two different sets: The 100 “Fresh” trio, and the 200 “Warm” trio. We like Blueprint Warm 203, with its blend of golden musk, vetiver, and sandalwood. It’s a little fresh, like the rest of the white-label collection, but this blue bottle creates a darker, more masculine effect despite its clean first impression. 

[$ 50; dollarshaveclub.com]

Courtesy of Blueprint

Le Labo Thé Noir 29 Solid

All of Le Labo’s scents are solid in that they’re really good. But some of them are also literally solid, as is the case with this Thé Noir capsule. Thé Noir starts with lighter notes like bergamot and fig, it graduates into a base of arguably the best-smelling things in the world (cedar wood, musk, and vetiver) to create a perfect fall balance. Best of all, it’s TSA-friendly, easy to tote in your dopp kit or work bag, and just as easy to apply (rub a sliver of it on your pulse points, or even on your mustache). 

[$ 94; lelabofragrances.com]

Courtesy of Le Labo

Fulton & Roark Ltd. Reserve #6 Perpetua

Speaking of solids, the same goes for Fulton & Roark’s excellent assortment of pocket-size, travel-friendly tins. The newest limited edition run has landed in time for fall: Go for Perpetua and you’ll smell like a mix of cedarwood and mahogany, balanced with bergamot, jasmine, and other notes. Amber seals the deal, preserving Perpetua as a cold-weather classic—one you have to get this year, before the limited supply runs out.

[$ 60; fultonandroark.com]

Courtesy of Fulton and Roark

Azzaro Chrome

So you want the crispness of bergamot and the sharpness of musk? Consider Azzaro Chrome. The bright blue bottle evokes summer days—a warmth you’ll appreciate as you navigate the plunging temperatures this fall and winter. 

[$ 87 for a 3.4oz bottle; azzaro.com]

Courtesy of Azzaro

Dior Sauvage Eau de Parfum

While Sauvage Eau de Parfum opens with bergamot and fresh lavender, it’s rounded out with Sichuan pepper, star anise, nutmeg, and vanilla. When discussing the balance of these tones, experts reference the warm notes getting depth by the addition of fresher, cleaner ingredients. In the case of Sauvage EdC, it’s truly the most balanced of the lot and great for every season, but these spicy notes make autumn its sweet spot.

[$ 92; dior.com]

Courtesy of Dior

Calvin Klein Eternity for Men

Nobody does mass appeal like CK, and the brand’s Eternity for Men continues to be a bestseller year round. Now’s the best time to wear it, too: It envelops you with herbal, floral, and citrus top notes, but persists with much deeper tones of rosewood, sandalwood, vetiver, and amber. You might just want to wear it for eternity.

[$ 64; calvinklein.com]

 

Courtesy of Calvin Klein

DedCool Series 2 Red (Dakota)

The latest launch from SoCal scentmaker DedCool, Series 2 is a lineup of scents that can weather any season. The best for fall is Red (Dakota), with a woody and amber heart bookended by fresh gardenias, crisp clementines, and sweet wild berries. As a born-and-raised Dakotan, I can tell you that this one deserves its name: It’s as warm and hospitable as the autumnal prairie. 

[$ 130; dedcool.com]

Courtesy of DedCool

Coach Platinum

A premium blend of ingredients makes Platinum a real original: It mixes tonka beans, cashmeran, juniper berries, sage, geranium, pineapple, leather, black pepper, sandalwood, and patchouli. It’s a perfect nighttime scent for a dinner date or black-tie affair. 

[$ 92; coach.com]

 

Courtesy of Coach

VIRTU Vince Camuto

VIRTU debuted this fall with warm notes to commemorate the season: crushed peppercorn, Haitian vetiver, fresh tree moss, Tuscan leather, cedar, and Indian sandalwood. The blend has a crisp complexity to it, though. It’s curiously cool despite its fuller recipe, with fresh notes of Turkish cardamom and papyrus rounding out the top layer. And the leather-wrapped bottle is as much a part of the sensory experience as the liquid inside.

[$ 80; vincecamuto.com]

Courtesy of Vince Camuto

Hugo Boss BOSS The Scent

BOSS isn’t shy about this bottle. It’s seductive and sensual, so dab some on before your next date for an enticing scent. You’ll get spicy ginger deepened with the addition of exotic maninka fruit and finished with leather base notes—a recipe for a great night.

[$ 87; hugoboss.com]

Courtesy of Hugo Boss

Louis Vuitton L’Immensité

One of five men’s scents launched by Louis Vuitton this year, L’Immendisté isn’t exactly a fall fragrance, but it’s included here to buck tradition. While most seasonal scents evoke a specific mood, L’Immensité was designed to be a limitless scent, one that you can’t attach to any specific occasion. Its fresh blend of ginger and amber finished with grapefruit works in any situation—your girlfriend might even steal this one for herself, too.

[Call for pricing; louisvuitton.com]

Courtesy of Louis Vuitton

CoSTUME NATIONAL Scent Intense

Scent Intense will forever be one of my fall favorites. Anchored by amber, CoSTUME NATIONAL’s best blend combines the broody ingredient with hibiscus, jasmine, and wood notes for a head-turning finish. It’s the kind of fragrance that makes guys stock up on just one bottle and wear it as a signature scent.

[$ 125 for 50ml bottle; us.costumenationalscents.com]

Courtesy of CoSTUME NATIONAL

Ralph Lauren Polo Supreme Oud

Supreme Oud is supreme in its warming powers: With notes of smoky Indian oud wood, vetiver, cinnamon, and pink pepper, it’s the scent equivalent of sitting around a crackling fire in late autumn, spiked ciders in hand. With its gilded detailing, it belongs on your top shelf—though you should keep it easily accessible since it’s your new secret style weapon.

[$ 125 for 4.2oz bottle; sephora.com]

Courtesy of Ralph Lauren

Montblanc Legend

As good in the spring as it is during fall, this transitional scent balances the fruity, the crisp, and the floral (ingredients like lavender, pineapple, red apple, bergamot, and geranium) with heartier, standout ones like tonka beans, sandalwood, and oak moss. If you’re one to have a different scent with each season, you could save some money and rely on the strength and popularity of Legend on either end of summer and winter.

[$ 68; montblanc.com]

Courtesy of Montblanc

The post The Best Fall Colognes and Scents You’ll Want to Wear All Year Long appeared first on Men's Journal.

Men’s Journal Latest Style News

You’ll Want to Wear These Rugged Work Boots Every Day

Sure, work boots might be sturdy, but they don’t exactly have a reputation for being stylish. Whether your job requires you to have heavy-duty footwear or you just like tough boots that can get you through the day without weighing you down, we spied a style that’s sure to check off all your boxes. As an added bonus, it’s from two brands we can’t get enough of.

Todd Snyder boots
Todd Snyder

Todd Snyder collaborated with Red Wing Shoes to bring you the Moc Toe Boot. Between the haberdashery and wear-everywhere apparel and accessories Todd Snyder is synonymous with, to the experience Red Wing Shoes has with creating premium work boots (the brand’s been doing it since 1905), you know you’re going to get a great boot that will work just as hard as you do.

Todd Snyder boots
Todd Snyder

The updated style still has traces of the original 877 classic moc boot, yet is made easy to wear even on days you don’t need the extra safety and support. The durable Vibram sole provides great grip, while the shoe is crafted with a mix of premium leather and suede for a thoroughly sporty look. The style is available in two street-ready shades: Charcoal and Copper. The ultra-versatile boot is perfect for pairing with chinos or go casual with your favorite jeans.

See it: Shop the Exclusive Red Wing x Todd Snyder Moc Toe Boot in Charcoal or Copper for $ 380.

The post You’ll Want to Wear These Rugged Work Boots Every Day appeared first on Men's Journal.

Men’s Journal Latest Style News

12 Stylish Swim Trunks You’ll Want to Wear This Summer

The beach is nothing if not a great equalizer. Once you take off your shirt and you’re left with only your swim trunks, everyone knows what’s going on under the hood. And finding the right pair of shorts has never been easier, thanks to more brands designing versatile and stylish trunks that won’t break the bank.

 

When you’re shopping for new swim trunks, consider a few simple visual tricks: Vertical stripes create the illusion of a longer, leaner frame while horizontal ones (as well as bold patterns) can appear to add bulk. Stick with dark, slimming solids if you have thicker, muscular legs. If your legs are on the smaller side, steer clear of short inseams. These work best for average-height and smaller guys who need to show more skin to look longer. More focused on style? “Navy looks great on everyone and goes with just about everything, and red has been the standard for lifeguards on both coasts since the 1960s,” says Bill Carney, director of apparel at iconic board short brand, Birdwell. “Camo is a style staple that can be worn every summer.”

Whether you want to spend $ 35 or have a little room in your budget, here are a dozen stylish, affordable swim trunks you’ll want to rock in the sun this summer.

Outerknown Apex Trunk By Kelly Slater

We’re not saying your swimwear can make you handle waves like a pro surfer, but these trunks certainly stand up to any swells the ocean throws your way. The durable and lightweight material made from recycled plastic bottles not only offers the comfort of 4-way stretch, but it’s also water resistant, so drying time is minimal once you make it back to shore. 

[$ 145; outerknown.com]

Courtesy image

Patagonia Wavefarer Standup Shorts

Your bag just a got a lot lighter. No need to bring extra shorts when you can wear these quick-drying swim shorts all day. Made from recycled nylon, they’re the ideal piece to transition from beach to barbecue, and the 50+ UPF protection means you don’t have to obsess over sunscreen if you’re too busy having a good time.

[$ 69; patagonia.com]

Courtesy image

Birdwell 310 Board Shorts

You can’t go wrong with these OG surf shorts from the Santa Ana, CA, brand that have been worn by lifeguards and surfers for more than 50 years. The tab closure offers freedom to adjust the fit, nylon offers performance, and the classic camo print actually stands out—in the best sort of way—on the sand.

[$ 79; birdwell.com]

Courtesy image

Bonobos Banzai Trunk

Certain patterns can look a little too precious for the pool. Anchors and flamingos, we’re talking to you. But small geometric shapes like these give off a retro vibe and have a cool factor that doesn’t fade. 

[$ 88; bonobos.com]

Courtesy image

Faherty Brand All Day Short

Consider this pair of shorts the closest a piece of apparel can get to a deep breath of sea air. We appreciate the Zen feels of this laid-back brand known for sun-faded colors like this. Rendered in a soft, stretchy technical fabric—and in a length that hits a few inches above the knee—just add a cotton button front shirt and wear this tailored trunk well after the sun goes down.

[$ 98; fahertybrand.com]

Courtesy image

Vouri Equator Boardshort

If you’ve got an active day ahead of you, these board shorts can take you from your a.m. workout session to a late afternoon swim. The stretchy, anti-odor, and fast-drying fabric keeps you feeling comfortable and prepared for whatever adventures come your way—even if that is just early morning yoga.

[$ 69; vuoriclothing.com]

Courtesy image

Tommy Hilfiger Solid Mid-Length Swim Trunk

Sometimes it’s good to keep it simple. These classic drawstring navy trunks are straightforward, so they’ll go with every color in your closet—from patterns and prints to brighter summer colors—after you dry off. The slightly shorter inseam is just right for average height-and-under guys.

[$ 60; usa.tommy.com]

Courtesy image

Orlebar Brown Bulldog Sport

Along with sunscreen, consider these sophisticated shorts your tropical vacation must. The small pattern, which works for any body type, will stand out when you’re spiking a volleyball on the beach or sipping a frozen drink at the bar. Add a solid black polo when you want to explore after dark.  

[$ 195; orlebarbrown.com]

Courtesy image

Nautica Performance Quick-Dry Swim Shorts

You can’t go wrong with these simple and classic cinched waistband shorts. The bright color is the perfect match for that post-vacation tan you’ve been working on, too.

[$ 40; nautica.com]

Courtesy image

Saturdays NYC x Mr. Porter Colin Boardshort

We like these shorts because the subtle pattern is tonal, so from far away you might not even know there is one until you get closer. The tailored, streamlined fit with only a single back pocket is flattering on everybody.

[$ 95; saturdaysnyc.com]

Courtesy image

LL Bean Classic Supplex Sports Short

Nothing beats a classic performance trunk like this one. Made with breathable performance fabric in UPF 50+, it has all of the attributes you’d want: reliable, versatile, protective, and comfortable in almost any situation.

[$ 35; llbean.com]

Courtesy image

Ralph Lauren Monaco Striped Trunk

Nautical looks are a perennial go-to for guys looking to lighten up their summer style. The horizontal stripes that create the illusion of width are good news for narrow or slimmer frames. The bottom line: They’ll never go out of style.

[$ 85; ralphlauren.com]

Courtesy image

The post 12 Stylish Swim Trunks You'll Want to Wear This Summer appeared first on Men's Journal.

Men’s Journal Latest Style News

These Boots Are the Best Style Deal You’ll Find This Memorial Day

You shouldn’t have to break the bank to get a pair of stylish, comfortable shoes. And thanks to this weekend’s Memorial Day sales, you don’t have to. Some of our favorite styles from Astorflex are available for between 30 and 40% off their original prices.

The post These Boots Are the Best Style Deal You’ll Find This Memorial Day appeared first on Men's Journal.

Men’s Journal Latest Style News

13 reasons you’ll be spending your summer at the movies

“Deadpool 2” isn’t the only eagerly awaited film this summer.


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You’ll Want to Wear Flint And Tinder’s New Sweats Every Day of the Week

At a certain point in your adulthood, you recognize it’s time to upgrade some things—to get rid of the chipped plates and bowls you’ve had since college and dispense with the hand-me-down couch that furnished your first bachelor pad. In the spirit of leveling up, Flint and Tinder—the San Francisco-based brand that turns out made-in-America wardrobe essentials—is introducing something that doesn’t often get replaced until long after it needs to: a set of sweats.

The post You’ll Want to Wear Flint And Tinder’s New Sweats Every Day of the Week appeared first on Men's Journal.

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Conor McGregor to Floyd: Fight Me In UFC Or You’ll Regret It Forever

[[tmz:video id=”0_cgwr91ck”]] Conor McGregor says Floyd Mayweather needs to stop flirting with an MMA fight and ACTUALLY BOOK IT — or he’ll regret it until the day he dies.  “If he does do it, I know he’s flirting with it, I would have respect for…

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Why Anybrand’s $99 Sweatshirt Is the Last One You’ll Ever Want to Wear

“I think it’s cool.”

The post Why Anybrand's $ 99 Sweatshirt Is the Last One You'll Ever Want to Wear appeared first on Men's Journal.

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How to Buy and Take Care of the Best Sweaters You’ll Ever Own

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6 On-Trend Turtlenecks You’ll Actually Want to Wear this Winter

Even for the most savvy of men, a turtleneck sweater is a bit of a tough sell (despite the fact that generally accepted men’s fashion icons like James Bond have worn them for decades), but it doesn’t have to be that difficult. Layering a turtleneck sweater under a bomber jacket, jean jacket, or even a suit or sport coat is a quick way to announce to the world that you have great style—and confidence to boot. And it’s as easy as putting on a sweater. Below, a handful of our favorites to get you started.

The post 6 On-Trend Turtlenecks You'll Actually Want to Wear this Winter appeared first on Men's Journal.

Men’s Journal Latest Style News

You’ll Never Blue Ball in This Town Again: One Woman’s Painfully Funny Quest to Give It Up – Heather McDonald

Heather McDonald - You'll Never Blue Ball in This Town Again: One Woman's Painfully Funny Quest to Give It Up  artwork

You’ll Never Blue Ball in This Town Again: One Woman’s Painfully Funny Quest to Give It Up

Heather McDonald

Genre: Comedy

Price: $ 9.95

Publish Date: October 20, 2011

© ℗ © 2011 Brilliance Audio

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6 On-Trend Turtlenecks You’ll Actually Want to Wear this Winter

Even for the most savvy of men, a turtleneck sweater is a bit of a tough sell (despite the fact that generally accepted men’s fashion icons like James Bond

This article originally appeared on www.mensjournal.com: 6 On-Trend Turtlenecks You’ll Actually Want to Wear this Winter

Men’s Journal Latest Style News

Why Anybrand’s $99 Sweatshirt Is the Last One You’ll Ever Want to Wear

“I think it’s cool.”

That’s what my friend said when she saw the triumvirate of chalky white smudges on my black sweatshirt. They could have been flour or toothpaste; I wasn’t sure how they got there. But they resembled the fingerprints of a large primate, or Blim Blam.

Upon their discovery, I was beside

This article originally appeared on www.mensjournal.com: Why Anybrand’s $ 99 Sweatshirt Is the Last One You’ll Ever Want to Wear

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How To Pick A Date Night Movie You’ll Both Enjoy

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There Is A Lil Wayne Sex Tape, You’ll Never See It

There is a Lil Wayne sex tape and it is being shopped. Don’t bank on seeing this film of Tunechi getting it on with two women in just his socks ever seeing the light of day officially, though. 

Reports TMZ:

We’re told the big porn companies have been contacted by a person in possession of the tape, which shows Wayne in nothing but his socks, and 2 more-than-accommodating women who do all the work.

Wayne’s rep says if there is a tape, the rapper didn’t know he was being filmed. And the rep makes it clear they will pounce if a tape is released to the public, saying, “We’ll sue the hell out of them.”

Without Wayne’s sign-off, the big porn companies would never take the risk.

Weezy wouldn’t be the first celeb to dead the release of an illicit tape. For example, both Kanye West and Iggy Azalea put the kabosh on the release of their personal porn films.

Photo: ESPN

The post There Is A Lil Wayne Sex Tape, You’ll Never See It appeared first on Hip-Hop Wired.

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27 Fierce Feminist Prints You’ll Want To Hang On Your Wall

Every feminist needs a little pick-me-up once in awhile. After all, fighting for gender equality isn’t an easy battle. And what’s a better pick-me-up than a bit of textual inspiration? 

To brighten every feminist’s day (and their homes), we’ve rounded up some badass pro-gender equality prints. From Audre Lorde quotes, to the notorious RBG and Pussy Riot, there’s something for every equality-friendly person.

Sometimes you just need a reminder to keep fighting the good fight — conveniently placed above your bed or kitchen table.  

Scroll below to see 27 awesome feminist prints.

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Female Viagra or Not, You’ll Want to Get Between These Sheets

irving penn sheets libido

Now that Addyi, the so-called female version of Viagra, has the stamp of approval from the FDA, everyone’s got an opinion—advocates say it’s a leap forward for women’s rights and sexual dysfunction, critics think it’s not effective enough and makes a joke out of pharmaceutical lobbying. If your stance happens to be somewhere in the middle of the issue, here’s another way of looking at things: It might be a great time to update your sheets, either to sleep in or get busy between. Whether you pop the “little pink pill” or not in the coming season, here are four amazing start-up, online-only bedding labels to peruse.

Boll & Branch
Founded by a husband and wife team last year, Boll & Branch sells sheets made of cotton sourced directly from local farmers around the world. Their sustainable linens come in simple whites, ivories, blues, and grays, with banded, pleated, and vintage-inspired trim.

Parachute
Manufactured in Tuscany, Parachute is focused on careful design—from its oversize cashmere throws that cover an entire bed, to its envelope closures on pillowcases. The company also partners with the United Nations Foundation’s Nothing But Nets antimalaria campaign. The designs are minimal and modern, with materials that range from sateen to linen.

Crane & Canopy
This bedding site works directly with manufacturers who are also in business with top luxury department stores, offering similar products at much lower costs. Crane & Canopy offers the widest range of styles and colors of the start-up bunch.

Brooklinen
Brooklinen’s offerings are made with neutral color palettes, like navy, gray, and white, and its sheet patterns only go as far as a thin pinstripe or window pane. The allure of this brand is certainly its technique and use of long-staple Egyptian cotton, which produces sheets and comforters that are softer than most.

The post Female Viagra or Not, You’ll Want to Get Between These Sheets appeared first on Vogue.

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The 7 Pieces You’ll Find in Every Well-Appointed Home (and Should Add to Yours)

home decor essentials

There are the furniture basics: the bed, sofa, coffee table, but real decor artistry comes with the smaller pieces—the items that help make a house a home. So what are these fabled pieces? Designer Lauren McGrath of mother-daughter design team McGrath II let us in on her seven under-the-radar must-haves. These are the secret workhorses and statement-makers that not only transform a space, but also easily transition from first apartment to family home.

 

1. Glossy, Colorful Ceramic Lamp

“A colorful and handmade ceramic table lamp is often what takes a room from good to great,” says McGrath. “And no one makes lamps like Christopher Spitzmiller—his colors are breathtaking, and each lamp is crafted by hand in his Manhattan pottery studio.”

 

2. Love Seat

“The love seat is one of the most versatile pieces of furniture,” says McGrath. “Once you’ve purchased your first, it easily moves from your first apartment to the foot of your bed in your first ‘grown-up’ home.”

 

3. Graphic Pillows

“In neutral rooms like this, we love to use graphic pillows to punch things up,” says McGrath. “Shop for vintage fabrics or choose small quantities of bespoke textiles and have pillows made to give your room a more curated look.”

 

4. Statement Wallpaper

“Wallpapering a room always helps elevate its look, but we find it particularly effective in entryways,” says McGrath. “It’s the perfect room in the house to take a risk and make a lasting first impression.”

 

5. Distinct Tray

“Large coffee tables are the norm today with more and more people entertaining outside the dining room. But a larger coffee table means you need to layer it with thoughtful—and useful—accessories,” says McGrath. “A chic tray is practical for serving drinks and snacks when entertaining, but also a lovely way to display a collection of books and a vase of flowers day to day.”

 

6. Something Alive

“No room is complete without something green and living,” says McGrath. “Our favorite place to buy cut flowers is the Dutch Flower Line located in Manhattan’s Flower District. And we often purchase succulents for our interiors—they’re more forgiving if neglected.”



dutch flower line

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dutchflowerline.com

Photo: Courtesy of betafutchflowerline.com

 

7. Interesting Mirror

“Mirrors add depth to any room. Choose one with a dramatic shape or unusual finish,” says McGrath. “Or consider having one made at any framing store. You’d be surprised how easy this is to do, and there are so many materials and finishes available.”

The post The 7 Pieces You’ll Find in Every Well-Appointed Home (and Should Add to Yours) appeared first on Vogue.

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Salt-N-Pepa — Find My Wedding Ring … You’ll Get a Big Fat Reward

Cheryl “Salt” James and Sandra “Pepa” Denton desperately need your help, and they’re offering a big reward. Salt was barely holding back tears as she told us about losing her Oprah 25th anniversary bag in NYC, minutes…

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You’ll Want This Huge Bong Disguised As A Coffee Mug After Seeing It Used In Public

TK TK gifs

Many Americans need coffee every morning, while others have developed waking needs that may not be inside of the law in all 50 states. Although the need for keeping these desires hidden seems to be quickly vaporizing into the dank air, those who fall into the latter category may now be able to more easily pass themselves off as simple, law-abiding joe drinking Joes.

“Coffee mug water pipe” makers IronMan Design told The Huffington Post that their “pipe” can be used to smoke regular or shisha tobacco, the kind commonly found in hookahs. That said, they also told HuffPost that the product is modeled after the coffee-mug bong from “The Cabin in the Woods,” a similarity that io9 pointed out. Go to their website, and you’ll find only smoking tobacco is mentioned in the product description, but the original movie version was certainly about getting “stoned.”

IronMan Design has recently released a couple videos featuring YouTube prankster Eric Bert – who is not an employee — where Bert asks for a seemingly innocuous light while holding the mug in its compact form before whipping out the secret extension. A GIF from the most recent video went viral on Reddit earlier Tuesday.

 You can watch the original below, while IronMan Design said that the third installment would be coming “sometime late this week or early next week.” 

 

Also on HuffPost: 

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Kevin Bacon’s Free The Bacon PSA Is The Funniest Thing You’ll See All Year

Kevin Bacon performed a Free the Bacon PSA for Mashable to promote male nudity in Hollywood, and it is absolutely hilarious.
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The 17 Surfers You’ll Meet In A Lineup

Every surf break may be different, but the line up of characters you meet is almost always the same. The question is: Which one are you?

Behold, the 17 surfers you’ll meet out in the line up.

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Supermodel Nina Agdal Eats With Her Foot, And Of Course You’ll Watch

Danish supermodel Nina Agdal once starred in commercials for Carls Jr. in which she held the food with her hands.

But in an Instagram posted recently, she took a different approach to her meal. She attempted to eat (fries?) with her foot. She successfully wrapped her toes around the grub but then cheated a tad on the approach to her mouth. Agdal joked on her account that it was “my audition tape for ‘Denmark’s Got Talent.’ “

A video posted by Nina Agdal (@ninaagdal) on

While it was less than model behavior for a woman who graced the cover of Sports Illustrated’s 50th Anniversary Swimsuit Issue, she seemed to enjoy herself.

“I did it,” she can be heard saying.

H/T Uproxx

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Meet Bridget Everett: The Raunchy Cabaret Comedian You’ll Never Forget

Bridget Everett

It’s perhaps not surprising that Bridget Everett—a six-foot-tall, classically trained singer, who uses her breasts as props, and routinely sits on the faces of her audience members—would feel at home in the amorphous, anything-goes community of New York City’s downtown performance scene. Her act is neither a comedy show nor cabaret—it’s vaudeville meets raunchy storytelling, set to filthy, hilarious, and really pretty vocals. But ineffable as her act may be, when it started getting attention from more mainstream venues, Everett found herself with a foot in both worlds.

“I’ll walk into a room and I’ll be on a lineup with a bunch of guys or just comics and I’ll have to work twice as hard because they’re not used to seeing a six-foot-tall woman without a bra,” Everett told us by phone. “And, in the world of cabaret, people are also not used to seeing a six-foot-tall woman not wearing a bra. So there’s challenges wherever I go because I don’t feel like I fit a particular mold.”

Despite this balancing act, Everett has been embraced by almost everyone. In 2013, she performed at Carnegie Hall with Broadway mainstay Patti LuPone. She closed out two season finales of Inside Amy Schumer. In 2014, Everett began performing her uproarious, expletive-laden, boob-brandishing show Rock Bottom at Joe’s Pub in Manhattan. Now, Everett is breaking yet another boundary and taking her act to television with her first Comedy Central special, Gynecological Wonder. We chatted with the “alt-Cabaret provocateur” about her new special, becoming friends with Amy Schumer—and their shared devotion to chardonnay.

How many shows did you film to make the special?
We did two shows in one night but it’s almost all taken from the second show. I was a little bit more warmed-up, and I had a little more chardonnay. I was in the zone.

Have you always brown-bagged chardonnay for your performances?
That was actually a gift from friends and they gave it to me on Christmas, it’s actually an insolated wine bag. It helps keep the wine cold throughout the show, which is nice because if I really get talking it can be like two hours.
 
I feel like you and Amy Schumer need to start a chardonnay company.
You know, you are 100 percent right about that. And we both love the same chardonnay: Rombauer. And we’re like, “Why won’t Rombauer sponsor us?” I don’t know if they want to keep their distance from us or they just don’t know how deeply in love we are. When Amy and I text each other, it’s not even, like, “Hey, do you want to get a drink?” It’s, like, “Rombauer?”

Was your friendship with Amy born out of your shared love of chardonnay?
That’s what’s kept us together. No, we met at a comedy festival up in Montreal and I sort of, like, hang back in my room during those sorts of situations because there are so many comics and so many people and it can be a little overwhelming. And Amy was like, “Get out of your room, come down, let’s have some chardonnay, walk around, and say hello to people.” I wasn’t always like that but it seems like the wilder and more outrageous my stage persona becomes, the more withdrawn and reserved I become in real life. I just think just takes so much out of me on stage, so when I’m not on stage, I like to sit at home with some Rombauer and my dog Poppy.

 

Has your stage presence gotten more outrageous over the years?
Yeah. When I’m stage, I just feel like the beast is out of the cage and I’ve got to go fucking crazy. And the more fun the audience is having, the further I’ll go. I want it to be memorable for them and most importantly, I want it to be memorable for me. That’s what makes me think I have the best job in the world. I get to drink all night and sit on people’s faces. It’s not a bad way to make a living.

Has your audience involvement ever backfired?
Oh, it’s backfired before, sure. And I’ve definitely had my fair share of walkouts. But that for me is a good sign that I’m doing something right. I want people to have a very clear and distinct reaction. I don’t want to participate in something that’s, like, take it or leave it. I really want to have an impact.

Do you feel like the comedy scene has changed a lot since you began performing?
It’s funny because I really consider myself more of a singer and a cabaret performer . . . I would have to say the comedy world has evolved at least to the place where it’s allowing and embracing something like what I do. I can’t recall a time in recent years you’d see someone doing cabaret on Comedy Central. I think people are more willing and open to see not just the guy standing there in the hoodie telling dick jokes but like a woman with a plunging neckline with her titty hanging out and thinking that’s funny, too.

Gynecological Wonder airs on Comedy Central on Saturday, July 11

The post Meet Bridget Everett: The Raunchy Cabaret Comedian You’ll Never Forget appeared first on Vogue.

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Exclusive: Soon You’ll Hear Eminem, Kendrick Lamar And Dr. Dre On One ‘Insane’ Project

‘Straight Outta Compton’ director F. Gary Gray tells MTV News what to expect from the film’s soundtrack.
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9 Things You Need To Know About Dating Someone Going Through A Divorce, Because You’ll Likely Have To Interact With Their Ex At Some Point | Bustle

The older we get, the more inevitable it’s going to be we date people who already have a marriage behind their belt. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, in fact, it proves they were — and therefore likely still are — able to really commit to someone.  Still, there are some things to be wary of, and just like everything else in life, timing is everything; it can play a larger factor when dating someone going through a divorce; even a couple of months can make all the difference in the world. 

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This Makeup Artist’s Monster Transformations Are The Scariest Things You’ll See Today

Special effects and makeup artist Emily Anderson’s Instagram page is one you won’t be able to unsee. But we’re not sure whether that’s a good or bad thing.

The 23-year-old’s account is filled with hauntingly awesome makeup transformations turning Anderson into monsters, gremlins and villains. Armed with lots of water-based paints, highly-pigmented shadow palettes and patience, she’s morphed her upper body into three-dimensional versions of Doomsday, Medusa and Gizmo.

emily anderson makeup

Anderson honed her makeup artistry skills at the Cinema Makeup School in Los Angeles and on the sets of film, TV shows and music videos, including “Lizzie Borden’s Revenge,” “American Horror Story” and David Guetta and Nicki Minaj’s “Hey Mama.”

She began dabbling with monster transformations back in 2014, and picked it up again in March. “I was inspired originally by body paint that pro wrestler Finn Balor had worn actually,” she told The Huffington Post. “I ended up having the chance to do his body paint for a match in San Jose for Wrestle Mania Weekend.”

To help seamlessly blend the makeup out into the crevices and folds of her skin, Anderson uses a total of four makeup brushes and sometimes the BeautyBlender. For more heavy duty long-wear makeup looks, she reaches for airbrush paints.

All of Anderson’s monster transformations seem incredibly complex to achieve. “The raptor was pretty complicated because of the angles involved, but some of the Disney scenes or Gizmo took more detail,” she said. “I try to challenge myself each time so they are all a little difficult or complicated for me to work out in some way!”

emily anderson makeup

When it’s time to take it all off, she swears by soap and water for the water-based paints, 99-percent alcohol to remove the airbrush and alcohol colors, and Neutrogena makeup remover wipes for anything that’s left over.

See some of Emily Anderson’s most gruesome transformations below and head over to her Instagram page for more looks.

H/T Bustle


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Rihanna’s New Video for “BBHMM” Is the Scariest Thing You’ll Watch Today

rihanna-bbhmm[1]

After teasing her new music video for “Bitch Better Have My Money” at Sunday night’s BET Awards, Rihanna finally released the complete cinematic seven-minute clip this morning. Directed by Megaforce, the short horror film depicts Rihanna and her posse acting out a wild revenge plot on the wife of RiRi’s accountant who ran off with her money. Watch carefully and you’ll notice the video is replete with references to cult films such as Oldboy (that Goyard trunk in the first shot is just as haunting), Carrie, and even Weekend at Bernie’s. Needless to say, the video is NSFW because, really, would Bad Gal RiRi have it any other way?

 

Photographed by Kevin Tachman

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5 Things You’ll Never Hear Women Say To Catcallers

Whether it’s worth the time or potential risk to respond or not, it should surprise no one that women’s general reactions to catcalling are not favorable. In a new video, BuzzFeed Yellow decided to take a different angle: If and when women respond to street harassers, what would we never say?

BuzzFeed chose five common examples of street harassment and had women react in completely implausible ways. Like when a random guy offers a woman a ride and she says, “Yeah, I want a ride! Thank you so much for asking, complete and utter stranger!”

Note to catcallers: because every now and then, we need a reminder to smile — thanks for reminding us! (Is a thing we’ll never say.)

Watch the full video above.

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4th Of July Things You’ll Rethink On The 5th Of July

It’s the day after that you might remember the most.

We all look forward to having a great time on the 4th of July. But what we don’t look forward to is the day after, when perhaps we’re feeling an enormous amount of regret for things that transpired on our nation’s birthday.

Here are some things we will definitely rethink for next year’s 4th of July.

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Entertainment – The Huffington Post
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4th Of July Things You’ll Rethink On The 5th Of July

It’s the day after that you might remember the most.

We all look forward to having a great time on the 4th of July. But what we don’t look forward to is the day after, when perhaps we’re feeling an enormous amount of regret for things that transpired on our nation’s birthday.

Here are some things we will definitely rethink for next year’s 4th of July.

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Comedy – The Huffington Post
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You’ll Get ‘No Sl333p’ Tonight Thanks to Janet Jackson’s New Song

Janet Jackson released her first single in 7 years today, and you’re not going to get any Sl333p tonight.
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You’ll Never Guess Which Dope Rappers Are Part Of Nicki Minaj’s Star-Studded ‘Dream Team’

Nicki Minaj just revealed her ‘dream team’ and you might be surprised to see who’s on it.
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15 Eye-Shadow Sticks You’ll Want for Summer

Heavy eye shadow may seem as uncomfortable as a velvet robe in 99 percent humidity, but there are a bunch of eye-shadow sticks specifically formulated for high temperatures. We asked makeup artists Daniel Martin and Vincent Oquendo to guide us to the best ones.
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Quirky-Cool Makeup Ideas You’ll Want to Try this Weekend

You're about to become completely unbored with your eye makeup thanks to a slew of cool, fun new ideas we spotted on celebrities yesterday. These four looks hit the world all in one day—and just…




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Major Shopping News: Soon You’ll Be Able to Shop Right From Pinterest

Pinterest is about to up your online shopping game. Later this month, the completely addictive social network will roll out Buyable Pins, which essentially allow you to buy the stuff you like directly through…




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You’ll Never Blue Ball in This Town Again: One Woman’s Painfully Funny Quest to Give It Up – Heather McDonald

Heather McDonald - You'll Never Blue Ball in This Town Again: One Woman's Painfully Funny Quest to Give It Up  artwork

You’ll Never Blue Ball in This Town Again: One Woman’s Painfully Funny Quest to Give It Up

Heather McDonald

Genre: Comedy

Price: $ 9.95

Publish Date: October 20, 2011

© ℗ © 2011 Brilliance Audio

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Coco Rocha’s Latest Eye Makeup Look Is the Prettiest, Most Fascinating Thing You’ll See Today

Model Coco Rocha wore two rows of eyelashes to the American Ballet Theatre's 75th Anniversary Diamond Jubilee Spring Gala last night. Oh, and one of them was blue. And it was fantastic. If you look…

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We Made A Commencement Bingo Card To Track All The Clichés You’ll Hear

“As we go forth” into graduation season, let’s take a moment to acknowledge that your commencement speaker is not being original when they announce “Today is the first day of the rest of your life.”

Perhaps Ira Glass said it best during his speech at Goucher College in 2012 when he declared them a “doomed form” in a commencement address of his own. “Commencement speakers give stock advice which is then promptly ignored,” Glass said. Stock, indeed.

We created a bingo card you can use to track all of the clichés you are bound to hear or encounter while going through your commencement and subsequent graduation festivities. Many of these tropes are based on what you’ll hear during your commencement speeches. Others are things that’ll happen later on at the graduation party, like getting a copy of “Oh, The Places You’ll Go” by Dr. Seuss. (It’s a great book, but we’re just saying “Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are?” could work too.)

We’re not totally against each one of these — you really should pursue your passion and, if it’s actually funny, pulling some sort of stunt on stage is a nice way to spice up the ceremony. But let’s see how many of these you can spot during your commencement.

commencement bingo
Graphic by Tiara Chiaramonte

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17 Kid Quotes That Will Make You Laugh So Hard You’ll Cry

Kids say the darndest things, often to the surprise and confusion of their parents. Whether they are asking the tough questions about life or having a chat with their toys, sometimes the craziest things come out of the mouths of babes. We recently asked the HuffPost community to share the funniest thing their kid said that week, and we got some great responses. Oh, to be a kid again!

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Why You’ll Be Wearing Pajamas Out on the Town This Spring

Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen

I know what you’re thinking—“You want me to go out in my pajamas?”—and you’re right! I do! But hold that thought. This is not about your lace-collared flannel nightie, or your stained college sweats: this is about proper, refined, Art Deco–esque pajamas. Because I’m here to tell you that the easiest, sexiest, slinkiest, and undeniably chic thing you can slip into this spring is not a slip dress (those are good too, but come on, we’ve all seen your slip dress), it’s not the new power suit (save it for the boardroom), it’s not a fringed suede jacket (too daytime) or gingham (picnic perfect, not party) or denim (you have enough denim)—it’s a pajama set. A silky, approximately tailored (or not!) pajama set, with all the accompanying insouciance you can imagine. There’s a reason this has been a trend since the 1920s. Consider this: In no other ensemble save a pajama can you so elegantly summon the likes of Diana Vreeland, Loulou de la Falaise, Jerry Hall, and Marc Jacobs (channeling Diana Vreeland, of course) in one fell swoop. In no other ensemble can you both look so entirely great while telegraphing how entirely comfortable you are—sitting for drinks in some swell apartment, tucking a leg under you to reveal the perfect summer sandal, the flash of ankle, of sternum; your skin your best accessory in the almost-boyish except you’re so alluringly also almost naked (if you think about pajamas as a very fine barrier between yourself and the world) answer to “What the hell am I going to wear tonight?” Anything you want, of course. But do yourself a favor this spring and make it a pajama. Sling something warm and luxurious over one shoulder, add one major jewelry piece, and you’re ready to go. Really, you’ve never looked better. Here, five great ways to wear the look.

The post Why You’ll Be Wearing Pajamas Out on the Town This Spring appeared first on Vogue.

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You’ll Have ‘So Little Time’ To Re-Watch ALL These Mary-Kate And Ashley Classics

Nickelodeon will start airing a ton of beloved Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen shows and movies, including ‘So Little Time.’
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If You Like Anna Kendrick’s Hilarious Tweets, You’ll LOVE The New Book She’s Writing

Anna Kendrick has signed a book deal that will (probably) turn her Twitter skills into a must-read bestseller.
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Fritz The Golden Retriever Can’t Catch — And You’ll Love Him For It

Fritz the golden retriever has mouth-eye coordination issues.

Watch this adorable dog miss yummy treats tossed at him, from steak to strawberry. And it’s all done in flub-magnifying slow-motion.

“While we all intently anticipate the day when Fritz masters the skill of catching food in his mouth, we also patiently embrace the journey,” wrote Fritz’s owner, Evan Ball.

Of course, people food is not for dogs, and can be dangerous to their health. But fortunately for Fritz, Ball assured The Huffington Post that the pup isn’t fed everything he’s thrown, nor is he living “off donuts and chimichangas.”

“I actually intercept most of the food and give him just a little for his efforts. Plus, he only gets a food tossed to him about once a week,” Ball said via email. “The rest of the time he eats healthy dog food and gets regular exercise. He’s actually quite a specimen.”

Ball added that it’s hard to say which foods are Fritz’s favorites to try to catch: “He gets excited about everything, but I have noticed some mild drooling with meat items.”

Keep practicing, Fritz!

fritz

H/T For The Win

Comedy – The Huffington Post
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If You Fight With Your Spouse, You’ll Want To Watch This (VIDEO)

Nikki claims that her husband of three years, Mark, has instigated more than 20 physical fights — including allegedly punching her in the face, breaking her nose and running over her toe with his truck — allegations Mark vehemently denies. “Mark became violent with me soon after I was pregnant with our oldest daughter, and it has escalated over the last three years,” she says. “Mark and I fight and argue daily. It’s a chaotic home.”

Mark claims that Nikki instigates most of their fights, has violent outbursts, thrives on playing the victim, and suspects she even might be trying to kill him. “I am not an abuser,” he says. “Battered wives are scared and timid, because they’re afraid they’re going to be battered. My wife is the exact opposite. My wife will nag, push me and slap me. She has punched me.” He adds, “She will poke and prod until I finally explode.”

Much of their drama unfolds in front of their young daughter.

Watch the video to hear what Dr. Phil has to say — including why he’s got déjà vu after a weekend babysitting his grandkids. Tune in to Dr. Phil today to hear if he thinks their toxic relationship can be saved.

Need Dr. Phil’s help in your life? Share your story here.

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Geico Creates ‘Unskippable’ Preroll YouTube Ads That You’ll Want To Watch Till The End

After sitting through the first five unavoidable seconds of a YouTube preroll ad, most people don’t bother watching the spot till the end. But Geico is now hoping to change that with two new preroll commercials that promise to be “unskippable.”

Both Geico ads, created by The Martin Agency, cleverly place emphasis on the first five seconds, acknowledging that they only have those few moments to capture the audience’s attention.

“You can’t skip this Geico ad,” the commercial says, “because it’s already over.”

If viewers choose to continue watching, however, they’re rewarded with an unexpected and funny ending.

One of the ads features a family sitting around a dining table while another shows two friends enjoying a barbecue. Watch how the first commercial unfolds in the video above. The other ad can be viewed here:

H/T Reddit
Comedy – The Huffington Post
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Beyonce Launches Vegan Home Delivery Meal Service In Hopes You’ll Feel #Flawless

If a diva is a female version of a hustler, then, logically speaking, a vegan diva is the female version of a vegan hustler.

The clean-eating Beyonce herself recently partnered with her personal trainer, exercise physiologist Marco Borges, to launch the 22 Days Nutrition plant-based home delivery meal service. The service offers three meal plans, where you can sign up to receive anywhere from one to three meals a day for 22 days delivered to your door each week. A full three-meals-a-day package will cost you a total of $ 629.79, including shipping of $ 19.95. According to the website, all of the meals are gluten-free, soy-free and organic. Each meal is “a perfect balance of protein, carbohydrates and fat with limited salt and sugar.”

22days

The meal plan busts the myth that vegans struggle to get enough protein in their diets. “In reality, eating a variety of beans, nuts, seeds and grains will give your body the protein it needs to keep energy levels up and build and keep muscle tone,” the website says.

Twenty-two days of veganism may seem random, but the time span is a conscious choice of Borges and Beyonce. “The program’s philosophy is based on the concept that it takes 21 days to make or break a habit and on the 22nd day you are well on your way to forming new habits,” says a statement. The meal plan is targeted to those who want to lose weight, cook less or simply “experience a whole new way of eating.”

“I am so grateful that I took the challenge and credit Marco with leading by example,” Beyonce says in the statement. “He is the most energetic person I know and it’s all because of his decision to live a healthy lifestyle. He came up with a great program to get people motivated to make better nutritional choices. All you have to do is try. If I can do it, anyone can.”

Beyonce’s first public stint with veganism was in December 2013, when she and her husband Jay Z adopted the plant-based diet for 22 days. Jay Z referred to the challenge as “a spiritual and physical cleanse.”
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A 17-Foot Bobblehead And Other Things You’ll Find Backstage At ‘Conan’

If society collapses tomorrow, future civilizations might think a red-headed God once lived in Burbank, California.

In addition to having a digital fan art gallery dedicated to Conan O’Brien fan art — Coco MOCA — the people behind the scenes at “Conan” host a wealth of cool artwork where they shoot the TBS show.

During a recent visit to a “Conan” taping at Warner Bros. Studios, my tour of the set felt more like a visit to an art museum — albeit, a very specific one. If you ever get a chance to walk around backstage, visit the Team Coco Digital offices or sit inside “The Greener Room” (aka the green room for guests) you’ll find yourself surrounded by paintings, sculptures and, most noticeably, a 17-foot-tall bobblehead likeness of Coco himself.


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The 4 Street Style Looks of Paris Men’s Fashion Week You’ll Want to Borrow Now

Photo: Courtesy of @michael_pretolani

Need a break from frilly frocks and A-line midi skirts? Take a low-slung cue from Paris Men’s Fashion Week, where the looks were dandy, dapper, and very delightful. And it’s not just a boys club anymore when it comes to sporty slacks or classic bow ties either—these are elements you’ll want to translate into your own daily wardrobe. Whether the ensembles are a daring take on leopard print, a touch of utility, or a mix of bold Where’s Waldo? stripes, here are four looks to borrow from the boys all season long.

The post The 4 Street Style Looks of Paris Men’s Fashion Week You’ll Want to Borrow Now appeared first on Vogue.

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Musicians You’ll Tell Your Friends About In 2015

The new year offers a new set of musical surprises. Here is a section of 10 acts — under-the-radar or about to explode — who are ready for their moment in the spotlight.

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You’ll Never Guess Who LL Cool J’s Collaborating With Next

LL Cool J reveals that Eminem will be a guest feature on his upcoming album, ‘G.O.A.T. 2.’
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The 8 Types of People You’ll See at SoulCycle

Below is an excerpt from “The 8 Types of People You’ll See at SoulCycle,” which originally appeared on PureWow. Read the full story at purewow.com. Ah, SoulCycle. You go for the workout, but truth is, you stay for the people-watching. Check out our handy guide to the characters you’ll encounter, and next time you go […]
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MillionaireMatch.com – the best dating site for sexy, successful singles!

If at First You Don’t Succeed, Hopefully You’ll Have More Luck Than This Guy

Kayaking in the ocean is not for everybody.
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Here’s Every Guy You’ll Meet On Tinder In Under Three Minutes

Spoiler alert: you’re probably still single.

Looking for a boyfriend in the age of Tinder has taken a lot of the pressure out of first dates. You swipe right, you choose a bar, you grab a drink and within an hour, you pretty much know if it’s going anywhere or not. But having your pick of the area’s most (and least) eligible bachelors at your fingertips can also be a bummer, especially when you realize that most of them are highly undatable.

In a new sketch from Michelle Markowitz, David Ross and Stephen Parkhurst, one woman gets to experience all the joys that Tinder has to offer, including self-indulgent jerks, cheap, crabby idiots and the one guy who you could sort of see yourself with (if he didn’t live in another state).

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